Michael Hollingshead: "The Man Who Turned on the World"

The Man Who Turned on the World
Michael Hollingshead
FOREWORD
by Alan Bold
'THE MIRAC!O" MA#'
$For Michael Hollingshead%
Date of birth unknown, and inconsistent
In the presentation of his point of view,
He may have got near Kapilavastu
After some service in the orient.
Certainly he settled for a while
or something eerie happened at !odh "aya
#here ho overcame an enemy named $ara
And retained a smug, but somehow moving, smile.
%ater this became more pure and poignant
&ntil some vile and murderous abuse
$ocked his claim to be king of the 'ews
And made him shrewd and militant.
rom $edina he took $ecca by force
(aying man was made from wicked gouts of blood.
It)s different to assess 'ust how much good
He ever did. *r ever will, of course
Edinburgh 1972
&' A !o(in' ")oon*ul
In the beginning, more exactly... in 1943, Albert Hofmann, a !i"" bio#chemi"t !or$ing at the
ando% &harmaceutical 'aboratorie" in (a"el, di"co)ered*by accident, of cour"e+ one doe"
not deliberately create "uch a "ituation*a ne! drug !hich had "ome )ery remar$able effect"
on the human con"ciou"ne"". ,he name of thi" drug !a" d#'y"ergic Acid -iethylamide
,artrate#2., a "emi#"ynthetic com/ound, the Iy"ergic acid /ortion of !hich i" a natural /roduct
of the ergot fungu" Claviceps purpurea, !hich gro!" on rye and other grain". It" mo"t "tri$ing
/harmacological characteri"tic i" it" extreme /otency*it i" effecti)e at do"e" of a" little a"
ten#millionth" of a gram, !hich ma$e" it .000 time" more /otent than me"caline.
It !a" during the "ynthe"i" of d#'-#2. that chance inter)ened !hen -r. Hofmann inhaled
"ome of the !hiti"h#bro!n /o!der and di"co)ered that it /roduced "ome "trange effect" on
hi" mind. ... 12b3ect", a" !ell a" the "ha/e of my a""ociate" in the laboratory, a//eared to
undergo o/tical change... fanta"tic /icture" of extraordinary /la"ticity and inten"i)e colour
"eemed to "urge to!ard" me.1
&+,-
+ew ,ork City, "e)enteen year" later... a "mall /ac$age from !it%erland arri)ed in my mail
one morning containing one gram of -r. Hofmann1" acid, !hich I had arranged to be "ent to
me. ,here !a" al"o a bill for 425.. I had fir"t heard of '- from Aldou" Huxley, !hen I had
tele/honed him at hi" home in 'o" Angele" to in6uire about obtaining "ome me"caline, !hich
he had recently been u"ing. Hi" information al"o included the name of -r. Albert Hofmann
and a caution, "ub"e6uently unheeded, to ta$e great care if e)er I "hould ta$e any of the
"tuff7 1It i" much more /otent than me"caline, though 8erald 9Heard: and I ha)e u"ed it !ith
"ome 6uite a"toni"hing re"ult" really.1
,here had been no difficulty obtaining e)en one gram of '-*I "im/ly a"$ed an Engli"h
doctor friend of mine to !rite the order on a "heet of ;e! <or$ ho"/ital letterhead "aying that
1
I needed thi" ergot#deri)ati)e a" a 1control1 drug for a "erie" of bone#marro! ex/eriment".
Eagerly I un!ra//ed the /ac$age. ,he acid !a" in a "mall dar$ 3ar mar$ed 1'ot ;umber H#
000471, and in a//earance loo$ed a bit li$e malted mil$ /o!der. =y /roblem !a" ho! to
con)ert the loo"e /o!der into a more manageable form. 2ne gram !ould ma$e .000
indi)idual do"e" and I !a" ob)iou"ly going to need to mea"ure it out in "ome !ay. I decided
to randomi"e it by mixing it into a "tiff /a"te made from icing "ugar.
I cleared the $itchen table and "et to !or$. >ir"t I /oured "ome di"tilled !ater into a bo!l, and
then mixed in the '-. ?hen all the acid had di""ol)ed I added confectioner1" "ugar until the
mixture !a" a thic$ /a"te. I then tran"ferred my 1di)ine confection1, "/oon by laboriou" "/oon,
into a "ixteen#ounce mayonnai"e 3ar, and, by !hat magical alchemic /roce"", the "tuff
mea"ured exactly .000 "/oonful" @ In other !ord", one tea"/oon of the "tuff ought to contain
200 gamma 9millionth" of a gram:, !hich !ould be "ufficient for an eight#to ten#hour "e""ion,
and a /retty inten"e one at that.
I "hould add at thi" /oint that I had, li$e all good chef", been ta"ting the /re/aration during it"
ma$ing !ith my finger, and mu"t ha)e ab"orbed about the e6ui)alent of fi)e hea)y do"e"
before I finally "cre!ed the lid on the mayonnai"e 3ar, !hich left me "ome!hat un/re/ared for
!hat !a" to follo!.
I rented at that time the floor#through a/artment abo)e Aim &aul Eiler1" 1ho!/lace1 on ?e"t
>ourth treet near the corner of =acdougal and ?a"hington 6uare. It !a" a large rambling
/lace#!ith a roof garden o)er the bac$ from !hich to ob"er)e the life of the Billage and the
concrete to!er" of =anhattan.
I mo)ed on to the roof and "at u/ there and began to ob"er)e. .. I beheld a city of -.,...
angry streets, and giant buildings fingered the sky/ from a thousand throats the giant
screams. A hundred trash0cans tumble lids and litters across the sidewalks, a siren goes
hooting past, and all is CHA*(. $y mind was in a state of confusion, of whirling distractions
and distortions and intensely vivid non se1uiturs. )I have broken the shell2) I laughed. )+ow I
step forth easily from my body)s prison0cell and live in the realm of the primordial. I shall sing
of heroes, wild men of the mountains, guardians of the door, and ancient legends.... I shall
transform myself into a god who could walk across the tops of mountains... thousand0headed
was 3urusa, thousand0eyed, thousand0footed he reached beyond the earth2... Cuhulain rides
his five fiery chariots across the firmament2 Arthur and %ancelot in battle2 4he ground shakes2
In the beginning was blood and fire.... I shall sing that you might listen and would know the
glory that mall is, now, in his first dawning.... In the beginning, then ... proudly the purple
cock0man proclaims the arrival of the Dawn. 4he #arden of 5obes enters to attend our
abracadabra about Acid and All accompanied by large assembly of Acid Age Adams, Artists,
Anarchists, Actors, Angels, Alchemists, Athletes, Aristocrats and assorted Acrobats. 4he
)gates of heaven) swing open on the court within/ worshipping priests from -.,... countries
kneel before the royal insignia. 4he first rays of the sun gild the )fairy palms)/ smoke of
incense swirls round dragons writhing on each royal robe6they seem to float among the
clouds.
It !a" a )ery "trange fir"t tri/ indeed, and it !a" of many hour"1 duration, /erha/" fifteen.
?hat I had ex/erienced !a" the e6ui)alent of death1" abolition of the body. I had literally
1"te//ed forth1 out of the "hell of my body, into "ome other "trange land of unli$eline"", !hich
can only be gra"/ed in term" of a"toni"hment and my"tery, a" an 7tat de l)absurde, ec"tatic
nir)ana. I could no! 1under"tand1 !hy death could /roduce the "ort of confu"ionI!a"
ex/eriencing. In life !e are anchored through the body to "uch ine"ca/able co"mic fact" a"
"/ace, gra)ity, electromagnetic )ibration" and "o forth. (ut !hen the body i" lo"t, the /"ychic
factor !hich "ur)i)e" i" free to beha)e !ith uninhibited extra)agance.
It !a" only after many, many acid "e""ion" that I learned ho! to co/e "ati"factorily !ith the
ince""ant barrage of "en"e#ecli/"ing di"traction", /lea"ant and un/lea"ant, delightful and
horrible, !hich acid induce". I di"co)ered, for in"tance, that I could, by concentrating my
attention on "ome ob3ect, /ut a "to/ to the !hirling di"traction". ,he ob3ect on !hich I
concentrated became a radiance of /ure light, )ery !onderful*"o !onderful that one could
be !holly ab"orbed in it. It !ould be /o""ible to "to/ at thi" /oint, to con)ince one"elf that thi"
!a" the Ceal ,hing, the ultimate illumination, ;ir)ana@ 2r the 1-i)ine ?hite 'ight1@ (ut*let1"
2
face it*'- i" not the $ey to a ne! meta/hy"ic" of being or a /olitic" of ec"ta"y. ,he 1/ure
light1 of an acid "e""ion i" not thi"*it may e)en be the a/otheo"i" of di"traction", the ultimate
and mo"t dangerou" tem/tation. (ut it doe" allo! one to li)e at lea"t for a time in the light of
the $no!ledge that e)ery moment of time i" a !indo! into eternity, that the ab"olute i"
manife"t in e)ery a//earance and relation"hi/, and that 'o)e i" ?i"dom in daily /ractice. And
though hard, it i" /o""ible to li)e thi" !ay. It i" the de)elo/ment of another "tate of
con"ciou"ne"" !ithin 1one1"1 o!n "elf, one that lead" to a )i"ion of exi"tence in !hich only the
"en"e of !onder remain" and all fear i" gone. It i" al"o the im/etu" that ma$e" a fe!
tra)eller" in each generation "et off in "earch of the grail, the genii in the bottle, the magic
ring....
2nce bac$ in the /re"ent, !hen the 1mountain" !ere again the mountain", and the la$e"
again the la$e"1 I felt a degree of a//rehen"ion about the acid I had by no! "ta"hed a!ay in
my "tudy. It !a" /retty )olatile "tuff. Ho! on earth could the energy of thi" "trange atom be
utili"ed+ ho! could man ada/t it to hi" need"D '- !a" a bundle of "olution" loo$ing for a
/roblem, the /roblem being ho! to underta$e a !or$ of integration on a ma""i)e "cale.
=odern man had fallen )ictim to the mercile"" )i"ion of hi" o!n "ce/tical intelligence. Eaught
u/ in a !ilderne"" of external", he !a" a "tranger to him"elf.
Accordingly, I tele/honed Aldou" Huxley at hi" home+ he might at lea"t ad)i"e me about !hat
!a" ha//ening !ith regard to '-. Huxley had u"ed both me"caline and '- and had found
in them, /erha/", the )i"ion" he had "o long "ought. 2n the /hone, he !a" )ery "ym/athetic.
;o, there !a" "till no one in a /o"ition to "ay !hat !a" ha//ening in relation to )i"ionary
ex/erience )ia '-, though it "eemed to excite a great curio"ity in the mind" of many he had
di"cu""ed it !ith. 2f cour"e, there !a" a lot of !or$ to be done+ uncon"ciou"ly, if not al!ay"
con"ciou"ly, e)eryone $no!" that thi" 2ther ?orld i" there, in"ide the "$ull*and any ne!"
about it, any di"cu""ion of it" "ignificance, it" rele)ance to other a"/ect" of life, i" a matter of
uni)er"al concern. &erha/" 1mindchanger"1 "hould be u"ed in the context of "ome $ind of
yoga of total a!arene"", leading to enlightenment !ithin the !orld of e)eryday ex/erience*
!hich of cour"e under acid become" the !orld of miracle and beauty and "ublime my"tery
!hen the ex/erience i" !hat it al!ay" ought to be. ,hi" could not be achie)ed by acid alone
but i" achie)ed, e""entially, through con"tant a!arene"" *con"ciou" e)en of the
uncon"ciou", by mean" of the ordinary /roce""e" of li)ing. &erha/" acid i" abo)e all a
thera/y for the !ide "/read "ic$ne"" of in"en"iti)ene"" and ignorance !hich /"ychologi"t"
call ;ormality1 or 1mental health1.
Huxley called me bac$ a fe! day" later, ha)ing thought o)er my /roblem, and "ugge"ted that
I go to Har)ard to meet a -r. ,imothy 'eary, a /rofe""or there, !hom he1d met earlier that
year in Eo/enhagen, !hen he had /re"ented a /a/er on induced )i"ionary ex/erience before
the >ourteenth International Eongre"" of A//lied &"ychology. 'eary had al"o read a /a/er on
1Ho! to Ehange (eha)iour1 de"cribing the induction of )i"ionary mental "tate" by /"ilocybin,
the "ynthetic of the "acred mu"hroom of =exico. He "/o$e )ery !armly of 'eary a" a
"cienti"t but al"o a" a man, !hom he de"cribed a" 1a "/lendid fello!1. 'eary had al"o !ritten
three cla""ic monogra/h" on /er"onality and /"ychothera/y.
1If there i" any one "ingle in)e"tigator in America !orth "eeing,1 Huxley a""ured me, 1it i" -r.
'eary.1
&+,&
,here had been 6uite a bit of free#floating acid around 8reen!ich Billage that !inter, but
mo"tly re"tricted to the 1beat"1 of the Ea"t Billage and a fe! !ealthy =anhattan cat" to !hom
they "old it. It !a" legal, of cour"e, in tho"e day", and thi" con"iderably reduced the /aranoia
le)el. 1,a$ing acid1 had not yet become the /o/ular /a"time of a turned#on youth, for "uch
didn1t exi"t. ,he !orld of the late fiftie" and early "ixtie" !a" unimaginably drab and dreary. It
!a" "till a tight little conformi"t !orld of role" and rule" and ritual". 2ur culture had dro!ned
it"elf in a "ea of contradictory and conflicting )oice". And, /olitically, -ulle" F Eo. had tied the
cold!ar noo"e around all our throat". ?e had finally conned our"el)e" into "ubmi""ion to
"ome namele"" fear. ?e"tern ci)ili"ation li)ed under the /aranoia of the mu"hroom cloud.
'iberal and religiou" )alue" had eroded to the /oint of in"ignificance. ,!entieth#century
ma""#"ociety "ho!ed the /olitical inhumanity inherent in technological life#!orld". And it !a"
3
/erha/" ine)itable that "ome of u" too$ to acid 9and later to myth" and ancient "torie": to
"ee$ a formula that !ould turn the "urrounding !orld to du"t and re)eal the /ortal" of
/aradi"e.
(ut I thin$ that for /erha/" the ma3ority of the a)ant#garde. in thi" )ery early /eriod, '- !a"
"till "omething of an 1exotic1 !ho"e effect" could not be ta$en for granted. '- in)ol)ed ri"$.
It !a" anarchi"tic+ it u/"et our a//le#cart", tor/edoed our cheri"hed illu"ion", "abotaged our
belief". It !a" "omething you had to guard again"t, or you might ex/lode. It !a" a difficult
ex/erience to a""imilate. It !a" im/o""ible to integrate !ith the ordinary !orld. And "o on and
"o forth.
1,urning on1 had not yet become a natural /art of our exi"tence, or a "ymbol of certain life#
"tyle", or /hilo"o/hy, or religion, or /er"onal liberation. <et there !ere "ome, of my circle,
!ho, !ith Cimbaud, could "ay, 1I dreamed of cru"ade", "en"ele"" )oyage" of di"co)ery,
re/ublic" !ithout a hi"tory, moral re)olution, di"/lacement of race" and continent"7 I belie)ed
in all the magic".1
And our Eru"ade !a" to launch '- on the !orld@ ?hil"t other arti"t"G)i"ionarie"G"eer" had
been content to ob"er)e the !orld, the ;e! =e""age !a" "im/le7 if thing" are not right, then
change them@ ?e !ould ma$e the dynamic life#gi)ing ad)enture of ex/loring Inner /ace the
;e! Comance@ ?e !ould "et off an ex/lo"ion that !ould "!ee/ through our culture and gi)e
birth to a ;e! Cadicali"m@
?e !ould e)en found a drug#ba"ed religion, !ho"e me""age !ould be 1,urn 2n, ,une In,
-ro/ 2ut1@ ?e !ould /roclaim the Ceign of the Ha//ily Integrated =odern oul @ ?e !ould
become the fir"t "ignatorie" of a ne! 1-eclaration of E)olution1 a" /ubli"hed in ,imothy
'eary1" 4he 3olities of 8cstasy.
After my fir"t fe! acid "e""ion", I began to undergo "ome $ind of metamor/ho"i". ;one of
the "ucce""i)e i""ue" in my life !ere /lain, nothing !a" concrete+ I !a" no! that hel/le""
drifting man, cut off from hi" root", !ith no de"tination told.
,he reality on !hich I had con"ciou"ly tried to build my /er"onality had di""ol)ed into =aya,
the hallucinatory facade. tri//ed of one $ind of reality, and un!illing or unable to benefit
from the /o""ibilitie" of another one, I !a" acutely a!are of my hel/le""ne"", my utter
tran"ience bet!een t!o !orld", one in"ide and the other !holly !ithin. It "et u/ a dichotomy,
and I !a" at the mercy of t!o contradictory yet "eemingly in"e/arable attitude". ,here !a",
on the one hand, "till the familiar !orld of ordinary a//earance", !hich I could co/e !ith
!ithout e)er needing to find any meaning for, and then there !a" thi" 12ther ?orld1 !ho"e
exi"tence alone "eemed to di"clo"e the nature of reality a" it concerned me /er"onally. In the
former I !a" a "tranger to my"elf, a /u//et of rote#con"ciou"ne"", a ci/her on the face of
exi"tence, an ob3ect furni"hed !ith a label and a /rice#tag, numbed and numbered by a
neutral time that i" neither duration nor eternity. In the latterI!a" not a dot but a "/ecie" in the
great e)olutionary ex/eriment, a con"ciou" agent in the co"mic /roce""e" called life+ it
/ro)ided me !ith "ome 1meaning1 for "olitary exi"tence, beyond the fal"ification" of the mind,
!here I ho/ed I could achie)e a "im/le a!arene"" and e)en affirmation of the !orld.
I !a" faced !ith the nece""ity to /re/are a "et of 1"/iritual coordinate"1+ a "et of natural
harmoniou" rule" to follo! a" I "/un off into neurological "/ace, and more effecti)e
in"trument" of "ymboli"ation in order to lea)e thi" "!am/land in !hich I mo)ed. I !a" lo"t
and exhau"ted, ambu"hed by "tagnation and de/re""ion. <et it !a" the energy created out of
thi" ten"ion, )erging on "train, that $e/t me going in ;e! <or$ for a fe! more month".
I !a" !or$ing in ;e! <or$ at that time a" the executi)e "ecretary of the In"titute for (riti"h
American Eultural Exchange. ,hi" grandio"e title meant that I !a" in the "er)ice of a "emi#
official (riti"h /ro/aganda agency in the field of international cultural relation". ,here !a" an
im/re""i)e board of director", !hich included 'ord and 'ady ;atalie -ougla"#Hamilton,
Huntington Hartford 9the megamillionaire !hom ,om ?olfe ha" de"cribed a" "omeone !ho
had come among"t u" in the role of a 1=artin 'uther for modern culture1:, 'ionel ,rilling, ?. H.
Auden, Eongre""man eymour Hal/ern, 8eneral >ran$ Ho!ley, the Bice#&re"ident of ;e!
<or$ Hni)er"ity, (uell 8allagher, &re"ident of Eity Eollege, ;e! <or$.
WESTERN UNION TELEGRAM
SSA 165 PE 259 1961 Jan 25PM 4.25
4
W SNB044 GOVT PD SN WASHINGTON DC 25
1!P EST
MR MICHAEL HOLLINGSHEAD
INSTITUTE "OR BRITISH AMERICAN CULTURAL E#CHANGE
CC$ HUNTINGTON HART"ORD
1 BEE%MAN PLACE N&%
DELIVER$ 5PM
CONGRATULATIONS UPON WOR% IN A "IELD O" INDISPENSABLE
IMPORTANCE TO THE SUCCESS O" OUR "OREIGN POLIC&. DELIGHTED TO
SEE M& GOOD "RIEND HUNTINGTON HART"ORD SO USE"ULL& ENGAGED AND
SO MAN& OTHER "RIENDS ON &OUR BOARD. BE ASSURED O" M& "ULL
COOPERATION AS ALWA&S. REGRET CANNOT BE WITH &OU DUE TO
CON"LICTING ENGAGEMENTS WHICH PREVENT IT.
JACOB % JAVITS
=y office" !ere in the Huntington Hartford building in the Ea"t >iftie", !hich co"t a million
dollar" to con)ert into ;a""au &aladian and hou"ed, in addition to the In"titute
/eed/ar$" Inc., ,he American Hand!riting In"titute, ho! maga%ine, and do!n"tair", a
/ri)ate art gallery. It !a" a neat little "et#u/, and I felt rather /lea"ed that !e had got it.
ome of my time !a" "/ent "electing "cholar"hi/ candidate" for a Aunior <ear
/rogramme at t. Andre!" Hni)er"ity 9'ord -ougla"#Hamilton1" brother, ,he -u$e of
Hamilton, !a" Ehancellor:+ and for "hort#term credit cour"e" at 2xford and Eambridge+
"ome of my time !a" "/ent meeting and tal$ing !ith executi)e" of the large >oundation"
li$e the Earnegie and the Coc$efeller In"titute, to try to get more money for our
/rogramme". (ut mo"t of the time I "/ent "mo$ing gra""+ and, to!ard" the end, getting
"toned on acid. And, a" the "ummer of 19I1 a//roached, it became increa"ingly clear
that I "hould ha)e to re"ign. ,he /rogramme" had got all their date" mixed u/, and
nothing about accommodation had been firmed u/+ the file" !ere in a me"", and /ile" of
unan"!ered corre"/ondence littered my de"$+ bill" accumulated and income !a"
reduced to almo"t nil. =y hour" became erratic. I )ery "eldom bothered to an"!er the
/hone. ?hen /eo/le came to "ee meI!ould al!ay" be "toned and doubtle"" altogether
incoherent. I attac$ed the Jueen. I "/o$e di"/aragingly of (riti"h culture. I "/o$e of
1$ingdom" yet to come1 !ith a "ort of !omen1" maga%ine glibne"". And I $e/t ha)ing
)i"ion" of thi" 18olden -a!ning1 of con"ciou"ne"" in man !hich !ould enable u" to get
thing" !hole, to "ee life1" magic miracle", to $no! that indeed all i" in e)erything from
blade of gra"" to man and !oman. It !a" a )i"ion of "ome ideal exi"tence in !hich there
!a" only the "en"e of !onder, and all fear gone+ of a certain "tate of being that !a" there
not to be 3udged, but "im/ly to be.
"e)te.ber &+,&
Cambridge, $assachusetts... ,he ;e! England >all !a" 3u"t beginning, and the lea)e"
on the tree" !ere changing colour+ the air !a" fre"h and clear, li$e Bichy !ater, and
Eambridge "eemed an altogether nice /lace to be. I didn1t $no! anybody, "o I rented a
cou/le of room" in a hou"e on (rattle treet, and mo)ed in.
=y ob3ect in coming to Eambridge !a" to meet -r. 'eary to di"cu"" '-, or more
exactly, to "ee$ hi" ad)ice about !hat I "hould do !ith the "ome 497. tri/" I had left in
the mayonnai"e 3ar. ,he next day I tele/honed him at hi" office on -i)inity A)enue and
arranged to meet him o)er lunch at the >aculty Elub.
2n the tele/hone 'eary !a" )ery much the cautiou" /rofe""ional and I !a" a bit
a//rehen"i)e.... 'eary, the author of Interpersonal Diagnostic of 3ersonality+ 'eary, the
no#non"en"e beha)iouri"t+ 'eary, the number one American ex/ert in /er"onality te"ting.
And yet, according to Huxley, thi" !a" the man !ho !a" doing im/ortant ne! re"earch in
the non#clinical u"e" of the acred =exican =u"hroom.
At t!el)e o1cloc$I!al$ed along =ount Auburn treet, flan$ed on one "ide by !hite
colonial hou"e" !ith /retty garden", and on the other by the ri)er Eharle". A uni)er"ity
5
boat cre! la%ed by the boathou"e. 2n the ban$" tidy grou/" of "tudent" "at ra//ing or
reading. Acro"" the ri)er, "har/ly outlined in the bright "unlight, I "a! the 8eorgian
feature" of the Har)ard (u"ine"" chool, and the bu"y (o"ton >ree!ay reminded me of
Cobert 'o!ell1" line"7
E)ery!here
giant finned car" no"e for!ard li$e fi"h+
a "a)age "er)ility
"lide" by on grea"e.
oon I !a" in Har)ard 6uare, and it !a" not long before I reached the >aculty Elub, an
im/re""i)e building 3u"t acro"" from the 'ibrary.
I had arranged to meet 'eary in"ide the main lobby, near the cloa$room. (ut the /lace
!a" 3ammed !ith inten"e, garrulou", "mooth#"uited, young men, and, "ince I had no idea
!hat 'eary loo$ed li$e, I a"$ed a /orter at the rece/tion de"$ !hether the /rofe""or had
arri)ed. He /ointed to a hand"ome, clean#cut man in hi" late thirtie" !earing a Harri"#
t!eed 3ac$et and grey flannel". He al"o had on a /air of torn "nea$er" and one red#
"oc$ed toe /ee/ed out from one largi"h hole. He had the con)entional Har)ard "hort#
bac$#and#"ide" and a hearing#aid )i"ible on one ex/o"ed ear. He !a" reading the "/ort"
"ection of the !oston "lobe.
1-r. 'earyD Ho! nice to meet you. I1m =ichael Holling"head.1 ?e "hoo$ hand", and he
"miled broadly and bec$oned me to the dining#room door, "eating u" at a "mall table by
the !all, !here !e could tal$ !ithout being di"turbed. I a"$ed him to order for both of u".
?e "mall#tal$ed during the meal. 'eary "eemed a bit di"tracted !ith other thought", and
"ometime" !ould fiddle !ith hi" hearing#aid, a" though blaming the in"trument for hi"
inability to catch !hat I !a" "aying. o I "aid nothing, and encouraged him to tal$. He
!a" a )ery funny raconteur and told "torie" about hi" life in (er$eley and hi" family and
hi" "abbatical in >lorence. It !a"n1t until the coffee came that he got on to the "ub3ect of
/"ychedelic". He began telling me about hi" !or$ !ith /"ilocybin, the mu"hroom drug.
It "eemed that the Hni)er"ity had let him "et u/ "omething he called the Har)ard
&"ychedelic Ce"earch &ro3ect for the "tudy of the"e drug" and to te"t their /otential a"
aid" to facilitate beha)iour change. He felt they had great /otential u"e in "uch area" a"
alcoholi"m, recidi)i"m, e)en in 3u)enile delin6uency. He then elaborated hi" theory of the
game#"tructure of ?e"tern "ociety+ ho! !e all /lay game", for !hich there are definite
role", rule", and ritual". ic$ or mentally deranged /er"on" !ere 1game#lo"er"1. If the
game !a", "ay, football, then a neurotic /er"on !ould turn u/ !earing cric$et gear and
in"i"t that e)eryone /lay hi" game. Efficient game /layer" !ere tho"e !ho could ma$e
definition" and from them deci"ion" !hich corre"/onded to the con"en"u" reality. He told
me that the /"ilocybin ex/erience hel/ed /eo/le get out of all game", mo)e into a "/ace
he called 1non#game1, from !hich 2lym/ian height the "ub3ect could "ee hi" o!n hang#
u/". And it !a" thi" in"ight, he felt, that !ould /ro)ide them !ith the nece""ary im/etu"
to change.
I "aid that I1d ne)er ta$en /"ilocybin, but it intere"ted me and I1d li$e to try it, if that could
be arranged. I then told him a bit about my fir"t acid ex/erience, and ho! I had been
ta$ing it on a)erage about once a !ee$ "ince then, and !a" no! more baffled than !hen
I "tarted u"ing it. I felt '- !a" /robably more confu"ing than illuminating.
'eary "aid there !a" "till a lot of !or$ to be done in the field. He had not him"elf yet
ta$en '-, but he imagined it" effect" on the mind to be "imilar to tho"e he had
ex/erienced under /"ilocybin. ,he main /roblem !a" one of communication7 ho! to
)erbali"e an e""entially non#)erbal ex/erience in "uch a !ay a" to ma$e "en"e to /eo/le
li)ing in the ordinary game#reality !ho any!ay thought of the"e drug" a" my"teriou"
rather than my"tical. Here !e !ere tal$ing of tem/orary alteration" of the human
con"ciou"ne"" brought about by the"e extraordinary "ub"tance"*!hich cau"e a by#
/a""ing of automatic /rogramming in human "/eech and action, ma$ing /o""ible direct
a!arene"" at higher#than#normal le)el" of inten"ity and in other#than#utilitarian !orld" of
6
ex/erience. ,he"e drug", if /ro/erly u"ed, could be the "ource of energy that i" to
tran"form the human mind. (ut for the ma3ority of hi" beha)iouri"t colleague", the"e
drug" !ere a threat to their game. ,hey tend to hide their mediocrity behind 1"cientific1
model" and mechanical de"ign" of the human organi"m !hich are by definition mediocre,
generating tri)iality and error. A" a con"e6uence, they )eer ea"ily into /aranoid fanta"ie"
about the "ub3ecti)e nature of the /"ychedelic ex/erience, /robably thin$ing anyone
u"ing the"e drug" i" /retty cra%y anyho!.
;e)erthele"", the "ituation at Har)ard !a" /ro the (eha)iouri"t" *(. >. $inner, the
American &a)lo), !a" getting ma""i)e a//ro/riation" from the >ederal 8o)ernment for
/rogrammed teaching machine" and re"earch into conditioned and re#conditioned human
beha)iour, and for !hom the term 1mind1 !a" about a" meaningle"" a" the !ord 1"no!1 to
"omeone li)ing in the middle of Africa. =ind, if it exi"ted, !a" an aberration of the
com/uter1" 1mind1+ man !a" a conditioned animal, im/rinted from birth for life in ordered,
concrete "ociety. Hi" brain !a" a /roblem#"ol)ing mechani"m, either efficient or
inefficient. $inner and hi" boy" !ere engaged in nothing le"" than a ma""i)e
/rogramme of human conditioning, "tarting at /rimary "chool le)el.
$inner1" /hilo"o/hy "tood in direct contra"t to 'eary1". Cather than thin$ing of mind in
man a" "ome $ind of "/anner in the !or$", the /"ychedelic#u"er i" more li$ely to "ee it
a" a truly miraculou" in"trument for ne! /erce/tion" and in"ight" about tho"e a"/ect" of
reality !hich concern him /er"onally. He may feel a!ed by the "udden /o!er it relea"e"
during a "e""ion and reali"e that hi" mind i" hi" greate"t endo!ment.
'eary had little time for tho"e "cienti"t" !ho extended the machine /aradigm to li)ing
organi"m".
1Jualitati)e change i" needed in the /attern of mind#re"earch if !e are to di"cern an
enlarged meaning of nature and of man extending beyond mathematical and
ex/erimental analy"i" of "en"ory /henomena and human beha)iour. ,he ne!
direction of re"earch ha" been to ha"ten the technicali"ation of human nature and
ignore a" a "u/er"tition all !or$ on tho"e a"/ect" of human nature !hich do not
conform !ith the orthodoxy of the body#machine conce/t. ?e mu"t mo)e beyond thi"
"ort of "cientific tyranny of beha)iouri"tic and mechani"tic /rocedure", !here man i"
under"tood in term" of control" or biological#dri)e mechani"m". ,hi" i" carrying
-e"carte" too far. A /"ychedelic u"er cannot reduce the mind#brain /roblem to a
materiali"tic moni"m. He i" more li$ely to "ee ho! the current o)er#em/ha"i" on
mechani"m ha" /roduced a corre"/onding di"location of )i"ion, one that i" re"ulting
in a de#humani"ation of man. He i" more li$ely to turn into a re)olutionary than a
college /rofe""or.1
It !a" getting late. 'eary had a cla"" at three o1cloc$. I !ondered ho! be"t to a//roach
the fact that I had "ome '- !ith me. I decided to lea)e the matter for another day. ?e
"hoo$ hand" and I "aid I1d call him again in a fe! day"1 time, for another meeting. >ine.
&erfect. ?e /arted feeling it had been a good lunch.
A cou/le of day" /a""ed, one of them tri//ing around the mu"eum" and the ban$" of the
Eharle". ,he "tudent" "eemed "trangely di"tant, and, in an odd "ort of !ay, Engli"h#
loo$ing, /robably a" a re"ult of !earing t!eedy clothe" and baggy grey trou"er". &erha/"
the"e are the robot" $inner ha" conditioned, I thought, their mind" "anctioned by
"cientific ob3ecti)e reality a" information#"toring, /redicting and com/uting mechani"m",
a 1tool1 !ith !hich to "ha/e a better life#"tyle in the great American dream. ,hey "eemed
una!are that there exi"t" a range of energie" and a!arene""e" beyond rote#
con"ciou"ne"" or the im/rinted "ymbol" of rational thought !hich can !or$ !ith a ra/idity
and efficiency beyond the !or$aday conce/tual /roce""e". >or e)ery moment of human
life i" affected by the !ay man1" mind !or$". E)erything !e "ee, touch, thin$ and feel i"
lin$ed !ith it, "o that !hen the mind i" extended for brief moment", a" it i" under acid,
the"e element" can be u"ed more freely and creati)ely, and can therefore be a
tremendou"ly im/ortant influence in a /er"on1" life....
=y need to communicate thi" !a" )ery great indeed. (ut the fe! /eo/le I did tal$ to
7
about '- "eemed blithely indifferent, or e)en a little "hoc$ed. I felt li$e "ome "lea%y
drug o/erator in =ar"eille", trying to hoo$ young $id" on heroin. I began to get
de/re""ed, feeling that I1d got life coc$ed or "omeho! incom/lete after fooling about !ith
all thi" acid. (y the end of my third day in Eambridge, I !a" feeling "uicidal. A
communication /roblem, 'eary had "aid. 2$ay, then, I1d try to communicate !ith him,
/erha/" he !ould be able to em/hathi"e !ith my /light.
I got him at the office the next day. I had already mailed him a "hort note the night before
alerting him to my inability to co/e !ith my life#"ituation due to the di"ru/ti)e influence of
acid. And !hen he got on the /hone he "/o$e calmly and authoritati)ely about ho! !e
mu"t all "hare our $no!ledge about the"e drug", and ho! I had a lot to contribute, and
that a 8eorge 'it!in !ould dri)e round to /ic$ me u/ at my dig" and bring me bac$ to the
office.
8eorge turned u/ "ome ten minute" after /utting the recei)er do!n. He !a" a genial and
o/en 'eo !ith lot" of energy fore)er ri"ing. 2n the !ay to the office, he told me that he
!a" a graduate "tudent in /"ychology, and 'eary !a" hi" the"i" ad)i"er. He1d ta$en
/"ilocybin a fe! time", and had e)en ta$en me"caline at the Hni)er"ity of Ehicago !here
he !ent to "chool. ;o! he !a" a beha)iouri"t !ho belie)ed in /"ychedelic drug", !hich
he felt !a" a bit heretical of him to "ay the lea"t.
oon !e /ulled u/ out"ide a /retty colonial "tyle hou"e mar$ed 1ocial Celation"
-e/artment7 Eenter for Ce"earch in &er"onality1, !hich I later di"co)ered !a" the "ame
building in !hich ?illiam Aame" had done hi" re"earche" !ith nitrou" oxide 9laughing
ga": until he !a" told to "to/.
8eorge lead me along a corridor to 'eary1" office. 'eary !a" "eated behind a de"$
dictating "omething to hi" Ehine"e "ecretary, !ho $e/t giggling e)ery time "omeone
came through the door. A fe! young men "at on a "ofa 6uietly reading from /ile" of
mimeogra/hed /a/er". 2ne !all !a" entirely co)ered !ith a huge blac$board on !hich
the day1" timetable !a" noted.
'eary !a)ed me to a chair next to the de"$, fini"hed !hate)er he !a" dictating, and
"cre!ed in the ear#aid in an ob)iou" attem/t to let me $no! he !a" li"tening !ith all ear".
I re/eated "ome of my thought" ex/laining ho! my /er"onal /hilo"o/hy had changed
"ince '-. I needed a /lace !here I could "im/ly be, !ithout al!ay" ha)ing to 3u"tify
!hat I !a" into. I al"o ex/lained that I !a" bro$e and needed a /lace to cra"h.
He in)ited me to mo)e in to hi" hou"e in the ;e!ton Eenter "uburb of (o"ton. He "aid
that I could u"e the attic, !hich !a" large and "/aciou", !here I !ould not be di"turbed.
He ga)e me a 420 bill and a"$ed 8eorge to ta$e me o)er there. 2nce I !a" more "ettled,
I could 3oin hi" team !or$ing !ith /"ilocybin. ?ould I li$e to teach a cour"e one hour a
!ee$ to a cla"" of graduate "tudent" *a cour"e in exi"tential /hilo"o/hy, concentrating
on the /henomenological a"/ect" of heightened "tate" of con"ciou"ne""D ?ould I li$e to
borro! hi" Bol$"!agen to dri)e to ;e! <or$ and /ic$ u/ the re"t of my thing"D ?ould
dinner at eight "uit meD
He could not ha)e been more hel/ful. I began to reali"e !hat Huxley had meant !hen he
called 'eary 1a "/lendid fello!1.
A/art from ,im and my"elf, the only other /eo/le li)ing in the hou"e !ere hi" t!o
children, Aac$ie and u"an. ,here !ere the occa"ional girl#friend", and )i"itor" u/ for the
!ee$end from ;e! <or$. (ut u"ually the hou"e !a" 6uiet and it" life "im/le.
It !a" a big hou"e !ith a beautiful garden and "ited next to the 'ittle 'eague (a"eball
ground, !here ,im, Aac$ie and my"elf !ould often 3oin one of the e)ening game" !ith the
local $id". ,he re"t of the e)ening might be "/ent in telling each other amu"ing "torie",
di"cu""ing the im/lication" of /"ychedelic", ba"eball or tra)el. ,im !a" al"o a great fan
of -. H. 'a!rence, and !e !ould chat about 'a!rence1" life and hi" 1me""age1. E)ery
no! and then I1d bring u/ the matter of the mayonnai"e 3ar, but ,im didn1t "eem
/articularly intere"ted in trying '-, /robably becau"e he didn1t !ant to get other i""ue"
in the !ay of hi" on#going 9and officially "anctioned: 1mu"hroom re"earch1, a" it !a"
referred to in tho"e day". Hi" )ie! might be "ummari"ed a" "aying7 ?hen you1)e had one
/"ychedelic, you1)e had them all. (ut he did gi)e me "ome /"ilocybin to try, !hich came
8
in the form of tiny red /ill" from ando%.
I dro//ed three of the"e /ill", !hich !a" con"idered about o/timal do"age, for my fir"t
tri/. I !a" alone in the hou"e. And I felt good about ta$ing a "e""ion, e"/ecially a" I !a"
)ery curiou" to "ee ho! the ex/erience !ould com/are !ith acid.
,he effect !a" excellent, though not a" /o!erful a" '-. It contained lot" of magic and
induced all $ind" of )ery /lea"ant )i"ual change", !ith colour" dee/ening, turning the
hou"e and garden into a &er"ian miniature of ex6ui"ite beauty and /rettine"".
I !a" a little di"a//ointed !hen, after four hour", the land"ca/e changed bac$ into
t!entieth#century American reality. (ut I en3oyed it and u"ed to ta$e it /retty regularly
after that. &erha/" after all, '- !a" too /o!erful for our fragile ner)ou" "y"tem" to
bearD (e"ide", the effect" of /"ilocybin !ere of only four hour"1 duration, com/ared to
anything u/ to t!el)e hour" on high#do"age acid.
I had been li)ing at ,im1" for about a cou/le of !ee$" !hen =aynard >ergu""on, the
Eanadian trum/et /layer, arri)ed !ith hi" !ife, >lo. ,hey !ere old clo"e friend" of ,im,
and to u" "eemed the ultimate manife"tation" of the current ;e! <or$ 1in1 cro!d they
!ere !itty, urbane, hi/, and cool in all area". ,hey al"o en3oyed "mo$ing /ot.
,here !a" in tho"e day" no /o/ular )oice "/ea$ing for mari3uana, although it !a"
con"idered by the 1in1 cro!d to be the la"t !ord in "tatu" "ymbol". It !a" al"o illegal, a
fact that made ,im feel a bit /aranoid about /eo/le "mo$ing it in hi" hou"e. He did not
u"e it him"elf. He too$ nothing "tronger than a fe! microgram" of /"ilocybin. And of
cour"e !ine and !hi"$y, !hich he belie)ed !ere 1indi"/en"able luxurie"1.
2ne e)ening the "ub3ect turned to '-. ,hey di"cu""ed acid in term" of a fluent flo! of
neologi"m", 3a%% "lang, and !eird )erbal formulation". ,hey treated the "ub3ect lightly, a"
they al"o !ould mari3uana and getting "toned in general. And it became a//arent to me
that they had ne)er actually tried it.
'ater, !hen they heard that I had "ome, they "ugge"ted that !e all ha)e an acid "e""ion
together, including ,im. ,im excu"ed him"elf, "aying he had "ome /a/er" to mar$. (ut
"aid !e !ere !elcome to ta$e it if !e !i"hed.
I brought do!n the mayonnai"e 3ar and ga)e =aynard and >lo a tea"/oonful of the
confection. I al"o too$ one my"elf. ?e then "ettled comfortably around the bla%ing log
fire, lit "ome candle" and incen"e, and /re/ared for ta$e#off. ,im had been fu""ing about
in the room !hile all thi" had been going on, trying not to let hi" curio"ity ta$e him a!ay
from !hate)er other bu"ine"" he !a" engaged in.
After about thirty minute", >lo, !ho until that moment had been lying fully reclined on the
"ofa, "at u/, "uddenly, her face one huge "mile, and "tarted !a)ing her arm" at ,im. 1<ou
gotta try thi", ,im, baby. It1" f#a#n#t#a#"#t#i#c@1
1<eah, really, ,im,1 confirmed =aynard, hi" face glo!ing li$e an electric toa"ter. 1It really
get" you there*!o!*it1" really ha//ening, man.... 1
&erha/" ,im !a" im/re""ed by the e)idence of hi" t!o friend", !ho !ere after all /retty
hi/ and ex/erienced in u"ing drug". &erha/" he "a! that !e !ere all ha)ing a great time,
and he !anted in. ?hate)er it !a", "omething finally decided him and he too$ a "/oon of
the acid.
?hat ha//ened to him next !a" the "ub3ect of a cha/ter in hi" boo$, High 3riest, !hich
he /ubli"hed "e)eral year" later. A" ,im de"cribed it in hi" boo$7
1It ha" been fi)e year" "ince that fir"t '- tri/ !ith =ichael Holling"head. I ha)e
ne)er forgotten it. ;or ha" it been /o""ible for me to return to the life I had been
leading before the "e""ion. I ha)e ne)er reco)ered from the "hattering ontological
confrontation. I ha)e ne)er been able to ta$e my"elf, my mind, and the "ocial !orld
around me "eriou"ly. ince that time fi)e year" ago I ha)e been acutely a!are of the
fact that I /ercei)e e)erything !ithin the around me a" a creation of my o!n
con"ciou"ne"".
>rom that day... I ha)e ne)er lo"t the reali"ation that I am an actor and that
e)erything around me i" a "tage /ro/ and "etting for the comic drama I am creating...
'- can be a /rofoundly a"ocial ex/erience. ince that fir"t tri/ !ith =ichael I !a"
ne)er able to commit my"elf to the game of /ro"elyti"ing for '- it"elf. ;othing that
9
doe"n1t ring true to my ancient cell !i"dom and to that central )ibrating beam !ithin
can hold my attention for )ery long. >rom the date of thi" "e""ion it !a" ine)itable
that !e !ould lea)e Har)ard, that !e !ould lea)e American "ociety and that !e
!ould "/end the re"t of our li)e" a" mutant", faithfully follo!ing the in"truction" of our
internal blue/rint" and tenderly, gently di"regarding the /arochial "ocial inanitie".1
K ,. 'eary, High 3riest, ,he ;e! American 'ibrary, ;e! <or$7 19I5.L
/' The Har(ard Ha))enings
&+,&
At Har)ard Hni)er"ity in the early "ixtie", "tudent" had not yet di"co)ered /ot+ the great
ma3ority !ere into boo%e, and there !a" con"iderable em/ha"i" on /hy"ical /ro!e"" and
middle#cla"", American ?A& )alue". ,hey had not e"ca/ed from the /ri"on of their
conditioning and the grand diagonal of cri"i" in "tudent "en"ibilitie" !a" bet!een tho"e !ho
!ent to football game" and tho"e !ho didn1t. ,here !a" al"o a "nob element, the I)y 'eague
etho", !hich /er)aded the cam/u". Har)ard !a" a "ort of club de"ignated by the imprimatur
of the e"tabli"hment. <et 19I1 !a" to herald a change of con"ciou"ne"" that !a" to ha)e a
"ei"mic effect not only on the "en"ibilitie" of many Har)ard "tudent" but on all "ection" of
American culture. I refer of cour"e to the ad)ent of /"ychedelic drug".
'eary had returned from a holiday in =exico !here he had fir"t ta$en the acred =u"hroom
called teonancatl or 1fle"h of the god"1 !hich had been u"ed a" a $ind of "acrament in A%tec
religiou" rite", !ith a hi"tory going bac$ more than 2000 year". ,he botanical name for thi"
narcotic mu"hroom i" 3silocybe me9icana, !hich ha" autonomic "ide#effect" "imilar to tho"e
of '-, though milder. According to the Har)ard ethnobotani"t, -r. Cichard chulte",
1 . . . /"ychedelic /lant" act on the central ner)ou" "y"tem to bring about a dream#li$e
"tate mar$ed by extreme alteration" in con"ciou"ne"" of "elf, in the under"tanding of
reality, in the "/here of ex/erience, and u"ually mar$ed change" in /erce/tion of time
and "/ace+ they almo"t in)ariably induce a "erie" of )i"ual hallucination", often in
$aleido"co/ic mo)ement, u"ually in rather inde"cribably brilliant and rich and
unearthly colour, fre6uently accom/anied by auditory and other hallucination" and
)arietie" of "yne"the"ia".1
,he 3silocybe me9icana mu"hroom !a" "ynthe"i"ed by -r. Albert Hofmann in 19.5 at
the ando% 'aboratorie" and gi)en the trade name 3silocybin. It !a" one of a range of
/"ychedelic 9mind#manife"ting, mind#o/ening: /lant" !hich dramatically alter
/"ychological function" "uch a" mood, "en"ation, /erce/tion, con"ciou"ne"", and
cogniti)e function, !hich are de"cribed a" 1my"tico#re)elatory1 by )ariou" in)e"tigator",
but "tatement" about the "ub3ecti)e effect" and clinical difference" among the"e
"ub"tance" are, at thi" "tage of our $no!ledge, in the realm of fol$lore.
,here i" con"iderable di"agreement in the literature a" to the inter/retation of the effect"
of /"ychedelic", but there i" "ub"tantial, one might "ay unanimou", accord on one ma3or
/oint7 they do dra"tically alter human con"ciou"ne"". ,hey a//arently $noc$ out
inhibitory /roce""e" in the ner)ou" "y"tem 9!hich "elect, di"criminate, cen"or, e)aluate:
and they thu" relea"e an enormou" flo! of /re)iou"ly "creened#out a!arene"".
,he !ord" !hich one u"e" to de"cribe the /"ychedelic ex/erience de/end u/on the
in)e"tigator1" cultural bac$ground, hi" language re/ertoire, hi" literary breadth. If you
u"ually label 1/"ychotic1 anything !hich lie" out"ide the middle#cla"" cultural ego of your
tribe, you !ill call the"e /"ychedelic ex/erience" /athological. If you define 1maturity1 in
term" of tho"e mode" of /erce/tion /o/ular in urban America of 19I1, then you may call
any ex/erience out"ide the"e limit" a" 1regre""i)e1. It !a" 'eary1" the"i" that the
/"ychedelic effect i" a transcendental e9perience, accompanied by intense positive or
negative psychological reactions. ,here i" tran"cendence of "/ace#time categorie", of
the ego, of "ub3ect#ob3ect !orld" of ex/erience, of !ord". ,here i" u"ually a "en"e of
10
unity or 1onene""1 !ith internal and external /roce"" !hich can be ec"tatic and exalting,
but !hich can al"o be frightening to the un/re/ared /er"on in a "trange or non#
"u//orti)e /hy"ical "etting. ?hil"t mo"t /"ychologi"t" tend to em/ha"i"e the /athological
reaction"+ mo"t "ub3ect", !ho do not thin$ in /athological categorie", "tre"" the /o"iti)e
a"/ect" of the drug ex/erience.
,hi" !ould "ugge"t that "/ecificity of reaction to a /"ychedelic drug i" /rimarily a function
of "et and "etting. If the mental "et of the "ub3ect and the /hy"ical "etting or en)ironment
are /o"iti)e, "u//orti)e, anxiety#free, then the reaction of the "ub3ect !ill be ec"tatic,
in"ightful, and educational. If the "et and "etting are clinical, ex/erimental, non#
"u//orti)e, and im/er"onal, then the reaction" !ill be frightening and confu"ing. ,a$e the
ca"e of the American Indian" !ho "till u"e /eyote in connection !ith their religion. ,he
/eyote rite i" one of /rayer and 6uiet contem/lation. ,heir doctrine con"i"t" of belief in
8od, brotherly lo)e, care of family and other !orthy belief". &eyote i" concei)ed of a" a
"acrament, a holy god#gi)en food and an a)ailable mean" of communion !ith the /irit of
the Almighty. ?hen inge"ted, it cau"e" the !or"hi//er to ex/erience a )i)id re)elation in
!hich he 1"ee"1 or 1hear"1 the "/irit of a de/arted lo)ed one, or ex/erience" other religiou"
/henomena+ or he may be "ho!n the !ay to "ol)e "ome daily /roblem, and ex/erience a
dee/ re)erential attitude to the di)ine+ "ometime" he may be re/ro)ed for "ome e)il
thought or deed. >or the Indian, there i" nothing deba"ing or morally re/rehen"ible about
u"ing a /"ychedelic "ub"tance to e"tabli"h contact !ith the god", for he belie)e" the
/eyote cactu" to be of di)ine origin.
>or the modern#day ?e"terner, the /"ychedelic ex/erience can be )ery unex/ected,
"eeing ho! /er"onality i" the /roduct of con"ciou" and uncon"ciou" im/rinting a" it may
al"o be "een a" the "ub3ecti)e ex/re""ion of the "ociety in !hich !e ha//en to be
brought u/. ?e li$e to belie)e in the general regularity of our mental life, in the con"tancy
of our )ie!" or o/inion", and li$e to thin$ ho! much !e are ali$e, our "o#called normality.
(ut in the /"ychedelic "tate, our mind "eem" to obey no rule" and, exce/t in tri)ial !ay",
"eem" to exi"t out"ide the "co/e of ordinary rational con"ciou"ne"".
It !a" not "ur/ri"ing, therefore, that /"ychedelic drug" li$e '-, /"ilocybin, me"caline,
and /eyote !ere con"idered by the American /"ychological e"tabli"hment a"
psychotomimeticagent", and in the literature !e note that re"earcher" u"e the language
of /"ycho/athology to de"cribe my"tical and ec"tatic ex/erience", in !hat 'eary call"
1catalogue" of angui"h and conflict1.
,he /"ychiatric re"earcher i" trained to "ee the !orld through negati)e, /athological
len"e". He i" myo/ic and cannot "ee the !ood for the tree". ?hen he ob"er)e" my"tical
or tran"cendental or ec"tatic reaction" the /"ychiatri"t fall" bac$ on the conce/t" to !hich
he i" committed. He u"e" the language of /athology. &"ychedelic drug" /roduce
reaction" !hich are not con)entional. omebody el"e1" ec"ta"y al!ay" loo$" rather
bi%arre or fooli"h or in"ane to "uch an ob"er)er. ince ec"tatic beha)iour" are not
con)entional and 1normal1 it follo!" that they mu"t be abnormal. &"ychotic. Era%y.
A ty/ical /"ychiatric inter/retation read" li$e thi"7
1,hi" /a/er de"cribe" our initial /ilot "tudy of clinical effect" of /"ilocybin. ,he
)olunteer" "elected !ere told only that they might recei)e a "ub"tance !hich !ould
/roduce tem/orary change" in /erce/tion and bodily feeling" or an inert "ub"tance"
A ba"eline EE8, mental "tatu" and chec$li"t of "ym/tom" !a" com/leted before the
drug !a" admini"tered.
9;otice the "ugge"ti)e u"e of a 1li"t of "ym/tom"1+ a re"earcher not oriented to!ard"
/athology could ha)e chec$ed the "ub3ect out on a li"t of ec"ta"ie" and illuminating
ex/erience".:
1,he ex/eriment !a" conducted in a dar$ room. A nur"e or doctor or both !ere
con"tantly in attendance. E)ery fifteen minute" the /"ychiatri"t rated the "ub3ect1"
re"/on"e" on the chec$li"t and conducted a mental "tatu" examination. Bolunteer"
!ere told that they might be re6uired to remain in the ho"/ital for t!enty#four hour",
but only in t!o in"tance" 9out of fourteen: !a" thi" nece""ary. Ce"ult" )i"ual
11
hallucination", illu"ion", a form of hy/eracu"i", body image di"tortion", eu/horia,
anxiety, de/re""ion, bloc$ing, di"organi"ed thin$ing, di"tractibility, flight of idea",
clang a""ociation", inability to ab"tract. A "ub3ect in re"/on"e to the /ro)erb M&eo/le
in gla"" hou"e" "houldn1t thro! "tone"11 "aid before the drug, M<ou "houldn1t /oint out
fault" in other" that might exi"t in your"elfM. After the drug he "aid, 1At !hoD ,hat
de/end" on a lot of thing".M Autonomic re"/on"e", /u/illary dilation, nau"ea,
di%%ine"", flu"hing, abdominal com/laint", blood /re""ure and /ul"e.... H"age of
the"e drug" e"/ecially in an out#/atient "etting i" fraught !ith the danger and "hould
be underta$en only !ith the greate"t caution. &"ilocybin, '- and me"caline are
extremely /otent agent" ca/able of /roducing acute /"ychotic beha)iour in many
indi)idual". -e/re""ion !ith the e)er#/re"ent ri"$ of "uicide may de)elo/ during or
after their admini"tration. Additional /o"t#drug effect" al"o occur. 2nce a /atient ha"
been entru"ted !ith a hallucinogen e)en !hen in"tructed to ta$e the drug in "mall
do"e", belo! the hallucinogenic thre"hold, !e ha)e no control o)er the number of
/ill" he may ta$e. ,he u"e of hallucinogen" "hould be re"tricted to re"earch in a
ho"/ital "etting.1
,he geniu" of 'eary !a" that he a)oided the beha)iouri"t a//roach to the "tudy and u"e
of /"ychedelic". A)oid labelling, de/er"onali"ing the "ub3ect. -on1t im/o"e your o!n
"cientific 3argon or your o!n ex/erimental game model". -o not "et out to )alidate the
redundant im/lication" of your o!n /remi"e". -o not limit your"elf to the /athological
hy/othe"e". -o not inter/ret ec"ta"y a" mania+ calm "erenity a" catatonia+ !e mu"t not
diagno"e (uddha a" a detached "chi%oid+ nor Ehri"t a" an exhibitioni"t andGor ma"ochi"t+
nor the my"tic ex/erience a" a "ym/tom+ nor the )i"ionary "tate a" a model /"ycho"i".
Cight from the "tart the Har)ard &"ychedelic &ro3ect !a" "urrounded by a charged field
of excitement, glamour, ad)enture, enthu"ia"m, my"tery, hy/erbole, /a""ion, contro)er"y.
,ho"e !ho !ere running the "ho! !ere chari"matic, di"tingui"hed, articulate and
colourful. ?hil"t the ma3ority of the Har)ard faculty !a" content to ob"er)e the !orld, our
me""age !a" re)olutionary7 if thing" are not right, then let1" change them. '- et a" !a"
the ;e! Here"y that ga)e birth to momentou" "ocial change in the form of a ;e!
Cadicali"m, !hich had a" it" core the ex/erience of tran"cendence. =an could ta$e a
1third eye1 )ie! of him"elf. He could e"ca/e from the /ri"on of hi" conditioning, hi" robot#
"elf, and mo)e to!ard" !holene"", com/letene"", /lace#in#the#!orld. ?e could all be
con"ciou" agent" in the e)olutionary /roce"". ,hi" !a" to be our bra)e 8olden Age of
Anarchy !hen man !ould free him"elf from the dehumani"ation of "elf#/er/etuating,
oligarchical bureaucracie" and build a ne!, "ociali"ed, humani%ed "u/er#"ociety. ?e
!anted to ma$e 1turning#on1 a natural /art of modern man1" exi"tence, for the ex/erience
of liberation from the tyranny of the ego i" an ex/erience "o extraordinary, "o uni6ue, that
it i" ne)er forgotten by the indi)idual*indeed, the )i"ion i" the im/etu" to beha)iour
change.
2ur office" at that time !ere located in an old, remodelled Eambridge hou"e*>i)e
-i)inity A)enue. About nine faculty member" and "e)enty graduate "tudent" in
/"ychology u"ed the building a" their /lace of re"earch and "tudy, and it !a" a di)i"ion of
the ocial Celation" -e/artment.
A" fate or chance !ould ha)e it, the building !a" called =orton &rince Hou"e after one of
the fir"t American /"ychologi"t" to recogni"e alteration" in con"ciou"ne"" a" a critical
area for re"earch. =orton &rince !ould "till be con"idered 1far out1 today !ith hi" curiou"
and bold intere"t" in multi/le /er"onality, hy/no"i", trance "tate" and )i"ionary
ex/erience.
It "eemed "omeho! mo"t natural and /ro/er that !e "hould be initiating a re"earch into
altered "tate" of con"ciou"ne"" in thi" building.
Although =orton &rince !a" the founder of the Eenter he !a" not the fir"t Har)ard
"cholar to ad)enture boldly into the uncharted realm" of inner "/ace. ,he lineage of thi"
re"earch can be traced to the turn of the century, to that mo"t )enerable and greate"t of
American /"ychologi"t", ?illiam Aame", !ho "a! that if the riddle of con"ciou"ne"" !a"
12
to be "ol)ed then the re"earcher mu"t u"e /"ycho/hy"ical mean" on him"elf. Aame" tried
the /eyotl cactu", the "acramental food of the Indian"*only to be daunted by the
"tumbling bloc$ of nau"ea. He al"o tried nitrou" oxide 9laughing ga": a" an a)ailable
mean" of enlarging con"ciou"ne"", and refer" to hi" ex/erience" in hi" cla""ic !or$, 4he
:arieties of 5eligious 89perience7
1ome year" ago I my"elf made "ome ob"er)ation" on thi" a"/ect of nitrou" oxide
intoxication, and re/orted them in /rint. 2ne conclu"ion !a" forced u/on my mind at
that time, and my im/re""ion of it" truth ha" e)er "ince remained un"ha$en. It i" that
our normal !a$ing con"ciou"ne"", rational con"ciou"ne"" a" !e call it, i" but one
"/ecial ty/e of con"ciou"ne"", !hil"t all about it, /arted from it by the filmie"t of
"creen", there lie /otential form" of con"ciou"ne"" entirely different. ?e may go
through life !ithout "u"/ecting their exi"tence+ but a//ly the re6ui"ite "timulu", and at
a touch they are there in all their com/letene"", definite ty/e" of mentality !hich
/robably "ome!here ha)e their field of a//lication and ada/tation. ;o account of the
uni)er"e in it" totality can be final !hich lea)e" the"e other form" of con"ciou"ne""
6uite di"regarded. Ho! to regard them i" the 6ue"tion*for they are "o di"continuou"
!ith ordinary con"ciou"ne"". <et they may determine attitude" though they fail to
gi)e a ma/. At any rate, they forbid a /remature clo"ing of our account" !ith reality.
'oo$ing bac$ on my o!n ex/erience", they all con)erge to!ard" a $ind of in"ight to
!hich I cannot hel/ a"cribing "ome meta/hy"ical "ignificance. ,he $eynote of it i"
in)ariably a reconciliation. It i" a" if the o//o"ite" of the !orld !ho"e
contradictorine"" and conflict ma$e all our difficultie" and trouble", !ere melted into
unity. ;ot only do they a" contra"ted "/ecie", belong to one and the "ame genu", but
one of the species the nobler and better one, is itself the genus and so soaks up and
absorbs its opposite into itself. ,hi" i" a dar$ "aying, I $no!, !hen thu" ex/re""ed in
term" of common logic, but I cannot !holly e"ca/e from it" authority. I feel a" if it
mu"t mean "omething, "omething li$e !hat the Hegelian /hilo"o/hy mean", if one
could only lay hold of it more clearly. ,ho"e !ho ha)e ear" to hear, let them hear+ to
me the li)ing "en"e of it" reality only come" in the artificial my"tic "tate of mind.1
o the genealogical line of re"earch in altered con"ciou"ne"" at Har)ard "tart" !ith
?illiam Aame" and from him to =orton &rince. And after &rince came another giant of
/"ychology7 Henry A. =urray, !ho !a" the director of the Eenter.
&rofe""or =urray u"ed fanta"y, dream legend, fol$lore, my"tic )i"ion, /oetry and e"oteric
!riting" a" the ra! material of hi" !or$ on human /er"onality. It !a" /erha/" ine)itable
that he !ould re6ue"t a /"ychedelic "e""ion, and in the "/ring of 19I1 he too$ the drug
for the fir"t time. A" he "aid of hi" deci"ion after!ard", 1Eurio"ity and the en)i"aged
/o""ibility that I might re)el in a little efficaciou" lunacy "/urred me on to it. ?hy notD1 It
!a" a bold deci"ion for a modern beha)ioural "cienti"t at a time !hen the beha)iouri"t"
!ere the tough#minded guy" !ho !anted to a//ly im/eccable "cientific methodology to
the "tudy of the human organi"m, hiding their mediocrity and lac$ of imagination behind
1"cientific1 model", techni6ue", and mechanical 1de"ign"1 of the mind !hich are by
definition mediocre and unimaginati)e, generating tri)iality and error.
&rofe""or =urray reali"ed that modern man i" "itting on to/ of a "immering )olcano. ,he
/"ychedelic ex/erience i" one /o""ible "olution to a)oid the dee/ening chao"+ but
thin$er", /hilo"o/her", /"ychologi"t" and "cholar" ha)e been "ingularly reticent about
the /o""ibility of ex/anding man1" a!arene"" and a" a grou/ are di"inclined to face u/ to
the exi"tence of thi" ne! range of mind#changing chemical" by modern "ynthetic
chemi"try. If the mind" of men are blind, then "urely !e "hould utili"e !hate)er a)ailable
mean" !e ha)e to re"tore true )i"ion.
,he /"ychedelic ex/erience and the in"ight" it /ro)ide" entail the obligation to
communicate and to li"ten. Ce)elation and re"/on"e are not a man1" /ri)ate affair+ for the
re)elation come" to one man for all men, and in hi" re"/on"e he i" re/re"entati)e of
man$ind. And "ince the re"/on"e i" re/re"entati)e it endo!" the reci/ient of re)elation,
in relation to hi" fello! men, !ith the authority of the /ro/het.
13
(ut here !e come to the central /roblem. /iritual fer)our i" not nece""arily
accom/anied by tact+ and men at large do not !illingly recogni"e a ne! )oice of authority
!hen they hear it. 9:ide'eary, Aldou" Huxley, Herald Hear, Alan ?att", Cobert 8ra)e",
Henry =urray:. ,he difficultie" are infinitely aggra)ated in our /re"ent#day !orld of ea"y
ma"" communication !hich encourage" a multi/licity of "ucce""i)e and often /arallel
authoritie" !ho"e ri)al claim" extend all o)er the /lace by )irtue of the large follo!er"hi/
!hich they ha)e found. I thin$ if a Ae"u" or a (uddha !ere to a//ear in our mid"t today
he !ould be hard /re""ed to con)ince anyone of the rele)ance to man$ind of hi"
teaching". ?e find our"el)e" in a "ituation that Aldou" Huxley, the /atron "aint of the
/"ychedelic mo)ement, touche" on in hi" e""ay 1Art and the 2b)iou"1, !here he tal$" of
the incom/etence and )ulgarity !ith !hich the great ob)iou" truth" ha)e been tri)iali"ed
by hac$", and goe" on to "ay that 1on "ome of the mo"t "en"iti)e and "elf#con"ciou"
arti"t" of our age, thi" "tate of affair" ha" had a curiou" and un/recedented effect. ,hey
ha)e become afraid of the ob)iou"ne"" of thing", the great a" !ell a" the little.1
(ut /erha/" the communication of an old ob)iou" truth*that the fulle"t $ind of maturity
ha" it" core in the ex/erience of /er"onal tran"cendence*con"i"t" not "o much in
loo$ing for ne! thing" to do a" in finding ne! and rele)ant !ay" of doing the ob)iou"
thing".
It i" e)ident that e)ery "cientific, ethical, ae"thetic and "/iritual ad)ance ha" been made
by indi)idual" !ho, to "ome extent, bro$e out of the /ri"on of their lingui"tic and "ocial
conditioning. And !hen !e con"ider the /re"ent "ituation of the !orld, !e "ee that
ad)ancing technology ha" rendered our /re)ailing nationali"tic and militari"tic culture
com/letely ob"olete, ina//ro/riate and a//allingly dangerou". &o/ulation", ci)ili"ation"
and their ruler" are e)ery!here the /ri"oner" of thi" ob"olete culture. ,hey can1t e"ca/e.
Indeed, they ha)e been "o thoroughly conditioned that, although on the intellectual le)el
they are a!are of their danger, they do not, on the "ubcon"ciou" le)el" really !ant to
e"ca/e.
?hat can be done to hel/ indi)idual" to become the beneficiarie" of language and culture
!ithout, at the "ame time, becoming their /ri"oner" and /a""i)e )ictim", or running amo$
under the intoxicating influence of mi"u"ed !ord"D ,here are "e)eral 1ob)iou"1 thing" that
might be done. ?e can gi)e young /eo/le 9and adult": in"truction in the nature,
limitation" and ca/abilitie" for e)il a" !ell a" for good, of language. ?e can drum into
their head" 9a" e)ery !i"e man from (uddha and aint &aul do!n to tho"e of the /re"ent
ha" al!ay" done: that !ord" are not the "ame a" thing", that conce/t" are not
ex/erience", that /igeon#hole" do not exi"t in nature, that it i" both "tu/id and un3u"t to
hang a dog becau"e "omebody ha" gi)en him a bad name 9Hitler ma""acred "ix million
Ae!" !ho !ere regarded not a" human being", but a" the embodiment of a bad name:.
?e mu"t teach our youth to ta$e their ea"e !ith !ord", nai)ely, by reflex.
,he"e thought" are /retty 1ob)iou"1 to tho"e !ho u"e /"ychedelic".
9Huxley7 &ri)ate corre"/ondence.: 1,he accelerating rate of technological ad)ance, of
/re/aration for !ar, and of /o/ulation increa"e lea)e" the human race )ery little time
in !hich to get out of the /re)ailing me"". &erha/" !ithin a decade the difficultie"
created by increa"ing /re""ure of number" u/on re"ource" and by the di"ru/ti)e
im/act of technology u/on e"tabli"hed beha)iour /attern", may ea"ily in)ol)e the
!hole !orld in a dee/ening chao", to !hich the only antidote !ill be the iron
dictator"hi/ of general" or commi""ar". ,ho"e of u" !ho !or$ed !ith /"ychedelic
drug" belie)ed that !ithin thi" "hort /eriod !e mu"t try to train u/ a "ufficient and
effecti)e minority of indi)idual", ca/able of /rofiting by language and culture !ithout
being "tultified or made mad by them, ca/able of changing ob"olete beha)iour
/attern" in "uch a !ay that man$ind may find it /o""ible to li)e in conformity, not !ith
di"a"trou" "logan" and dogma" inherited from the /a"t, but !ith the life /roce"", the
e""ential uchne"" of the !orld.1
=y o!n )ie! i" that '- may be nothing more than the extreme length" to !hich a
handful of indi)idual" !ere /re/ared to go in order to en"ure the continuity of their
14
nece""ary freedom".
,hi" "light digre""ion o)er, let u" return to the acti)itie" at >i)e -i)inity A)enue, to that
tiny grou/ led by 'eary and "u"tained by =urray, !ho !ere to fiddle !ith irrele)ancie"
!hile the giant /o!er" multi/lied their infernal !ea/on", threat", and /ro)ocation". A"
"oon a" it became $no!n that a re"earch /ro3ect in)ol)ing the u"e of the"e ne!
/"ychedelic drug" !a" to be organi"ed, large number" of graduate "tudent" came round
to 3oin the /ro3ect. ,here !ere many /lanning "e""ion", and an air of excitement
/er)aded =orton &rince Hou"e. ?e al"o examined the a)ailable literature on the "ub3ect,
including the !or$" of Aldou" Huxley*Heaven and Hell and 4he Doors of 3erception
!hich detailed hi" ex/erience" !ith me"caline, a" !ell a" hi" no)el Islandabout a
1/o"iti)e Hto/ia1 in !hich /"ychedelic drug" are u"ed by a community to hel/ ex/and
a!arene"" and bring it" member" clo"er to 8od. It !a" Huxley1" "olution to the /roblem"
and horror" he de"cribed "o dramatically in !rave +ew #orld and Ape and 8ssence.
,here !ere al"o 'eary1" /a/er" on the "ub3ect a" !ell a" monogra/h" by >ran$ (arron, a
leading American authority of creati)ity, Cichard Al/ert, a member of the Har)ard >aculty,
and ?illiam (urrough". It !a" not much, but it !a" enough to "tart /lanning "e""ion"
ba"ed on non#clinical methodologie".
=y 3ob at thi" time !a" a" an a""i"tant to 'eary. I !a" li)ing in hi" hou"e and !e !ould
dri)e to the office each morning from (o"ton, 3u"t acro"" the ri)er from Eambridge. I !a"
al"o gi)en a cour"e to teach, t!o hour" a !ee$, !hen I !ould meet !ith /erha/" a do%en
graduate "tudent" in /"ychology to /lan and di"cu"" '- "e""ion". ?e !ould "it around
di"cu""ing ho! be"t to run grou/ "e""ion", the function of the 1guide1 or admini"trator,
and the ethical and inter/er"onal /rinci/le" in)ol)ed. ,he atmo"/here of the Eenter
hadn1t been thi" "tirred "ince Harry =urray !a" trying to "ol)e the 'indberg $idna//ing,
"ince =orton &rince tried to get in touch !ith the co#con"ciou" 1"/irit !orld1, "ince ?illiam
Aame" "tarted a rage of nitrou" oxide /artie" in (o"ton1" (ac$ (ay.
?hat !e !anted to achie)e !a" an 1o/en1, collaborati)e and humani"tic re"/on"e to our
re"earch in order to /roduce o/timally /o"iti)e reaction" to the drug ex/erience. And by
1/o"iti)e reaction1 !e meant a /lea"ant, ec"tatic, non#anxiou" ex/erience leading to a
broadening of a!arene"" and an increa"e in indi)idual in"ight. ,he follo!ing /rinci/le"
!ere laid do!n by the team7
1. &artici/ant" !hene)er /o""ible !ill alternate role" of ob"er)er and "ub3ect.
2. &artici/ant" !ill be gi)en all a)ailable information about the drug and it" effect" before
the ex/eriment. ?e !ill attem/t to a)oid an atmo"/here of my"tery and "ecret
ex/erimentation.
3. ,he /artici/ant" !ill be gi)en control of their o!n do"age. A maximum do"age !ill be
determined by the /rinci/al in)e"tigator". ,hi" maximum number of tablet" !ill be gi)en
the "ub3ect and he !ill be told to do"e him"elf at the rate and amount he de"ire".
4. ,he "e""ion" !ill ta$e /lace in /lea"ant, "/aciou" ae"thetic "urrounding". =u"ic, art
re/roduction", "ym/athetic ob"er)er" !ill be a)ailable.
.. ,he "ub3ect !ill be allo!ed to bring a relati)e or friend to be hi" ob"er)er.
I. ;o "ub3ect "hould ta$e the drug in a grou/ !here he i" a "tranger.
7. An attem/t !ill be made to ha)e one ob"er)er for each t!o "ub3ect". ,he "ub3ect" !ill
be gi)en com/lete freedom of the hou"e but cannot lea)e the /remi"e". 2b"er)er" !ill
be a)ailable at all time" for di"cu""ion.
5. 2b"er)er" !ill be /re"ent at the end of the "e""ion for follo!#u/ di"cu""ion".
It i" intere"ting to loo$ bac$ at "ome of the original member" of the Har)ard &"ychedelic
&ro3ect, !ho !ere fir"t introduced to '- )ia the content" of the magic mayonnai"e 3ar,
and to note their "ucce""i)e and dee/ening in)ol)ement in the /"ychedelic mo)ement,
!hich !a" to "/read from Har)ard to all "ection" of our ?e"tern culture a" !ell a"
introduce a ne! )ocabulary for a turned#on youth mo)ement 91/"ychedelic1, 1acid1, 1tri/1,
1"toned1:+ ne! "logan" 91turn on, tune in, dro/ out1:+ ne! arti"tic form" 9/"ychedelic art,
acid roc$, /"ychedelic di"cothe6ue", a (eatle album o/enly celebrating the /"ychedelic
ex/erience:+ ne! drug#a""ociated organi%ation" 9,he International >ederation for Internal
>reedom KI>I>L in Eambridge, ,he Agora cientific ,ru"t in ;e! <or$, ,he ?orld
15
&"ychedelic Eentre in 'ondon, ,he Ea"talia >oundation at =illbroo$:+ ne! religion" 9,he
;eo#American Ehurch, ,he 'eague for /iritual -i"co)ery, ,he >ree High Ehurch of
Eumbrae KcotlandL, ,he Ehurch of the A!a$ening, an >ranci"co:+ ne! life#"tyle" 9head
"ho/", a"hram", commune", ,he (rotherhood of Eternal 'o)e:+ an underground
ne!"/a/er "er)ice+ ne! literary form" and theme" ;High 3riest, 4ime 3sychedelic
5eview, 4he 8cstatic Adventure, 4he 3sychedelic 89perience, 3sychedelic 3rayers, 4he
:arieties of 3sychedelic 89perience< and "o on and "o forth.
Along the cro!ded corridor" of the Eenter !al$ed Aldou" and 'aura Huxley, Arthur
Noe"tler, ?illiam (urrough", Eharle" 2l"on, Allen 8in"berg and &eter 2rlo)"$y, famou"
mu"ician" and /ainter", mini"ter", cured do/e addict", ;e! <or$ hi/"ter", oriental
religiou" leader", rabbi" and e)en a cou/le of Ae"uit". 1,here i" "ome /o""ibility that my
friend" and I ha)e illuminated more /eo/le than anyone el"e in hi"tory.1
It !a" not long before the Har)ard Ce"earch &ro3ect had gro!n to include "ome forty
/rofe""or" and graduate "tudent", !ho had "en"ed in the /"ychedelic ex/erience a ne!
tool !ith !hich to "ha/e and extend their a!arene"" of the !orld and the other /eo/le in
it. And their claim" on behalf of '- et al !ere highly articulate, and /erha/" tinged !ith
a fer)our u"ually a""ociated !ith religiou" belief. ;aturally, thi" had a di"turbing effect on
their colleague", !ho !ere doing real /"ychology*-elay of 8ratification Ex/eriment"+
;eed for Achie)ement+ &er"onality tudie" of 'o!er#Ela"" Iri"h in outh (o"ton+ ,he
Cor"chach ,e"t+ ;eed for A//ro)al+ &erce/tion and =oti)ation tudie". &"ychology !a"
the "cience of rat" and te"t" and "tati"tic". Ex/loring and ma//ing ne! realm" of internal
ex/erience didn1t belong here. 2r did it D ?ho could no! really "ay D ,he hermetic )a"e
had been o/ened, and the avis Hermetis had flo!n the ne"t. ,he dynamic life#gi)ing
ad)enture of ex/loring inner space !a" to become the new romance.
It !a" ine)itable that, a" our drug /rogramme ex/anded, critici"m and rumour began to
flouri"h about our acti)itie". 2ne of the mo"t )ocal of the critic" !a" &rofe""or -a)id
=cElelland, a /rofe""or of /"ychology, a /rote"tant#ethic man, highly intelligent, an
ex/ert in the /"ychological ba"i" of 1fanta"y1, a /rominent Jua$er, dedicated to external
achie)ement.
=cElelland had decided to bring matter" to a head by calling a meeting of the "taff of the
Eenter in !hich he re)ealed in no uncertain term" hi" gro!ing concern o)er the
&"ychedelic &ro3ect. ,o 3udge by the beha)iour of =exican curanderas and Indian
my"tic", he "aid, one !ould ex/ect the chief effect" of /"ychedelic "ub"tance" to be to
encourage !ithdra!al from contact !ith "ocial reality and to increa"e "ati"faction !ith
one1" o!n inner thought life. Ce"earch re/ort" from the current Har)ard /ro3ect, he "aid,
1are not incon"i"tent !ith the"e ex/ectation"1. And !ent on to note that 1initiate" begin to
"ho! a certain blandne"", or "u/eriority, or feeling of being abo)e and beyond the normal
!orld" of "ocial reality1. He !a" concerned about a de)elo/ing inter/er"onal in"en"iti)ity,
about the 1inability to /redict in ad)ance !hat the "ocial reaction of a M/"ilocybin /artyM
!ould be1. And religiou" and /hilo"o/hical nai)etO7 1=any re/ort" are gi)en of dee/
my"tical ex/erience", but their chief characteri"tic i" the !onder at one1" o!n /rofundity
rather than a genuine concern to /robe dee/er into the ex/erience of the human race in
the"e matter"1, and im/ul"i)ity7 12ne of the mo"t difficult /art" of the re"earch ha" been to
introduce any order into !ho ta$e" the drug under !hat condition". Any control" ha)e
either been re3ected a" interfering !ith the !armth nece""ary to ha)e a )aluable
ex/erience or acce/ted a" de"irable but then not a//lied becau"e "omeho! an occa"ion
ari"e" !hen it "eem" MrightM to ha)e a /"ychedelic "e""ion1. He concluded hi" "tatement"
!ith thi" !arning7 1It i" /robably no accident that the "ociety !hich mo"t con"i"tently
encouraged the u"e of the"e "ub"tance" India, /roduced one of the "ic$e"t "ocial order"
e)er created by man$ind in !hich thin$ing men "/ent their time lo"t in the (uddha
/o"ition under the influence of drug" ex/loring con"ciou"ne"", !hile /o)erty, di"ea"e,
"ocial di"crimination, and "u/er"tition reached their highe"t and mo"t organi"ed form in
all hi"tory.1
Another critic, -r. Herbert Nelman, lecturer in ocial &"ychology, "aid at a later meeting
that he had ob"er)ed that graduate "tudent" in the /ro3ect had formed clanni"h 1in"ider
grou/"1. 1I al"o 6ue"tion !hether thi" /ro3ect i" carried out /rimarily a" an intellectual
16
endea)our or !hether it i" being /ur"ued a" a ne! $ind of ex/erience to offer an an"!er
to man1" ill",1 he "aid.
,he /roblem !a" one of communication, or rather the lac$ of any, for !e had let the
rumour" go unchec$ed. >rom the /oint of )ie! of tho"e of u" !or$ing on the /ro3ect,
/"ychedelic drug" had an ama%ing /otential, not only a" aid" to /"ychothera/y but in
"uch area" a" /ri"oner rehabilitation, /er"onal gro!th and indi)idual freedom,
inter/er"onal community "tructure", im/ro)ed human relation", creati)ity, art and
entertainment, education, religion and /hilo"o/hy, /olitic" and "ociology, ex/erimental
beha)ioural "cience, to mention 3u"t a fe! of the /ractical a//lication" !e had /ur"ued.
?e came to belie)e, a" a re"ult of our o!n ex/erience" and tho"e re/orted to u" by
other" u"ing /"ychedelic", that they had the /otential to facilitate for the indi)idual the
ex/erience of ma3or in"ight" and /roblem "olution" of an intellectual#emotional nature.
,he realm of the"e in"ight" or /roblem "olution" i" in any area !hich i" meaningful to that
indi)idual be it "ocial or /er"onal, intellectual, religiou", /hilo"o/hical, thing" li$e that.
It !a" al"o our con)iction that the"e in"ight", enlightenment or "olution" /ro)ided a firm
educational foundation for 9a: change in the "ocial or intellectual beha)iour of the
indi)idual, 9b: the de)elo/ment of ne! model" regarding the nature of man along !ith
"uitable re"earch de"ign" to te"t "uch model", 9c: the de)elo/ment of more "ubtle
method" of communication bet!een indi)idual" and 9d: the conce/tuali%ation and
formulation of modified "ocial "y"tem".
?e tried to counter the critici"m" by gathering together "ome of the "tudent" !ho had
u"ed /"ychedelic", at !hich time /henomenological re/ort" !ere made. ?e al"o had t!o
graduate "tudent" in the Har)ard -i)inity chool and one "tudent from =.I.,. &hilo"o/hy
-e/artment attending !ho !ere con"idering &h.-. di""ertation" in thi" area.
?e al"o brought out a ;e!"letter in !hich !e tried to illu"trate the im/act of the
/"ychedelic ex/erience by 6uote" from "ub3ect"1 re/ort"7
1,he atmo"/here could hardly ha)e been made more /lea"ant and congenial. ,he
freedom, "/ontaneity, and /er"onal !armth !ithin the grou/ and bet!een member"
of the grou/ became )ery meaningful. In the"e moment" the /"ychology vs .
theology bu"ine"" dro//ed off, the faculty#"tudent barrier 3u"t did not matter, e)en the
friend#"tranger game !a" minimi"ed. >or the"e fe! moment" !e interacted not a"
role /layer" or "tatu" "ee$er" but a" human being"*men !ho "hare common
"orro!" and common 3oy", "ome of !hich !e di"cu""ed.
1,hing" going on in"ide me too$ all my attention. Early in my "e""ion I fa"tened u/on
the 6ue"tion of the di"tinction bet!een $no!er and $no!n, recalling All/ort1" and Hall
and 'ind%ey1" di"cu""ion of !hether the "elf "hould be conce/tuali%ed in term" of the
/roce""e" of $no!ing 9"elf#a"#"ub3ect, Aame"1 /ure Ego: or in term" of the "tructure",
/attern", ab"traction" by !hich one define" him"elf 9"elf#a"#ob3ect, /ro/rium:. It
"eemed to me that the"e !ere being di""ociated in me, and I a" $no!er !a" unable
to confirm my $no!ing or to "u"tain my "en"e of identity by referring to any "table
element" of my"elf. I recall loo$ing at a (uddhi"t "ymbol, a circle di)ided into t!o #
"ha/ed /art", one blac$ and one !hite, !ith a centre in each of the "emi#circle"
!hich formed the . I "truggled to bring the t!o centre" together, a" if Mthe 1M had to
do "o to "ur)i)e. I can remember t!i"ting and "training !ith all my might, "aying I#I#I#
I#I and "omeho! being a!are that the batter of my uni)er"e !a" to maintain the MIM
!hile all el"e !a" "tri//ed a!ay.
1,!o related feeling" !ere /re"ent. 2ne !a" a tremendou" freedom to ex/erience, to
be I. It became )ery im/ortant to di"tingui"h bet!een I and $e, the latter being an
ob3ect defined by /attern" and "tructure" and re"/on"ibilitie"*all of !hich had
)ani"hed*and the former being the "ub3ect ex/eriencing and feeling.
1?hat it all mean"7 >ir"t, for /"ychological theory. 2ne "tri$ing a"/ect of the
ex/erience !a" the lac$ of "exual feeling" or thought". ?e all commented u/on thi".
Another !a" the lac$ of aggre""ion*moment" of irritability /roduced only a de"ire to
mo)e a!ay from the irritating one. =oreo)er, I ex/erienced no de)elo/mental
17
regre""ion. ?hile thi" doe" not in any !ay di"/ro)e >reudian theory, it ma$e" it
utterly irrele)ant to thi" ex/erience....
1,o begin !ith, the u"ual7 the ex/erience i" "o fanta"tic in both it" no)elty and it"
/o!er a" to beggar all /o""ibility of ade6uate de/iction through !ord". ,he mo"t that
can be ho/ed for by !ay of de"cri/tion i" an a//roximation, and only tho"e !ho ha)e
had the drug can $no! ho! far remo)ed from actuality the a//roximation mu"t be.
1,he thing" that can be "aid ea"ily and une6ui)ocally are7 9I: =y /hy"ical "ym/tom"
!ere a /ronounced 6ua$ing !hich centred in my lo!er limb", climaxing 9I !ould
3udge: about one and a half hour" after ta$ing the drug but continuing off and on for
about fi)e hour"+ a "light "tomach cram/ for about ten hour"+ the feeling of /hy"ical
de/letion*ha)ing been !rung through a !ringer*on coming out of the "/ell+ and
inability to "lee/ 9bright fla"he" of light: until 3.00 a.m. 92: ;o di"orientation*at no
/oint did I lo"e a!arene"" of !ho I !a", !here I !a", or the grou/ ex/erience that
!a" under!ay. 93: Eon"iderable a//rehen"ion, but no real terror or /aranoia.
1;o! to the difficult /art. ,he be"t !ay I can de"cribe the ex/erience a" a !hole i" to
li$en it to an emotional#reflecti)e#)i"ual $aleido"co/e, !ith the !ord" li"ted in order of
decrea"ing im/ortance*mood and emotion mo"t im/ortant, thought next, )i"ual
9internal, of the "ort you can get !ith your eye" clo"ed: lea"t. Ex/erience in)ol)ing
the"e three com/onent" $e/t di""ol)ing continuou"ly from one /attern into another.
1Emotionally the /attern" ranged from "erene contentment and mild eu/horia to
a//rehen"ion !hich bordered on, but ne)er "li//ed into, alarm, but o)er!helmingly
they in)ol)ed 9a: a"toni"hment at the ab"olutely incredible immen"ity, com/lexity,
inten"ity and extra)agance of being, exi"tence, the co"mo", call it !hat you !ill.
2ntological "hoc$, I "u//o"e. 9b: ,he mo"t acute "en"e of the /oignancy, fragility,
/reciou"ne"", and "ignificance of all life and hi"tory. ,he latter !a" accom/anied by
a /o!erful "en"e of the re"/on"ibility of all for all*all thi", it mu"t be /ointed out,
!hile lying comfortably and /ri)ately flat on one1" bac$.
1Intellectually, the dominant im/re""ion !a" that of entering into the )ery marro! of
exi"tence. In"tead of loo$ing at a /ainting, I !a" climbing into it, almo"t through it, a"
if to )ie! it from behind. o too !ith being in general. It !a" a" if each of the billion
atom" of ex/erience !hich under normal circum"tance" are "ummari"ed and
a)eraged into crude, indi"criminate !hole"ale im/re""ion" !a" no! being "een and
"a)oured for it"elf. ,he other clear "en"e !a" that of co"mic relati)ity. &erha/" all
ex/erience neverget" "ummari"ed in any inclu"i)e o)er#)ie!. &erha/" all there i" i"
thi" e)erla"ting congerie of an infinite number of di"crete /oint" of )ie!, each
"ummari"ing the !hole from it" /er"/ecti)e !ith the "um of all /er"/ecti)e" running
the entire gamut from terror to ab"olute a""urance and ec"ta"y.
1-uring the "u//er, after the t!o grou/" had gathered together I found my"elf
di"inclined to "/ea$ much. And the rea"on "eemed clear*and "till doe". e)eral
time" a thought began to ta$e "ha/e. (ut immediately one "a! three or four fea"ible
9and )ery different: !ay" any o)ert ex/re""ion of it could be ta$en7 "traightfor!ard,
/latitudinou", farcical, too /er"onally re)elatory to be /ublicly broadca"t, etc. A"
language "eemed too gro"" and clum"y to "creen out the "en"e" 1 did not intend, it
"eemed, not "o much more /rudent a" more truthful in the "en"e of not#multi/lying#
mi"under"tanding, to remain for the mo"t /art 6uiet.
1>elt clean*clean"ed, actually*clear and ha//y the next day+ the re)er"e to about
e6ual degree the day follo!ing7 normal, thereafter.1
?e al"o tried to "cotch the rumour" by 1coming out front1 and including mention of them in
the ;e!"letter7
1-uring the fall of 19I1 re/ort" circulated in =anhattan literary, arti"tic and intellectual
circle" about the a)ailability of blac$ mar$et hallucinogenic drug", allegedly
18
/"ilocybin. ,he"e "ub"tance" !ere "old in li6uid form. (ecau"e of our intere"t in the
anthro/ology of con"ciou"ne""#altering "ub"tance" !e in)e"tigated the"e re/ort".
Eon)er"ation" !ith a /hy"ician !ho analy"ed thi" li6uid re)ealed it to be a form of
'- mixed !ith another "ub"tance, /robably am/hetamine.
1In -ecember !e !ere informed about the ca"e of a !ell#$no!n model !ho had been
!andering for "e)eral !ee$" in lo!er =anhattan in a deliriou" "tate !hich !a"
attributed to li6uid Mmu"hroom"M. A ;e! <or$ bu"ine""man !ho i" /roducing a mo)ie
on the =exican mu"hroom heard of thi" ca"e*hi" !ife being a former friend of the
model. ,he girl !a" located and a /hy"ician called. ,he girl made an a//arent
reco)ery. After a !ee$, at the "ugge"tion of the /hy"ician, and at our in)itation the girl
came to (o"ton for a re"t. ?e had antici/ated that !e could a""i"t her in integrating
her ex/erience into her life. Ho!e)er, "he !a" immediately "een to be "uffering from
a "e)erer /"ycho"i". A /"ychiatri"t !a" called and ho"/itali%ation arranged in a local
ho"/ital. ub"e6uent in)e"tigation" ha)e determined that the girl had /robably been
functionally /"ychotic for "e)eral month".
12n aturday, morning 7 2ctober, !e !ere a"$ed for hel/ by an undergraduate !ho
$ne! of our !or$ and !a" concerned about hi" girl. It "eemed that he had obtained
9from ;e! <or$: and ta$en a hallucinogen the /re)iou" e)ening and had "/ent thi"
e)ening !ith hi" girl, !ho !a", a//arently, already 6uite emotionally di"turbed a" the
re"ult of a "erie" of recent traumatic ex/erience". -uring the night, although the girl
did not ta$e any drug" her"elf, "he !a" affected by the "ituation, "o much "o that "he
lo"t contact !ith reality a number of time" during the cour"e of the e)ening. After a
re)ie! of the "ituation, !e arranged for the girl to "ee a Eambridge /"ychiatri"t !hom
"he re/orted ha)ing )i"ited /re)iou"ly. ?e ha)e continued to "ee the boy u/ to the
/re"ent time in order to hel/ him integrate and ma$e u"e of hi" ex/erience.
1A recent rumour "ugge"ted that the /unch at a Hni)er"ity function had been M"/i$edM
!ith hallucinogen" by a "tudent !ho obtained the material from u". In fact, our
material" are carefully "afeguarded and are "igned out only to the member" of our
"taff 9!ho "ign a re6ui"ition for all material: for "/ecified re"earch /ur/o"e". ?e !ere
unable to a"certain the "ource of the rumour.
1In the fall of 19I1 member" of our re"earch grou/ !ere a//roached by and met
t!ice !ith "e)eral young men !ho ha)e been informally ex/erimenting !ith
con"ciou"#altering "ub"tance". All of the"e young men !ere or had been Har)ard
undergraduate". ,hey !anted to tal$ !ith u" about their ex/erience", and /articularly
about their /lan" for a model free community in =exico. ,!o of the"e young men did
go to =exico to loo$ for a location, but they returned to Eambridge. ,o our $no!ledge
no community ha" been e"tabli"hed. In our di"cu""ion" !ith the"e men !e found
them to be imaginati)e, decent, and full of youthful exuberance. ?e did nothing to
encourage their u"e of con"ciou"#altering "ub"tance". Cather, !e ex/re""ed concern
about the clande"tine atmo"/here in !hich they u"ed the"e "ub"tance" and tal$ed
)ery fran$ly !ith them about the frightening ex/erience" that "tem from
"ecreti)ene"", "u"/icion, and fear.1
,he ;e!"letter ended !ith a /aragra/h about 18rou/ leader"17
1,here i", at /re"ent, a grou/ of /"ychologi"t" !ho, during the /a"t year ha)e
become )ery familiar !ith /"ilocybin and it" effect". ,hey ha)e each /artici/ated in a
number of "e""ion" both a" member and leader. ?e "tart !ith thi" grou/ a" a
nucleu" of admini"trator". ,he grou/ include"7 ,imothy 'eary, Cichard Al/ert, =ichael
Nahn, 8eorge 'it!in, Cal/h =et%ner, 8unther ?eil, Cal/h ch!it%gebel, =ichael
Holling"head.
(ut the /aranoia !a" not re"tricted to Har)ard. ,he &re"" !ere ha)ing a field#day, and
re/ort" of our acti)itie" began to a//ear in "uch ma""#circulation maga%ine" a" 4he
19
5eporter 91,he Hallucinogenic -rug Eult1:+ %ook 91?eird tory of Har)ard1" -rug
candal1:, and e)en an article entitled 1&"ycho Ehemical" a" ?ea/on"1 !hich a//eared
in 4he !ulletin of the Atomic (cientists, !hich /rom/ted u" to re/ly in an article duly
/ubli"hed in their next i""ue+ our article !a" headed 1,he &olitic" of the ;er)ou" y"tem1.
,HE &2'I,IE 2> ,HE ;ECB2H <,E=
;3ublished in 4he !ulletin of the Atomic (cientists. &ub7 Educational >oundation for
;uclear cience, Inc., 93. E. I0 t. Ehicago 37, III.:
1,he article by -r. E. Aame" 'ieberman entitled M&"ycho Ehemical" a" ?ea/on"M
9Aanuary, 19I2: could lead to "eriou" confu"ion in the mind" of a credulou" /ublic
and of a credulou" military. ,he author "eem" to be mo)ed by admirable democratic
"entiment", but he ha" mixed together an a"toni"hing combination of /"ychiatric
fol$lore and chemical !arfare fanta"y. ,he re"ult" are mi"leading.
1,he "o#called M/"ychotro/ic !ea/on"M em/ha"i"ed in thi" article are 'y"ergic Acid
-iethylamide 9'-:, =e"caline 9the "ynthetic of the Mdi)ine /eyote cactu"M:, and
&"ilocybin 9the "ynthetic of the acred =u"hroom of =exico:. ,he author, a
/"ychiatri"t, !arn" that Mcata"tro/hic damage that !ould be neither re)er"ible nor
humaneM might follo! the inge"tion of the"e drug".
1-r. 'ieberman ha" /re"ented one of the many "har/ly di)ergent )ie!/oint" about
the inter/retation and a//lication of the"e drug". =any /"ychiatri"t" belie)e that '-,
=e"caline and &"ilocybin /roduce /"ychiatric "ym/tom"*anxiety, de/re""ion,
detachment, confu"ion, "u"/icion, /"ycho"i". =any other in)e"tigator" ha)e come to
the conclu"ion that the"e "ym/tom" exi"t mainly in the mind and eye of the
/"ychiatri"t, and that con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding chemical", far from being dangerou"
!ea/on", may /roduce dramatic change" in /er"onality leading to un/recedented
/eace, "anity and ha//ine"".
1&erha/" it de/end" on !hat you are trained to loo$ for. =o"t /"ychiatri"t" !ho ha)e
ex/erimented !ith "uch con"ciou"ne""#affecting drug" re/ort danger. =o"t non#
/"ychiatri"t" "ee the"e drug" a" great benefactor" of man$ind. Included in the latter
grou/ are Albert Hofmann, the brilliant bio#chemi"t, !ho fir"t "ynthe"i"ed '- and
&"ilocybin+ Alan ?att", author and /hilo"o/her+ Cobert . de Co//, bio#chemi"t+
Aldou" Huxley, no)eli"t and /hilo"o/her+ and the great American /"ychologi"t and
/hilo"o/her, ?illiam Aame". Al"o included among tho"e !ho hail the humani"tic
/romi"e of con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding drug" are a fe! /"ychiatri"t" !ho ha)e "een
beyond /"ycho/athology to the ada/ti)e /otential" of the human brain.
1o much for the contro)er"ial. Ce"earch and not !ord" !ill re"ol)e the"e i""ue". (ut
let u" loo$ next at the "ecure $no!ledge !hich exi"t" concerning =e"caline, '-,
and &"ilocybin. ?hat are the"e "ub"tance"D acramental food"D -e)ili"h !ea/on"D
?onder medicine"D
1It i" ea"ier to "ay !hat they are not. ,hey are not addicti)e, nor "edati)e, nor
intoxicating. ,here i" no e)idence for any la"ting and )ery fe! tran"ient /hy"ical
effect". E)eryone agree" on one factor*they dramatically alter con"ciou"ne"" and
ex/and a!arene"".
1,here i" a "econd generally "hared conclu"ion. et and "ugge"tibility, ex/ectation
and emotional atmo"/here account for almo"t all of the "/ecificity of reaction. If the
drug#gi)er i" "u//orti)e, o/en, relaxed, then the re"ult" !ill u"ually be /o"iti)e,
educational, dramatically in"ightful. If, on the other hand, the drug#gi)er i" "ecreti)e,
de/er"onali"ed, him"elf fearful of the drug, then the reaction" !ill /robably be
anxiou" and un/lea"ant.
1A" member" of a re"earch /ro3ect "tudying the effect" and a//lication of
con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding drug", !e ha)e had the o//ortunity during the la"t
eighteen month" of ob"er)ing the beha)ioural and /henomenological reaction" of
o)er 300 "ub3ect". A glance at "ome of our re"ult" "ugge"t" that the military
a//lication" of con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding drug" may be limited. ;inety#one /er cent
of the American" !ho ha)e /artici/ated in our re"earch re/ort /lea"ant, in"/irational
ex/erience". E)en !ith no attem/t to be thera/eutic, and !ith only one inge"tion,
20
o)er "ixty /er cent of our "ub3ect" re/ort "ub"e6uent life change" for the better.
1-uring the /a"t t!el)e month" !e ha)e u"ed the"e drug" for rehabilitation /ur/o"e"
in a maximum "ecurity /ri"on. -uring more than 100 indi)idual inge"tion" !ith#
hardened criminal" !e ha)e !itne""ed dramatic in"ight and beha)iour change
reaction".
1'i$e any /roduct of our ad)anced technology, the con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding drug"
can be u"ed to mani/ulate+ to dominate, to frighten or to benefit man$ind. A
hy/odermic "yringe of '- or al$ )accine in the hand" of an enemy can become a
frightening !ea/on. Ho!e)er, the greate"t enemie" of man$ind are ignorance and
fear. In the hand" of the unfriendly, the"e !ea/on"*ignorance and fear*can
/araly"e and de"troy.
1?hat are the /rotection"D Accurate information, o/enly "hared, calm, courageou"
re"/on"e to the e)idence. &"ychiatri"t" and /hy"ician" 9on !hom -r. 'ieberman call"
for re"cue from danger, /erha/" imaginary: can hel/ to the extent they are
collaborati)e, o/en, fearle"" !ith their fello! men. If the American /eo/le are
frightened by /"ycho/athological ob"e""ion" and /"ychiatric "u/er"tition" and ill#$e/t
chemical !arfare "ecret", they can be hurt. ?e are lea"t )ulnerable and "tronge"t
!hen !e are !ell#informed. >act" are the defence again"t any !ea/on, and
/articularly the /"ychological !ea/on" of fear and hel/le""ne"".
1,he fact" about con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding "ub"tance" are not all in yet, but "ome
thing" are clear. &hy"iologically the"e "ub"tance" act mainly on the brain "tem,
di"inhibiting certain regulating, "electing, "creening and controlling mechani"m" that
con"tantly guide our /erce/tion and thin$ing. ,he higher, con"ciou" centre" are free
tem/orarily from the"e artificial re"triction". (eha)iourally the main effect of the"e
"ub"tance" i" relaxation. =o"t of our "ub3ect" are )ery ha//y 3u"t to "it and en3oy the
!orld. ,here i" much le"" tal$ing, much le"" "u/erficial mo)ement or con)er"ation.
'et u" be clear, almo"t all of our "ub3ect" could function )ery ade6uately if called on.
,hey choo"e to relax. &"ychologically the"e ama%ing "ub"tance" ex/and your
a!arene"", they o/en your mind. ,he $aleido"co/ic and com/lex !orld that ha"
al!ay" been there, the /o!erful "en"ation" from e)ery /art of your body and the
unu"ual connection" of thought" and feeling" that are normally ignored come
dramatically into con"ciou"ne"".
12f cour"e the"e ex/erience" can be frightening. If you are not /re/ared, if you do
not $no! !hat i" ha//ening to you and your brain, if you are "truggling to maintain
com/lete )erbal control o)er your "en"e" and your a!arene"", you !ill certainly be
frightened and angry. (ut if you are /re/ared, if you $no! !hat $ind of a chemical
you ha)e ta$en and !hat to ex/ect 9!hich mo"t "ub3ect" /artici/ating in /"ychiatric
re"earch !ith the"e "ub"tance" do not:, if you do relax, then the ex/erience can be
!onderful, enlightening, and life#changing. If an enemy doe" dro/ '- in the !ater
"u//ly and if you are accurately informed and /re/ared, then you ha)e t!o choice".
If you ha)e the time and inclination you "hould "it bac$ and en3oy the mo"t exciting
education ex/erience of your life 9you might be fore)er grateful to the "aboteur:. If
you don1t ha)e the time or the inclination for thi" /lea"ant and in"ightful ex/erience,
then "!allo! a tran6uilli"er 9!hich i" a good antidote: and you1ll be bac$ to the
/ro"aic reality. ,omorro! the drug" and the counter#drug" may be different, but the
/re"cri/tion i" the "ame.
1If an enemy introduced a con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding drug into a military command
centre, our leader" 9if they are accurately informed and ex/erienced about the
/otential" of ex/anded a!arene"": might find that men in certain $ey /o"ition" could
function better. In fact, !e mu"t a""ume that the"e "ub"tance" are no! being u"ed
by our "/ace agency for the /re/aration of co"monaut", !ho !ill certainly undergo
altered "tate" of con"ciou"ne"" in "/ace ex/loration.
1<our brain i" your o!n. Intelligent, o/en collaboration can ex/and your mind*!ith
!ord" and !ith drug". 2nly ignorance and mi"information can allo! "omeone el"e to
control it*!ith their o!n !ord" or !ith their drug" or !ith their imaginary fear".1
21
igned7
,imothy 'eary
8eorge 'it!in
=ichael Holling"head
8unther ?eil
Cichard Al/ert
Har)ard Hni)er"ity
3. 'eary >lie" hi" Aolly Coger from the I)y ,o!er
19I2
A" the Har)ard &"ychedelic &ro3ect gre! in both number" of /eo/le and "e""ion", and a" !e
become more a!are of the effect" of the"e drug", it "eemed that the hinterland of the
1/"ychedelic mind1 i" not the ob"cure fore"t in !hich (la$e "a! hi" tiger, nor the dream#!orld
from !hich Eoleridge con3ured the my"terie" of Ehri"tabel and Nubla Nahn. It !a" a /lace
altogether different, and much more my"teriou".
?e "tudied the re/ort" from "tudent" u"ing '- or /"ilocybin, and began to chart ma/" of their
interior "/ace 9!hich !e al"o com/ared !ith our o!n ex/erience":. ?e !ere ho/eful that "ome
of the my"tery !ould thereby be re)ealed to u", for the 1/"ychedelic ex/erience1 loo$" intelligible
enough. (ut here !e came to certain other reali"ation". ,hat thi" 2ther ?orld i" )ibrant !ith
"trange energy tran"formation" and exi"t"*if it exi"t" at all*in another dimen"ion of mind or
"elf+ li$e the in"ide of an atom, it i" a "/ace fore)er recreating it"elf and it" o!n my"tery. ,he
more !e began to /eer into it, the le"" !e could actually 1"ee1. It "eemed to /roceed, under
/retence of "ho!ing you ho! it !or$", to di"/lay a "erie" of much more "ur/ri"ing !orld". It might
be called a more or le"" 1magical /re/aration1.
All !e could "ay at thi" time !a" that thi" 2ther ?orld could be ex/erienced a" the moment !hen
one emerge" from the /ri"on of 1limited mind1 and become" identified*by the "im/le"t but mo"t
inten"e of the act" of mental life*!ith the 1limitle"" mind1, !hate)er it may be, ho!e)er "light.
And !e felt thi" form of identification or "en"e of 1onene""1, far from being an ac6uired or learned
"tate of mental di"ci/line, !a" a natural "tate, the only true natural "tate for man to be.
It !a" then but a "hort "te/ from thi" reali"ation to indi)idual member" of the /ro3ect lin$ing their
"ecret 1/"ychedelic life1 to the (eyond. And all "ort" of claim" on behalf of '- et al. !ere made
on the cam/u". ome ad)ocate" of the /"ychedelic ex/erience "ugge"ted that 8od may him"elf
be at !or$ in the"e biochemical com/ound", and !ould 6uote the !or$ of ?. ,. tace, ?illiam
Aame" e)en Henri (erg"on, in "u//ort of their gro!ing my"tical belief". &rofe""or Hu"ton mith
of =.I.,. "aid that the "ub3ecti)e drug ex/erience" are "ometime" 1"tri$ingly li$e tho"e re/orted by
my"tic", "eer", and )i"ionarie" of the /a"t1. And in an exten"i)e 6ue"tionnaire "tudy of eighty#t!o
"ub3ect" !ho too$ /"ychedelic" at Har)ard, the follo!ing 1my"tical1 characteri"tic" !ere cited by
!ell o)er half the "ub3ect" a" occurring 16uite a lot1 or 1among the mo"t im/ortant a"/ect" of my
ex/erience17 loss of time sense/ ob'ects snore significant and beautiful/ being able to operate out
several levels at once/ e9treme pleasure, ecstasy, cosmic 'oy, paradise/ feeling of being very
wise, knowing everything/ feeling that nothing need be said.
According to >reud, at the ba"i" of the human /er"onality lie" "ex and aggre""ion, the t!in /ole"
of dee/ con"ciou"ne"" around !hich !e re)ol)e. (ut !e found that !hen the ego#/er"onality
!a" ri//ed a!ay com/letely, !hich can ha//en during an inten"i)e '- ex/erience, !hat !a"
left !a" 1/ure"t lo)e1 and a "en"e of onene"" !ith all li)ing creature". ;o "ex+ no aggre""ion.
ub3ect" felt free of anger, /ity, and di"gu"t. It !a" a" though the "u/remely ordinary human
a"/iration to be free could be reached, albeit only briefly, by mean" of the"e drug", !hich i"
/erha/" !hat >reud meant !hen he al"o "/o$e of 1the ;ir)ana in"tinct1 in man, thi" yearning for
/eace !hich lie" at the )ery core of our being. It ha" al!ay" "eemed to me a /ity that >reud did
not !rite more about the my"tical or "/iritual dimen"ion" of $no!ing, for he !a" ob)iou"ly a!are
of the exi"tence !ithin realm" !hich do not ea"ily fall into the categorie" of /"ychoanaly"i".
(ut in ;e! England in 19I2 the "ub3ect of my"tici"m !a" one that, for mo"t /eo/le, !a"
22
"ynonymou" !ith religiou" faith. And "o it !a" rather natural for /ro3ect member" to turn to
"/iritual ma"ter" in order to hel/ them identify the nature of their ne! ex/erience", !hich !ere
not li$e anything they had e)er imagined before. It !a" the "tart of their "earch for an an"!er to
the riddle of con"ciou"ne"" or for the 8rail, a" for "omething from the "$y. ,hey felt certain in
their o!n mind" that !hat they had undergone !a" "omething !hich they had /er"onally
ex/erienced dee/ly, and not really "omething !hich they had done for them"el)e". It !a" a gift
from 8od, a gratuitou" grace, aided and abetted by modern "ynthetic chemi"try. 8od !a" not
only in hi" hea)en all right+ he !a" al"o here !ith each "ingle one of u", but !holly !ithin.
;aturally, the 1good ne!"1 6uic$ly "/read acro"" the Har)ard cam/u", and the "ort of feedbac$
!e got "ugge"ted that the re"t of the faculty thought -r. 'eary !a" "tarting a ne! religion, !ith
/"ychedelic" a" the ne! "acrament". And to the re"t of the /"ychology faculty, thi" !a" ab"olute
here"y.
Accordingly, !e began to ex/eriment clo"er to home, a" it !ere, trying to find other area" in
!hich the"e "ub"tance" could be u"ed, /articularly tho"e !ith di"tre""ed or hel/le"" /eo/le, for
!hom life had become one long unrelie)ed "truggle. uch !a" the ca"e !ith /ri"oner" at the
maximum "ecurity /ri"on at Eoncord, 3u"t north of (o"ton.
,im 'eary had had the good )i"ion to "ee that if a large#do"e acid "e""ion could hel/ end#of#the#
line alcoholic", it might al"o !or$ !ith 1hard#core1 criminal recidi)i"t". And he had "/elled out a
re"earch /ro3ect, u"ing /"ychedelic", to the official" at the =a""achu"ett" -e/artment of
Eorrection, the -e/artment of 'egal =edicine, and to the head of the Har)ard ocial Celation"
-e/artment. After a lot of ha""le and red#ta/e cutting, the /ro/o"al !a" acce/ted+ and thu"
began a uni6ue and )ery "ucce""ful ex/eriment.
?e "tarted "lo!ly, !ith "mall grou/" of three or four /ri"oner" and t!o member" of the Har)ard
grou/ 9!ho at thi" time included, in addition to 'eary and my"elf, -r. Allan Eohen, -r. Alfred
Al"chuder, -r. 8eorge 'it!in, -r. Cal/h =et%ner, -r. 8unther ?eil, and -r. Cal/h ch!it%gebel,
!ith -r. =adi"on &re"nell a" the medical and /"ychiatric ad)i"er:. ?e !ould u"ually !or$ in
/air", and go to the /ri"on t!ice a !ee$, !ith one of the day" gi)en o)er to running the /ri"oner"1
/"ychedelic "e""ion", !hich !ere held in a loc$ed room in the /ri"on ho"/ital, and one of the
day" de)oted to /lanning future "e""ion" or in follo!#u/ di"cu""ion".
I am not a /"ychologi"t and it !ould be ridiculou" if I !ere to attem/t to gi)e a "cientific a//rai"al
of the Har)ard#Eoncord /ri"on /ro3ect. (ut one thing i" certain, the "e""ion" 1!or$ed1 in the "en"e
that )ery fe! of the inmate" !ho under!ent the inten"i)e '- or /"ilocybin "e""ion" e)er came
bac$ 9!hich !a" the !hole /oint of the exerci"e:. tati"tically, fifty to "e)enty /er cent of inmate"
/aroled or relea"ed return !ithin a fi)e#year /eriod, !ith a nation!ide a)erage of "ixty#"e)en /er
cent. ?e found that one and a half year" after the termination of our /ro3ect the return rate had
been reduced to "e)en /er cent, !hich i" a com/letely ob3ecti)e index of "ucce"". Ho! did !e
achie)e the"e re"ult" D
After an initial di"cu""ion meeting !ith an inmate, !hen he !ould be told about the drug" and the
$ind of effect" they /roduced, !e !ould then meet three or four more time" to /lan hi" "e""ion.
?e ex/lained to him ho! he !ould 1lo"e hi" ego1 and "oar off into 1non#game1 !orld" of
ex/erience, and ho! thi" !ould enable him to "ee him"elf and hi" criminal game" !ith greater
clarity. ?e al"o encouraged the /ri"oner" to /ro/o"e the $ind of change" they !ould li$e to "ee
ha//en !ithin them"el)e", !hich might ta$e the form of a hefty outh (o"ton American Iri"hman
"aying 1I !ant to under"tand !hat drin$ing mean" to me1 or a coloured inmate from 8eorgia 1I
!ant to get o)er my /aranoia1. ?e !ould al"o dra! 1internal ma/"1, huge circle" in !hich !e
could fill in the ex/ected /o"iti)e change" and note area" of the /er"onality be"t a)oided in a
"e""ion.
2n the day of the "e""ion, !e !ould get to the /ri"on early, and after chatting to the guard" a" !e
mo)ed through the different loc$ed door" to the /ri"on ho"/ital, !e !ould a""emble the grou/ of
/erha/" "ix inmate"+ and then all ta$e the /"ychedelic*!hich included, of cour"e, our"el)e",
"ince only by ta$ing the drug !ith them could their fear and "u"/icion and /aranoia be a)erted.
,he /hy"ical "etting !a" the be"t !e could do under the circum"tance"*!e "/read mattre""e"
all o)er the floor, /layed ta/ed /o/ and Indian mu"ic, made "ure that the "e""ion !ould not be
interru/ted by )i"itor" or guard" and thu" that the atmo"/here !ould be relaxed and o/en and
/ermi""i)e.
?e found that it !a" be"t not to really do anything during the "e""ion, exce/t be there and gi)e
23
rea""urance to anyone !ho "tarted getting /aranoid or fearful+ e)eryone !a" be"t left free to
ex/lore !hate)er material came u/, !hether it be entirely /er"onal or in)ol)e /er"onal i""ue"
!ith any of the other" /re"ent. ?e found that in a benign, "u//orti)e, friendly "e""ion and !ith a
fa)ourable mental "et on the /art of each "ub3ect, the drug /roduced a detachment from
e)eryday thought" and action" !hich !a" correlati)e !ith an increa"e in degree" of
reflecti)ene"" and in"ight" into normal beha)iour /attern" and in turn o/ened u/ the !ay for the
con"truction of alternati)e".
>or tho"e of u" re"/on"ible for conducting the "e""ion", our orientation !a", to 6uote 8erald
Heard, the (riti"h /hilo"o/her !ho fir"t introduced Aldou" Huxley to me"caline, 1 . . . concerned
but not anxiou", intere"ted but not engro""ed, diagno"tic but not critical, a!are of the "eriou"ne""
of !hat i" being con)eyed and all the more inca/able of coldne"" or "hoc$, aloofne"" or di"may1.
(ut !hat about the inmate, for !hom the /"ychedelic ex/erience came a" "omething not far
remo)ed from, if not actually a$in to re)elation D I thin$ for the ma3ority the ex/erience !a"
inten"e and highly emotional, !ith hallucination" of colour", of /o"iti)e and frightening "cene"+
yet it a//arently "timulated them to do "ome thin$ing about their li)e" and !hat they !ere doing
!ith them. 2ne inmate, !ho initially /re"ented the cla""ic /icture of a 1hardened criminal1 of the
!ell#$no!n American )ariety, emerged from hi" hea)y "hell a" a "en"iti)e, lonely, child#li$e
human being. At the time !hen I !a" feeling highe"t I had a terrific feeling of "adne"" and
loneline"", and a feeling of great remor"e at all the"e !a"ted year" . . . and of the har"h and
brutal thing" I ha)e done in order to "ur)i)e at all.... 1 2r another, a t!enty#eight#year#old coloured
brother !ho !a" "er)ing a fi)e#year "entence for robbery and had attended a "chool for retarded
children till the age of "e)enteen7 1I $e/t "aying to my"elf in thought*!here do you belong D
?here do you belongD1 And yet another inmate, a forty#eight#year#old man "er)ing time on
charge" of theft, forgery, larceny and e"ca/e !ith a /rior hi"tory of thirty arre"t", the fir"t one
being at the age of t!el)e7
1 . . . before ta$ing thi" drug my thin$ing al!ay" "eemed to tra)el in the "ame circle"*
drin$ing, gambling, money and "ex, I gue"" !hat you1d call a fa"t life. ;o! my thought" are
troubled and at time" 6uite confu"ing, but they are all of an hone"t nature, and of !ondering. I
feel "omeho! detached no! from /ri"on life, unintere"ted in gambling or e)en tal$ing to the
other con", exce/t tho"e in the grou/. I thin$ I no! $no! !hat I !ant to be and I am "incere
in my mind !hen I "ay that I !ant to ma$e it "o. (ecau"e the drug o/ened my mind and I got
a better under"tanding of my"elf and al"o of the other /eo/le in the grou/, I no! feel free to
"ay and di"cu"" thing", !hich you generally do not do.1
9He !a" di"charged a fe! month" after hi" fir"t "e""ion and obtained a 3ob !ith a con"truction
com/any+ he !or$ed ten to thirteen hour" a day and one month later he !a" /romoted to
a""i"tant foreman. A fe! month" later he became a""i"tant coo$ in a large re"taurant. ,en year"
later he !a" "till out and running hi" o!n auto body /aint "ho/.:
(ut /erha/" the mo"t intere"ting of all the /ri"oner" !ho too$ /art in the /ro3ect i" Aimmy
Nerrigan, one of the 1notoriou"1 Nerrigan (rother", a "afe#crac$er and /art of the Iri"h mafia, !ho
i" "till "er)ing out hi" "entence, e)en a" I !rite the"e line", "ome t!el)e year" after the e)ent" I
ha)e been de"cribing. ?hen the /ro3ect terminated, !hich it did !ith 'eary1" di"mi""al from
Har)ard, Nerrigan continued the /rogramme but !ithout u"ing drug", and "tarted a grou/ !ithin
the /ri"on called ,he Eoncord elf#-e)elo/ment 8rou/ to a""i"t it" member" to "ort out their
li)e"1 /rioritie" and to gi)e guidance on 3ob#getting and ho! to 1go "traight1. He got together thi"
grou/ com/o"ed of inmate", "tarting !ith the one" !ho had been in the drug /rogrammer !ho
then )oluntarily /ledged them"el)e" to hel/ each other find a ne! direction in life that !ould not
automatically lead "traight bac$ to /ri"on. I recently recei)ed a brochure from Aim in !hich the
aim" of -8 are "/elled out. It end" !ith a li"t of 6ue"tion" that each member ha" to a"$ him"elf,
fir"t alone and then !ith the re"t+ and 1a hy/othetical ca"e hi"tory17
,HE &EC2;A' A;A'<I
l. A= I ?I''I;8 ,2 8E, H2;E, ?I,H =<E'> >2C ,HE &HC&2E 2>
8E,,I;8 ,2 N;2? =<E'> A;- 2,HEC (E,,ECD
2. -2 I I;EECE'< ?A;, ,2 HE'& =<E'>D
24
3. -2 I ;EE- HE'& ,2 -2 2D
4. ?HA, NI;- 2> HE'& -2 I CEA''< ?A;,D
.. EA; I 8AI; I, ,HC2H8H ,HI &C28CA==ED
I. ?HA, -2 I CEA''< ,HI;N 2> =<E'> A I A= ;2? D
7. ?HA, ACE =< CEA' =2,IBE >2C A2I;I;8 ,HI 8C2H&D
5. ?HA, EA; I H2;E,'< -2 ,2 I=&C2BE =<E'>, A;- A= I ?I''I;8 ,2 ,C<D
9. EA; I BIHA'IE ?HA, 'I>E &C2(A('< H2'- >2C =E I; ,HE >H,HCE A ,HI;8
;2? ,A;-D
10. ?H2 (EI-E =<E'> EA; AI- =E I; CE#E,A('IHI;8 A 822- 'I>E I; ,HE
>H,HCED
11. ?HA, -2 I H2;E,'< ,HI;N EAHE- ,HE ,C2H('E I A= &CEE;,'< I;D
12. A= I ?I''I;8 ,2 EPA=I;E ,HE EAHE A;- ,C< ,2 H;-EC,A;- ,HE= A ,HE<
CEA''< ACED
13. H2? =HEH 2> =< 'I>E HA (EE; ?A,E- ,HC2H8H =< 2?; =I=A;A8E=E;,1D
14. -2 I ,HI;N A, ,HI ,I=E =< 'I>E ;EE- ,2 E2;,I;HE I; A -2?;?AC- =A;;ECD
1.. I A BA'I- A&&C2AEH ,2 E'>#H2;E,< CEA''< ;EEEAC<D
1I. -2 I ?A;, ,2 ,HI;N &2I,IBE'< ,2?AC- -EBE'2&I;8 =<E'>D
,HE H<&2,HE,IEA' EAE HI,2C<
;A=E7 Aohn -oe
A8E7 Any year"
2EEH&A,I2;7 ;one
&C2&EE,7 ;one
CE'I8I2;7 All religion"
EP&ECIE;EE7 'yman, hirley, Eounty Aail, <..-. 9<outh er)ice (oard:
A2( EP&ECIE;EE7 Ce"taurant !or$er, "toc$ boy, di"h!a"her, labourer
EH22'I;87 Ith to 10th 8rade
A&ICA,I2;7 ;o !or$, rich !ido! or drift and "ee the tate", "teal !hen nece""ary
>A=I'< ,IE7 =other, father, brother", "i"ter", loo"e relation"hi/. Cather tra)el or 1cut out1 on
one1" o!n
CEH',A;, I,HA,I2;
In Eoncord, fi)e year", indefinite "entence, feeding off fanta"y and delu"ion for the mo"t /art+
identified !ith the 1boy"1+ "ati"fied !ith "en"e of belonging to rebelliou" fragment" of "ociety+ 1real1
/eo/le are /eo/le in trouble, in 3ail. ,he re"t are 1!ay out1. ;o communication )ia legitimate
channel" nor re"/ect for norm" of community.
,HECA&< H88E,E-
Ceduction of fear, fanta"y, and hang#u/", )ia o/en di"cu""ion" in "mall grou/, !ith trained
inmate" 9A A1"+ Har)ard Ex/erimental 8rou/+ 'egal =edicine: !ho !i"h to /a"" it on. Era"h
/rogramme 9cla""e" t!o hour"+ once, t!ice, or more often /er !ee$: to!ard" "elf#de)elo/ment,
con"ideration of /ro/er goal" and attainable achie)ement" tailored to )ariable indi)idual /otential.
Ceadine"" for follo!#u/ out"ide /rogramme. >inally, acce/tance of "ocial norm" !ith re"/ect for
"elf and other" in all area" !orthy of "ame.
It "eemed to me then, a" indeed it "till doe", that '- can be u"eful if it hel/" a /er"on free
him"elf of hi" habitual /attern" of thought or "ome $ind of 1ab"olute1 "en"e of identity in order to
"ee a"/ect" of hi" life and reality a" it concern" him /er"onally. It i" u"eful for !hat it can yield in
term" of "elf#under"tanding, and i" fruitful if it cau"e" "omeone in a bad life "ituation to exert
him"elf to o)ercome it and learn ho! to ada/t the ne! in"ight" to hi" need". I thin$ that /erha/"
for the ma3ority of the thirty or "o /ri"oner" !ith !hom K had "e""ion" at Eoncord, "omething
ha//ened during their ex/erience that too$ them beyond the fal"ification" of rote#con"ciou"ne""
and, in time, led them indi)idually to achie)e a "im/le a!arene"" and e)en affirmation of the
!orld. ,here i" a little light burning in each one of u" !hich i" "omething !e are all too inclined to
25
forget, though !ith "ometime" 6uite terrible con"e6uence". And if a /"ychedelic#a""ociated
/rogramme i" "ho!n to hel/ 1hard#core1 con" regain the lo"t light of that !hich ma$e" them truly
human, then it i" "ad !hen /olitic" and uncon"ciou" attitude" !or$ again"t tho"e !ho !ould li$e
to "hare "omething of their ex/erience and $no!ledge in /reci"ely the"e human area". If !e call
a man an animal and then /ut him behind bar", !e "hould not, after all, be too "ur/ri"ed if later
he react" again"t u" !ith ferocity+ it i" /erha/" "ignificant that Eharle" =an"on "/ent o)er fifteen
year" in"ide )ariou" 3ail" before he let the "ociety of /lain and ordinary /eo/le $no! /reci"ely
!hat $ind of animal they had turned him into, though our admiration can be gi)en to "uch men a"
8eorge Aac$"on, Eldridge Elea)er, Huey ;e!ton, Aimmy Nerrigan !ho, de"/ite ab"olutely
dehumani"ing condition" o)er long /eriod" of time, !ere nonethele"" able to detach them"el)e"
"ufficiently from the 1/ri"on "y"tem1 and $ee/ "ome $ind of light of humanity burning !ithin
them"el)e", "ufficient at any rate to /re"er)e their "anity. &erha/" man$ind need" to di"co)er a
ne! culture of humanity before it i" all too late in a !orld that finally "ubmerge" into dee/ening
chao", !hich !ill only ha//en if !e find alarm#cloc$" "ufficiently /o!erful to !a$e u" from the
"ort of "lee/!al$ing exi"tence !hich no!aday" /a""e" for 1normality1.
Enough, enough+ let u" /a"" on or rather bac$ to the Har)ard of 19I2 and try to under"tand ho!
'- hel/ed "/a!n a 1generation of )i"ionary maniac !hite mother country do/e fiend roc$ and
roll frea$"1.
I had got to $no! 'eary 6uite !ell by no!+ not only !a" I in"talled a" a member of hi" hou"ehold
in the (o"ton "uburb of ;e!ton Eenter" but I !ould accom/any him each day to the Har)ard
office, !hich !e no! ran a" a "ort of command head6uarter" for /lanning "e""ion". ,here had
been a ra/id acceleration of intere"t in the drug /rogramme, and it !a" not long before !e had a
con"tant "tream of )i"itor" a"$ing about '- and /"ilocybin, and their a)ailability.
(ut /erha/" one of our mo"t curiou" )i"itor" !a" a young man called ?alter &ahn$e, !ho !a",
incidentally, both an =.-. and a (achelor of -i)inity. He !a" al"o a candidate for the &h.-. in the
&hilo"o/hy of Celigion at Har)ard, had "tudied Ehri"tian my"tical literature and had e"tabli"hed
nine categorie" !hich he felt de"cribed a genuine my"tical ex/erience. It no! occurred to him
that if a grou/ of extremely religiou" indi)idual" !ere to ta$e a /"ychedelic drug, then they too
might al"o ha)e a genuine my"tical ex/erience. He !anted to $no! !hether 'eary !ould hel/
him run a drug ex/eriment for t!enty di)inity "chool "tudent" from the Ando)er#;e!ton
,heological eminary, ten of !hom !ould be gi)en a /"ychedelic, and the other ten an
am/hetamine. ,he /lan !a" to run the "e""ion on 8ood >riday in =ar"h Eha/el at (o"ton
Hni)er"ity, a long#e"tabli"hed =ethodi"t#affiliated in"titution. It !a" a breathta$ing /ro/o"al,
though it only too$ ,im thirty "econd" to agree !holeheartedly and commit him"elf to /lanning the
"e""ion.
?e had by thi" time run or arranged o)er one thou"and /"ychedelic "e""ion" for /er"on" from all
!al$" of life, including fifty "cienti"t", 6uite a number of arti"t" and mu"ician" and !riter", "ixty#
nine full#time religiou" /rofe""ional". ?e al"o had a religiou" ad)i"ory committee that included
t!o college dean", a di)inity "chool /re"ident, three uni)er"ity cha/lain", an executi)e of a
religiou" foundation, a /rominent religiou" editor, and "e)eral di"tingui"hed religiou"
/hilo"o/her". ?e felt that !ith all thi" ex/erience !e could co/e !ith any drug#a""ociated
contingencie", including thi" one. ,hi" /articular "e""ion !a" to be later "en"ationali"ed in the
American /re"" a" 1,he =iracle of =ar"h Eha/el, though /erha/" the only real miracle
"urrounding it !a" the one of actually getting ?alter &ahn$e1" &h.-. di""ertation acce/ted.
A" I !a" to be one of the 1guide"1, I !a" naturally )ery curiou" to meet the t!enty "tudent" !ho
had )olunteered to ta$e /art in thi" ex/eriment. 2ur fir"t meeting too$ /lace at the ,heological
eminary, and ,im began to ex/lain a little about the /hy"ical and "ub3ecti)e effect" of
/"ychedelic", though none of the "tudent", I belie)e, had e)er ta$en anything "tronger than an
a"/irin in their li)e". ,here !ere one or t!o 6ue"tion", but on the !hole the grou/ "eemed
relaxed if not actually loo$ing for!ard eagerly to !hat !a" to become for them a mo"t memorable
8ood >riday. 2ne of their /rofe""or", -r. ?alter Elar$, !ho had him"elf u"ed /"ychedelic", !a"
careful to /oint out that it "hould not be belie)ed that /"ychedelic drug" are in them"el)e"
religiou". He "aid it !a" a bit li$e organ mu"ic, !hich may be the mean" to a religiou" ex/erience
for "ome /eo/le. He al"o "aid that drug" had been u"ed in e"oteric religiou" ritual", from the
day" of anti6uity right u/ to (o"ton in 19I2, 1/re"umably a" a "timulu" to religiou" ex/erience1.
26
-uring any /rofound emotional ex/erience, he /ointed out, religiou" or other!i"e, chemical or
hormonal bodily change" occur. 1>urthermore, !e $no! that the natural chemi"try of the body
include" biochemical "ub"tance", $no!n a" indoles, !hich are "imilar in "tructure to the
con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding chemical" and "eem to be a""ociated !ith "ome of the "ame
/"ychological "tate" a" tho"e /roduced by '- and /"ilocybin. ,he 6ue"tion then immediately
ari"e" !hether a naturally#occurring exce"" of the indole" might not /redi"/o"e "ome /eo/le to
certain $ind" of my"tical ex/erience or !hether a my"tical "tate of mind might not, on the other
hand, "timulate chemical change" in the body.1
All the "tudent" again agreed to ta$e /art )oluntarily in a "y"tematic demon"tration of the
religiou" a"/ect" of a /"ychedelic re)elatory ex/erience along the line" !e had "ugge"ted.
It !a" a double#blind ex/eriment. ,he "tudent" !ere di)ided into fi)e grou/" of four /er"on",
each grou/ !ith it" o!n guide, !ho met !ith them before the "e""ion for orientation and
/re/aration.
>inally, on the day, !e all arri)ed at 10.00 a.m. at the Eha/el. E)eryone "eemed "eriou", almo"t
re)erential, and -r. &ahn$e bu"ied him"elf !ith the /re/aration of the drug", !hich he !a" to
admini"ter. ,here had been a la"t#minute fla/ !hen Har)ard Hni)er"ity 2fficial", an ad hoc faculty
grou/ 1to ad)i"e and o)er"ee1 future drug "tudie", headed by -r. Cobert (ale", refu"ed to relea"e
to the ex/erimenter" the "u//ly of drug" held by -r. -ana >arn"!orth, head of the Har)ard
Health er)ice and one of the /rotagoni"t" of the &ahn$e ex/eriment. ;e)erthele"", after
re/re"entati)e" had been de"/atched to round u/ a "ufficient 6uantity of 1non#Har)ard1 acid, there
!a" enough to go round, mo"tly from my mayonnai"e 3ar.
,he "e""ion too$ /lace in a "mall, /ri)ate cha/el "ited underneath the main building, one hour
before noon on 8ood >riday, !ith the re)erent "ound of the "tory of Ehri"t /i/ed in by
loud"/ea$er". ,he "er)ice !ould la"t for three hour" and !ould con"i"t of /rayer", "/o$en
meditation" and reading" from the (ible, /eriod" of "ilent meditation, and religiou" mu"ic. ?e
!ere a"$ed by the mini"ter to maintain a re)erent "ilence during the "er)ice. =y little grou/ of
four !ere among"t tho"e !ho recei)ed the /"ychedelic 9neither the "tudent", guide", nor
ex/erimenter $ne! beforehand !ho recei)ed the /"ychedelic:+ but it !a" /retty ob)iou" after
about thirty minute", !hen one of my "tudent" normally a "hy, "en"iti)e /er"on, gi)en to reading
aloud large /a""age" of -onne1" /oetry, "uddenly began to tear the button" off hi" 3ac$et and
declared that he !a" a fi"h. Another "tudent had mean!hile "li//ed "ilently off the /e! on to the
Eha/el floor, !here he began to "lo!ly gyrate li$e a huge "na$e. ,he other t!o "eemed 6uite
o$ay+ one !a" "itting bolt u/right, hi" eye" "taring fixatedly at the huge crucifix on the high altar,
an in"ane grin on hi" face, and !ith hi" hand" cla"/ed tightly together, a" though clutching hi"
la"t remaining 4. note+ !hil"t the fourth member lay "tretched out and a" "tiff a" a board on an
em/ty /e!, a /o"ition he "omeho! managed to retain during the entire "er)ice, and then only
coming to again after a huge in3ection of ,hora%ine had been admini"tered.
I finally managed to "ubdue the "tudent tearing off hi" button", but not before he had remo)ed all
of them off both hi" coat and hi" trou"er" and thro!n hi" dental /late at the altar, much to the
"ur/ri"e of the "tudent" !ho had been gi)en the am/hetamine, !ho "at huddled together in the
front /e!", ner)ou" and not )ery "ure about !here their o!n head" !ere at.
,here !a" of cour"e 6uite a lot of acti)ity going on !ith the other grou/" !ho had been gi)en the
drug, almo"t total confu"ion, in fact !ith "ome of the "tudent" climbing acro"" the /e!", and one
actually "tanding facing the crucifix, arm" "tretched out a" if "omeho! able to identify /hy"ically
!ith Ehri"t and hi" "uffering on the cro"". 2ne "tudent e)en managed to get out"ide the Eha/el
and !a" almo"t $illed !hen he !al$ed into the traffic on (o"ton1" Eommon!ealth A)enue,
1belie)ing he !a" Ehri"t and nothing could touch him1.
>inally, at t!o o1cloc$, !hen the "tory of Ehri"t had reached it" conclu"ion, !e all retired to an
ad3oining room for di"cu""ion"+ "ince many of the "tudent" !ere "till com/letely under the
influence of the drug, ho!e)er, !e decided in"tead that !e "hould all dri)e bac$ to ,im1" hou"e,
!here our girl#friend" had arranged a !ine#and#chee"e lunch, !hich !e could ha)e !hil"t ta$ing
turn" to "tay !ith tho"e !ho !ere "till out of it.
9?hile mo"t religiou" leader" !ould /robably be unenthu"ia"tic o)er the idea of the drugged
a//roach to religion, Archives of "eneral 3sychiatry re/orted that earlier that year one la!"uit
brought attention to a /a"tor !ho told hi" congregation that '- could bring them clo"er to 8od.:
>or 'eary, the 8ood >riday "e""ion !a" "omething of a /er"onal trium/h, and he began
27
increa"ingly to "tudy literary account" of religiou" ec"ta"ie" from "uch /en" a" tho"e of
?ord"!orth, ,enny"on, Birginia ?oolf, and e)en E. &. no!, a" !ell a" /er"onal ex/erience"
from cla""ical my"tic" li$e ,ere"a of A)ila, )an Cuy"broec$, &lotinu", and aint Augu"tine+ he !a"
al"o at thi" time getting into Ea"tern my"tical thought and read exten"i)ely from the 4ao 4e Ching,
I Ching, Bedanta, the !hagavad "ita, Ehri"t1" ermon on the =ount, Qen, (uddhi"m, ufi"m,
Hindui"m and "o forth. He belie)ed at thi" time that in '- he had found a truly religiou"
1"acrament1, and one not too different from the Bedic oma, the -iony"ian nectar, the 8ree$
ambro"ia, the =exican mu"hroom, the Ced Indian1" /eyote, or the Ehama Indian1" ayahua"ca.
1?hen the day come"*a" it "urely !ill*that "acramental biochemical" li$e '- !ill be a"
routinely and tamely u"ed a" organ mu"ic and incen"e to a""i"t in attainment of religiou"
ex/erience, it may !ell be that the ego#"hattering effect of the drug !ill be dimini"hed,1 he later
!rote, and added 1uch may be one a"/ect of the /aradoxical nature of religiou" ex/erience.1
,hi" call for acce/tance of '- a" an aid to genuine "/iritual re)i)ification !a" not only /ic$ed u/
by many /eo/le "ee$ing an"!er" to their o!n "/iritual /roblem", but al"o by "ome of hi"
/rofe""ional colleague" !ho !ere in all other re"/ect" highly cautiou" "cienti"t". Indeed, one of
them, -r. >ran$ (arron, a di"tingui"hed member of ,he Eentre for Ce"earch in &er"onality at
(er$eley, !rote the follo!ing7 1,here i" a ne! time coming, and !e "hall $no! it !hen it ha//en",
!hen '- i" inter/reted by tho"e !ho u"e it a" the "ource for the energy that i" to tran"form
human con"ciou"ne"".1
(ut it mu"t al"o be a//reciated that /art of the /roblem 'eary faced at thi" time !a" in finding a
1model1 acce/table to "ociety at large in !hich '- could be legitimately u"ed. And religion
certainly "eemed more /romi"ing a" a /ro"/ect than /"ychology, de"/ite the drug1" /romi"e a"
an 1ad3unct1 to /"ychothera/y, /ri"oner rehabilitation, and the treatment of alcoholic"+ be"ide"
!hich, he !a" coming in for con"iderable critici"m from many "ector" of the American academic
community, !here it !a" !idely belie)ed that the drug "e""ion" at Har)ard !ere being run
nonchalantly and irre"/on"ibly. -r. Herbert E. Nelman, a lecturer in ocial &"ychology at Har)ard,
re/orted he had ob"er)ed that graduate "tudent" !ho had had '- ex/erience" had formed a
clanni"h 1in"ider grou/1, and !rote7 1I doubt !hether thi" /ro3ect i" carried out /rimarily a" an
intellectual endea)our or !hether it i" being /ur"ued a" a ne! $ind of ex/erience to offer an
an"!er to man1" ill".1 Aohn H. =onro, dean of Har)ard Eollege, !rote a letter to the editor of 4he
Harvard Crimson ne!"/a/er, !arning of 1the effect" of '-, /"ilocybin, me"caline and other
mind#di"torting drug",1 !hich 1 . . . ha)e been $no!n to inten"ify "eriou"ly a tendency to!ard
de/re""ion and to /roduce other dangerou" /"ychotic effect".1
<et religion !a" "till )ery much a ne! area for 'eary. I thin$ hi" "cientific training !a" the "ource
of hi" thoroughne"" and e)en of hi" originality a" a tal$er, for on the !hole he did not al!ay" !rite
)ery !ell. ,here !a" al!ay" a hint of 3ournali"m in !hat he !rote, a too#ea"y tendency to "lac$en
off for long /a""age" at a time, into 3u"t "omething not far remo)ed from the 3argon of the hi/"ter,
and the related facility that "ugge"t", if not exactly $no!ingne"", at lea"t a feeling that he i" ne)er
at a lo"", an e""entially 1olym/ian1 /re/aration. He !a" a follo!er of =ao and -iony"u", >reud
and E/icuru", and thi" !a" ne)er more a//arent then !hen he tried to define the religiou"
"ituation. It !a" difficult to ta$e him "eriou"ly a" a 1/ro/het1 or a 1holy man1 or a 1high /rie"t1+ it !a"
ea"ier to "ee him a" an in"/ired im/re"ario, an A//olinaire, or a Eocteau. <et he "ought to find a
common ground on !hich both "cience and religion could meet.
1cience i" a "ocial "y"tem !hich e)ol)e" role", rule", )alue", language, "/ace#time location"
to further the 6ue"t for the"e goal"*the"e an"!er". Celigion i" a "ocial "y"tem !hich ha"
e)ol)ed it" role", rule", ritual", )alue", language, "/ace#time location" to further the /ur"uit of
the "ame goal"*the re)elatory ex/erience. A "cience !hich fail" to addre"" it"elf to the"e
"/iritual goal", !hich acce/t" other /ur/o"e" 9ho!e)er /o/ular:, become" "ecular, /olitical,
and tend" to o//o"e ne! data. A religion !hich fail" to /ro)ide direct ex/eriential an"!er" to
the"e "/iritual 6ue"tion" become" "ecular, /olitical and tend" to o//o"e the indi)idual
re)elatory confrontation.1
He found it hard to "ee ho! hi" re"ult"*!hich read7 "e)enty#fi)e /er cent 1"/iritual re)elation1*
could be di"regarded by tho"e !ho !ere /rofe""ionally concerned !ith "/iritual matter" and
indi)idual religiou" de)elo/ment. (ut di"regard them they did.
28
,hu", far from con)incing e)erybody that the ;e! Celigion i" really dedicated to the idea that !e
"hould only thin$ of !ay" in !hich to bring#each other u/, not do!n, he only "ucceeded in /utting
u/ /eo/le1" bac$". ,he /roblem !a" to find a "ufficient number of /eo/le left !ho !ould li"ten to
!hat he had to "ay. And /art of thi" difficulty !a" due to a lac$ of au"terity in the /re"entation,
!hich alone guaranteed# /ublic di"cu""ion though not nece""arily of a $ind calculated to /roduce
either con"en"u" or rational in6uiry. <et de"/ite 'eary1" )ariou" re"ource" of hone"ty and
intelligence, hi" 6ue"t for under"tanding mu"t in "ome "en"e be a fru"trating one. ?hate)er hi"
idea" or ideal", no t!o authoritie" "eemed to agree !ith one another and each !ould be the fir"t
to declare that he alone "/o$e !ith authority. 1'ot" of blac$"mith" !ho"e mono/oly i" threatened.1
'eary felt that '-1" "ignificance lay beyond all "ocial analy"i" and all /"ychological categorie"
and, "ince the drug ex/erience !a" com/letely uni6ue, a ne! model !a" needed, a ne!
"tructure. It /re"u//o"ed a readine"" on the /art of tho"e !ho u"ed it to underta$e a "erie" of
ne! de/arture", /er/etual readine"" to ex/o"e one"elf to ne! mental dimen"ion", e)en to ne!
form" of 1reality1. In that "en"e, no t!o "e""ion" are e)er the "ame+ each one /ro)ide" an entirely
/er"onal, and at time", highly idio"yncratic encounter !ith the "elf, !ith each /er"on becoming
hi" o!n ex/lorer. o that each "e""ion act" a" a bridge bet!een one reality and another, and to
the internal )oyager re/re"ent" /erha/" an attem/t to /enetrate into the dee/er reality belo! the
external" of egocentric con"ciou"ne"". And thu" the )oyager return", bringing bac$ an in)enti)e
fertility and di)er"ity of ex/erience" to tal$ about, to illu"trate, through art, through !ord", through
mu"ic, through being.
A" a "eriou" !riter, 'eary had to thro! a!ay the chance of "educing reader" or li"tener" !ith too
ready#made a )ie! of human categorie". Again and again he demanded that the reader, too,
o/en him"elf to the ne! and unfamiliar, a" indeed he had done him"elf. He began to "/ea$ of
1=an1" >ifth >reedom*the freedom to u"e your o!n head and on your o!n term"1, and of 1,he
&olitic" of Eon"ciou"ne"" Ex/an"ion1. And the more he u"ed !ord", the le"" the clarity of
ex/re""ion. 1?e mu"t entertain non)erbal method" of communication if !e are to free our
ner)ou" "y"tem from the tyranny of the "tifling "im/licity of !ord",1 he !rote in an article
/ubli"hed in 4he Harvard 5eview. He !anted the freedom to li)e clo"e to the hermetic and the
incommunicable and e)en to the refu"al of all language. Eertainly, !ithin tho"e of u" u"ing '-, it
!a" de)elo/ing a ne! "en"ibility, a ne! a!arene"", there !a" "omething !hole"ome about it,
"omething healthy and )ital. It had laid claim to ne! area" of it" o!n, and !e !anted to "hare our
$no!ledge !ith the !orld. Berbal tric$" !ere out. ?e had to ma$e of our language an entirely
ne! in"trument of communication, "omething to be underta$en in the "/irit of rene!al, !ith a $ind
of re)erence !hich you find in act" of faith. ,he freedom !e "ought !a" not the freedom to "ay or
do !hat !e li$ed, but freedom a" a )alue 9internal freedom:, "omething intangible yet al"o
"omeho! more real. ?e "a! that the traditional mean" for ex/anding or contracting
con"ciou"ne"" "uch a" the /rinting /re"", the tele)i"ion "creen, the radio tran"mitter, the mo)ie",
!ere re"tricted by la! and remained under go)ernment control. Ho! then !ere !e to change thi"
"ituationD >or the /ur/o"e" of de"cribing the /"ychedelic ex/erience in 19I2, he had no
language, no trained o/erator", 3u"t a )i"ion that a ne! language !ould ine)itably de)elo/ to
tran"figure e)ery one of our "ocial form".
1It i" /o""ible that in t!enty year" our /"ychological and ex/eriential language 9/itifully "mall
in Engli"h: !ill ha)e multi/lied to co)er realm" of ex/erience and form" of thin$ing no!
un$no!n. In t!enty year", e)ery "ocial in"titution !ill ha)e been tran"formed by the ne!
in"ight" /ro)ided by con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding ex/erience". =any ne! "ocial in"titution" !ill
ha)e de)elo/ed to handle the ex/re""ion" of the /otentiated ner)ou" "y"tem.1 9'eary:.
&erha/" becau"e /oetry i" mo"t re"/on"i)e to the change of human "en"ibility or a!arene"",
and i" the only true ad)ance guard of language today, much of the ne! 1)i"ionary1 /oetry i"
!ritten in line" of "im/le !ord a""ociation", that i", !ith the /oet ta$ing hi" ea"e among !ord"+ he
/refer" a lim/id image !hich float" rather than run", an image more natural than /reci"e, and in
general "tri)e" for a direct, le"" intellectual ex/re""ion or emotion. He "ee" the mani/ulati)e
)erbal machinery for !hat it i", an ego#oriented, aggre""i)e, goal#oriented, fear#ridden, guilty,
uncon"ciou" u"e of language. According to the American /oet, 8erde tern, 1In a !orld of
29
"imultaneou" o/eration" you don1t ha)e to be fir"t to be on to/. ?e are dealing !ith !ord a" it
exi"t" in our o!n !orld a" an ob3ect in "ight and "ound. ,hi" i" a uni6ue role for the !ord, !hich
before our time ha" been a thing of thought and breath or !ritten and /rinted on /a/er, more of a
/ri)ate ex/erience than in /ublic media li$e billboard", "ign", radio and tele)i"ion. =o"t /eo/le
"till long for a !orld of one#thing#at#a#timene"".1
(ut it !a" not only true for /oet". Arti"t", too, !ere ha)ing to read3u"t their !or$ to match their
ne! in"ight", find ne! form" of ex/re""ion, u"e no)el techni6ue" to de"cribe thi" bra)e ne!
!orld of "en"ory ex/erience. ,hey needed an art that !ould reflect a dee/er layer of
con"ciou"ne""+ colour and e"/ecially "ha/e or form became in them"el)e" more meaningful than
any ob3ect they might re/re"ent. 1&hotogra/hic1 imitation" of a//earance" !ere le"" intere"ting
than /attern" of colour !hich ha)e a /o!er to mo)e u" and in !ay" !hich !e little under"tand.
,he /"ychedelic arti"t !a" 1a!are1 of "en"ory /attern" in the inten"e !ay that the ,antric arti"t i"+
that i", he created hi" art out of !hate)er it !a" that he had di"co)ered !ithin him"elf, !hich in
turn !a" commen"urate !ith an increa"e in degree" of reflecti)ene"". ,he arti"t !ho 1turned on1
to hi" o!n /"ycho"omatic body !anted to recreate thi" ex/erience immediately in )i"ual term"
!hich electricity made /o""ible. He !a" no longer "urface#bound to a /iece of can)a" or to
imitation" of the !orld of external a//earance" for he had become more uni)er"al*no! he could
"oar off into the"e ne! "en"ory realm" of human ex/erience. He under"tood the meaning of "uch
!ord" a" 1liberation1 and 1freedom1, not only !ith reference to hi" o!n life but in the life of hi" art.
And he $ne! that the )i"ible form !ould ha)e to be a direct ex/re""ion of the 1electric1 1/ul"ating1
centre of !hich he had become a!are. ,hu" it might "eem to tho"e !ho "a! art a" "im/ly
1image"1 or a"/ect" of nature, that the /"ychedelic arti"t*!ho flooded the room !ith colour,
mo)ement, "ound, and light*!a" unconcerned !ith outer form, and of cour"e they !ere right.
>or /"ychedelic art i" ex/re""i)e of an inner rhythm, li$e that of mu"ic. And the "/ectator !ho i"
not /o""e""ed of a "elf#con"ciou" "imilar to the arti"t1", !ill ne)er under"tand !hat re"/on"e i"
ex/ected of him. >or the /"ychedelic arti"t i" learning ho! to ma$e him"elf /art of the my"tery of
hi" o!n being by 1"eeing1 it, li)ing in it+ here can be no "en"e of "e/aratedne"", no difference
bet!een 1=e1 and 1,hee1*1?e are all one,1 he "ay"+ 1the art, the "/ectator, and the arti"t are one.
,hreefold Al!ay".1
,hi" may go "ome !ay to ex/laining the !ide"/read u"e of /"ychedelic" at /o/ concert", for truly
great /o/ mu"ic mu"t /re"ent a frame to enable the "/ectator to merge !ith the "ound and the
colour, and the mu"ician achie)e" authenticity by mean" of the language of 1)i"ual mu"ic1
ex/re""ed in the beautie" of hi" !orld of electronic "imultaneitie" 9Aimi Hendrix:.
It !ould be a mi"ta$e "im/ly to di"mi"" thi" ;e! High Art a" an art of nai)etO, mental or logical
deficiency, or general benightedne"" "ince it /re"u//o"e" that the "/ectator ha" al"o been able
to mo)e beyond hi" ordinary relati)e )i"ion and i" thu" able to get into the in)i"ible force" !ithin
hi" o!n dee/e"t "elf in order to 1"ee more "eeingly1. And it i" the /"ychedelic ex/erience that
free" one, albeit tem/orarily, of any 1ab"olute1 "en"e of identity in order that one may "oar off into
the flux.
,he /"ychedelic arti"t !ould rather "ee hi" art a" "omething that aro"e out of the alembic of "elf,
a" a /iece of reality "al)aged out of the flux, !hich manife"ted it"elf in hi" con"ciou"ne"" from the
hidden de/th" of hi" being, "ome!hat "imilar to the ca)e /ainting" of /rimiti)e man, !hich al"o
aro"e out of the ex/erience of li)ing. He i" trying to ex/re"" "omething in a non#conce/tual,
highly#figurati)e and often emoti)e !ay, through "ymbol" !hich may them"el)e" be magical, i.e.
that ha)e the /o!er to turn us on.
,he /"ychedelic arti"t" had found a mean" of communicating directly !hat they had ex/erienced
internally. (ut !hat of the re"t of u" D A" 'eary /ut it*
1?e are, in a real "en"e, /ri"oner" of our cogniti)e conce/t" and "trategie". &a""ed on from
generation to generation. ,he cogniti)e continuity of hi"tory. 2ur current reliance u/on
"ub"tanti)e and Mclo"ing#offM conce/t" !ill be the amu"ed !onder of coming generation".
1,he danger i" not /hy"ical or /"ychological, but "ocial /olitical. =a$e no mi"ta$e7 the effect
of con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding drug" !ill be to tran"form our conce/t" of human nature, of
human /otentialitie", of exi"tence. ,he game i" about to be changed, ladie" and gentlemen.
=an i" about to ma$e u"e of that fabulou" electrical net!or$ he carrie" around in hi" "$ull.
&re"ent "ocial e"tabli"hment" had better be /re/ared for the change. 2ur fa)ourite conce/t"
30
are "tanding in the !ay of a floodtide, t!o billion year" building u/.
1'et1" try a meta/hor. ,he "ocial "ituation in re"/ect to con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding drug" i"
)ery "imilar to that faced "ixty year" ago by tho"e crac$/ot )i"ionarie" !ho !ere /laying
around !ith the hor"ele"" carriage. 2f cour"e, the automobile i" external child1" /lay
com/ared to the unlea"hing of cortical energy, but the "ocial dilemma i" "imilar.1
9It !a" thi" /articular /a""age !hich finally con)inced the Har)ard hierarchy that &rofe""or 'eary
!a" no! ob)iou"ly "uffering from real hallucination" and that he had to go@:
1,he claim !a" made in 1900 that the motor carriage, accelerated to "/eed" "e)eral time"
that of the hor"e#dra!n )ehicle, !ould re)olutioni"e "ociety. Im/o""ible to conce/tuali"e
becau"e in 1900 !e /o""e""ed no conce/t" for the"e /o""ibilitie". (ut !e al!ay" ha)e the
"tandard ob3ection" to the non#conce/tual. >ir"t of all, !e ob3ect to the danger"7 high "/eed"
!ill "na/ ner)ou" mind", ga" fume" are fatal, the noi"e !ill /re)ent co!" from gi)ing mil$,
hor"e" !ill run a!ay, criminal" !ill ex/loit the automobile.
1,hen the /uritanical ob3ection7 /eo/le !ill u"e car" for /lea"ure, for $ic$".
1,hen !e 6ue"tion the utility7 !hat can !e do !ith "/eedy carriage" D ,here are no men to
re/air them. ,here are no road", fe! bridge". ,here are no "$illed o/erator". ,he "u//ly of
fuel i" "mall. ?ho !ill "ell you ga" D
1,hen !e rai"e the /roblem of control7 !ho "hould be allo!ed to o!n and o/erate the"e
/o!erful and dangerou" in"trument" D &erha/" they "hould be re"tricted to the go)ernment
elite, to the military, to the medical /rofe""ion.
1(ut !hy do !e !ant car" any!ay D ?hat i" !rong !ith the good old buggy D ?hat !ill
ha//en to coachmen, blac$"mith", carriage#ma$er"D
1,he automoti)e )i"ionary of l900 could ha)e /ointed out that hi" "ce/tical o//onent had no
conce/t", no "ocial "tructure" to im/lement the"e /o""ibilitie". Cemember, if one tal$" about
ex/erience" and /ro"/ect" for !hich the li"tener ha" no conce/t", then he i" defined 9at be"t:
a" a my"tic. 2ur automoti)e my"tic "ixty year" ago !ould ha)e a""erted the need for a ne!
language, ne! "ocial form", and !ould ha)e /redicted that our large"t national indu"try
!ould ine)itably de)elo/ out of thi" )i"ion.
1Ean you imagine a language !ithout "uch !ord" a" con)ertible, tudor "edan, 8eneral
=otor", H.A.?., tandard 2il, "u/erhigh!ay, /ar$ing tic$et, traffic courtD ,he"e mo"t
common/lace term" in our /re"ent culture !ere my"tical image" three generation" ago.
1,he /olitical i""ue in)ol)e" control7 automobile mean" that the free citi%en mo)e" his o!n car
in external "/ace. Internal automobile. Auto#admini"tration ,he freedom and control of one1"
ex/eriential machinery. 'icen"ing !ill be nece""ary. <ou mu"t be trained to o/erate. <ou mu"t
demon"trate your /roficiency to handle con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding drug" !ithout danger to
your"elf or the /ublic.
1A final hint to tho"e !ho ha)e ear" to hear. ,he o/en cortex /roduce" an ec"tatic "tate. ,he
ner)ou" "y"tem o/erating free of learned ab"traction i" a com/letely ade6uate, com/letely
efficient, ec"tatic organ. ,o deny thi" i" to ran$ man1" learned tribal conce/t" abo)e t!o billion
year"1 endo!ment. An irre)erent act. ,ru"t your inherent machinery. (e entertained by the
"ocial game you /lay. Cemember, man1" natural "tate i" ec"tatic !onder, ec"tatic intuition,
ec"tatic accurate mo)ement. -on1t "ettle for le"".1 9,he &olitic" of Eon"cience Ex/an"ion1,
Har)ard Ce)ie!, Bol. I ;o. 4, &age" 33#37.:
I thin$ 'eary !a" mo"t /ro/hetic !hen he noted one of the occu/ational ha%ard" of the '-
game*1<ou are more li$ely to find the e)olutionary agent" clo"er to 3ail than the /rofe""or1"
chair.1 It i" true, of cour"e, that unli$e more traditional occu/ation", the '- one i" not one in
!hich you normally get "moother and "moother !ith ex/erience, li$e a doctor1"7 it i" 9to u"e
'eary1" meta/hor of the automobile: nearer to motor#racing, in that the change" are "o ra/id, the
cur)e" "o "udden, and demand" an immediacy of re"/on"e, a 6uality of "heer ner)e*attribute"
not often maintained indefinitely at to/ /itch. &erha/" it i" all /art of the /ilgrim1" /rogre"" !hich,
though undoubtedly /referable in many re"/ect" to the /o)erty endured by Cenoir and &i""aro,
(la$e and Artaud, i" li$ely to de"troy more talent", in the end, than it nurture".
And here again, !e began to get echoe" bac$ from different /art" of the !orld, from /eo/le !ho
"eemed able to identify !ith the me""age !e !ere "ending out. I "till $ee/ a letter !e recei)ed
31
from Alfred chmiele!"$i <ogi, the iddha 8uru from Eanada, !ho had no doubt" about the
efficacy of /"ychedelic"7 1&"ychedelic drug",1 he !rote, 1are the brea$through of the age" and
re/re"ent an all#im/ortant contribution to racial hi"tory. Here "eem" to exi"t after a billion year" of
uncon"ciou" e)olution an in"trument that man can u"e to e"tabli"h control of racial
uncon"ciou"ne"". =an can no! "ay that the race can control it"elf, it" uncon"ciou" /roce""e".
,hi" di"co)ery !ill be the birth hour of the co"mic hi"tory of the human "/ecie". ?ith thi"
in"trument, man can con6uer the "tar".1
Another related area, though not nece""arily al!ay" drug#related, !a" being de)elo/ed brilliantly
by Connie 'aing, =.-., in 'ondon, and Ao"e/h (er$e, =.-., in ;e! <or$, namely, the ex/loration
of the ex/erience of 1going#into#madne""1, !ith madne"" being "een a" 1a fundamental human
ex/erience rooted in an untenable intra/"ychic and inter/er"onal "ituation.1 ,he /o""ibilitie" for
madne"" a" enlightenment could no! be di"cu""ed.
Aoe !rote to me about "ome of thi", and "aid he !a" trying to get a cour"e together at >H;<
9>ree Hni)er"ity of ;e! <or$: in !hich 1madne"" !ill be "een a" a $ey to under"tanding the entire
/anorama of M/"ycho/athologyM.1
?hil"t it !a" /o""ible for u" to ob"er)e that the drug re"earch area !a" one com/o"ed of a !ide
range of sub rosa acti)ity, uto/ian dream", my"tical a"/iration", and ordinary )ague enthu"ia"m,
inter/enetrated by a certain atmo"/here of /er"onal life#rene!al, !e al"o belie)ed that young
/eo/le, /articularly intellectual" and arti"t", !ere loo$ing increa"ingly in!ard and bac$ into their
archety/ical /a"t, turning, a" it !ere, to!ard" the inner life )ia the u"e of mind#altering
"ub"tance", 3u"t a" in the thirtie" many young intellectual" turned to the inner life )ia the church.
(ut !hat "ort of churchD And !hat "ort of a religion could contain the 1'- "acrament1 D
Increa"ingly, it "eemed, the an"!er" to the"e 6ue"tion" !ere coming from the Ea"t, mo"t
/articularly from ,ibet, through the e"oteric teaching" of the 8reat =antra and "/inning#to/ "ound
of the uni)er"e7 2= =A;I &A-=E HH=.
?e found that many of the )i"ionary "tate" ex/re""ed in the ,ibetan doctrine" de"cribed "tate" of
con"ciou"ne"" !hich com/ared fa)ourably !ith induced )i"ionary "tate" recorded by many of our
religiou"#minded "ub3ect". And in the =ahayana (uddhi"t text !ardo 4hodol, !e found a mo"t
accurate de"cri/tion of the 1going#out#of#the#body1 ex/erience" a" !ell a" an entire "ymbology of
1ego#death1 and 1rebirth1+ it !a", after all, a ,ibetan in"truction manual for the /re/aration of one1"
o!n death, the office" of afterlife, and in"truction" for rebirth. ?e found the"e ,ibetan image" and
thought /attern" conduci)e to flexible thought, and !e began to di"cu"" "uch matter" a"
incarnation, 1!hite light1, death, !ithout embarra""ment. 2f thi" a//arent un"elf#con"ciou" u"e of
highly#charged, emoti)e, tabu !ord" and !orld", Cichard Al/ert once told a maga%ine re/orter7
1,!o year" ago, if a guy came to me, li$e they do no!, tal$ing funny, I !ould ha)e thought he !a"
nut". (ut !hat i" a nut D ,hey1re all on the "ame 3ourney to the Ea"t that !e are. ,hey may come
a" a guy !ith a beard and a motorcycle or a ,ibetan 'ama. (ut !e1re in communication !ith
e)eryone a"$ing 6ue"tion"7 ?hat doe" it mean to truly be D ?hat i" man1" /otential D1
And of the !ardo 4hodol ;4he 4ibetan !ook of the Dead<,8erald Heard !rote that it /ro)ided a
method7
1!hich can gi)e u" e""ential aid and guidance in and for the mo"t )ital and mo"t neglected
/ha"e of our li)e".... (ut ho!e)er nece""ary it i" that our American and, indeed, all our
Mmoderni"edM "ocietie" be taught ho! to get o)er our death /hobia and "o to be freed from
the ridiculou" tabu#di"hone"tie" !hereby !e attem/t to di"gui"e our rightful exit, !e "hall not
try thi" method and undergo thi" training unle"" !e can be rea""ured on t!o /oint", unle""
t!o 6uite "en"ible 6ue"tion" can be an"!ered, t!o rational ob3ection" be met.
,he fir"t i"7 MHo! can a ?e"terner acce/t the (uddhi"t, oriental, /e""imi"tic, /re#modern,
/re#"cientific )ie! of life7 namely, that the be"t thing to do !ith it i" to get rid of itDM
,he "econd 6ue"tion run"7 M8ranted, that out of the /"ychological method" de)elo/ed by
(uddhi"m a )alid terminal thera/y could be extracted, !hat u"e could that thera/y be to any
but the old DM1
In 19I2, the younge"t and mo"t ty/ical ?e"terner, the American, !a" the mo"t "incere of human
being". Hi" /otentialitie" !ere unlimited, and in a !orld of gro!th they had a right to exi"tence.
He !a" mo)ing into a ne! age, a ne! culture of "incerity+ the harmony ba"ed on heteronomy of
32
the adult "ociety !a" to become tran"formed into one ba"ed on autonomy, !hen e)eryone could
do hi" o!n thing and not be thought of a" either dangerou" or cra%y, and that all truth !hich !a"
acce/ted /re)iou"ly on the "trength of authority !ould in future become /er"onal recognition
through the de)elo/ment of /er"onal "elf#con"ciou"ne"". If man i" to "tand on hi" o!n t!o feet,
autonomou", com/letely re"/on"ible for e)erything that he !ill", thin$" and doe", then he mu"t
be com/letely con"ciou" of hi" cau"e" and rea"on". He !ould ha)e to de)elo/ a "y"tem of
thought that deal" !ith true bondage in a true !orld, !hil"t at the "ame time aim for the "/iritual
"tate of no#game, no#ego, the ultimate liberation and the )ery highe"t form" of maturity. 2nly
along "uch a /ath can a ne! order de)elo/, the 2=#HH= of /re"ence and lo)ing /roce"".
After 1.0 year" of fanatical exactitude in hi" con6ue"t of the !orld of a//earance", ?e"tern man
!a" "tarting to di"co)er that he could ex/lore in!ardne""+ though of "ignificance he $ne! little a"
yet. (ut ha)ing once /ercei)ed it a" a /o""ibility at all, then he !ould u"e hi" ingenuity to find
/erfect ex/re""ion for it, and e"tabli"h the /erfect harmony bet!een e""ential being and the
!orld of external /henomena. ,he affecti)e "/iritual "tate !a" not to be found in the great
in"titution" of theology, !hich in fact no one inhabit", but there, in"ide the "elf. He found in hi"
confrontation !ith the 1Boid1, thing" !hich alone di"clo"ed the nature of reality to him. He !a" no
longer a "tranger to him"elf, a ci/her lo"t on the face of an inhuman uni)er"e, a /u//et furni"hed
!ith a name.
9Excer/t from a /o"t#"e""ion Ce/ort:7
1,hi" !a" the dee/e"t drug "tate. ,hing" became confu"ed a" to time and "e6uence. I ha)e
almo"t no recall of !hat I !a" "eeing at thi" time, and only feeling !a" im/ortant. I !a"
"eeing something.It "eemed that !hen I cried a !hole ne! !orld unfolded and the fa"cination
!ith the figure !a" lo"t. I became /art of a )a"t uni)er"e, dra!ing my energy from the earth.
,he order of thing" and in thing" became )ery clear. 'o)e and hate !ere )ery im/ortant a" I
entered thi" "tate and "eemed to be cla!ing at my bac$ in order to gain control of the )ery
core of me, a brilliant "/inning core of energy. >rom here, /robably a" a re"ult of being able
to cry. I began contem/lating the infinite "orro! of being alone. I felt, ho!e)er, that infinite
"orro! !a" the $ey to o/en the door of under"tanding, li$e !a"hing the eye" "o you could
"ee. I felt if you could "uffer an infinite amount of "orro! and be /atient enough to !ait an
eternity, you could under"tand the meaning of thing". Ho!e)er, for me in thi" "tate, finding
the real meaning of the !orld no longer "eemed im/ortant, but only being /art of it my"elf, a
dot in the co"mo", and feeling the com/lete harmony of e)erything, both in"ide and out"ide,
and $no!ing that becau"e there !a" "uch com/lete order I did not ha)e to !orry about
my"elf. ,here !a" a "en"e of a lac$ of gra)ity and I !a" "/inning, or rather "/inning and
floating at the "ame time around the earth, "omething li$e a "atellite. I felt comfortable here in
"/ite of the $no!ledge that from here I could not communicate !ith other" becau"e all /eo/le
!ere 2ne and a /art of the )a"t energy of the !orld, a" I !a". Energy "im/ly i"+ it exi"t" but
ha" no ca/acity or !i"h of communication+ it ha" no !ay of communicating. -eath of the
body !a" not im/ortant here. It !a" a )ery !onderful feeling to be able to gi)e my energy
bac$ to the earth !here it had originally come from.1
Elearly, after "uch an ex/erience there could be no return to a culture ba"ed on authority and
blind "urrender to a regime !here /er"onal o/inion i" largely erroneou". Eourage and
truthfulne"", and they alone, accelerate the /roce""e" of e)olution. It i" in the nature of thing"
that e)en our mi"ta$e" mu"t turn into ble""ing", !hich /re"u//o"e" a morality in the uni)er"e
"ome!here. And any crudene"" i" largely due to our "incerity. ?e do not $no!, a" they do in
(engal, ho! to unite externally meta/hy"ical truth and telling lie", or, li$e the Ehine"e, ho! to
maintain outer face !ithout breach of faith, !ithout e)en 6ue"tioning to !hat extent it corre"/ond"
to inner /er"onal truth". Accordingly, loyalty to one1" o!n /ri)ate belief" and em/irical truthfulne""
are among our highe"t ideal".
?e had a lot of con)incing te"timony by /eo/le, im/re""i)ely intelligent !here academic and
!orldly achie)ement" are concerned, !hich encouraged u" to belie)e that in '- !e had a ne!
chemical tool for human ex/re""ion and de)elo/ment.
Although the comment" and reflection" are 6uite di)er"e, !e felt on the ba"i" of our e)idence
that, in the aggregate, the a//eal i" one in !hich humani"tic )alue" /re)ail. o far from the '-
33
ex/erience nece""arily being the !ithdra!al of the mind from reality, it brought it, for certain
/eo/le, once again into an enriched e)eryday life. And for "ome of u" !or$ing !ith '- at
Har)ard during thi" time, !e belie)ed !e had found a mean", on a manageable "cale, !ith !hich
our ?e"tern $ind of ci)ili"ation could be rene!ed by the di"co)ery of ne! my"terie", by the
undemocratic but "o)ereign /o!er of the human imagination, by the undemocratic /o!er !hich
ma$e" /oet" the unac$no!ledged legi"lator" of man$ind, the /o!er !hich ma$e" all thing" ne!.
?e could feel "omeho! that !e !ere in)ol)ed in nothing le"" than 1,he 8reat ?or$ of =agical
elf#'iberation1 of the ,ibetan doctrine !hen the eye" of the "/irit !ould become one !ith the
eye" of the body, and 8od !ould be in u", not out"ide. 8ntheos= enthusiasm= that !a" the
e""ence of our 1unholy madne""1. And ho! far Har)ard !a" from that ideal !a" the mea"ure of
the defeat of the American -ream.
It "eemed the more !e "tudied the re/ort", the more !e reali"ed that no 6uic$ rational
ex/lanation !ould "uffice to co)er the range of the emotional /o!er of '- on the human
/"yche. E)erything "ugge"ted '- had a different meaning for different /eo/le, a different
meaning for different /rofe""ion", and e)en a different meaning for different "ocial cla""e"+
/eo/le "eemed to ta$e it to fill their o!n /articular need".
,he only intellectual danger, it "eemed to me, !a" a tendency on the /art of many "ub3ect"
after!ard" to con)ert the 1inner !orld1 they "a! into a co"y fiction. <et the moment of illumination,
the creati)e )i"ion, the ec"tatic encounter, the ex/erience of true in"ight, i" e""entially brief+ once
achie)ed and ex/re""ed, one i" again bac$ on "6uare one, a )ictim, li$e e)eryone el"e, to the
mercile"" )i"ion of our "ce/tical intelligence, or ambu"hed by "tagnation ;stasis< and de/re""ion.
I al"o had /er"onal re"er)ation" about the claim" made on behalf of '- that it !a" the key to
the religiou" or my"tical "tate or could lead to a truer meta/hy"ic" of being. In 19I2, de"/ite
/erha/" a hundred '- "e""ion", I could "till "ay !ith >laubert, that 1I am a my"tic and I belie)e
in nothing1, or echo the modern >rench exi"tentiali"t, Eoiran, !ho "aid that 12nce !e ha)e cea"ed
lin$ing our "ecret life to 8od, !e can a"cend to ec"ta"ie" a" affecti)e a" tho"e of the my"tic" and
con6uer thi" !orld !ithout recour"e to the beyond.1 >or there i" no e)idence that '- e)er made
nor marred a "aint. Eertainly, 1turning on1 !a" intere"ting for it" u"efulne"", for !hat it could re)eal
in term" of a creati)e under"tanding to tho"e !ho u"ed the /"ychedelic ex/erience for their o!n
/ur/o"e", and could benefit from "uch $no!ledge. (ut real courage and a tremendou" "en"iti)ity
of mind i" needed if one i" going to hurl one"elf into a madne"" that i" not sacred, "ince the
realtem/tation, it "eemed to me, i" to lin$ the /"ychedelic ex/erience to 8od and /re/are to
return to that 8arden of !hich, through no fault of our o!n, !e ha)e lo"t e)en the memory. (ut if
reality "till count" for "omething, then the /"ychedelic )oyager had to become a practical dualist,
!hate)er be the non#dual /hilo"o/hical doctrine" to !hich he intellectually "ub"cribe". It i" true
that at certain /ea$ moment" during an inten"i)e '- "e""ion, it i" only the Clear %ight of the
:oid that alone Is.2ne tran"cend" at "uch moment" the dichotomy "et u/ in one1" mind bet!een
1inner1 and 1outer1 !orld" of ex/erience, and "ee" reality only from the "tand/oint of the my"tical
)i"ion, of the !rahman+ and may ex/erience life beyond all duali"m. (ut after "uch a tri/, !hen
the mountain" are again the mountain", and the la$e" are again the la$e", there i" "till the
em/irical !orld to be dealt !ith+ it doe"n1t di"a//ear li$e the Ehe"hire Eat, lea)ing only an in"ane
grin on your face.
,he )ery nature of the /"ychedelic ex/erience ma$e" it ca/able of /roducing a//arently
im/o""ible effect"*hallucination" are thing" !hich are im/o""ible, !hich can yet "omeho! be
felt a" real. '- exert" an influence o)er con"ciou"ne"" by )irtue of it" /roximity in the blood
"tream, but there i" nothing !hat"oe)er about '-+ it cannot exert )olition on it" o!n+ indeed,
there i" a ca"e for "aying it i" it"elf unconcerned.
Eon"ciou"ne"" re"/ond" to it" influence. ,hi" i" analogou" to !hat i" called in chemi"try catalytic
action. ,he catalytic "ub"tance influence" another by it" /re"ence but remain" unaffected it"elf.
'- i" in thi" "en"e an efficient but not in"trumental cau"e of heightened "elf#con"ciou"ne""+ but
the real /o!er" of con"ciou"ne"" are will, knowledge, action= the"e are the great triangle of
energy, !hich i" "omething $no!n to e)ery ,antric yogin.
,here !a" an attem/t by 'eary, Al/ert and =et%ner to "tart a ne! religion ba"ed on the
/"ychedelic ex/erience, !hich found it" theoretical ex/re""ion in their author"hi/ of 4he
3sychedelic 89perience, a manual ba"ed on 4he 4ibetan !ook of the Dead. ,hey had ada/ted
the cla""ic !or$ of E)an"#?ent% on the !ardo/lane, according to 'ama Na%i -a!a#amdu/1"
34
Engli"h rendering+ but in "uch a !ay a" to turn it into a guideboo$ for /"ychedelic "e""ion". It
contained technical comment" about7 ,he &eriod of Ego lo"" 9>ir"t (ardo:7 ,he &eriod of
Hallucination" 9econd !ardo:7 ,he &eriod of Ce#entry 9,hird !ardo:, follo!ing the ,ibetan
model.
)4he first period ;Chikhai !ardo< i" that of com/lete tran"cendence*beyond !ord", beyond
"/ace#time, beyond "elf. ,here are no )i"ion", no "en"e of "elf, no thought". ,here are only
/ure a!arene"" and ec"tatic freedom from all game 9and biological: in)ol)ement" 91game"1
here are beha)ioural "e6uence" defined by role", rule", ritual", goal", "trategie", )alue",
language, characteri"tic "/ace#time location" and characteri"tic /attern" of mo)ement. Any
beha)iour not ha)ing the"e nine feature" i" non0game= thi" include" /hy"iological reflexe",
"/ontaneou" /lay, and tran"cendent a!arene"":. 4he second 9lengthy: period in)ol)e" "elf,
or external game reality ;Chonyid !ardo<*in "har/, ex6ui"ite clarity or in the form of
hallucination" 9$armic a//arition":. 4he final period ;(idpa !ardo< in)ol)e" the return to
routine game reality and the "elf.... >or the un/re/ared, the hea)y game /layer", tho"e !ho
anxiou"ly cling to their ego", and for tho"e !ho ta$e the drug in a non"u//orti)e "etting, the
"truggle to regain reality begin" early and u"ually la"t" to the end of their "e""ion.1
In other !ord", it" author" "ugge"ted that !e die, creati)ely "/ea$ing, !hen !e cling too fa"t to
the definite. (ut if you cling too long to any idea, e)en to the idea of '- a" a mean" of human
tran"cendence, it can become a chain li$e any other. ,here !ere time" !hen I felt !e had forged
an 1'- chain1 around all our nec$"+ our /roblem !a" !ere !e e)er going to remo)e itD ,he
,ibetan idea of 1ego death1 leading to 1con"ciou"1 ex/erience" in the after#!orld, !ith the
/o""ibilitie" inherent in that "ituation of "electi)e re#li)e", !a" a )ery a//ealing one, though it
reminded me a little of the Iri"hman of 102, !ho, on being a"$ed the "ecret of hi" longe)ity, "aid
that !e "hould 1choo"e our /arent" )ery, )ery carefully1. It "eemed that the "/irit generated in the
generation of the early "ixtie" !a" of a certain ho/efulne"" in the /o""ibilitie" of consciously
ma$ing of their future "omething beautiful rather than bra)e. ,he origin" of the =o)ement are
thu" in the lo)ing direction of concord, better human under"tanding, and brotherly lo)e.
(rotherhood7 each /er"on
o!n" nothing but the !hole.
might "tand for our motto at that time. ublime o/timi"m or "ublime non"en"e D ?ho can really
"ay for "ure D And for the re"t . . . let me 3u"t add the only man !ho managed to li)e !ithout
money !a" Cobin"on Eru"oe. ,herefore, &ractical -uali"m Al!ay"@ ought to be the "logan of our
ne! /"ychedelin6uent youth mo)ement, I belie)e.
oon enough, the "ummer came, the con3unction of my /lanet" "ugge"ted change. >or a little
re"t and recu/eration I !ent to Aamaica, accom/anied by my girl#friend, Naren, !ith !hom I had
been li)ing for mo"t of my time in =a""achu"ett". ,im, Cichard Al/ert, Cal/h =et%ner, 8eorge
'it!in, and indeed the ma3ority of the other member" of the Har)ard &"ychedelic &ro3ect, too$ off
for =exico, more /reci"ely, to coa"tal Qihuatane3o, there to "tart an '- colony along the line"
outlined in Aldou" Huxley1" boo$ Island. It !a" hi"tory1" fir"t organi"ed '- youth colony. And a
re/ort from 8eorge -u"hec$ a//eared in the an >ranci"co +ews0Call !ulletin, /art of !hich I
re/roduce no!7
1-r. A. A. 9Aac$: -o!ning, a to/ an =ateo Eounty /"ychiatri"t and '- ex/erimenter, !a"
among t!enty American" ex/elled from Qihautane3o by =exican authoritie" Aune 1I.
1-r. -o!ning him"elf ha" treated about forty alcoholic" !ith the mindboggling drug at an
=ateo Eounty 8eneral Ho"/ital, !ith Mho/efulM re"ult", a" the +ews0Call !ulletin re/orted la"t
Aanuary.
1He !a" not, ho!e)er, a member of the International >ederation for Internal >reedom,
"/on"or" of the Qihuatane3o '- colony. -r. -o!ning !a" there, in hi" o!n !ord", Ma" an
ob"er)er and in)e"tigator of the grou/ treatment "ituation.... M
1,he coloni"t" !ere "edate, /rofe""ional /eo/le, he re/orted. M,here !ere no beatni$" among
them,M he "aid. M,he ma3ority of them !ere "ucce""ful /eo/le, !ho "eemed to ha)e a
35
religiou" or "elf#im/ro)ement moti)ation in being there.M
1 MQihuatane3o i" a middle#cla"" Aca/ulco,M "aid -r. -o!ning. M,he )ery rich go to Aca/ulco,
tho"e moderately !ell off go u/ the coa"t . . . about 120 mile" north . . . to Qihuatane3o.M
1,here -r. ,imothy 'eary and -r. Cichard Al/ert, both former Har)ard /"ychologi"t", "et u/ a
=exican branch of I>I>, head6uartered in (o"ton.
1,he coloni"t", "creened from thou"and" of a//licant", /aid 4200 a month for food and
lodging, li)ed in one of "e)eral bungalo!" abo)e a beautiful !hite beach, dotted !ith /alm
tree" and cabana".
1 M,here !a" an o/en#air dining room,M -r. -o!ning ob"er)ed. M,he funicular, a little railroad
going do!n to the beach, didn1t run, "o !e had to !al$. ,here !a" lot" of fre"h fi"h, caught in
the bay by Qihuatane3o fi"hermen. ,he "taff !a" friendly and ca"ual. ,he "etting i" lo)ely.M
1,here are four room" to a bungalo!, he "aid. 2ne of the"e !a" "et a"ide for grou/ '-
"e""ion". E)ery morning t!o to fi)e /er"on" !ould gather in thi" room, !ith Hindu /rint" on
the !all, and Hindu !o)en /rint" on t!o double mattre""e" and box"/ring" on the floor. ,he
'- com/anion", including one member of the I>I> "taff, !ould "!allo! li6uid '- and
/lunge into the dream !orld of )i"ion", mind#ex/an"ion, "elf#a!arene"" and my"tical ec"ta"y.
1,he "taff con"i"ted of -r. 'eary, !ho !a" bu"y mo"t of the time "creening a//lication"*
more than .000 !ere recei)ed from all o)er ;orth America*and fending off the curiou"
official" of the =exican immigration "er)ice+ Cal/h =et%ner, a /harmacologi"t, and hi" !ife,
u"an, t!enty#t!o.
12ne of the"e "at !ith the '- grou/, ta$ing the drug al"o, "o a" to be simpatico. ,ho"e !ho
ta$e '- and M"ailM, a" the "aying goe", belie)e that only u"er" can under"tand tho"e !ho
are ta$ing it.
1,he do"age !a" hea)y7 100 to .00 microgram". =ore than 300 microgram" i" con"idered an
o)er!helming do"e by mo"t ex/erienced /harmacologi"t" and /"ychiatri"t". ,here are
t!enty#t!o gram" to an ounce, and a million microgram" to a gram. ,hu", enough '- to
co)er the head of a /in can "end one off li$e an Atla" roc$et.
1A" the hour" !ore on, the grou/ . . . /o""ibly con"i"ting of an actre"", a maga%ine !riter, an
alcoholic bu"ine""man, and =r". =et%ner . . . !ould exchange )i"ion", cry out at "udden
in"ight" of omni/otence and glory, li"ten to a motley collection of record". 8radually, to!ard"
four or fi)e o1cloc$ in the afternoon, the effect of the drug !ould !ear off, and the drug
thera/ee" !ould emerge one by one into the bright =exican e)ening.
1>or tho"e not ta$ing '-, the day !a" relaxed and endle""7 (rea$fa"t at 11.00 a.m., lunch at
3.00 /.m., dinner at 9.00 /.m.
1 M,he atmo"/here !a" highly unu"ual,M -r. -o!ning re/ort". M&eo/le acce/ted one another
!ithout "u"/icion or anxiety. ,hey "eemed )ery o/en, )ery relaxed.M
1E)en !hen immigration official", embarra""ed by "torie" of the '- &aradi"e in the =exican
/re"", mo)ed in to clo"e the I>I> colony on Aune 12, nobody !a" u/"et.
1 M-r. 'eary !a" )ery calm. He !ent to =exico Eity to "ee$ a modification of the order, but
!hen he failed, too$ defeat !ithout bitterne"",M "aid -r. -o!ning.
1,hey all left for =exico Eity on unday, Aune 1I, on a "/ecial -E#3 chartered by immigration
officer". ,he Qihuatane3o ex/eriment had begun on =ay 1.
1 Mix !ee$" i" too "hort a /eriod to mea"ure any re"ult",M "aid -r. -o!ning. MIt mu"t be
regarded a" a ruined ex/eriment. =y o!n )ie! i" that 'eary and Al/ert ha)e de)elo/ed
techni6ue" of /otential )alue. (ut I do not agree !ith them that '- "hould be a)ailable to all
!ho !ant it. It i" a /otent, /otentially dangerou" drug, and "hould be u"ed on an ex/erimental
ba"i" only, by 6ualified /rofe""ional re"earcher".M1
=ean!hile, bac$ in Aamaica, life had become 6uite idyllic for Naren and my"elf+ !e had rented a
beach hou"e at e)en =ile", in the ground" of the Eo/acabana Elub, a /o/ular hang#out and
36
dancing /lace for /eo/le from Ning"ton. ,here !a" a garden abla%e !ith flo!er", and hanging#
/lant" around a )eranda, from !hich !e had a )ie! o)er the ocean and of the (lue =ountain"
behind the hou"e. ,here !a" al"o a "mall /ool for a "!im after coming bac$ from "urfing.
Naren and I "!am, and dug our limb" in the "and, made /ilgrimage" into the bu"h and to the to/"
of mountain", li)ed )ery clo"e to nature, !ith the "un continually !arming both body and mind.
Already !e began to ya!n for the future of man$ind.
(ut i" it /o""ible to get bored !ith a /anorama that i" the "ame )irtually e)ery day D It "eemed to
me after only a cou/le of month" of Aamaican !eather, that the "$y remained an un)aried bright#
clear blue and the "un a bright orange furnace e)ery day+ and I began to yearn for the )arietie" of
nature you find in Euro/e. ,he /ull of home !a" too great. I had to find a mean" of returning,
"omeho!.
Accordingly, I !rote a letter to Eileen 8arrett, a friend, the &re"ident of the ;e! <or$
&ara/"ychology >oundation and a celebrated medium, !ho !a" extremely !ealthy. I "u//o"e my
letter !a" in "ome "en"e a call for a""i"tance, !hich "he re"/onded to immediately by "ending
me a fir"t#cla"" air tic$et to ;ice, and a cable to "ay that her chauffeur !ould /ic$ me u/ and ta$e
me to 1'e &iol1, the head6uarter" of the &ara/"ychology >oundation in >rance.
?hen I arri)ed at ;ice air/ort a fe! day" later I !a" indeed met by a chauffeur and ta$en to !hat
"eemed to be a four#"tar re"taurant, 3u"t out"ide t. &aul#de#Bence. (ut I !a" 6uic$ly rea""ured
by "eeing =r". 8arrett, !ho !elcomed me and ex/lained that "he had built the re"taurant her"elf,
1to /ay the bill"1, and there !ere a number of chalet" in the ground" for gue"t" of her >oundation.
After "e)eral day" there, during !hich I met a number of )ery intere"ting /eo/le, including the
&rofe""or of &"ychiatry at Edinburgh Hni)er"ity, 8eorge Ear"tair", !ho had !ritten a monogra/h
earlier on Daru 9a /otent di"tilled alcohol deri)ed from the flo!er" of the mah!a tree: and !hang
9the Indian name for Cannabis indica: a" a 1choice of intoxicant1 in a )illage in Ca3a"than. ?e al"o
di"cu""ed other name" in both India and el"e!here by !hich Eannabi" i" $no!n*bhang,
charas, gan'a, kif, takrouri, kabak, hashish0el0k if, d'oma , dagga, (amba, grifta, mari'uana,
pot,and e)en the American name* shit. (ut, ala", he !a" not holding at the time, !hich e)er
name you called it.
Any!ay, the outcome of my "tay at 1'e#&iol1 !a" that =r". 8arrett ga)e me a foundation che6ue
in the amount of 43000 to !rite a re/ort on the Har)ard#Eoncord &ri"on &ro3ect, !hich intere"ted
her.
I !a" thu" able to return to 'ondon, cable a tic$et for Naren in Aamaica+ a" it al"o enabled u" to
"/end a )ery /lea"ant autumn in a ba"ement flat in (rom/ton 6uare. I did manage to com/lete
the /ri"on /a/er and "ent it off to ;e! <or$+ my only ac$no!ledgement !a" from the "ecretary of
the &ara/"ychology >oundation, !ho re/lied "aying that my monogra/h read a" 1if it had come
out of an Matomi"erM1+ and !a" a 1literary !or$1 by !hich, a" a "cienti"t, the "ecretary !a" not
much im/re""ed.
After a fe! month", !ith the grant money nearly "/ent, Naren and I decided to return to America,
thi" time to ;e! <or$, !ith /lan" for "etting u/ a 1foundation for mind re"earch1 called ,he Agora
cientific ,ru"t Inc., !here the 1Agora1 in 8ree$ time" !a" a mar$et#/lace, only in thi" ca"e it !a"
a 1mar$et#/lace1 for idea" about the nature of human con"ciou"ne"".
The Man Who Turned on the World
Michael Hollingshead
0' The E1ile's Re2Return
&+,3
2nce more I !andered through the gigantic city of ;e! <or$, and the bu"y arterie" of
=anhattan and it" mighty Eentral &ar$. It !a" Aanuary. And it felt good to be bac$.
I had had 6uite a fe! ne! idea" "ince lea)ing Har)ard about extending the a)ailability of '-
to ne! grou/", organi"ation", and "elected indi)idual", !hich might lead to locating "/ace for
the /"ychedelic ex/erience in modern American "ociety. It !a" clear that if /"ychedelic" !ere
to enter into /ro/er com/etition for "ociety1" mandate, !e !ould need "ome $ind of "tructure
37
to di""eminate our ne! $no!ledge. ,he need for a legal frame!or$ into !hich /"ychedelic"
could be "moothly fitted !a" )ery great indeed, for non#medical u"e of the"e drug", including
'-, !a" not yet go)erned by the >ood and -rug Act*and if !e !ere to u"e our legal
ad)antage" in a collaborati)e !ay, and fa"t, !e might be able to get a /ro3ect off the ground
and circulating through inner "/ace before the la! finally got round to outla!ing their u"e or
amended the Act to /re)ent their u"e for religiou" /ur/o"e".
An American legal authority, Coy E. (ate", !riting about 1&"ychedelic" and the 'a!1*!hat
he called 1A &relude in Jue"tion =ar$"1*comment" on the "ituation of about thi" time, a"
follo!"7
1It may "eem far#fetched but !ould be altogether in accord !ith the 9>ederal:
Eon"titution to organi"e a grou/ a" a church, !ith the /ro"/ect of /ri)ilege.1
And he ba"ed thi" ob"er)ation on a deci"ion by the Honourable <ale =c>ate in 19I0
in fa)our of a member of the ;a)a3o Indian ,ribe a//ealing a charge of illegal
/o""e""ion of /eyote, a "acramental food of the ;ati)e American Ehurch. ,here !a"
al"o another ;a)a3o#/eyote ca"e on the boo$"7 it !a" decided on Auly 2I, 19I2, by
the Hnited tate" -i"trict Eourt of A//eal", -i"trict of Eolumbia Eircuit 9?a"hington:,
to declare a "ection of the Eode of Indian ,ribal 2ffence"*1&eyote Biolation"1 1null
and )oid, in)alidly authori"ed and uncon"titutional1.
A" to "uch religiou" /ractice", ?illiam (la$e 9b. 17.7: ha" thi" to "ay7 1I then a"$ed
E%e$iel !hy he ate dung, and lay "o long on hi" right "ide and left "ide. He an"!ered,
1,he de"ire of rai"ing other men into a /erce/tion of the infinite+ thi" the ;orth
American tribe"1 /ractice.1 ;4he $arriage of Heaven and Hell<.
(ate" al"o noted that
1Inner "/ace la! today 919I3: i" in the "tage of underde)elo/ment outer "/ace la!
!a" in A.-. 1903 !hen the (rother" ?right launched their air/lane at Nittyha!$ or,
/erha/", !hen the (rother" =ontgolfier a"cended in the fir"t air balloon, a hundred
year" earlier. Hntil it ha" matured, "cholar" in "earch of external on behalf of internal
freedom !ill feel fru"trated. ,hey may belie)e them"el)e" to be fugiti)e" from
in3u"tice but in truth are )ictim" of legal confu"ion engendered by the re)er"al of
"cientific ob3ect", from the uni)er"e !ithout to the uni)er"e !ithin. Hntil /"ychedelic"
ha)e found their /lace in la!, a good many concrete 6ue"tion" !ill not be an"!erable
!ith confidence.1
,im 'eary had al"o ta$en note of the legal uncertainty "urrounding the u"e of /"ychedelic
"ub"tance", and !or$ing inde/endently in Eambridge, =a""., "tarted a uni6ue
organi%ation called 1I>I>1 9International >ederation for Internal >reedom: to /reach the
go"/el that man1" "al)ation lie" in the ex/an"ion of hi" o!n con"ciou"ne""*that the
fruit", !hich hitherto ha)e fallen only to the lot of him !ho renounce" the !orld, can no!
be "hared by him !ho /arta$e" of the '- "acrament, and that, no matter ho! little
ha//ine"" can be regarded a" the goal of indi)idual human a"/iration, it i" yet the be"t
mean" to it" attainment. ,hey "ited the I>#I> office" on torey treet*t!o bloc$" from
Har)ard 6uare. 1?e !elcome anyone intere"ted,1 Al/ert !rote in 4he Harvard Crimson.
?hile Al/ert continued to conduct hi" cour"e in moti)ation at Har)ard for undergraduate"
and graduate", and 'eary taught hi" graduate "eminar" in re"earch method", I>#I> "taff
too$ care of en6uirie", official corre"/ondence, and mailing /ac$et" of literature to
Har)ard undergraduate", graduate "tudent", faculty and anyone intere"ted any!here in
the country. ,here !a" an a//lication blan$ for member"hi/ in I>#I> 9due" 410 /er year:,
an 1Agreement to Indemnify and Hold Harmle""1.
A8CEE=E;, ,2 I;-E=;I>< A;- H2'- HAC='E
>or good and )aluable con"ideration, including acce"" to the literature and other facilitie"
of the I;,EC;A,I2;A' >E-ECA,I2; >2C I;,EC;A' >CEE-2=, it" agent",
"er)ant", a""ociate" and em/loyee", I agree to indemnify the "aid I;,EC;A,I2;A'
>E-ECA,I2; >2C I;,EC;A' >CEE-2=, it" agent", "er)ant", a""ociate" and
38
em/loyee", and "a)e them harmle"" for any lo"", damage or ex/en"e" ari"ing from the
claim and demand of any /er"on again"t the I;,EC;A,I2;A' >E-ECA,I2; >2C
I;,EC;A' >CEE-2=, it" agent", "er)ant", a""ociate" or em/loyee", in connection !ith
the u"e of '-, /"ilocybin and related drug".
I ha)e read the information concerning the"e drug" and "ub"tance" and under"tand that
they are cla""ified for in)e"tigational u"e.
-A,E7 ........................ ..............................
?I,;E7
....................................
And me""age" from the Eambridge head6uarter" began to mo)e along the "y"tem,
telling the ne!", of odd ha//ening" in =exico, ho! 1Internal >reedom1 i" going to be li$e
Qen thi" year, and of 1"e)eral million thoughtful /eo/le !ho ha)e heard the 3oyou" tiding"
and !ho are !aiting /atiently for their /"ychedelic moment to come1, for !hom '- i"
becoming a ma3or religiou" and ci)il right" contro)er"y. It !a" a brilliant a"toni"hing
conce/t, e)en by eccentric ;e! England "tandard", and de"er)ed all the "u//ort it could
get+ indeed, it "eemed for "ome of it" member"hi/ to offer the umbrella under !hich they
could en3oy their /"ychedelic ex/erience" !ithout much "/iritual or financial outlay.
(ut e)en in the hand" of ,im, the eternal 3uggler, thing" began cra"hing about their head"
a" 1ne!"1 about I>#I> circulated in the media and through ca"ual go""i/, !hich may or
may not ha)e been true but !a" certainly extra)agant, contradictory, "candalou",
libelou", comic and in"/irational. An I>#I>#'o" Angele" o/ened for the ?e"t Eoa"t. Al/ert
and 'eary !ent on radio in (o"ton to ex/lain their mi""ion. ,ele)i"ion net!or$" !ere
becoming intere"ted, and 1ex/erimental multifamilial li)ing1 u"ing /"ychedelic" began to
"/ring u/ in different /art" of America, along the line" of ,im1" model for
1tran"/er"onati)e, tran"cendental communitie"1 !here family member" could 1maintain a
le)el of ex/erience !hich cut" beyond routine ego and "ocial game"1.
Al/ert, ,im and hi" young daughter and "on, a married Har)ard "enior !ith !ife and
baby, and "e)eral friend" had them"el)e" already "tarted one "uch multi#familial
d!elling, in a hou"e they bought in the ;e!ton "uburb of (o"ton. In it there !a" a
"/ecially con"tructed 1meditation room1 acce""ible from the cellar "olely by a ro/e ladder.
,he only furni"hing" !ere mattre""e" co)ered in Indian /rint", !ith dra/e" billo!ing
do!n from the ceiling li$e ,ibetan cloud", and huge Afghani cu"hion" on the floor. A tiny
oil#lam/ ga)e 3u"t enough illumination to "ee the (uddha "tatue in the corner. ,he
fragrance of incen"e com/leted the effect.
(ut in the rich middle#cla"" (o"ton do)ecote of ;e!ton, the going"#on at the hou"e had
become a "ource of irritation among"t neighbour", including one lady !ho had li)ed for
thirty#t!o year" in a hou"e near -r. Al/ert1" green ten#bedroom home. 1ome !ee$end",1
"he com/lained to one re/orter, 1their hou"e i" li$e a motel. ,hey all !ear a beatni$
uniform*tight /ant" and 3er"ey", no "hoe" or "toc$ing". 2ne young man in hi" t!entie"
i" letting hi" blond hair gro! do!n to hi" "houlder" and e)ery time I loo$ at him I !ant to
)omit.1
>inally the familie" got together for a /etition and in)o$ed a ;e!ton "tatute !hich allo!"
only one#family d!elling" in the neighbourhood. ,here !a" a hearing before the /lanning
board in !hich the coloni"t" !ere re/re"ented by Al/ert1" father, 8eorge Al/ert, former
/re"ident of the ;e! Ha)en Cailroad and a di"tingui"hed member of the =a""achu"ett"
bar, !ith hi" o!n la! firm in (o"ton. ,he elder Al/ert /ointed out that the la! doe" not
"/ecify that familie" mu"t be con"anguine"". And !ith that he !on the ca"e+ there !a"
no further trouble from neighbour" after that.
;onethele"", all thi", and e)ent" bac$ at the I>#I> office", u"ed u/ a lot of /"ychic energy
in tho"e of u" committed to $ee/ the game going. It "eemed that the be"t /lan !ould be
to di""ol)e the cor/orate legal "tructure and announce that from henceforth I>I>
member" could ma$e their o!n !ay in the !orld*3u"t their bodie" and a !illingne"" to
"tay 1on the !ay1, )ery much a" in Hermann He""e1" 4he >ourney to the 8ast.
Accordingly, the organi"ation1" board met to formulate the clo"ing#u/ o/eration and to
"end it" member" the terminating tatement of &ur/o"e".
39
It !a" all /layed a" another con"ciou" mo)e in the co"mic 1bead#game1*Cemo)e the old
1"et1 and avoid "etting u/ a ne! "tructure, and you ha)e a brand ne! mo)ie7 1I>#I> !ill
ha)e no member", no budget, no due", no officer", no meeting". It i" no! an anonymou"
"y"tem+ not "ecret, not /ublic, but /ri)ate. ,he term MI>#I>M no longer "tand" for
International >ederation for Internal >reedom. It "ymboli"e" the Mec"tatic /roce""M a" the
end/oint of any game or a" a /oint of the no#game ex/erience.1
,he ba"ic notion !a" to aim at "ome loo"e a""ociation in being identified a" 1!ayfarer"1,
but !ithout any $ind of "/ecific "tructure anymore, a 1mo)e1 that guaranteed both end and
"tart in one.
It !a" ab"olutely uni6ue. 2nce under"tood, all manner of )arietie" and )ariation" could
be introduced.... E)erybody ha" to find the !ay for him"elf, but can "end me""age" and
cue" from hi" o!n )oyage, li$e internal co"mogra/her" charting ne! internal "ea" of
ex/erience and /erha/" /ointing out "en"ory landmar$" yet no /re"cri/tion, no rigid
/rinci/le", for action. ,otal Autonomy Al!ay" . . . Au"t a me""age here and there, or a
/articular 6uotation or a de"cri/tion of an ex/erience or ex/o"ure of getting "tuc$ in a
/articular game, all !ith the general /ur/o"e of rai"ing the general tenor of /eo/le1" li)e"
!ith the ultimate goal that of com/lete "elf#liberation. In the line" immortali"ed by (obby
-ylan on the 1'ay 'ady 'ay1 trac$ of +ashville (kyline*1<ou can ha)e your ca$e and eat
it too.1 <eah @
,he ne! I>#I> offered entry into a /"ychedelic /aradi"e of delight" !ith the /rice of
admi""ion only your o!n head. I>#I> !a" no! free to de)elo/ it" religiou" a"/iration" in
the direction of the mo"t ideally minded*the great American youth, by "ugge"ting /eo/le
!ho ta$e /"ychedelic" are de"tined to gi)e that "/iritual content to modern life. I>#I> !a"
a church you a""ociated !ith bringing you u/, not do!n+ the ne! religion !a" "omething
a""ociated !ith getting high.
2ne /rofe""or of /"ychology !a" )ery enthu"ia"tic to /ro/o"e ne! techni6ue" and
com/lex in#field /lay7
1&erha/" one could "tart !ith or on the I>#I> member" a" the natural audience and
introduce the notion through the ne!" letter, then encourage e)erybody to "end in a
return#addre""ed and "tam/ed en)elo/e. ,hi" !ould reduce the co"t. Al"o "end out
all material in du/licate, !ith the in"truction to gi)e one co/y to an intere"ted friend.
,hat !ould "no!ball the de)elo/ment. Al"o, initially /erha/" the comic Qen $oan"
ought to be relati)ely "im/le yet not too ea"y. omething in the nature of different
language", reference" to "ignificant /a""age" or boo$", or record", or anything. It i"
im/ortant to get /eo/le in)ol)ed through action, they ha)e to !or$ to "ol)e the $oan".
,hen, gradually . . . one could ma$e it more difficult, and more in McodeM*you could
circulate original Mmanife"to"M analy"ing /o""ible game hang#u/" and tra/" in
"ociety+ and you can build u/ a body of reference" one can allude to. ,hen ma$e it
gradually more difficult to obtain information, "o that one !ould ha)e to go through
"e)eral /er"on" and /iece thing" together.
1,o meditate on a ty/e of $oan i" a great idea. et u/ a ma"ter file to collate
corre"/ondence, but $ee/ e)erything co"mically anonymou". A lot of di"gui"ing and
metamor/ho"i", u"ing code name", etc. ,he !hole thing ought to lead to a "/iritual
re)olution in !hich e)erybody !or$" for hi" o!n enlightenment, !hich !ill come to
him in hi" o!n !ay through hi" o!n effort, carried by the feeling of /artici/ation in a
brotherhood, yet !ithout legi"lation and direct ad)ice or feeding, !hich nece""arily
lead" to control.
1All thi" "eem" li$e a natural e)olution from I>#I> that utili"ed acce/ted "ocial game"
for it" dialogue or MduelM !ith e"tabli"hed "ocial "tructure". (ut the /re)iou" effort i"
not the !ay to fight it. In doing "o, !e "ubmit im/licitly to their rule". ?e ha)e to find
ne! rule" !hich tran"cend the old one" !ithout direct conflict, but !e ha)e to /lay on
our o!n term" and ha)e the other" ad3u"t to finding out !hat !e are u/ to. ;ot that
!e really ha)e to $no!*a" a matter of fact !e can1t $no!, becau"e the idea i" to
$ee/ e)erything in flux and go beyond the "tructure" a" "oon a" they are built and
ha)e been u"ed once. ,ran"cending i" being elu"i)e but in a mar)elou" "en"e.
40
9ocratic irony.: If !e "tate fixed goal"*other than /er"onal, uni6ue enlightenment*
!e "et our"el)e" u/ for being attached, "hot at. ,he "ecret i" that Mthe !ay it"elfM or
Mbeing on the !ayM, i" it" o!n goal, !hich mean" you ha)e to $ee/ changing a" you
go along. 2nly the here#and#no! count"*the here#and#no! !hich i" any!ay
/regnant !ith future and /a"t 9although it i" !rong to worry about that:. Eom/lete
re"/on"i)e "urrender to the challenge of the moment i" e6ual to com/lete
tran"cendence. >ollo!ing the call and tuning in on the demand" that /re"ent
them"el)e"+ reading the "ign" of the !ay through the 3ungle+ being in tune !ith nature
and re"/onding to it, rather than trying to redo e)erything in one1" o!n image+ trying
to im/o"e one1" o!n game on to thing", /eo/le, e)ent"7 only thi" lead" to liberation, I
thin$. o e)ery e)ent, e)ery manife"tation of being, "tand" on it" o!n term" and
!ant" to be under"tood a" "uch. 2ne can only "er)e a" the guardian of being, a" the
cu"todian of /henomena, to let one"elf be "!e/t u/ and carried a!ay. ,here need be
no 6ue"tion" a"$ed7 affirmation and acce/tance @
1(ut /eo/le are /hobic about Mdrug"M*a "trange /henomenon unto it"elf*and they
rationali"e about MartificialM and M"hort#cut"M, etc. If !e could u"e gimmic$" and
natural di"ci/line" li$e "en"ory i"olation, mo)ie techni6ue", and ex/lore other
techni6ue", meditation, !hat ha)e you, in order to effect "ome $ind of loo"ening u/
and ec"tatic "!ee/ or u/"urge*then it !ould be ea"y to con)ince /eo/le about the
)alue of M"hortcut"M. ,hi" effort !ould allay their fear. ;ot that !e need to !orry about
con)incing /eo/le, but to /oint out to them )ariou" /o""ibilitie" for them to con"ider.
All arguing about /ro" and con" "eem" futile. 2ne "hould re/ort on e)ent", gi)e
me""age" about !here !e are, !hat !e "ee, !hat there i" to behold. &er"ua"ion i"
not needed, but affirmation and "ign/o"t", !hich manife"t their o!n /er"ua"i)e
/o!er on tho"e !ho are intere"ted.
1I al"o ho/e !e can !rite and ta/e a fe! /rogrammed &erha/" one could intere"t a
record com/any in cutting a fe! di"c" and di"tributing them. ,he communication"
net!or$ could be a /o!erful influence on ta"te". ,he meditation#room idea i" gaining
!ide recognition here*e)erybody "hould build one. ,here !ill be tremendou" need
for meditation guide" a" !ell a" manual" for tri/". All thi" i" )ery exciting and I ho/e
!e can tal$ about it "oon.
1,here i" a Mmagic theatreM !here)er you loo$, if you can only relax and forget about
your"elf a" an actor caught in a net "truggling to get out. ,otal in)ol)ement and total
detachment at the "ame time, !hich "ound" /aradoxical but it "eem" a de"irable and
reali"able ideal, the 100 /er centne"", here and no!, !hich ma$e" e)ery moment
9e)en of deadlie"t routine: "eem li$e a totally ne! ex/erience merely by letting
your"elf be addre""ed each time ane!.1
-octor trangelo)e, indeed . . . (ut it !a" left to the 8rand =a"ter and High &rie"t ,im, to
ex/lain ho!, in future, me""age" 9)erbal and non#)erbal: !ere to be found in the "eed
that lie" at the core of each one of u". He !ra//ed it u/ in hi" o!n e"oteric !ay*1I>#I >
i" con"er)ati)e*it "ee$" to return to the !i"dom of the tribe, to the !i"dom of the body,
to the !i"dom of the ner)ou" "y"tem.1
It !a" all /erha/" 3u"t a /roblem of 1unicornity1, for Hermann He""e had !ritten of the
/ilgrimage7
1,hroughout the centurie" it had been on the !ay, to!ard" the light and !onder, and
each member, each grou/, indeed our !hole ho"t and it" great /ilgrimage, !a" only
a !a)e in the eternal "tream of human being", of the eternal "tri)ing" of the human
"/irit to!ard" the Ea"t, to!ard" Home. ,he $no!ledge /a""ed through my mind li$e
a ray of light and immediately reminded me of the /hra"e !hich I had learned during
my no)itiate year, !hich al!ay" /lea"ed me immen"ely !ithout my reali"ing it" full
"ignificance. It !a" a /hra"e by the /oet ;o)ali", M?here are !e really goingD
Al!ay" home@M 1 9,he >ourney to the 8ast:.
And in a /ractical !ay, I>#I>*if, I>@*had antici/ated =ar"hall =c'uhan1" theoretical
41
ba"i" for !hat ly"ergi"ed ner)ou" "y"tem" belie)e about non#)erbal, i.e. tele/athic,
communication7
1,ribal man i" tightly "ealed in an integral collecti)e a!arene"" that tran"cend"
con)entional boundarie" of time and "/ace. A" "uch, the ne! "ociety !ill be one
mythic integration, a re"onating !orld a$in to the old tribal echo chamber !here
magic !ill li)e again7 a !orld of E&.... Electricity ma$e" /o""ible*and not in the
di"tant future, either*an am/lification of human con"ciou"ne"" on a !orld "cale,
!ithout any )erbali"ation at all.1 93layboy inter)ie!:.
omething "imilar ha//ened to u" in ;e! <or$, !here a /arallel de)elo/ment !a"
"imultaneou"ly ta$ing /lace at the office" of ,he Agora cientific ,ru"t, Inc., on the corner
of Eighty#>ir"t treet bet!een =adi"on and &ar$ A)enue". It !a" only in ;e! <or$ Eity
the game /o""ibilitie" !ere different, that1" all+ it re6uired a different "cenario, ne!
/layer", a fre"h re"/on"e to the organi"ation /o""ibilitie" inherent in our ne! "ituation.
Agora !a" to be a li)ing meta/hor for the $ind of idea#"haring an '- "e""ion entail". In
our 1tatement of &ur/o"e"1 a grou/ of u" introduced a theoretical model for Agora a" a
>oundation for =ind Ce"earch, and !rote7
1In the "e)enteenth century Cene -e"carte" ad)anced the theory that the body i" a
machine and i" "ub3ect to the "ame in)e"tigational techni6ue" that !e a//ly to the
natural "cience". In contra"t, he con"idered the human mind to be of immaterial and
"u/ernatural de"ign, lin$ed to the body by mean" of "ome un$no!n di)ine fiat. ,he
ramification" of Earte"ian duali"m !ere to /ro)ide all area" of ?e"tern "cience !ith
the re"ult that today the body i" accorded exten"i)e "tudy and "cientific analy"i"
!herea" tho"e a"/ect" of human life !hich are identified !ith the mind ha)e been
greatly neglected by ex/erimental "cienti"t". ,he tremendou" ad)ance" of modern
biology and medicine are the direct /roduct" of the great /rogre"" made in the
$no!ledge of the body#machine !hich ha)e re"ulted from the mechani"tic
/rocedure" initiated by -e"carte". 2n the other hand, the"e "ame /rocedure" ha)e
had a debilitating effect on the "tudy of the /henomenon of con"ciou"ne"" thereby
"eriou"ly curtailing the "tudie" related to the /roblem of life. ince biologi"t" tend to
extend the machine /aradigm to li)ing organi"m", they neglect the /henomena not
found in machine". Jualitati)e change i" needed in the /attern of our "tudie" if !e
are to di"cern an enlarged meaning of nature and of man extending beyond
mathematical and ex/erimental analy"i" of "en"ory /henomena and human
beha)iour. ?e belie)e, finally, that man ha" reached a cri"i" in con"ciou"ne"" !ithin
!hich he ha" the choice to continue in the /ath of the gro!ing technici"ation of
human nature or to enter u/on an inten"i)e and com/rehen"i)e in)e"tigation of mind
and it" creati)e /roce"" in the /ur"uit of a greater u"e of human /otential and a
dee/er under"tanding of the nature of reality.
1In recent year", there ha)e ari"en grou/" of "ocial "cienti"t" and /"ychologi"t" !ho
ha)e "tri)en to fill the exi"ting )acuum in the "tudy of con"ciou"ne"". 8uided by the
"ucce""e" of the natural "cienti"t" they ha)e a//lied mechani"tic attitude" to the
"tudy of mind and ha)e "ought to under"tand their "ub3ect in term" of beha)ioural
control" and biological#dri)e modalitie". In "o doing, they ha)e carried the theory of
body#mind duali"m to it" logical and dangerou" conclu"ion "o that today !e are
faced !ith a gro!ing tyranny of beha)iouri"tic and mechani"tic /rocedure" a//lied to
the ex/loration of human /otentiality.
1?e are a grou/ of "cienti"t" and re"earcher" !ho !i"h to mo)e beyond our o!n
"cientific tyranny. ?e ha)e cea"ed to be intoxicated !ith technological /roficiency.
?e cannot endor"e a mechani"tic inter/retation of human beha)iour that reduce" the
mind#brain /roblem to a materiali"tic moni"m. ?e belie)e that the current o)er#
em/ha"i" on mechani"m ha" /roduced a di"location of )i"ion, one that i" re"ulting in
a de#humani"ation of $no!ledge and a de#humani"ation of man. ?e belie)e that an
in)e"tigation into the nature and /otential of mind, a dynamic con"ideration of the
range and chemi"try of con"ciou"ne"", the utili"ation and e)aluation of ne! and old
42
techni6ue" of inten"ifying and extending the mind1" a//rehen"ion of it" reality*thi"
i" the "ub"tance of the re"earch /rogramme that i" the >oundation for =ind
Ce"earch.1
In addition to my"elf, there !ere t!o other director", Aohn (ere"ford, =.-. 9a long#term
friend from the old 'ondon day" of the fiftie", !ho no! li)ed in ;e! <or$:, and Aean
Hou"ton, &h.-., a young, beautiful !oman !ith t!o 2ff#(road!ay acting a!ard" and an
im/re""i)e li"t of academic in)ol)ement" and intere"t" 9In"tructor in Eom/arati)e
Celigion and &hilo"o/hy of Celigion, Eolumbia Hni)er"ity+ In"tructor in &hilo"o/hy,
Hunter Eollege+ A""ociate &rofe""or in &hilo"o/hy and Celigion, ,he ;e! chool for
ocial Ce"earch+ author of 4he :arieties of 5eligious 89perience= A 5e0evaluation of the
>ames #ork in the %ight of $odern 3sychological 4heory, and 4ragedy In an Age of
(cepticism *and !a" later to co#author !ith (ob =a"ter" 4he :arieties of the
3sychedelic 89perience,a !or$ ba"ed largely on her ex/eriment" at Agora, !here "he
!a" guide to many inten"i)e '- "e""ion":. And to hel/ and ad)i"e u", !e gathered an
im/re""i)e grou/ of acti)e 1re"earch affiliate"1, including Bictor 'o!ne" a" our 1,antric1
con"ultant, a /o"ition he filled*or fulfilled admirably.
,he "et#u/ on Eighty#>ir"t treet !a" ta"teful, co"y, !ell#e6ui//ed, and ex/en"i)e+ !e
rented the floor#through garden a/artment in a /ri)ate building !ith three room", toilet
and bath, and a tiny tree#"haded garden at the bac$.
(y chance or by good fortune*or it may e)en ha)e been by magic*!e had di"co)ered
in Ho!ard ,eague, the ;a""au millionaire, that rare"t of cultural being", the /atron. He
had under"tood our need" and made the ac6ui"ition of the /ro/erty and furni"hing"
/o""ible, in a )ery o/en and generou" !ay. All !e had to do in return !a" $ee/ in touch
and maybe )i"it him in ;a""au no! and again.
,he large centre room fronting the garden !a" our 1"e""ion#room1. ;o interior decorator
e)er de)i"ed thi" /"ychedelic /aradi"e of !edi"h "ix#inch /ile rug" and huge, can)a"
1mandala"1 on ceiling and !all", but once in"ide you di""ol)ed all normal barrier" of
con"ciou"ne"" and flo!ed off into the !ell of infinity. ?e had been on a "/ending "/ree
during the fir"t fe! hectic day" of getting the /lace ready*a hi#fi "ound "y"tem !ith ta/e#
dec$ and t!o "/ea$er"+ a "trobo"co/e+ a machine for emitting "ub#audible 9lo!#
fre6uency: "ound !a)e"+ and a 1"ynchrotron1, a de)ice !hich deli)er" "ound to the right
and left ear" alternately. ,hi" room !a" al"o my bedroom
,he front 1office1 had a cou/le of de"$", tele/hone", chair", electric ty/e!riter", "mall bar
and cabinet, a miniature >(I#ty/e !ire recorder, thing" li$e that, but !a" nonethele""
decorated in the con)entional =anhattan office "tyle, !ithout anyone e)er actually u"ing
it, exce/t /o""ibly a" a /lace to "mo$e do/e 9)ery illegal in tho"e day"@: if there !ere
other!i"e "traight "ub3ect" undergoing a "e""ion in the other room".
At fir"t, mo"t of the /lanning and /rogramming !a" "hared by Aean Hou"ton and my"elf,
each !ith our o!n little "lot to fill or "/eciality to de)elo/. Aean !a" curiou" about !hat
"he called 1&hylogenetic recall1, the /ro/o"ition by Aung that in#built in the /"ychology of
modern man there exi"t archety/e" related to the early hi"tory of the human race. he
!a" intere"ted in "etting u/ drug#related ex/erimental de"ign" and a fool/roof
methodology of admini"tration of long#term and "hort#term /"ychedelic", mo"t /articularly
the admini"tration of '-#2., /"ilocybin, -imethyl# and -iethyl#try/tamine, !hich !e had
at the office in large "u//ly+ and, for my"elf, the 6ue"tion of my role in Agora i" a bit
academic "ince I !a" both arti"t and "/ectator at one !ith it and my"elf at the "ame time,
though I remember I u"ed to !rite memoranda 6uite a lot and /a/er", doubtle""ly
altogether 6uite meaningle"", !ith title" "uch a" 1=ulticentricity and Incongruity+
E/i"temological ignificance of Cecent >inding" in Ce"earch H"ing '-#2.1 and
1Ex/eriment" in ,hought Acceleration u"ing &"ilocybin1 and 1,he ;ature of the ub3ecti)e
'- Ex/erience1, all of !hich !a", admittedly, /retty didactic "tuff com/ared to I>#I>, but
nonethele"" rather funny and in"/ired for all that.
In our /"ychedelic yello!"tone !e had found food for both the lion 9"cience: and the
unicorn 9fanta"yGmythGmagic:, e)en if in the end !e could not /er"uade them, for all the
43
correctne"" of our o/inion", to lie do!n together. ?hat !e had tried to do !a" to blend
ne! conce/t" and theoretical frame!or$"*utili"ing "uch di)er"e area" a" the geometry
and energy dynamic" of molecular 1flo!ing1 "tructure to biochemi"try, genetic", )i"ion,
memory, and accelerated learning7 <e", ethical and moral /ractice, too*!ith all the
magical art", including the 1I Ehing1, 1Juabhalla1, ,he ,arot /ac$, and Alchemy, in order to
"hed ne! light on !hat !ebelie)ed !a" a cri"i" in the 12rder1 and 1ymboli"ation1 in
?e"tern ci)ili"ation. I "u//o"e you could "ay that our orientation !a" humani"tic. 2ur
1humane "cience1 aimed to!ard" a "imultaneou" de"cri/tion of =an from multi/le /oint"
of )ie!, !hich it"elf i" nothing more than the multidi"ci/linary under"tanding of the !ay
mind and matter !or$ in man.
ir Aulian Huxley, from 'ondon, !rote,
1In the /"ychedelic drug" !e ha)e a remar$able o//ortunity for intere"ting re"earch.
;obody el"e, "o far a" I $no!, ha" done any !or$ on different ty/e" of
/"ychologically healthy and normal /eo/le*/eo/le of high or lo! IJ, of different
bac$ground", of different affecti)e di"/o"ition", on )erbali"er" and )i"uali"er". ,hi"
!ould be of extraordinary intere"t7 !e might find out not merely ho! to utili"e our
mind more energetically and more dynamically, but ho! to /romote creati)ity by
enhancing the creati)e imagination.1
(ut a" a re"earch area, the /"ychedelic ex/erience !a" baffling for mo"t re"earcher",
!ho"e "/eciality !a" 1com/artmentali%ed1 and !ho could not )i"uali"e the /o""ibility of a
1!hole1, !hen /erha/" e)en a ne! branch of $no!ledge !ould ha)e to be de)elo/ed to
embrace ne! claim", conce/t", a" ha//ened in mathematic" !ith the di"co)erie" of
6uantum mechanic" and relati)ity theorie", !hich re)olutioni%ed our under"tanding of the
force" at !or$ in the external !orld but !hich ha)e yet to be integrated into a unified field
theory of modern conce/tual $no!ledge.
In modern America in 19I3, the a)ailable literature loo$ed more frightful than fruitful.
&erha/" under"tandably, the re)olutionary im/act of /"ychedelic" !a" not recogni"ed
during the early /eriod of re"earch. 2cca"ional glim/"e" !ere found, but the ma3ority of
re/ort" "ugge"t that the re"earcher" de"cribing their re"ult" !ere "eriou"ly bia"ed by
their exi"ting frame" of reference. A carry#o)er of former conce/tual "y"tem" into the
radically ne! ex/erience /ro)ided by the"e drug" ine)itably cau"ed di"tortion" in
inter/retation of the material co)ered. ,hu", !hile the !or$ of the (riti"h /"ychiatri"t, -r.
Hum/hrey 2"mond, concerning the biochemical nature of "chi%o/hrenia !a" furthered
by the introduction of '- et al. during the mid#19.0", at the "ame time /"ychedelic
theory it"elf !a" not ad)anced. It !a" in fact re"tricted into a /re#exi"ting mould by the
uncon"ciou" a""ociation that came to be made bet!een /"ychedelic drug" and mental
illne"", !hich "ub"e6uently /ro)ed to be a" erroneou" a" it !a" mi"leading.
Ho!e)er, e)en in re"tricted "cientific re"earch, "ometime" "omething could ha//en to
/ro)ide a )aluable /"ychedelic /rogramme. In the field of treatment of alcoholi"m, for
one, there !ere "e)eral "tudie" "ho!ing a clo"e to fifty /er cent 9one in t!o: control rate
follo!ing 1'- thera/y1, a figure !hich cannot be matched by any other thera/eutic
a//roach to thi" /roblem, and "ucce""ful beyond the !ilde"t dream" of Alcoholic"
Anonymou", to "ay nothing of con)entional /"ychoanaly"i", !hich ha" a "ucce"" rate of
curing alcoholic" of about one in e)ery hundred, !hich i" nobody. 2r on another /art of
the in)e"tigational "/ectrum, -r. C. A. andi"on, a Eanadian /"ychiatri"t, ha" re/orted
the emergence of archety/al material during /"ychedelic "e""ion", lending !eight to the
hy/othe"e" of E. 8. Aung. ,hen there !ere a number of 1naturali"tic1 "tudie" from
different "chool" of thought, arti"tic and other!i"e, a" !ell a" all the Har)ard re/ort"
!hen "ub3ect" re/orted "tate" of con"ciou"ne"", )ariou"ly de"cribed in term" of
tran"cendental ex/erience, i.e. )i"ionary, mind#manife"ting, con"ciou"ne""#ex/anding.
<e", a lot of re"earch had been done !ith /"ychedelic", by com/ari"on !ith /erha/"
e)ery other im/ortant area of re"earch, the total )olume !a" minute. At the "ame time, it
!a" al"o becoming increa"ingly e)ident that there !ere deficiencie" in the /ubli"hed
!or$ !hich exi"ted, and, curiou"ly, there had been little if any ad)ance during the
44
/re)iou" t!o to three year" o)er /ro3ect" !ell under !ay before the 19I0". >or exam/le,
a re)ie! of the /o"ition by the /"ychologi"t" ,errill, a)age and Aac$"on, /ubli"hed in
;o)ember, 19I2, but dating from a round#table conference in Aanuary, 19I0, i" not
e""entially different from re/ort" /ubli"hed in 19.4 and 19.I. ,here !ere ground" for
belie)ing that the main factor !hich "timulated the !ide"/read intere"t in /"ychedelic",
!hich characteri%ed the /eriod of the mid#19.0", !a" the belief that, through their u"e,
long#"tanding /roblem" in /"ychiatry !ere about to be "ettled+ further, that !ith the
abandoning of thi" ho/e a general decline of intere"t became noticeable in /"ychiatric
circle".
,here !ere e)en di"agreement" bet!een "ome of the de)elo/ing 1/"ychedelic
theoretician"1. Aohn (ere"ford, for one, belie)ed that !hat he called 1the 'eary attitude1
re"ult" from
1a "tatic, unidirectional, relati)ely fixed "et of /reconce/tuali"ation" of entity cau"ed
by and ari"ing from dee/ /"ychological di"turbance", di"/laced on to and hence
Mdereali"ingM a /otentially dangerou" drug. ,he error "tem" fundamentally from
/a""i)e#rece/ti)e tendencie" on /art of er"t!hile /rinci/al in)e"tigator", cau"ing
/a""i)e, /ermi""i)e attitude during the highly "ugge"tible '-#"tate, criminally
neglecting to ac6uaint the "ub3ect !ith the e""ential $no!ledge, that he can al!ay"
control !hate)er hi" mind i" in)ol)ed !ith, rendering the "ub3ect hel/le"", and at
time", extremely fearful.1
(ere"ford !a" a /ro/onent of the counter#theory that the '- ex/erience i" a bi#/ha"ic
/henomenon7 <ou mu"t act, a" !ell a" feel+ decide, a" !ell a" "ubmit+ allo! out, a" !ell
a" in. He felt 6uite "trongly that '- /ro)ided the
)only curati)e ho/e for the Mcri"i" of ci)ili"ationM ty/e of malfunctioning1, and that 1the
cure can be "ummed u/ in the one !ord MintegrationM+ and that integration re6uire"
acti)ation of both "elf and image "tore. 'eary fail" mi"erably becau"e total
re"i"tle""ne"" in the end "a/" "trength, lea)ing character no room in !hich to gro!
or form. &artly out of diabolical M8no"tici"mM, and /artly no doubt due al"o to
ignorance, "ome of 'eary1" grou/ ha)e fli//ed out, and "ometime" for month" at a
time, in "e""ion" conducted according to the 'eary /rece/t".1
(ere"ford belie)ed "incerely in the )a"t /otential of /"ychedelic drug". 1?ith "afe and
intelligent handling 9of '-:,1 he !rote, 1the follo!ing fact" can be "ub"tantiated7
1: ,here i" no /o""ibility of M/"ychic accident"M.
2: tandard /"ychothera/y can be reduced in duration from a matter of year" to a
matter of month", !ith long#la"ting, if not /ermanent re"ult".
3: ,he degree of Minternal deci"ion#ma$ingM /o""ible i" )ery im/re""i)e. A ne!
/attern of 8e"talt formation, on a le)el ne)er before thought /o""ible out"ide of
cla""ical con)er"ion reaction", i" coming to light and "hould be ex/lored.
4: Nno!ledge i" !aiting for the a"$ing concerning alteration" of the human mind
!hich !ere thought non#exi"tent or merely frea$i"h before ne! /"ychedelic drug
techni6ue" !ere elaborated. An exten"i)e ne! area of $no!ledge of mind i" !aiting
to be o/ened. It i" folly to ignore thi".
.: It ha" been beyond all doubt, though /erha/" beyond credibility, that thirty#fi)e /er
cent decibel increa"e" in hearing are obtained on minute do"e" of '-+ that
intellectual /rocedure beyond the normal ca/acity are common/lace+ that ne!
/otential" are brought into exi"tence+ the /robability of a high incidence of thought
tran"ference bet!een t!o indi)idual" "hould be brought out into the o/en. 2ther
e6ually im/ortant re"earche" are !aiting.
I: ,he "en"ation#minded /ublic /re"", and the /ro)ider" of "candal, and the
/re)alent /ublic fear of Mlo"ing controlM through drug" combined to dri)e the mo"t
)aluable chemical di"co)ery of the century almo"t out of exi"tence.
7: ;o more e""ential /ubli"hing "er)ice could be rendered than to /lace before the
45
/ublic the unadorned "cientific, hi"torical and /"ychological analy"i" of the
Mextraordinary hi"tory of '-M.1
(ere"ford !anted to $ee/ the drug and the re"earch in /ro/er /er"/ecti)e a" tool" of the
"cientifically trained a" "/eciali"t. (ut any tool can only be a" good*or a" bad*a" the
com/etence of tho"e !ho u"e it. Eertainly, one mu"t not a""ign to '- intellectual
/roblem" !hich defy our /re"ent intellectual ca/acitie".
Aean Hou"ton, on the other hand !a" intere"ted in advancing the intellectual capabilities
of the modern American*to meet and "ol)e the /roblem" not of today or tomorro!*but
the day after tomorrow. And by mean" of a /roce"" that you might call tra)elling in the
)A+48C8D8+4 &4&58)*that i" inducing the ego to "can the cogniti)e /art" of the
cortex in order to de)elo/ the ability to bring into the /re"ent !hat i" already in the
memory and retrie)e 1forgotten1 information !hich i" then integrated into the normal
intellectual /roce""e" of ordinary con"ciou"ne"".
Aean !a" an intellectually brilliant thin$er in her o!n right, and, if "uch thing" "till mean
anything, it had been di"co)ered in a nation!ide "ur)ey of the I.J." of American &h.-",
that Aean1" !a" the highe"t*a little o)er the 200 mar$1, "he once told me, though there
!a" ne)er any 6ue"tion in my mind about her ob)iou" intellectual gift", !hich !ere
al!ay" ade6uate to meet her function a" an Agora director, our third and mo"t 3unior
member.
A" !ith (ere"ford and my"elf, "he "a! modern culture "trangled by a cri"i" of )alue
correlati)e !ith a brea$do!n of it" traditional ontological "tructure". ,he 1ele)enth hour
condition1 of humanity i" that of 1the dar$ !ood"1. ?e are lo"t in the !ood"R
1Alone, alone, about a dreadful !ood
2f con"ciou" e)il run" a lo"t man$ind,
-reading to find it" father le"t it find
,he good it ha" dreaded i" not good+
Alone, alone about a dreadful !oodR1
*?. H. Auden
,he /oignant theme of the dar$ !ood emerge" in the life of the mind a" a "ymbol of the
chao" that mu"t /recede the re"toration of 2rder and the re)itali"ation of the human
condition. Ho! then i" it /o""ible for modern man to extricate him"elf from the 1dar$
!ood"1 of hi" mindD Aean belie)ed that in /"ychedelic drug" !e had a mean" to di"/el
the cloud" of de"/air, and "/o$e of the /romi"e they held 1of Homecoming1+ and of the
/o""ibility
1of guiding man /a"t the dar$ !ood" of non#being, /a"t dee/ "hado!" of alonene""
to a !orld !here no longer doe" man )ie! him"elf a" a creature "e/arated and
e"tranged from all other creature" but rather a" a /artici/ant in a rich and fertile
reality, a reality "o interrelated and "o full that it could only be"t be de"cribed a" a
dynamic continuum+ the ne! reality that unfold" in the M/"ychedelic ex/erienceM.
1,he uni)er"e i" not a collection of "e/arate bit" and /iece", di)ided in time and
"/ace, but i" in reality the meta/hy"ical M2neM, !herein e)erything i" tied u/ !ith
e)erything el"e in a /attern !hich i" ab"olute for the entire uni)er"e. ,he "ocial
hierarchy reflect" the /"ychological hierarchy, the co"mology hierarchy, and the
cele"tial hierarchy+ only thi" reality i" not di"/layed !ithin a "ingle action, but in"tead,
in an abundance of action" in !hich the mo"t di)er"e tonalitie" follo! one another in
6uic$ "ucce""ion.
1It i" thu" !ith the /"ychedelic ex/erience. ?hen the thre"hold of con"ciou"ne"" i"
cro""ed !e are flooded !ith the $aleido"co/ic )i"ion of culture", /eo/le", "ymbol",
remnant" of hi"torical and /re#hi"torical memory*the )eritable infinity of humanity
!hich "ee$" to con"titute our being. 'i$e -ante in the dar$ fore"t !e can ea"ily get
lo"t in the labyrinth of "trange by!ay" and un$no!n /ath". 9,hi" i" an all too fre6uent
e/i"ode in the unguided /"ychedelic "e""ion.: It "hould be one of the chief dutie" of
46
the "e""ion guide to lead the "ub3ect through the ne!ly ex/o"ed terrain of culture",
hi"torie", era", and "ymbol" to e)o$e the"e content" to lead finally to their
interrelation"hi/ in the mind of the "ub3ect, much the "ame !ay a" Birgil led -ante
through the medie)al hierarchical co"mogony "o that it" many /art" became inherent
in -ante the man. It "hould be one of the chief ta"$" of the guide to a""ume the role
of Birgil in thi" /"ychedelically induced -i)ine Eomedy and to indicate and "elect out
of the dynamic continuum in !hich the "ub3ect i" immer"ed "ome of the hi"torical
incident, cultural a!arene"" and racial memory that "eem" to lie buried in the cortex.1
Aean belie)ed that the reality of the exi"tence of archety/e" had been confirmed and
demon"trated in the '- "e""ion, !hich "eemed to bring mythological and archety/al
"tructure" into con"ciou" a!arene"". ,hu", the role of the "e""ion guide i" crucial if the
"ub3ect i" not to lo"e hi" !ay in the !ood".
1,he guide mu"t "teer a cour"e of gradual inten"ification and enhancement of
con"ciou"ne"". ,he fir"t "ugge"tion" mu"t be "im/le and familiar, geared to focu"
the "ub3ect1" attention on the heightening of colour and form /erce/tion of !ell#$no!n
ob3ect". &icture" and flo!er", mu"ic and natural ob3ect"*the"e are the data of initial
di"co)ery and con"ciou"ne"" enhancement in the ex/eriencing "ub3ect. It i" only
after "e)eral hour" of hel/ing the "ub3ect build u/ a familiarity !ith hi" extended
reality that the guide may begin to /re/are the "ub3ect for an ex/loration of
tran"/er"onal and /hylogenic material.1
im/le, in theory, /erha/", but !hat in /raxi" D Aean ran many '- "e""ion" at Agora,
!hich "he conducted along the line" 3u"t adumbrated !ith "ome 6uite a"toni"hing re"ult".
he ma$e" "ome ob"er)ation" on the"e "e""ion", a" follo!"7
1In the cour"e of my ex/erimentation I ha)e di"co)ered that a mo"t conduci)e mode
of /re/aration for /hylogenetic in)e"tigation i" to be had by ta$ing the "ub3ect
through a MEoo$1" ,ourM of !orld hi"tory. A )ariety of hi"torical "ituation" and
occurrence" are "ugge"ted in a "$etchy manner. ,he "ub3ect, !ho"e eye" are
clo"ed, i" a"$ed to de"cribe the /ictorial di"/lay of hi"toric "cenery and acti)ity !hich
no! he M"ee"M. ,hi" he often doe" !ith a detail and am/lification and fre6uently an
accuracy !hich far exceed" hi" normal hi"torical a!arene"". ?hether or not thi" i"
o!ing to the acti)ation of /re)iou"ly learned but long forgotten hi"torical information
or to a utili"ation of a" yet un$no!n /roce""e" of hi"torical e)ocation cannot be
an"!ered at thi" time. uffice it to "ay that the /robability re"t" !ith the former theory
and that the "ub3ect1" heightened imagination add" to the )i)idne"" !ith !hich he
re"/ond" to the"e "ugge"tion".
1,he "ub3ect may be in)ited to !al$ along the &iraeu" !ith ocrate", to !itne"" a
battle in the ,hirty <ear" ?ar, to /artici/ate in the bull#lea/ing at Nno""o" or to hel/
in building the /yramid of Nhufu. He may be a"$ed to ga%e o)er the "houlder of that
Ero#=agnon man !ho /ainted the great bi"on in the ca)e at Altamira. He may 3oin in
the )iolent thru"t !e"t!ard of the troo/" of 8engi" Nhan. He may ha)e a front ro!
"eat at the battle of Ha"ting" or mingle among the courtier" at the court of 'oui" PIB.
Hi"tory i" hi" /rerogati)e and it may be ex/lored a" fact or fanta"y.
1In addition to the hi"torical /anorama, the guide may in)ite the "ub3ect to /artici/ate
in a reca/turing of the e)olutionary "e6uence" of life. In many ca"e" the "ub3ect
di"card" the "/ectator role !hich he had a""umed for the hi"torical tour and find"
him"elf ta$en u/ into a "eeming identification !ith the "tage" of the e)olutionary
/roce"". ,hu" the guide can "ugge"t that the "ub3ect become that /rimordial /iece of
/roto/la"m floating in an early ocean. 9,hi" i" de"cribed a" a )ery re"tful "tate.:
,hen, either through the /rom/ting" of the guide but more fre6uently through the
"ub3ect1" o!n initiati)e there may unfold a reli)ing of the e)olutionary /roce"" from
gill "tage to man. ,hi" re#ex/erience of /hylogeny i" /o""ible becau"e of our germ
/la"m. 2ur body contain" 9ho!e)er "mall the bit: a /art of that /hy"ically real
47
/rime)al mud from !hich !e gre!, through order", cla""e", /hyla*to !hat !e are.
,hu" the /hy"ical reality of the e)olutionary "e6uence of life may become a)ailable to
our con"ciou"ne"" and !e may "elect for it in the /"ychedelic "tate. ,he /"ychic
"y"tem ha" an anatomical /re#hi"tory of million" of year" a" doe" the body. And 3u"t
a" the body today re/re"ent" in each of it" /art" the /hylogenetic /roce"", and
e)ery!here "till "ho!" trace" of it" earlier "tage"*"o can the "ame be "aid of the
/"yche. It i" for thi" rea"on that the acti)ated /"yche can be called u/on to
remember "tate" !hich to u" "eem to be uncon"ciou".
1I !ould "ugge"t then that age" and attitude" of man that are long gone by "till
"ur)i)e in the dee/er uncon"ciou" layer" of our mind. ,he "/iritual heritage of
archaic man 9the ritual and mythology that once )i"ibly guided hi" con"ciou" life: ha"
)ani"hed to a large extent from the "urface of the tangible and con"ciou" realm, yet
"ur)i)e" and remain" e)er /re"ent in the "ubterranean layer" of the uncon"ciou". It
i" /art of our being that lin$" u" to a remote ance"try and con"titute" our in)oluntary
$in"hi/ !ith archaic man and !ith ancient ci)ili"ation" and tradition". -e/th
/"ychologi"t" ha)e /ointed to the uni)er"ality of /"ychic /roce""e" and the continuity
of /"yche !ithin the race. ?e may add to thi" the theory that the /"yche contain" all
the content" of time*extending bac$!ard", acro"" and through time+ hi"tory being
latently contained in each indi)idual. It i" my contention that the /"ychic de/th" and
the time de/th" can be te"ted and ex/lored through the medium of the guide in the
/"ychedelic ex/erience". ,he theoretical foundation of "uch a "tatement i" that the
inge"tion of /"ychedelic "ub"tance" e)o$e" an acti)ation of dee/ly buried /"ychic
content" and a bringing of them to the "urface of con"ciou"ne"" through the "electi)e
u"e of /hylogenetic "ugge"tion. A" electrode" a//lied to memory or "en"ory area" of
the brain can "timulate )i)id and reali"tic recall at the moment of contact, "o can
"ugge"tion acti)ate /hylogenetic memory in the "ub3ect undergoing the /"ychedelic
ex/erience.
1In the cour"e of human hi"tory man ha" come to the di"co)ery that he i" a
forecon"ciou"ne"" that "ee" only a manifold, incoherent !orld. 8radually he ha"
been able to order the incoherence of /re#hi"tory by /ercei)ing natural la!", by
ma$ing hy/othe"e", and by hi" technological ad)ance" beginning to a//rehend ba"ic
common factor" and lin$age" in !hat at fir"t a//eared a" "heer chao". ,hrough
mythological "tructure" he !a" able to gain "ome mea"ure of "urety in an incoherent
!orld. 2ne "te/ further and he !a" able to /ercei)e him"elf a" being largely
la!ma$er and in)entor. And no! through the agency of the ne! /hy"ic" man ha"
attained to a $no!ledge of the mathematical "tructure of all matter a" being in reality
not inert but an in"trument of infinite /otentialitie" from !hich one may dra! !hat
force" one !ill. ,he /ur"uit of truth i" no! in fact a$in to the creation of beauty. <et all
thi" ne! exten"ion of /otentiality bear" !ith it the threat of un/aralleledde"truction. I
maintain that the ne! /hy"ic" can be nothing but a deadly danger unle"" to that
$no!ledge i" added that of a ne! hi"tory a /arallel and balanced $no!ledge of
our"el)e" brought bac$ from the "ubterranean region" of our /"yche*our
/hylogenetic a!arene"".... ,hen and only then may !e u"e the ne! $no!ledge of
outer nature for life and not for death. 2ur ne! )i"ion in /hy"ic" !hereby !e "ee
our"el)e" actually de)i"ing ne! natural la!" and e)en creating life mu"t be e6uated
!ith a dee/er in"ight of our"el)e" gi)en by a ne! $no!ledge of the /a"t. ,hi" may be
done by re"toring man to a dynamic communion !ith hi" o!n "undered /"yche, !ith
hi" old "en"e of community, and !ith the !hole of life and the uni)er"e.1
2f cour"e, Agora !a" not entirely free from the crac$/ot element, in !hom the door" of
/erce/tion "eemed, if not /ermanently unhinged then certainly !ide o/en. 2ne
corre"/ondent !riting from >lamingo =arina, =iami (each, told of hi" !or$ !ith 1a
magnetic machine !hich !ill hy/noti"e you and a "econd machine !hich goe" in"ide the
brain by ray" and remo)e" that /art of the moral degeneracy in)ol)ed1. And added 1,he
/atient may be "lightly ill for a fe! day", but hi" tendencie" to "in !ill be gone.1 I "im/ly
48
re/lied that !e already had one to deal !ith the libertine tendencie" of our "taff, and
ho/ed that hi" fine !or$ in 1 M/ro/hylactic /hrenologyM !ould ha)e !ider a//lication,
/erha/" a" an in"trument of the church1.
,hen there !a" a com/licated corre"/ondence !ith an American Air >orce =a3or from
he//ard Air >orce (a"e, ,exa", !ho !anted Agora to build a 1life#"i%e1 =oebiu" tri/ for
/eo/le to climb in and !al$ around 1accom/anied by the entire "/ectrum of colour and
mu"ic1. ,he ob3ect of the en)i"aged 1tri/1 i"
1to e)o$e in the /artici/ant any "ynergic, intuiti)e or emoti)e /roce""G/roduct of !hich
he may be ca/able. ,hi" i" for the /ur/o"e of unloc$ing hi" /articular iron curtain by
!or$ing directly on hi" "ubcon"ciou" through "ymbol" 9including language:, the
energy "/ectrum 9light and colour:, form, and e)en motion and odour" if fea"ible. ,he
"u/er#com/uter 6ualitie" of the mind, including an agele"" uni)er"al memory core,
abo)e#time#"/ace /rogramme action", and con"ciou" read#out" ma$e" the mind our
greate"t re"ource, yet our greate"t enigma. It i" ea"y for thi" my"teriou" Mblac$ boxM
to be fed !ith sensual in/ut" that turn out a di"ordered "tate of con"ciou"ne"".1
In both the"e exam/le", it i" im/o""ible to ignore the high moral tone of the t!o
in)entor". 2n the other hand, !hich of u" !ould not "ettle, at !hate)er co"t to our
rea"on, for a febrile and creati)e, rather than "tatic !ay of life D And the fact that the light
the"e t!o idea" thro!" i" a mur$y one, doe"n1t, after all, "eem ina//ro/riate to our
/re"ent "ituation. Indeed, you could "ay that they illuminate the "tre""e" /laced on the
modern /"yche in it" relation"hi/ !ith modern "ociety.
And yet*I !a" "en"iti)e to the fact that much of the "tuff going on at ,he Agora cientific
,ru"t mu"t "ound e)ery bit a" 1crac$/ot1 a" the t!o exam/le" 3u"t noted. ,he
intellectuali%ation of !hat !e had and !ere doing !a" a formidable ta"$. ?e had to find a
!ay to de"cribe certain changed or altered "tate" of con"ciou"ne"", !hich lie beyond all
rationali%ation and e)en beyond all /o!er of !ord", in a com/letely ne! !ay !hich !ould
al"o be intelligible for other /eo/le, whether they)d taken %(D or not. ,hu", no area of
/o""ible fruitful re"earch !a" e)er turned do!n !hich could be organi"ed on the ba"i" of
rational belief, and !e decided to "tructure into an exi"tence an idea or a "erie" of idea"
!hich !ere deri)ed from /eo/le"1 ex/erience !ith '-. -uring the fir"t fe! month" of
acti)ity our o!n 1internal1 )ie!/oint" !ere /ro3ected on to the outer !orld !ith a content
that !a" found to be full of meaning for other /eo/le.
,here i" an intuiti)e ba"i" !hich /recede" the intellectual !hich /ro)ide" u" !ith
"omething li$e a magic armour !ith !hich during '- "e""ion" nothing e)er goe" !rong.
2b3ecti)ely my initial intuiti)e beha)iour during a "e""ion !hen I ha)e gi)en a /er"on
'- can be codified into a "et of /rece/t" and illumination" !hich may collecti)ely "er)e
a" "tarting#off /oint for other" !ho may !ant to con"ider the /rinci/le" of !hat it mean"
to be an 1'- guide1. ,he follo!ing are "ome fact" and idea" from our 19I3 Agora day" I
ha)e a""embled*they in)ol)e the mean" by !hich the 1internal logic1 of the '-
"ituation may be reali"ed in ordinary con"ciou"ne"", !ith !hat a""um/tion" one
/roceed", !ith !hat goal", and !hat are the determinant" of the goal", and !hat i" the
relation"hi/ of the $no!ledge gained through the '- ex/erience to daily life and
ordinary affair".
I had by thi" time gi)en '- to "ome 300 /eo/le and ta$en it my"elf about 100 time",
and learned by ma$ing mi"ta$e", a" !a" ine)itable, that no /rior frame of reference can
do anything but hinder. I 1$ne!1 certain thing" I had no !ay of telling before. ,he intuiti)e
lea/ had become "tandardi"ed. >or thi" rea"on /erha/" it !a" ine)itable that I !ould
"ooner or later lea)e Agora, terminating one /ha"e and "tarting another.
(ut !hat "ort of /eo/le did !e gi)e '- to D ?e had hundred" of re6ue"t" from /eo/le
all o)er America !ho !anted to ta$e it, but the facilitie" on Eighty#>ir"t treet !ere
lac$ing for "uch a large#"cale o/eration. &erha/" I could note four "e""ion" !hich can be
accurately dated and lea)e it to the reader to decide ho! far they are rele)ant. 91: An
ab"tract /ainter, 92: a Ea/tain in the H.. ;a)y 2ffice of ;a)al Ce"earch, 93: a <ogi, 94: a
hedoni"t "ce/tic, a !ealthy re"ident of =anhattan1" fa"hionable (ee$man &lace and of
49
8"taad, !it%erland.
9It "hould be under"tood that axiomatic to my belief#fabric i" that !ith '- each /er"on
di"co)er", or get", !hat they !ant.: ,he ab"tract /ainter, in the cour"e of the mo"t
extraordinary )i"ual ex/erience", in concrete and "/ecific detail, of a mythological
re"idue of a /re#Hindu Indian religiou" fanta"y, di"co)ered the identity of the image !hich
had been eluding him from hi" /ainting".
,he Ea/tain achie)ed extraordinary in"ight into a /roblem of mathematical
1tran"formation"1 !ith !hich he had been un"ucce""fully gra//ling for the /a"t fi)e year".
Hi" !or$ !a" in artificial intelligence )ia com/uter de"ign. -uring the '- "e""ion, he
!rote to u" after!ard".
1I "uddenly reali"ed that !hene)er I concentrated on a "ingle form and brought it into
focu", the "ituation !a" analogou" to "etting u/ a random "et of "en"or in/ut" and
connecting the"e in/ut" )ia a fixed but randomly de"igned net!or$ to a "erie" of
node". I reali"ed that recognition of any gi)en /attern i" de/endent u/on calling a
halt in the normal flo! of tran"formation"+ and, mo"t im/ortantly for my o!n !or$, the
achie)ement of really u"eful automata !ould a//ear to de/end on mechani"m that
can effecti)ely monitor the /roduct" of a large number of tran"formation", "elect from
them the im/ortant one for "tudy, and the halting of the /roce"" long enough to
cla""ify the "ignal from the one tran"formation for /ur/o"e" of /attern recognition.1
9,ran"lated into ordinary Engli"h, the Ea/tain !a" trying to in)ent a 1"eeing1 machine a"
effecti)e a" the human eye, for u"e in atomic "ubmarine".:
,he <ogi, a man !ho "/ent "e)en year" before hi" arri)al in America 9!here he had
become a "ucce""ful ?all treet "toc$bro$er: "tudying yoga in a dhoti on the ban$" of
the 8ange", 3um/ed from the eighth of the t!el)e yoga "tage"*the name elude" me, but
that i" a" far a" he had got*to the t!elfth, called (amadhi,and the )ery highe"t form of
(li"", !herein he achie)ed the "tate of total identification !ith all of reality that made him
*momentarily*8od. ,he man from (ee$man &lace for the fir"t time in hi" life !a"
a//rai"ed of a higher, that i" more embracing and inclu"i)e, logic than the one he had
$no!n hitherto.
In each of the"e four in"tance"*/eo/le !idely different in bac$ground, education,
character, nationality and /hy"i6ue*it !a" nonethele"" /o""ible to ab"tract a ba"ic,
"im/le "et of /hilo"o/hical under"tanding", !hich are )alid enough to /ermit anyone to
integrate on a higher#than#u"ual le)el of a!arene"" !ithout any danger of /aranoia 9the
common defence again"t chao", and one !hich mitigate" again"t anything of )alue
deri)ing from the '- ex/erience: or of anxiety. ,he tal$ed#about 1helli"h ex/erience1 i"
actually com/letely unnece""ary, a)oidable and non#contributory, reflecting inade6uate
mental 1"et1 or /hy"ical 1"etting1 or technical $no!ledge on the /art of the guide or a
mixture of all three.
,here !a" of cour"e no "cientific follo!#u/ on the"e four indi)idual", but it !a" /o""ible
to deduce certain thing" !hen !e "a! them again a fe! month" later. ,he /ainter had
entirely reoriented hi" method of /ainting and !hen I la"t "a! him, !a" !or$ing fa"t and
/roducti)ely 9and hi" /ainting" do "till "ell in ;e! <or$:. >rom the ;a)al Ea/tain ha)e
come "ome engineering hard!are*1re"i"tor net!or$" to accom/li"h ty/e" of
tran"formation to be included in /atent di"clo"ure" being /roce""ed by the 2ffice of
;a)al Ce"earch, ?a"hington under ;a)y Ea"e 290931. ,he <ogi !a" found to be, I fear,
be!ailing the ordinarine"" of not being 8od, but !a"*and "till i"*ma$ing money nicely
on the Exchange, !hile the millionaire belie)ed that he had undergone a com/lete
change in hi" belief" about other /eo/le. He ha" not been heard from "ince.
It !a" thu" !ith the e"tabli"hment of the ;e! <or$ centre, /lu" a form of "tatu"
"tabili"ation !ith ?a"hington 9)ia the H.. ;a)y, !ho inter)ened on our behalf !ith the
>ederal -rug Agency by /lacing our !or$ in a ro"y, e)en golden, light !hich re"ulted in a
letting#u/ of in)e"tigati)e /re""ure on Agora by the >-A:, /lu" the "$etching out of
rational 9or neo#rational: method" of managing '- "e""ion", that thi" ;e! <or$ /ha"e
ended. An a"toni"hing, fa"cinating /eriod, filled !ith intere"t, and !ith lot" of humour at
50
all time" to /re)ent u" from becoming '-1" du/e". (ut it !a" only achie)ed by an
enormou" amount of !or$ fed by the energy from our emotional fire". At once the
im/atient reminder come", and it i" true7 Agora ex/eriment !a" achie)ed at the co"t of
1real1 emotional contact" !ith other /eo/le, including, at time", our"el)e". ,he emotional
content of my exi"tence !a" reduced to a !or$ing ab"olute minimum 9though it !a"
difficult to recogni"e thi" /roce"" a" going on at the time+ only after!ard" did one reali"e
at !hat co"t the !or$ had been achie)ed:. &erha/" it !a" all an elaborate form of 1"elf#
thera/y1 during the tormenting time after the colla/"e of my marriage in 19I0 and /lan" to
reconciliate !ith my !ife and the con"e6uent lo"" of my daughter !hich became
formali"ed at the moment of my 1rearranging of /rioritie"1 intellectual, rational?artistic
creative work @ +o. I/ love, emotion pleasure, sanity @ +o. A. I had reached the end of my
emotional tether+ I had been 1on the !ay1 before I too$ '-, but the /a)ing had gi)en out,
and there !ere not e)en "tone" left to /a)e ne! intention". ,he country ahead !a" dar$,
im/enetrable. I !a" alone at the mercy of my o!n a!ful fluidity of "elf+ a time indeed of
that 1ele)enth hour condition1 of !hich Aean Hou"ton "/ea$"*an im/o""ible hour of the
day !hich i" not mar$ed by the "ort of cloc$" you "ee in "ho/"*"o I !a" ne)er "ure of
the /re"ent or certain enough to determine the content of my emotional future. It i" the
tem/tation to !ithdra! from emotional in)ol)ement", /erha/" e)en to curl u/ in"ide and
"tay remote from e)en the "lighte"t continuity. (ut of cour"e all thing" /a""*1an
afternoon doe" not la"t all day, nor a "un"et all night1*and by the end of the year I began
to reali"e that the /ointer of my 1ele)enth hour1 !a" turning and that 1deadened time1 !a"
gradually being di"/laced by a /al/able and lo)e#centred /re"ent /u"hing to the future.
1,he !orld, li$e the big !heel in a de"erted funfair, "/un "lo!ly to!ard the final
re)olution.1 9Coger =c8ough:.
All I had really achie)ed at Agora !a" the reali"ation that the "ombre doctor", "cienti"t",
technician" /oint only to the rigour of their o!n /articular method. Ah @ but to go !ithout
aid in "earch of truth+ /erha/" thi" i" the beginning of !i"dom*to /roceed !ith the
utmo"t determination to!ard" a forbidding future through a "erie" of 1cri"i"1 in"tant" in
!hich you thin$ you1re about to "li/ o)er the edge into the a!eful Aby"" of El"e!here, but
catch your"elf 3u"t in time but by not "hrin$ing from the lightning and thunder, by hurling
your"elf for!ard, unafraid of ta$ing ri"$", in your "truggle to!ard" lo)e, con"ciou"ne"",
enlightenment, light and 8od. And thu" the ?ay !a" "uddenly much "moother+ I !a"
o)er the hum/ of the year. And it !a" in thi" !ay, out of "uch emotional de"/air, that I
"tumbled out of my dar$ exi"tential fore"t into the daylight hone"ty of =illbroo$ . .
4' The Millbroo5 Ha))enings
&+,0
Although the !orld of =illbroo$ may "eem non"en"ical by rational "tandard" to the out"ide
!orld it !a" merely another !ay of "aying rea"on i" not enough. ?e li)ed out a myth !hich
had not yet been integrated into our /er"onalitie". =illbroo$ !a" it"elf the !or$ of art, or a
mirror, or "im/ly "omething going fa"t li$e a !atch, "ome time. 'i$e Naf$a1" ca"tle, it ga)e out
me""age" into the ether in the form of one high re"onant "ound !hich )ibrated on the ear" of
the !orld a" if it !ere trying to /enetrate beyond the barrier "e/arating 1u"1 from 1them1. ?e
felt "ati"fied that our goal" !ere e)ery man1", a /ro3ection of e)ery man1" /ri)ate ambition.
?e "ought for that unitary "tate of di)ine harmony, an exi"tence in !hich only the "en"e of
!onder remain" and all fear gone. Here !a" a /hilo"o/hy of ,2 (EE2=E in !hich a//ear
bit" of Bedanta and bit" of /o/ular /anthei"m, bit" of the ,ao and bit" of the Ehing.
In the >all of 19I4 I arri)ed at =illbroo$. 'eary and Al/ert, !ho had /roclaimed them"el)e"
the International >oundation for Internal >reedom 9I>I>:, had had to lea)e Qihuatane3o,
=exico, !here they had "et u/ a training centre for /eo/le u"ing '-. ,hey got bac$ to ;e!
<or$ and "tarted loo$ing for an alternati)e ba"e "ome!here in the tate". ,he "olution to
their /roblem came in the form of a "ixty#four#room man"ion on a 2000#acre !alled e"tate
!ithin t!o hour" motoring di"tance of the city. ,hey had rented the e"tate from the young
millionaire (illy Hitchcoc$, at a nominal rent more or le""*4.00 a month.
,he man"ion !a" em/ty !hen they and their tiny follo!"hi/ arri)ed, but it !a" the ideal /lace
51
for them to be+ it !a" "ecluded and "/aciou" and not entirely lac$ing in anti6uated charm. It
had been built in the 1590" to the rather bi%arre architectural "/ecification" of the 8erman#
born ga"#lam/ magnate, Eharle" >. -ieterich, !ho chri"tened hi" country "eat 1-aheim1.
,he "/ire" and turret" /ointing abo)e the tree" into a clear o/en "$y, 1-aheim1 loo$ed, at fir"t
glance, li$e the creation of "ome neo#baro6ue American Ning 'ud!ig. In addition to the main
building, there !a" an out#building that con"i"ted of a do!n"tair" bo!ling alley and a large
fire/lace room u/"tair". It !a" built in the "tyle of a (a)arian chalet and had a little )erandah
from !hich acce"" to the roof !a" ea"y. ,here !a" al"o a lodge hou"e at the entrance to the
e"tate, in !hich =aynard >ergu""on and hi" beautiful !ife >lo li)ed !ith their children.
=illbroo$ !a" the head6uarter" of the Ea"talia >oundation, "o named after the intellectual"1
colony in Hermann He""e1" boo$ Das "lasperlenspiel 9,he 8la"" (ead 8ame:, the la"t and
fine"t no)el by Hermann He""e, the "tory of !hich i" "et in the Al/ine /ro)ince of Na"talien
around the year 2400. In thi" emotionally chill uto/ian future, i"olated from the ma"" of
/o/ulation, the elite mona"tic Ea"talian 2rder di"/lay" it" intellectual ma"tery through the
rituali"ed game of gla"" bead", a game encom/a""ing all human $no!ledge.
1,he /attern "ing" li$e cry"tal con"tellation",
And !hen !e tell our bead", !e "er)e the !hole,
And cannot be di"lodged or mi"directed,
Held in the orbit of the Eo"mic oul.1
,im !a" greatly intere"ted in the !riting" of He""e, but at thi" time, it !a" the gla"" bead
game that held him under it" hermetic "/ellR Ao"e/h Nnecht 91"er)ant1:, hero of the
no)el, ri"e" to be a =agi"ter 'udi, the High &rie"t of the Ea"talian 2rder. 8radually he
become" di""ati"fied !ith the exclu"i)e and e"oteric nature of tho"e !ho /lay the game,
for the rule" of the game had e)ol)ed into an a"toni"hing com/lexity7
1,he"e rule", the "ign language and grammar of the 8ame, con"titute a $ind of highly
de)elo/ed "ecret language dra!ing u/on "e)eral "cience" and art", but e"/ecially
mathematic" and mu"ic.... ,he 8la"" (ead 8ame i" thu" a mode of /laying !ith the
total content" and )alue" of our culture.... All the in"ight", noble thought", and !or$"
of art that the human race ha" /roduced in it" creati)e era", all that "ub"e6uent
/eriod" of "cholarly "tudy ha)e reduced to conce/t" and con)erted into intellectual
/ro/erty*on all thi" immen"e body of intellectual )alue" the 8la"" (ead 8ame
/layer /lay" li$e the organi"t on an organR 9the 8ame re/re"ent": an elite, "ymbolic
form of "ee$ing for /erfection, a "ublime alchemy, an a//roach to that =ind !hich
beyond all image" and multi/licitie" i" one !ithin it"elf in other !ord", to 8od.1
KHermann He""e, 4he "lass !ead "ame, tr. by Cichard and Elara ?in"ton,
Aonathan Ea/e, 1970, /. 14ff.L
Nnecht left the rarefied !orld in !hich he /erformed !ith "uch eminence and re"ol)ed to
fa"hion a lin$ bet!een Ea"talia and the out"ide !orld. After ma$ing thi" deci"ion, Nnecht
fortuitou"ly dro!n" in an Al/ine la$e !ith hi" /rotOgO, a mi"fortune that yet /oint" a
/recedent for action, a" the /rotOgO feel" henceforth, life !ill 1demand much greater
thing" of him than he had e)er before demanded of him"elf1.
,im thought mo"t /eo/le mi""ed the real me""age of He""e, him"elf the member of the
Hermetic Eircle+ entranced by the /retty dance of !ord" and theme, they o)erloo$ the
"eed me""age, for He""e, in the "/irit of =ercuriou", i" a tric$"ter. 'i$e nature in A/ril, he
dre""e" u/ hi" code in fancy /lumage. ,he literary reader /ic$" the fruit, eat" 6uic$ly, and
to""e" the core to the ground. (ut the "eed, the electrical me""age, the code, i" in the
core. ,he "eed meaning i" !ithin, concealed behind the net of "ymbol". =illbroo$1"
Ea"talia >oundation !a" it" o!n 1"ublime alchemy1, and it" o!n High &rie"t in ,imothy
'eary, !ho "a! in He""e1" "tory of the Ea"talian 2rder, both an in"/iration and a !arning
again"t con"tricting rigidity.
18rou/" !hich attem/t to a//ly /"ychedelic ex/erience" to "ocial li)ing !ill find in the
"tory of Ea"talia all the feature" and /roblem" !hich "uch attem/t" ine)itably
52
encounter7 the need for a ne! language or "et of "ymbol" to do 3u"tice to the
incredible com/lexity and /o!er of the human cerebral machinery+ the central
im/ortance of maintaining direct contact !ith the regenerati)e force" of the life#
/roce"" through meditation or other method" of altering con"ciou"ne""+ the crucial
and e""entially in"oluble /roblem of the relation of the my"tic community to the !orld
at large. Ean the order remain an educati)e, "/iritual force in the "ociety, or mu"t it
degenerate through i"olation and inattention to a detached, alienated grou/ of
ideali"t" D1 K,imothy 'eary and Cal/h =et%ner, 4he 3sychedelic 5enew, Eambridge,
=a""., Bol. 1, ;o. 2, >all 19I3, /. 179.L
>or tho"e of u" !ho com/ri"ed the hou"ehold, =illbroo$ !a" "im/ly 1a hou"e1, in the
"en"e that a hou"e i" al"o a home. ?e li)ed a" a community of /eo/le !ho had acce/ted
a certain !ay of li)ing, !hich had rule" and goal", "hared by all. ?e felt that our life#"tyle
!a" a creati)e "olution to the /roblem" of li)ing in the cinematic, labour#"a)ing !orld. ?e
!anted to ex/lore our "/iritual indi)iduality, di"co)er our "ecret life !ithin, but al"o to te"t
the )alidity of our "earch by mean" of li)ing and lo)ing and "haring !ith other /eo/le in
clo"e community. It !a" "ome $ind of heightened feeling of "elf, combined !ith
mo)ement, a natural and in"tincti)e reaction in "uch a "etting, the light, the land"ca/e, an
all#/er)ading tactile 6uality about the /lace, the texture and the mu"ic of natural
"urrounding", created a corre"/onding ambiance of colour, affecti)e tonality, and
"eriou"ne"" in our mind". Here !e could tra)el into our o!n mind", to remote and
hitherto inacce""ible realm" !ithin. ?e "ought the god !ho inhabit" each and e)ery man.
?e too$ thi" lofty hou"e and turned it into a "mall "te//ing "tone.
Ele)ated or meta/horic le)el" of con"ciou"ne"" ha)e been "ought by a fe! men in each
generation. ,he /o""ibility of tran"cendence ha" attracted the thought" of men
throughout the age". ,he )i"ionary ex/erience ha" coloured the )i"ion" of a fe! ?e"tern
thin$er", and ha" been recorded by many Ea"tern my"tic". It i" de"cribed in the "e)enth
boo$ of &lato1" 5epublic and ma//ed in the !hagavad "ita and 4he 4ibetan !ook of the
Dead.>or the mo"t /art, ?e"tern /"ychology ha" ignored the /o""ibilitie" of mind#
ex/an"ion and ha" become almo"t entirely externally oriented. -uring the la"t hundred
year" /articularly !e ha)e gained an incredible ex/erti"e in mani/ulating the ob3ecti)e
en)ironment !hile "imultaneou"ly "etting u/ barrier" again"t the ex/loration of the
internal. ,hi" imbalance bet!een the outer and inner create" an o)er#em/ha"i" on action
and aggre""i)e beha)iour, and a neglect of the fundamental 6ue"tion of !hat
con"ciou"ne"" i".
E)erything i" internal. E)erything ha//en" in the mind. At =illbroo$ !e !anted to de)elo/
a methodology to guide u" in our 3ourney !ithin. In the ?e"t our mo"t ready meta/hor"
are neurological. At =illbroo$ !e !anted to "ub"titute a more a//o"ite imagery. ?e
!i"hed to confront the realitie" of our ner)ou" "y"tem, not in a clinical but in a creati)e
"etting. ,o o)ercome the "u/er"titiou" dread of 1tam/ering !ith the mind1 !e "et out to
learn the language of inner "/ace. Ean thi" internal language be under"toodD ,he
/roblem i" /henomenological. ,o go into external "/ace !e ha)e to o)ercome
gra)itational inertia. (y analogy, our ego "/in" around in"ide the mind com/elling u" to
be tied to it" field of gra)ity. ,ran"cendental ex/erience i" the only e"ca/e from the /ri"on
im/o"ed by the ego. It i" the aturn roc$et that boo"t" u" into a more differentiated and
freer "/ace. <et "o far from '- being the !ithdra!al of the mind from reality, it ha"
enabled /eo/le to a//reciate the authentic beauty of !hat !e under"tand by ob3ecti)e
reality.
In the early day" at Har)ard !e didn1t $no! much about thi". ?e $ne! enough not to
im/o"e rule", role", ritual" on the brain of another+ enough to /lan "e""ion" beforehand
in an o/en !ay, to remo)e any fear" a /er"on might ha)e that he !a" going to ha)e an
ex/erience /ut o)er him. And !hile !e $ne! not to get /eo/le out of their mind", !e had
to find a !ay to bring them bac$. It !a" li$e ha)ing no e6ui/ment to /lot re#entry.
=illbroo$ !a" an attem/t to bring /eo/le bac$ in a /o"ition to "u"tain their "/iritual
tran"formation. And !hile !e dre! on the collecti)e !i"dom of the great my"tical text" !e
53
!ere not attem/ting a crude tran"/lant. ?e de"ired a coale"cence of Ea"tern in"ight"
and ?e"tern intelligence. A combination, for exam/le, of the ,antra and ?e"tern
/"ychology.
Cegularly the /ermanent member" of the hou"ehold !ould /artici/ate in grou/ "e""ion",
u"ing '-, and !e !ould ta$e it in turn" to /lan the"e. >ourteen /eo/le !ould turn on
together. ,he a//ointed guide !ould be re"/on"ible for the mu"ic, the ta/e", the
reading", the light". In one of the"e run by -ic$ Al/ert, !e agreed not to "/ea$ for three
hour", but to !holly gi)e our"el)e" in re"/onding to the in/ut. -ic$ read from =eher
(aba, the celebrated Indian my"tic !ho cea"ed to "/ea$ on Auly 10, 192. and
communicated, through di"ci/le", by mean" of an al/habet board7
1,he "ole /ur/o"e of creation i" that the "oul "hould be able to en3oy the Infinite "tate
of the 2)er#"oul ;3aramatman<con"ciou"ly. Although the "oul eternally exi"t" in and
!ith the 2)er"oul in an in)iolable unity, it cannot be conscious of this unity
inde/endently of the creation !hich i" !ithin the limitation" of time. It mu"t, therefore,
e)ol)e con"ciou"ne"" before it can reali"e it" true "tatu" and nature a" being
identical !ith the Infinite 2)er#"oul, !hich i" 2ne !ithout a "econd.1 K=eher (aba,
1,he -i)ine ,heme for =editation1, cited in E. (. &urdom, 4he 3erfect $aster,
?illiam" and ;orgate, 'ondon, 1937, /. 309.L
After three hour" !e loo$ed in the little hand mirror" !e had all been "u//lied !ith before
the "e""ion and !atched the )ariou" /hy"iognomic metamor/ho"e". >or "ome /eo/le it
!a" li$e entering the !orld of ?ilde1" 4he 3icture of Dorian "ray !atching 1in the dim
light the hideou" face on the can)a"1 and reali"ing, li$e -orian, that 1each of u" ha"
Hea)en and Hell in him1. ome had a horrific ex/erience of "eeing their face" melting or
turning bright orange or red or green.
In fact the"e /aranoid "ym/tom" are de"cribed in the ,ibetan my"tical !riting" !here
they are hallucination" of de)il". In ,ibetan tanka/ainting" fearful dragon" !ith huge red
eye" belch flame and "mo$e from their no"tril". ,he"e are image" of energy that exi"t in
the mind. Hnder the "e""ion conducted by -ic$ !e al"o "a! the "na$e, !hich i" the
coiled -;A, the Kundalini "er/ent !hich lie" at the ba"e of the "/ine. 2nce relea"ed it
fill" the mind and heart !ith light. Hn/re/ared for "uch image" they create fear and terror.
A" !e became more "o/hi"ticated !ith the u"e of drug" and "tudied the my"tic" !e
could deal !ith the image". ?e "a! them a" mandalas, a" "creen" of energy. (y
"u"/ending analy"i" !e !ere able to /a"" through the "creen". ?e noticed that in the
centre of all the"e image" i" a blac$ hole, the )ortex of my"tical !or$". (y focu"ing on
thi" "!irling, "uc$ing )oid !e mo)ed through it" entrance to the other $ingdom. ,he blind
"/ot in the centre of each mandala i" recogni"ed by ,ibetan mon$" a" a de)ice to reach
tran"cendence. It come" to life and trigger" off archety/al image". ?e learned to mo)e
through the mandala to ;ir)ana, the "tate of ab"olute bli"".
In our hand mirror" !e "a! former "el)e", li)e" /a"t, and li)e" !e might yet li)e in the
/re"ent. And in thi" "e""ion !ith a do"age of 500 gamma '- 93u"tified becau"e of the
"ecure "u//orti)e "y"tem: !e "a! the multi/le facet" of our /otential. Indeed, 1it might be
/ro/o"ed that !hat !e encounter here i" an acti)ation of the /hylogenetic inheritance.1
KC. E. '. =a"ter" and Aean Hou"ton, ,he Barietie" of &"ychedelic Ex/erience, Anthony
(lond, 'ondon, 19I7, /. 217L I had ex/erience" of li)ing in the "ixteenth and "e)enteenth
centurie", and of li)ing in India 2000 year" ago. I al"o di""ol)ed into a )ery old man,
receded into a young man, "/un and "hrun$ into a baby being born.
After fi)e hour" !e "till had not "tarted to )erbali"m ?e "ilently /re/ared for the /eriod of
re#entry. Here daily con"ciou"ne"" i" "lo!ly intruding and our conce/tual mind /ercei)e"
it !ith all it" inhibition", it" !hole /athology of content.
1o far you ha)e been "earching for your /a"t /er"onality.
Hnable to find it, you may begin to feel that you !ill ne)er be the "ame again,
,hat you !ill come bac$ a changed /er"on.
addened by thi" you !ill feel "elf#/ity,
<ou !ill attem/t to find your ego, to regain control.
54
o thin$ing you !ill !ander here and there,
Eea"ele""ly and di"tractedly.1
;4he 4ibetan !ook of the Dead<
At /ea$ ex/erience the being i" filled !ith lo)e, 3oy and ec"ta"y+ under '- it i"
im/o""ible to thin$ of $illing anything. 2n reentry !e !ould try to choo"e !ho !e !anted
to be. If !e !ere to return from "/iritual height" !e !anted to do "o changed, "till
/o""e""ed of lo)e and radiance. ,hi" !a" the /oint of the "e""ion, but none of u" really
managed it. ,he re#entry /eriod" !e !anted to free%e !ere elu"i)e.
-ic$1" "e""ion !a" follo!ed by a !al$ in the !ood", a "ilent exerci"e in loo$ing. And after
ex/eriencing the "en"uou" im/act of the gra"", and the tree", and the animal" !e !ent
bac$ to the hou"e and /re/ared a meal of rice and tamara, !ine and chee"e, and !e
began to "/ea$ to each other.
?e al"o /layed beha)ioural game" !ith each other, accumulating e)idence to te"t
)ariou" hy/othe"e". A" an exam/le, in Aune 19I. !e had all been "tudying 8urd3ieff1"
$eetings #ith 5emarkable $en, 2u"/en"$y1" 4he ourth #ay, and 2rage1"
3sychological 89ercises. 8urd3ieff maintained that mo"t /eo/le "lee/!al$ their !a$ing
hour" a!ay, and "a! hi" o!n role a" that of an alarm cloc$ to !a$e /eo/le from thi"
diurnal "omnambuli"m. ,o te"t thi" !e /lanned a elf#Cemembering game. It "tarted at
9.00 a.m. and, in an arbitrary "e6uence, a bell !ould ring four time" an hour throughout
the day. ,he bell !a" the "ignal for u" to "to/ and record !hat !e !ere doing at the time.
Hnder the heading EP,EC;A' !e an"!ered the 6ue"tion" #here are youB and #hat
game are you playingB Hnder the heading E2;EI2H;E !e an"!ered the
6ue"tion" #henB 9i.e. &a"t, &re"ent, >uture:, #hereBand #hat gameB A" the hou"e !a"
full of beha)iouri"t" thi" "eemed a normal thing to do.
,im1" !edding to 1the beautiful blonde !edi"h model1 ;ena Bon chlebrugge too$ /lace
"ix !ee$" after I had mo)ed into my u/"tair" room at =illbroo$. It !a" a radiant morning
and !e !ere u/ early to !elcome the gue"t", mo"t of !hom dro)e u/ from ;e! <or$.
,he marriage "er)ice !a" held in the E/i"co/al church in the )illage of =illbroo$ in the
early afternoon and after!ard" !e returned to the e"tate !here !e had arranged a
!edi"h#"tyle buffet in all the do!n"tair" room" of Ea"talia, "o gue"t" could !ander
around the hou"e eating delicacie". I had met mo"t of the gue"t" indi)idually, or in "mall
grou/", but thi" !a" the fir"t really big gathering of a""orted head". ,here !ere "ome
1.0 of u", all high on '-, or /ot, or both. It !a" a brilliant fe"ti)e occa"ion !ith e)eryone
dre""ed u/ "o brightly that it !a" li$e !atching an idyllic /ageant from Eli%abethan
England. =o"t of the girl" had da%%ling ornament" o)er Indian "ari". ,hey held flo!er"
and "eemed to glitter in an extraordinary delicacy. ,he men !ore robe" and brightly
coloured co"tume"*harle6uin /ant", richly textured 3ac$et", "um/tuou" "hirt". ,o )ie!
them on the la!n from the roof of the bo!ling alley !a" to /ee/ into a $aleido"co/ic
garden /arty of gloriou" humanity. Ea"talia had been tran"formed into a /alace and it
embraced thi" ceremony.
It !a" one of tho"e day" !hen e)eryone !a" ha//y and 3oyou" and lo)ing. >elicitie"
filled the air. Eharlie =ingu" /layed hi" ba"", =aynard >ergu""on cogitated on hi"
trum/et, and other mu"ician" 3oined in to /roduce an elegant !ea)ing "erie" of
im/ro)i"ation". -on nyder too$ a !onderfully "ym/athetic "erie" of /hotogra/h".
(efore ,im and ;ena left for ;e! <or$ to catch the /lane to ;e! -elhi for their fir"t )i"it
to India there !a" a recei)ing line and !e all filed /a"t !ith our /re"ent". &"ychedelic
/re"ent" of cour"e. ome ga)e ha"hi"h, "ome ga)e bag" of excellent gra"". ome ga)e
mu"hroom". A "nuff box of cocaine. A 6uantity of '-. ,he entire range of mind#
ex/anding "ub"tance" !ere /roffered to the ne!ly#!ed", and all the !hile /eo/le !ere
turning on. ?hen ,im and ;ena left !e carried on !ith the celebration" into the da!n,
and !atched the "un edging o)er the hori%on a" the earth hea)ed o)er and too$ u" into
another day.
,im !a" a!ay for more than a month, during !hich time !e "ent him me""age" about
!hat !e !ere doing. ,a/e" !ould arri)e at ;e! -elhi )ia American Ex/re"" and !ould
55
be ta$en u/ to ,im and ;ena, about a mile a!ay in Almora.
1-ear ,im and ;ina. ?e1re mi""ing you )ery much. ?e1)e been "tudying the !or$" of
=eher (aba, /articularly hi" boo$ "od (peaksand !e find thi" fundamental to our
3ourney. ?e1)e al"o been reading Cene -aumal1" $ount Analogue and our "oul" are
climbing the mountain. 2ur bodie" too7 !e1)e built our o!n mountain from chic$en
!ire and /la"ter of /ari", and !e1)e /ainted route" and mar$ing" on thi" mountain, a
meta/horic "tatement of !here !e1re at, all climbing the mountain together. ?e ran
"e)en "e""ion" la"t !ee$. ome !onderful. Aac$y and u"an are )ery !ell. Aac$ i"
doing !ell at "chool, ma$ing ne! friend" !ho he bring" round to !atch the deer in
the /ar$. u"an ha" been learning to ba$e. 2n ,ue"day "ome of u" !ent to al)ador
-ali1" birthday /arty at the t. Cegi" hotel. ?e !ere all dre""ed u/, !earing "$i
ma"$", each !ith a different mu"ical in"trument. ,hey !ere about to thro! u" out
!hen they di"co)ered !e !ere -ali1" gue"t". 8abi ga)e -ali hi" /et iguana for a
/re"ent. 'ater, !hen -ali too$ u" to the tor$ Elub for a meal, he /aid and left the
iguana on the table a" a ti/. ?e are "ending you "ome '- by next mail, to cGo
American Ex/re"", ;e! -elhi. Enough for forty tri/". 'o)e from =illbroo$.1
8abi, the /hotogra/her, had entered =illbroo$ during the time ,im and ;ena !ere a!ay,
a /eriod !hen !e "/ent a lot of time !or$ing on multi#media techni6ue". ,he gene"i" of
the multimedia "ho! 1&"ychedelic ,heatre1 came about !hen, late one e)ening, Arnie
Hendin arri)ed at =illbroo$ !ith hi" girl, 'oi". He !a" a )ery acti)e /er"on, tall !ith a little
beard and long hair. He told me he !a" a /hotogra/her. ;one of u" had thought much
about u"ing /hotogra/hy in "e""ion", but Arnie mentioned it a" a /o""ibility and a"$ed if
he could "ho! me "ome of hi" "lide". He "et u/ t!o /ro3ector" in the "e""ion room,
"elected "ome mu"ic, and !e too$ "ome '-. ,hen he began to mani/ulate the
/ro3ector to inform hi" /hotogra/h" !ith a dynamic 6uality. Inexorably I !a" caught u/ in
thi" dance of the fixed image. It !a" a !eird mo"aic of )i"ual rhythm, /ul"ating )ibrating
colour. Arnie u"ed our huge mirror" to reflect hi" "lide" and bounced them round the
room. He too$ them in and out of focu", blended /hotogra/h" together, and u"ed thi"
controlled agitation in uncanny counter/oint !ith the mu"ic. ,he"e /icture" !ere real2 I
li)ed in them. A "hot of the Ea"t Billage, ;e! <or$, !ould come "o ali)e that I could "ee
the "ound", "en"e the "mell", !atch the /eo/le mo)e. At time" I had to a)oid the traffic.
uddenly Arnie "!itched to a /a"toral "cene of an old ;e! England barn, and the mood
changed abru/tly. He had a triangular arrangement of three mirror" !hich he /ut in front
of the len" to brea$ the image u/ into multi/le facet". ,a$ing the "lide" out of focu" he
ele)ated "ha/e" to form", and then reduced the"e to /rimal blob" of chaotic colour. It
antici/ated tanley Nubri$1" /"ychedelic continuum in A..- !hen the "/ace /od enter"
the )i"ionary atmo"/here of Au/iter. I felt Arnie had )i"ually du/licated the early "tage" of
the '- ex/erience. ?ord" had ne)er been e6ual to the ineffable. ,he"e graceful
gymna"tic" of colour !hich Arnie had /roduced, by "heer arti"try, !ere the a/otheo"i" of
di"traction.
He !a" a magician*not only a technically brilliant /hotogra/her, but a being /o""e""ed
of my"teriou" creati)e /o!er", able to utili"e ne! form" of energy. He had under"tood
that '- i" a non#)erbal, )i"ionary ex/erience. An inten"ity of "eeing !hether the eye"
are o/ened or clo"ed. Arnie had changed our "e""ion room from the in"ide of a cigar box
to the in"ide of a diamond.
I a"$ed him if there !ere any other /hotogra/her" !ho !ere hi" /eer" in the"e realm".
1<e",1 Arnie "aid. 1,here i" 8abi. He come" from -etroit li$e me and came to ;e! <or$ to
ta$e u/ a "cholar"hi/ at the Eoo/er Hnion. 8abi "/ent one day loo$ing round the /lace
and decided it !a" not for him. He li)e" in a "mall ba"ement in the lo!er Ea"t Billage.1
I had to go into ;e! <or$ the follo!ing day to /ic$ u/ a ,ibetan mon$ey !hich had been
gifted to u". ?hy not "ee 8abi then D Arnie told me the addre"", but a"$ed about the
mon$ey. I ex/lained that the ,ibetan mon$ey had been de"tined for the (altimore %oo,
but had been re3ected by the %oo. ,he donor" !ere friend" of the >ergu""on" and
"ugge"ted to them that the Ea"talia >oundation could ha)e it if !e !anted. 2f cour"e, !e
56
did. o I !a" to dri)e in and /ic$ it u/ from an animal em/orium 3u"t off (road!ay, near
?all treet.
I dro)e into ;e! <or$ next morning in the >ord "tation !agon !e had, and !ent fir"t to
"ee 8abi. He !a" "eated at a table in hi" ba"ement "tic$ing coloured /olo mint" on to a
di"carded car axle. Juite naturally he "ho!ed me a cham/agne gla"" !ith bro$en /olo
mint" "tuc$ around the ba"e. ,hen a "il)er "/oon hanging from a "tring in a box !ith the
coloured "!eet" "tuc$ on to it. After a /eriod "/ent loo$ing at the"e and "imilar creation"
8abi introduced me to hi" animal". He had a /et iguana, a /et cro!, a /et mou"e. 'ater
on the cro! ate the mou"e, and the iguana frea$ed the cro! by doing "omething the
cro! could not do*blin$@ It !a" thi" "ame iguana that ended u/ on a table in the tor$
Elub a" the al)ador -ali ti/.
8abi !a" a "ix footer, !ith long blond hair, and the large"t blande"t eye" I had e)er "een.
He loo$ed a bit li$e 'e!i" Earroll. I "ugge"ted he come out to =illbroo$, but told him that
fir"t I had to /ic$ u/ the ,ibetan mon$ey. ?ould he hel/ me a" ob)iou"ly he had a !ay
!ith animal" D Eertainly he !ould, but if !e !ere going on to =illbroo$ he !anted to ta$e
hi" animal". 8abi /ut on hi" head the northern hemi"/here from a metal atla", and !e
boxed the mou"e, and /ut the iguana in a cage. 8abi felt that a tri/ to the financial di"trict
might "o u/"et the iguana that it might bite, and !e didn1t !ant that. ,he cro!, ho!e)er,
!a" not nearly "o "en"iti)e "o !e let if fly abo)e the "tation !agon and follo! u" to the
?all treet di"trict.
?e got into the em/orium !ithout incident, and the cro! "till hung about the "tation
!agon. ,he mon$ey, about t!o#and#a#half feet high !ith "no!y !hite eyebro!" and
beard, !a" /ut into a huge cage. 8abi "aid he could "/ea$ to animal", "o I carried the
cage and he carried the mon$ey. o !e !al$ed bac$ to the "tation !agon, an
extraordinary trinity*me in my raccoon coat and tam o1"hanter, 8abi !ith half of the
!orld on hi" head, and the ,ibetan mon$ey com/letely at home in 8abi1" arm". >rom the
loo$" on the face" of /a""er"#by it "eemed a" if a !hole "ection of ;e! <or$ had frea$ed
out@ Cu"h hour too$ on a ne! meaning.
A" "oon a" !e got bac$ to =illbroo$ e)eryone !anted to "ee "ome of 8abi1" /"ychedelic
magic. He in"talled the animal" and then "et u/ /ro3ector", a" Arnie had done. ?e !ere
"oon tran"fixed by the beauty, da%%ling colour, and uni6ue in"ight" /erformed by 8abi
!ith light and colour. ,he magician" !ere ta$ing o)er. And !e li$ed it.
,hi" de)elo/ment led to other grou/" coming. &robably the mo"t im/ortant !a" HE2
*1H com/any1*three /erformer" from the arti"t"1 colony at ?ood"toc$, ;.<. ,he grou/
com/ri"ed 8erd tein, /oet and former 3layboy corre"/ondent+ te)e -ur$ee, /re)iou"ly
a /o/ arti"t+ and =ichael Eallahan, an electronic" technician. HE2 communicated
through a multichannel media mix, a /"ychedelic orche"tra of film, colour "lide", $inetic
"cul/ture, "trobe light", and li)e actor". ,hey had de)elo/ed a "y"tem of lin$ing all
/ro3ector" to one control manual. ?ith thi" ability to control all )i"ual effect" from one
"ource they u"ed techni6ue" of "/inning "ound from one "/ea$er to another. ,hi", in
con3unction !ith the image", "eemed to u" to offer an exciting dramatic /o""ibility, a
uni6ue form of theatre. A /erformance !here the audience !ould be in)ol)ed intimately in
the field of action, /artici/ating.
At =illbroo$ !e did not i"olate our"el)e" hermetically from the !orld out"ide, but !i"hed
to contribute to and reflect "omething of the "/irit of our time. 2ur &"ychedelic ,heatre or
1,ranart1 9tran"cendental art: did not ari"e li$e a di)er"ion or arri)e li$e a gilded &a)lo)a. It
gre! out of alembic of creati)e mind", from a"/ect" of /er"onal ex/erience" of li)ing. ?e
continually ex/o"ed our"el)e" to no)el de/arture" in our conce/tual, label#ma$ing
/roce"" and tried to get rid of idea" of !hat art mu"t nece""arily be.
In the ca"e of the &"ychedelic ,heatre !e "u"/ended the general a""um/tion that
,heatre i" concerned "olely !ith formal, fixed con"truction li$e the /lay" of Ib"en. ?e
!anted to a)oid the mi"ta$e tacitly committed by both "/ectator and arti"t of "ubmitting to
a mental tra/ of $no!ing !hat i" ex/ected of them. ,he &"ychedelic ,heatre aro"e out of
"omething li$e the ca)e#/ainting" of /rimiti)e man intere"ted in con"tructing a /iece of
reality from the flux. It !a" a theatre of controlled "/ontaneity, offered not a" a )irtuo"o
/erformance by a "ignature#arti"t, but a" a "en"ory embrace.
57
,he fir"t /ublic /"ychedelic e)ent e)er /erformed !a" at the Billage Banguard 3a%% club
in 8reen!ich Billage on =onday, A/ril ., 19I.. ,ho"e ta$ing /art !ere my"elf, -ic$
Al/ert, Alan ?att", Eharlie =ingu", &ete 'a Coca, te)e !allo!, Eharlie 'loyd, Cal/h
=et%ner, u"an 'eary, =ario 9a dancer:, and (3oern Bon chlegrugge a" "tage manager
in charge of the electronic e6ui/ment.
I introduced the e)ent thu"7
12ur /ur/o"e in being here i" to ex/and our a!arene"". ,o a""imilate and to "ee
a"/ect" of the /"ychedelic con"ciou"ne"". ,o ob"er)e the /henomena of inner
"/ace. ,hi" i" the =agic ,heatre. (y magic !e mean the /henomena of e)eryday life
through !hich !e /a"" mo"t of our time a"lee/. ,onight !e "hall be mixing auditory
and )i"ual /henomena. ,he brain i" ca/able of /roce""ing all thi" data. It !ill "ee
different image" mo)ing in a randomG/lanned fa"hion. ound trac$", "ome of !hich
ha)e been cut u/, !ill be heard. >ilm" and light !ill /erform. All you ha)e to do i"
focu" on one /oint. And then you !ill "ee the re"t. -i)er"ity !ill be unity. (ut do not
try to under"tand. ,he brain !ill do all that later. Here you !ill ha)e 10,000 )i"ion".
o "it bac$ and relax. Extend your"elf to an ae"thetic di"tance. <ou may ha)e the
o//ortunity of lea)ing your body. 'ea)ing your mind. <ou are going on a )oyage. ,he
/rice of admi""ion i" your mind. >or if you attem/t to analy"e and conce/tuali"e you
!ill cheat your"elf of the o//ortunity to "ee thing" in a fre"h manner.1
,hen I read7
I" it a dream D
hado!y
Elu"i)e
In)i"ible
All thing"
All image"
=o)e "lo!ly
?ithin
himmering net"
Here
E""ence endure"
>rom here
All form" emerge
All form"
Emerge
>rom thi" "econd
(ac$ to the ancient beginning
;4ao (utra A-<
And !e began. ,he im/act of thi" e)ent i" /erha/" be"t a//reciated from the re)ie! in
the +ew ,ork 4imes of unday, A/ril 11, 19I.7
1,amara, her blonde hair falling to her baggy !hite /y3ama", !a" /a""ing out ,ibetan
incen"e.
1 M,hat1" becau"e it1" delightful,M "he ex/lained.
1,he /atron" !ho 3ammed the 123#"eat ba"ement 3a%% club acce/ted the offering"
!ith an e6ually earne"t my"tici"m, for they had come to ex/erience the debut of the
&"ychedelic ,heatre*a "imulated M"e""ionM !ith the con"ciou"ne"" ex/anding drug
'y"ergic Acid -iethylamide, or '-.
1It !a" M"/ea$outM night at the Billage BanguardR la"t !ee$ an '- "ym/o"ium
tran"cended the merely )erbal becau"e, a" a gra)e young man bac$ed by a
throbbing ba"" declaimed, M2ur limited lexicogra/hy, !ith it" /rocru"tean "ub3ect#
ob3ect limitation" cannot communicate thi" ex/erience.M
58
1-ar$ne"". H/ tem/o ba"". 'ight" fla"h through the audience+ "lide" fla"h on a "heet7
=ount Cu"hmore, biological "/ecimen, (uddha "liding in and out of focu". -rum"
and a clarinet /ic$ u/ the rhythm. ,amara, accom/anied by ,a"ha, a thin, haunted#
loo$ing young man al"o in baggy !hite"+ they dance, not 6uite to a t!i"t, !ith
iame"e arm motion". 'ater, more dancing, to the (eatle", !hile a flic$ering blue
light "eem" to "to/ the motion into 3er$".... A noi"e li$e three monotone bear" tra//ed
in a "e!er, tran"forming it"elf into an oriental fluting, bonging and chanting. A mo)ie
of a frog embryo in a gla"" bo!l, e)ol)ing rotating and fli//ing to a cool 3a%% "core,
!hile a )oice 6uietly intone" uni)er"al truth" and in"ight"7 MR muddy !ater cannot be
fathomed.M
1A hundred !ould#be ex/eriencer" !ere turned a!ay, bu"ine"" at the bar !a" "lo!,
and the audience !a" ra/t and curiou"ly "/lit. M,here1" an a!ful lot of u/to!ner"
here,M muttered a ho"tile hi/"ter, glo!ering at a "ection of ?edne"day matinee
!omen.
1,here !a" a "cattering of ageing beard", but the other face !a" that of youth, "ure
of it" terminology*MEo"mic con"ciou"ne""M, Mre#entryM, and M"etM.
1ome matched the religiou" fer)our of the /erformer", re"ident" of a =illbroo$, ;.<.
Muto/ian colonyM !ho "oberly /a""ed out 3elly bean" and balloon" during
intermi""ion.1
A" !ell a" /a""ing out 3elly bean" 9!hich "ome of the audience imagined, !ith delight or
a//rehen"ion, de/ending on their attitude, to be treated !ith '-: !e ga)e -ic$ Al/ert a
"/ot. He "at on a "tool and began telling funny "torie" about hi" ex/erience" at Har)ard,
about hi" early ex/erience" !ith hi" millionaire father, and ho! thi" !orld no! "eemed
"e)eral light year" a!ay. ,he audience laughed u/roariou"ly at -ic$1" "torie" and, after
the "ho!, the o!ner of the Banguard, =ax, came u/ to -ic$.
1<ou are a natural#born comedian. ?ould you li$e to try a !ee$ here a" a comedian,
doing !hat you did tonightD1
-ic$ "aid he !ould try it.
A cou/le of !ee$" later -ic$ too$ u/ the offer. Hnfortunately only half a do%en /eo/le
!ere !atching him and they !ere boo%y and inca/able of under"tanding -ic$. A/art from
my"elf, !ho accom/anied -ic$ to ;e! <or$ for hi" 1gig1, and "ome friend", no one got the
/oint of hi" humour. It "im/ly "eemed cra%y to them that a man could 3eo/ardi"e an
en)iable family "ecurity and a to/ academic 3ob to li)e a" -ic$ !a" doing then. It !a"
clear to u" that for -ic$1" 3o$e" to be under"tood e)eryone had to be high.
ub"e6uent to the Billage Banguard e)ening !e "et u/ a regular =onday night "erie" of
1&"ychedelic Ex/loration"1 at the ;e! ,heatre, Ea"t >ifty#>ourth treet, in collaboration
!ith HE2. ,here !ould be lecture", /"ychedelic im/ro)i"ation", di"cu""ion",
/erformance" by the Ea"talia >oundation and HE2, and finally an informal 6ue"tion#
and#an"!er /eriod. ,he idea !a" that the &"ychedelic ,heatre !ould illu"trate and
am/lify the theme" di"cu""ed in the lecture" !hich in turn "u//lied the theoretical
bac$ground nece""ary for an under"tanding of the ne! techni6ue" of audio#olfactory#
)i"ual alteration of con"ciou"ne"". 2ur other main forum !a" the Eoda 8allerie" in the
Ea"t Billage. ,hi" o/ened in A/ril 19I. and acted a" a "alon for exhibition", di"cu""ion"
and demon"tration". It /ro)ed immen"ely "ucce""ful and on one occa"ion "ome I000
Billager" tried to cram into the "ixty#fi)e#/er"on ca/acity gallery to hear a /anel of
/"ychologi"t" and arti"t" di"cu"" the )alue of chemically#induced tran"cendence for
arti"t". ,he Eoda1" director, Cay Ero""en, al"o "/on"ored the 1,heatre of the Cidiculou"1
and many /oetry#reading" in !hich I too$ /art. ,here i" no 6ue"tion but that the !or$ !e
did at that time in ;e! <or$ ha" been "eminal in the de)elo/ment of $inetic and o/tical
art, the ne! cinema, and freer form" of theatre. It o/ened u/ a !hole )i"ta of ne!
entertainment /o""ibilitie". Arnie Hendin, !ho had "ugge"ted "o much of thi" /otential
gro!th on hi" fir"t e)ening at =illbroo$, !a" by no! de)elo/ing into a one#man theatrical
e)ent+ a" three <ale /"ychologi"t" !ere "hortly to find out.
o in)ol)ed had !e been in the &"ychedelic ,heatre and "o clo"ely had !e
59
communicated !ith ,im in India that it "eemed li$e day" not month" had /a""ed !hen he
e)entually returned !ith ;ena. After the /reliminary "alutation" of !elcome, ,im made it
)ery clear that he had mainly learned from India that all fire and metal" "hould be $e/t
underground. 1,he great !or$ of the future,1 he "aid, 1!ill be to return fire and metal bac$
to earth. ,hi" !ill be a !or$ of 3oy. All !or$" of de"truction in)ol)e fire and metal. ?e
mu"t o)ercome them. In future !e !ill "e/arate our garbage into metallic and non#
metallic "ub"tance". All the metal mu"t be buried.1
I too$ it u/on my"elf to bury all the em/ty tin can" by "tic$ing them u/"ide#do!n into the
foot/ath through the garden. o !e !ould !al$ on the metal and it !ould e)entually
"ub"ide into the earth.
,im began to ta$e u/ hi" /"ychological !or$ !ith "ome inten"ity and announced one
morning that three "enior <ale /"ychologi"t" !ere coming to "ee around =illbroo$ that
afternoon. ,im !anted thi" to be a "eriou" exchange of idea" "o he a"$ed Arnie Hendin
*!ho !ore funny hat", trou"er" made out of multicoloured curtain#material, and bell"*if
he !ould mind di"carding hi" technicolour clothe" for the duration of the /"ychologi"t"1
)i"it.
1Hhuh,1 nodded Arnie.
And, true to hi" !ord, he !ent to borro! a lounge "uit and a tie and a !hite "hirt and
"hoe".
,he /"ychologi"t" arri)ed for lunch and "at, rather "tuffily, li"tening to an affable ,im
ma$ing 3o$e" and lighthearted con)er"ation. =o"t of the member" of the hou"ehold
/re"ent for lunch !ere "toned, but, in deference to ,im1" !i"he", !e maintained an
external /ro/riety. In the middle of lunch Arnie !al$ed in "/orting hi" "/lendidly
con)entional outfit and carrying a co/y of the +ew ,ork 4imesunder one arm. He nodded
and "at do!n o//o"ite the three /"ychologi"t" !ho "eemed "uitably im/re""ed by hi"
im/eccable attire. Arnie o/ened the 4imes and began to read it. ,hen he "miled and, a"
he did "o, a tric$le of green li6uid "tarted "/illing from the corner" of hi" mouth, and
"lo!ly ran do!n to hi" little beard. ;ext Arnie o/ened hi" mouth a little and the green
li6uid "/urted o)er hi" chin and on to hi" !hite "hirt. (y no! e)eryone !a" "taring at
Arnie, "o he o/ened hi" mouth in a ya!n and the green gu"hed from hi" mouth o)er hi"
ne!"/a/er and hi" "hirt, all the !hile reading the ne!" a" if nothing !a" ha//ening.
Arnie had filled hi" mouth !ith green )egetable dye and it /roduced the fir"t one#man
ha//ening I had e)er "een. ,he /"ychologi"t" ob"er)ed thi" e)ent fa"tidiou"ly and
"eemed, from fro!n" and rai"ed eyebro!" and mo)ement" of the mouth, to ha)e agreed
that thi" irre/roachably dre""ed young man !a" inoffen"i)e*merely afflicted by a "light
idio"yncra"y. ,im "aid nothing at all about it. ;either did !e. It "eemed the !i"e"t cour"e
to "mother the "cene in "ilence.
After lunch, Arnie ha)ing excu"ed him"elf !ith a nod, !e "ugge"ted to the /"ychologi"t"
that !e "ho! them around the hou"e. Indulging the fri)olity of a moment, one of the
/"ychologi"t" a"$ed if !e had any animal" in addition to the four dog" that !andered
about the front /orch. ,im /ointed to the line of ,ibetan mona"tery flag" "trung along the
turret" on the roof of the hou"e and 3ocularly lin$ed that !ith the /re"ence of our ,ibetan
mon$ey u/"tair". 2ften the mon$ey roamed about the hou"e, but at meal time" it had to
be $e/t in it" huge cage becau"e it !ould /erch high u/ on "hel)e" and thro! egg" at
/eo/le. 2b)iou"ly that couldn1t ha//en to a di"tingui"hed grou/ of <ale /"ychologi"t".
,im "aid he !ould remember to "ho! them the mon$ey. ?e got to the room, entered,
and there, "itting in the cage !ith a banana in one hand and engro""ed in the +ew ,ork
4imes, !a" Arnie. ,im let the /"ychologi"t" dra! their o!n conclu"ion".
Arnie !a" not only magical and mi"chie)ou", though+ he could be /ractical. 2nce -ic$
Al/ert got a "e)ere cold, do"ed him"elf !ith a"/irin" and "lee/ing /ill" and retired to the
bo!ling alley !here he curled u/ in a "lee/ing bag before the big log fire. Arnie a"$ed me
about -ic$ and I confirmed that -ic$ !a" mi"erable and had 3u"t gone off to try to "!eat
out the cold in front of the fire in the bo!ling alley.
1He doe"n1t need to do that,1 "aid Arnie.
12h D ?hy not D1
1I $no! of a !ay to cure cold".1
60
I had con"iderable faith in Arnie1" /o!er" and agreed to accom/any him at midnight to
"ee -ic$. ?hen !e got into the bo!ling alley -ic$ !a" "lee/ing li$e a t!i"ted log in front
of the burning fire. Arnie "tarted to /re/are the room. He arranged coloured /iece" of
gla"" on the floor and built a "hrine !ith a "tatue of the (uddha 6uite near to -ic$ and hi"
"lee/ing bag. ,hen Arnie lit about t!enty candle". I !a" !atching him, at a lo"" to "ee
!hat he !a" doing other than to create a "etting that !ould normally a//eal to -ic$.
Arnie ru"hed out again and came bac$ !ith a /rimu" "to)e and a huge metal crucible in
!hich he melted lead.
1,hi",1 "miled Arnie, 1i" an old reci/e for curing cold".1
I nodded.
E)ery no! and then Arnie !ould thro! an a//le or a banana into the molten lead and
they ra/idly di"integrated into "/ar$" !hich filled the room !ith a /ungent "mell. Arnie felt
he "hould no! !a$e -ic$ but it /ro)ed im/o""ible. o Arnie filled a hy/odermic !ith -=,
9;,;#dimethyltry/tamine*a )ery fa"t#acting but tem/orary /"ychedelic drug !hich
thro!" the "ub3ect into fanta"tic realm" and render" him inca/able of /hy"ical action: and
in3ected -ic$ in the buttoc$". Au"t a" he !a" /ulling the needle out, -ic$ "at bolt u/right
and !e !atched him maintain thi" /o"ition rigidly for half an hour !hile he "!irled
through neurological "/ace. ?hen he came round, Arnie fed him 500 gamma of '-
from a "/oon. After about fifteen minute" -ic$ turned round and "a! the flo!ing colour"
of the gla"", the (uddha, and the crucible. He loo$ed at Arnie, !ho !a" !earing a hat
!ith a ta""el of bell", li$e a troll from Ib"en1" 3eer "ynt, and !ho "till /eriodically thre!
fruit into the molten lead. A" a final mea"ure Arnie /ut on three "e/arate record#/layer"
"imultaneou"ly*a (eetho)en "ym/hony, a Eoltrane record, and a toc$hau"en record,
all at full )olume. -ic$ "eemed to "!im in thi" incredible "onic tidal !a)e for an hour.
Arnie a"$ed -ic$ if hi" cold !a" any better.
-ic$ "miled7 1It1" gone com/letely.1
,he !onder !a" that he !a" "till there after "uch dra"tic treatment, but in fact the cold
ne)er returned. ?e might, therefore, claim that Arnie had found a cure for the common
cold, but "omeho! I cannot "ee hi" method" being uni)er"ally ado/ted by the medical
/rofe""ion.
=illbroo$ !a" not confined to the acti)itie" of the /ermanent hou"ehold. A" it" name
"/read !e recei)ed many /eo/le !e admired. A" I had been the fir"t /er"on to turn ,im
on to '-, !ith !hat he felt !ere "ati"factory re"ult", I !a" u"ually called u/on to act a"
guide for the "/ecial gue"t". e)eral of the"e had memorable tri/". >eli$" ,o/ol"$i got in
touch !ith me, "aying he had heard about me from Alex ,rocchi in 'ondon. >eli$" had
come to ;e! <or$ to do mural" in the t. Cegi" Hotel and !hen he arri)ed at =illbroo$
!e agreed to do a Eoo$1" ,our of the mind. ?e !ent to the u/"tair" room of the bo!ling
alley and I decided to concentrate the )i"ual in/ut on colour, u"ing the /ro3ector" to
"ugge"t amor/hou" ma""e" of undifferentiated tonality. I blended image" and "ound"
and let >eli$" thin$ on them.
1Cemember7
,he hallucination" !hich you may no! ex/erience,
,he )i"ion" and in"ight",
?ill teach you much about your"elf and the !orld.
,he )eil of routine /erce/tion !ill be torn from your eye".
Cemember the unity of all li)ing thing".
Cemember the bli"" of the Elear 'ight.1
;4he 4ibetan !ook of the Dead<
,he "e""ion commenced in the late afternoon, and at one /oint ,im came into the room
!ith (illy Hitchcoc$. ;ot !i"hing to di"turb >eli$" they "at in a corner, tal$ed briefly, and
then left !ithout interfering !ith >eli$". ,o >eli$", ho!e)er, thi" "eemed li$e a
con"/iratorial tSte#T#tSte, and he "aid to me !hen they1d gone7 1?o!, they1re 3u"t li$e
gang"ter".1
2ur "e""ion continued into the early hour" of the next morning and a" the fir"t light !a"
61
being refracted from the cloud" I too$ >eli$" out on to the balcony of the bo!ling alley.
Au"t a" !e "te//ed out"ide there !a" a fla"h of lightning.
1,he !orld i" charged !ith the grandeur of 8od.
It !ill flame out, li$e "hining from "hoo$ foilR 1
98erard =anley Ho/$in", 18od1" 8randeur1:
>eli$" !a" "tunned.
1=y goodne"",1 he mumbled in hi" gentle !ay, 1loo$ at that.1
1<e",1 I "miled, 1!e try to do our be"t for "omeone on hi" fir"t "e""ion.1
-a!n came, and later "unlight filled the entire room. Another day, another !orld, had
come. ?e !ent bac$ on the balcony, "melling the air, li"tening to the "ound" of the bird",
feeling a" if !e !ere being reborn !ith the day. And a" our eye" !ere "canning the
hori%on !e "a! a car being dri)en )ery fa"t u/ the road follo!ed by cloud" of du"t. ,he
car halted at the bo!ling alley and out "te//ed Arnie, a male friend, and a girlfriend. ,hey
!ere na$ed, and /ainted all o)er !ith colourful "ymbol". 2ne of Arnie1" leg" !a" blue,
another green, and loo$ing do!n I could ma$e out a /ainting of a tor"o on hi" forehead.
All he had on !a" a feather in hi" hair. He brought a flute out of the car and hi" friend got
a "axo/hone. ,hen they "tarted to /lay and dance at the "ame time. It la"ted a fe!
minute" and then they got bac$ into the car and dro)e off. ,hey came from no!here,
hadn1t been ex/ected, and !ent a!ay again. -i"a//eared.
1,hi" !a" a )ery )i)id hallucination,1 >eli$" "aid to me.
I $ne! it had not been an hallucination, but had to 6ue"tion the !hole conce/t of !hat
!a" real and !hat unreal at =illbroo$.
aul teinberg the cartooni"t, !ho li)ed in ;e! <or$, came u/ for an '- "e""ion. He
!a" )ery fond of romantic com/o"er" and I /layed record" of Ca)el, -ebu""y and
Eho/in. I laid on "ome large dra!ing card" and /encil" in ca"e he !anted to dra!, but he
didn1t. ;or did he !ant any "lide". ?e u"ed a do!n"tair" room in the hou"e, and
re"/ecting hi" !i"he" for a" much "olitude a" /o""ible, a"$ed the other" not to di"turb
him. After turning him on I left and loo$ed in e)ery hour or "o to "ee ho! he !a" doing.
He !a" 6uiet, "miling at the fire, but a"$ed me to "to/ the mu"ic. He !a" finding it
abra"i)e and brittle though thi" !a" hi" normal /reference for mu"ic. Hour" later he came
out on hi" o!n and "/ent "ome time !ith our coatimundi, a outh American animal
re"embling a raccoon. It !a" a friendly beautiful animal and it curled u/ in aul1" la/. He
/ut hi" finger to it" mouth and it gently re"ted it" teeth on hi" finger. I "at be"ide aul on
the /orch for a !hile, then he !ent off on hi" o!n for a !al$ through the !ood".
-ri)ing him bac$ to &ough$ee/"ie for the train to ;e! <or$ next day, l a"$ed aul if he
had gained anything /ermanent from hi" '- ex/erience.
1I di"co)ered tree",1 he "aid.
aul1" life !a" u"ually "/ent either in hi" ;e! <or$ home or in hi" little "ummer hou"e in
Ea"t Ham/ton, a "elect 'ong I"land bathing re"ort for the )ery !ealthy. ,he tree" he "a!
there "eemed de"iccated.
1At =illbroo$ I di"co)ered real tree". I ha)e ne)er thought about tree" before. ,hat !a"
the /rinci/al thing I got from the "e""ion.1
And "ure enough about t!o month" later, on the +ew ,orkerco)er, there !a" a teinberg
dra!ing !hich featured*a huge tree.
2n =onday, A/ril 19, 19I. &aul Nra""ner came for a "e""ion. Nra""ner, editor of 4he
5ealist and later, !ith Abbie Hoffman, founder of the <i//ie /arty, too$ '- !ith me
u/"tair" in the bo!ling alley. Nra""ner later recorded hi" ex/erience in 4he 5ealist;o. I0,
Aune 19I.7
1=y '- ex/erience began !ith a "olid hour of !hat my MguideM de"cribed a" co"mic
laughter. ,he more I laughed, the more I tried to thin$ of de/re""ing thing"*
"/ecifically, the atrocitie" being committed in Bietnam*and the more !ild my
laughter became . . . I laughed "o much I thre! u/.
,he neare"t MoutletM !" a !indoe. =y hand" "eemed ab"olutely unable to o/en it. =y
guide o/ened the !indo! !ith ea"e, and I "tuc$ my head out. ?a" thi" a guillotine D
62
?a" he to be my executioner D uch fanta"y occurred to me, but I tru"ted him and
concentrated in"tead on the beautiful colour" of my )omit.
12n the /honogra/h, the (eatle" !ere "inging "tuff from A Hard Day)s +ightR I
"tarted cryingR for fal"e 3oy, it turned out.
1I had "een the film !ith my !ife*!e are "e/arated*and there !a", under '-, an
internal hallucination that "he had not only hel/ed /lan for thi" record to be /laced,
but, moreo)er, in doing "o, "he had collaborated !ith "omeone "he con"idered a
"chmuc$ in order to /lea"e me.... >illed !ith gratitude, I decided to call her u/ 9the
/o!er of /o"iti)e /aranoia:, but I alsodecided that "he had /lanned for me to call her
u/ again"t my !ill.... ,hen I called*collect, "ince I !a" in another city.
1,he o/erator a"$ed my name.
1I "uddenly an"!ered7 MCingo tarr @M
1 M-o you really !ant me to "ay that DM
1I !a" ama%ed at my calm, logical re"/on"e7 M2f cour"e, o/erator. It1" a /ri)ate 3o$e
bet!een u", and it1" the only !ay "he1ll acce/t a collect call.M
1,he o/erator told my !ife Cingo tarr !a" calling collect, and naturally "he acce/ted
the call. ?hen I ex/lained !hy I !a" calling, "he told me I !a" than$ing her for
"omething "he didn1t e)en do.I had been "o "ure I1d communed !ith her.... 1
=illbroo$ !a" mu"ic and mu"ician", too. Eharlie =ingu" and I !ere in the $itchen one
e)ening, high on '-, and unaccountably the ta/ "tarted ma$ing yo!ling "ound"
follo!ed by bang". Eharlie got out hi" ba"" and /layed arco in counter#/oint to the "ound
coming from the !aterta/. He "eemed to $no! exactly the /attern of the "ound. 1I am
conducting the "ound,1 Eharlie told me. 1I1)e ta$en it o)er. I1)e tuned into the )ibration"
and re"onate to them.1 =illbroo$ !a" Eharlie 'loyd /laying hi" flute in the !ood". I
!al$ed in the !ood" during the afternoon follo!ing the agitated "ound of flute mu"ic. And
there !a" a )ery high Eharle" 'loyd /laying to a "6uirrel !ho 3um/ed from branch to
branch. Eharlie /erformed a flute obligato !hich matched and /redicted the mo)ement"
of the animal. It !a" a" if it !a" be!itched by the mu"ic a" it "lo!ed do!n and relaxed. It
!a" li$e !atching a -i"ney film.
=illbroo$ !a" &ete 'a Coca, the drummer, ta$ing '- and !anting to /lay. ?e hung a
"heet from the ceiling and /ro3ected on to it a nine#minute time#la/"ed colour film
"e6uence of a frog embryo. >rom a blac$ dot in the middle of the "creen it gre! into a
tad/ole and the eye" and head a//eared. &ete drummed in the dar$, behind the "heet,
/ro)iding a ra/id /ul"e that "/eeded u/ at the climax of the film. Hi" !ife "aid "he had
ne)er heard him /lay "o fa"t. He "eemed hy/noti"ed by the record of creation before
him. And te)e !allo!, the ba"" /layer a""ociated !ith =ingu", too$ '- and !atched
one of Arnie Hendin1" /hotogra/h" of a flo!er being ta$en in and out of focu" and mixed
!ith colour filter". I !a" o/erating the /ro3ector, !hen I heard te)e "to/ /laying hi" ba""
and groaning 1It1" "o beautiful, it1" all "o beautiful1. ,hen there !a" a double cra"h a"
te)e and the ba"" fell to the floor. He had fainted.
Aa%% mu"ician", /"ychiatri"t", "ocial "cienti"t", /eo/le !ho !ere cra%y enough to thin$ u"
cra%y. =edium", "/irituali"t", /eo/le !ho had had "/ontaneou" )i"ion", church mini"ter".
,hey all came to =illbroo$ by "/ecial a//ointment.
>rom my /oint of )ie! one of the mo"t intere"ting, fluent and beautiful )i"itor" !a" Aoan
?ain"cott, an American girl in her mid#t!entie" !ho had been "tudying anthro/ology at
'ondon Hni)er"ity. he had ac6uired a con)incing Engli"h accent, )ery "har/ and
unbrea$able. he told me "he !a" a "econd#degree !itch in the (riti"h Eo)en of
?itche", and that "he had "/ent a year in Africa li)ing !ith /rimiti)e tribe". (efore our
'- "e""ion "he told me about !itche". he rec$oned they !ere /rie"te""e" of religion
!ho had "im/ly had a bad /re"" do!n the centurie". ,hey follo!ed a di)ine calling.
?e chatted one another u/ and then had our "e""ion. -uring thi" I read her 18ate of the
oft =y"tery1, the ex Ea$ra7
1Balley of life
8ate of the oft =y"tery
63
(eginning" in the lo!e"t /lace
8ate of the oft =y"tery
8ate of the -ar$ ?oman
8ate of the oft =y"tery
eed of all li)ing
8ate of the oft =y"tery
Eon"tantly enduring
8ate of the oft =y"tery
H"e her gently and
?ithout the touch of /ain.1
;4ao (utra C<
It became ob)iou" that !e !ere going to ma$e lo)e. ?e fed each other gra/e", and
touched each other on the hand" and face. lo!ly !e merged together in an ec"tatic
union.
?hat di"a"ter" !e did ha)e u"ually had a comical a"/ect. A" mo"t of the hou"ehold had
ta$en '- anything u/ to 200 time" !e did not "ee fit to "tore it "urre/titiou"ly. >or
exam/le, "ome li6uid '- !a" /oured into a half#em/ty /ort bottle and left on the to/
floor, u"ually out#of#bound" to )i"itor". A Eanadian ,B cre! came to record a ?ee$end
Ex/erimental ?or$"ho/ for a /rogramme called (even Days on (unday. ,he head of the
E(E cre!, a large man of about "ix feet, eight inche", began to !ander about the hou"e
on hi" o!n. ?hen he "a! the bottle of /ort, to him a mea"ure of normality in an
in"crutable !orld, he gu%%led do!n a fe! "lug". ?ithin t!enty#fi)e minute" he !a" on a
)ery high '- tri/, "omething he !a" not /re/ared for. ?e !ere "itting in the dining#room
!hen thi" huge man lumbered in !ith one "hoe off, hi" tie half undone, hi" 3ac$et button"
ri//ed off,
1hi" doublet all unbrac1d+
;o hat u/on hi" head+ hi" "toc$ing" foul1d
Hngarter1d and do!n#gy)ed to hi" an$le"+
&ale a" hi" "hirt+ hi" $nee" $noc$ing each other+
And !ith a loo$ "o /iteou" in /ur/ort
A" if he had been loo"ed out of hell
,o "/ea$ of horror".1
9ha$e"/eare, Hamlet:
,he !ee$end )i"itor" found it "ome!hat extraordinary that thi" huge ,B /roducer,
o"ten"ibly /re"ent to record the acti)itie" !ith a detached /rofe""ional eye, "hould be
"tumbling around under the influence of '- 6uite inca/able of doing anything. ?e "at
!ith him through the night, comforting him and /laying mu"ic, until he !a" afraid no
longer. In the morning he !a" fine. I ho/e the /rogramme !a" too.
It i" the "udden im/act of the unex/ected that cau"e" "o many bad tri/" on '-. 2r any
other drug" for that matter, a" I !a" to di"co)er !hen I tried A(115 9the "/ace drug: in an
attem/t to go a" far a" /o""ible in ma//ing the inner Hebride". ,he connection !ith
;AA, !ho !ere de)elo/ing A(115 came 6uite by chance.
2ne morning the tele/hone rang. It !a" a -r. te)e 8roff calling from =iami. A" "taff
hy/noti"t !ith ;AA he !a" intere"ted in the u"e of /"ychedelic "ub"tance" in
connection !ith a"tronaut training. He had 3u"t come from the "/ace centre and told me
that all the a"tronaut" had ta$en '- to /re/are them"el)e" for !eightle""ne"" and
di"orientation due to the lac$ of external coordinate" from !hich to ta$e their bearing.
Eould he come to =illbroo$ for a "e""ion to "ee ho! !e !ere admini"tering '-D Eould
he examine for him"elf our claim to ha)e 3oyful ex/erience" !ith '-, a claim in direct
contradiction to the re"ult" of "e""ion" ta$en in clinical /"ychiatric "urrounding" D
12f cour"e,1 I "aid.
8roff arri)ed and I ran the "e""ion for him. -uring the "e""ion he /layed the (eatle"1 A
Hard Day)s +ight "o many time" that I, a" guide, felt it truly was a hard day1" night. ,hen
64
after he !a" "aturated !ith the mu"ic !e too$ a !al$ on the la!n. He told me ho! he had
been in the 2lym/ic "$y#di)ing team and that the '- ex/erience had certain "imilaritie"
!ith a free#fall from an air/lane. After de"cribing hi" "$y#di)ing ex/loit" in "ome detail he
"ugge"ted !e go to &ough$ee/"ie air/ort to rent a /lane.
It !a" ea"ier than I ex/ected. At the air/ort he /re"ented hi" Hert% renta/lane card and
hi" flight licence and !ithin minute" a "mall Ee""na had been /ut at hi" di"/o"al and !e
!ere airborne. A" !e had no ma/" !e follo!ed the !inding road to =illbroo$ and fle!
to!ard" the turreted hou"e !here a//arently mini"cule ,ibetan flag" fluttered.
(y thi" time there !ere /eo/le u/ on the roof, and "ome on the )erandah and !e !ere
4000 feet high /hy"ically, and higher "till meta/hy"ically, !hen 8roff began to %oom to
!ithin t!enty feet of the roof before "hooting bac$ into the "$y. ?e did thi" about a do%en
time" and en3oyed "eeing friend" !a)ing u/ at u". It !a" a "trange )i"ceral ex/erience,
li$e going on a huge roller#coa"ter on Eoney I"land. I felt no fear, but enormou" elation
and !a" di"a//ointed !hen after half an hour 8roff returned the /lane to the air/ort.
2)er lunch -r. 8roff told me of hi" friend Aim Arender, the former !orld cham/ion "$y#
di)er. If anyone !ould a//reciate a "e""ion it !a" Aim. And three day" later Aim arri)ed,
t!enty#"ix, hand"ome, dynamic. All#American in a//earance but !ith an un#American
intere"t in a"trology. Aim brought along a mo)ie of him"elf "$y#di)ing and !e "ho!ed thi"
to him bac$!ard" during hi" "e""ion by bouncing the image" off a mirror. He !a"
"tunned at the correlation bet!een memorie" of actual flight" and the height" reached
during hi" "e""ion. And he "tayed on at =illbroo$ to re/eat the ex/erience many time".
,he lin$" made through -r. 8roff !ith ;AA re"ulted in u" obtaining "ome A(115, the
"/ace drug officially on the "ecret" li"t. -ic$ and I )olunteered to try it and remar$ed that
it loo$ed a" if !e !ere becoming the guinea /ig" for ;AA and the EIA. ?e !ent to the
recording room and !hen -ic$ "at do!n on the couch I too$ u/ the lotu" /o"ition on the
floor. ?e inge"ted the drug and !aited for the "light change in body metaboli"m one
a""ociate" !ith '-. (ut !ham @ @ @ @ ,hi" too$ effect in"tantly in the "omatic "en"ory
area". I felt my"elf mo)ing round the room in lea/ing acrobatic bac$!ard "omer"ault". I
could not /re)ent thi", yet I !a" not hitting any of the electronic e6ui/ment in the room. I
!a" "/inning round and round the centre of the room gliding /a"t e)erything. I had the
ab"olute con)iction that I !a" in a "mall "/ace ca/"ule about the "i%e of a tenni" ball and
that I had bro$en loo"e from the "afety#belt".
I felt alarmed and "en"ed a /aranoic anti/athy to !hoe)er had been carele"" enough to
/ut me in the ca/"ule in "uch a dangerou" !ay. uddenly a door in the ca/"ule o/ened
and ?hoo"h @ @ @ @ I !a" "uc$ed out and do!n to!ard" the atmo"/here, hurtling do!n an
air corridor, free#falling, able to mo)e any !ay but u/!ard". 2b"er)er" "aid that all the
time I !a" "/readeagled on the floor, lying on my "tomach. (ut I remember a horrific
"en"ation and "uddenly there !a" a lurch and I "tood u/. It "eemed a /arachute had
o/ened 3u"t a foot before I hit the earth1" "urface. <et it had bro$en my fall.
I !anted to fly again and I !a" a cro!. I "tarted to ca! and fla/ my arm". Caw2 Caw0caw2
=y eye" !ere tightly clo"ed and I $ne! !hat it !a" to be a bird. I "tarted to ho/ around
the hou"e, /egged my !ay do!n"tair" and into the dining#room. ?ith my eye" "till tightly
"hut I touched /eo/le to "ee !ho they !ere, let my blac$feathered !ing" bru"h o)er
human face". And "till I didn1t bum/ into anything. ?ith my eye" clo"ed I "teered my !ay
through the hou"e "e)eral time". ,hrough door". ,hrough corridor". ,hrough /a""age".
E)entually I !a" coaxed bac$ u/"tair" !ith a /iece of bread a" bait and I ne"ted militantly
until I finally e)ol)ed bac$ into a man and came round. ,he !hole tri/ had la"ted three
hour". -ic$ had "at on the couch for the duration of the tri/. He told me hi" ex/erience
!a" fanta"tic.
1,he fir"t thing I "a! !a" thi" young chic$ coming in. he !a" beautiful !ith long dar$
hair. he had a gla"" in her hand and a"$ed me if I !ould li$e "ome gra/e3uice. I "aid
ye". he /ut a gla"" on the floor and /roceeded to fill it !ith gra/e3uice until it
o)erflo!ed and then a red tric$le of gra/e3uice mo)ed acro"" the floor, u/ the "ide of
the o//o"ite !all, along the ceiling, do!n the !all near me, on to the floor again, and
to!ard" the couch. I had to get u/ a" it threatened to /a"" o)er me. I managed to
65
a)oid it and it got bac$ into the gla"". It !a" utterly real.1
I agreed. ,hi" A(115 drug made hallucination" /al/ably real. '- ga)e a "en"e of bli""
and onene"" !ith life. A(115 !a" a "olid "lab of hallucinatory ex/erience that offered
nothing for the tra)eller to bring bac$ to the real !orld.
E)en more extraordinary, if !e indulge our em/irical /re3udice" for a moment, !a" the
ex/erience of Alan Eager and Arnie Hendin on the "/ace drug. ,hey !ent on an identical
tri/ and !ere a!are of doing "o all the time. 'i$e me they !ere /ulled into the )acuum of
"/ace and mo)ed freely abo)e the blue cur)ature of the earth. ,hey "a! a little dot
a//roaching them and noticed, !hen it came clo"er, that it !a" a "/ace#craft, !ith the
hammer#and#"ic$le on the "ide. A" it floated to!ard" them they clung to the "ide and "a!
t!o Cu""ian co"monaut" in"ide the craft. ,he men "a! Arnie and Alan and "eemed
frightened. o agitated did they become that Arnie and Alan decided to float a!ay on
their o!n and e)entually they returned to earth in =illbroo$. ;ext day, =arch 19, 19I., it
!a" re/orted that the o)iet Bo"$hod 2, containing co"monaut" &a)el (elyaye) and
Alexei 'eono), had encountered difficultie" in reentry. 2n their fir"t attem/t to do "o their
automatic re#entry "y"tem failed and the Bo"$hod 2 /ilot" had to ma$e an extra orbit and
then bring the "/acecraft bac$ to earth them"el)e". ,hi" change in landing "ite meant a
long !ait in the !inter cold before re"cue helico/ter" located them.... A" fe! of u" at
=illbroo$ too$ much intere"t in current ne!" it i" doubtful if either Arnie or Alan had heard
of thi" flight. ,hey !ere "ure they had not read about it /rior to ta$ing the "/ace drug and
firmly maintained that the delay in re#entry had been cau"ed by the /anic of the
co"monaut" in "eeing them. ?e a!ait confirmation from the o)iet Hnion.
Alan and Arnie !ere to ta$e another "ort of tri/, thi" time through the heartland" of
America.
1In ;e! <or$ !e "et u/ a centre in a large to!nhou"e !ith a full !or$ing theatre in the
ba"ement, bought a roomful of di)er" mu"ical in"trument" and o/ened another
cha/ter in the hi"tory of /"ychedelia. In reaction to the /rogrammed exi"tence at
=illbroo$, a con"tant /arty de)elo/ed !hich continued non"to/ for month". =any of
the =illbroo$ tribe !ould )i"it !ith u" on their day" off to /lay and learn. After a !hile
!e got re"tle"". ,here !ere too many /eo/le around and it got re/etitiou" and dull.
?e decided to ta$e a tri/. It !a" )ery cold in ;e! <or$. I !a" "hooting a lot of -=,R
at that time a "mo$ing form had not been di"co)ered. Arnie, Eathy, imba the
iame"e cat and me, /lu" guitar, "o/rano "ax, /oc$et coronet, /hono, record",
/"ychedelic magic $it and a "uitca"e of drug" /iled in the !hite Alfa and headed for
!armer territory. ,he I Ching might ha)e "ugge"ted it, I thin$.
1,he total /icture !e ga)e frea$ed out e)ery co/ "outh of the =a"on#-ixon line and
!e !ere bu"ted e)ery time Arnie dro)e. 9>rom the dri)ing "eat that i"R !e all dro)e
at once !hich can be )ery tric$y "ometime" but ta$ing a tri/ !hile tri//ing i" another
tri/*if you $no! !hat I mean.: Arnie and I !ere in co"tume, he loo$ing li$e Ae"u",
but in ba"eball /ant", high "nea$er", bead", etc., !hich i" 6uite the mode no!R in
1I4 it !a" extraordinary and !orth a hundred gamma 3u"t to loo$ at it. ?hen he !ould
add extra touche" to hi" gear li$e tho"e $id "/ace#helmet" !e !ouldn1t get half a mile
before a co/ !ould "ee u" go by and fli/. ;o harm . . . !e !ere al!ay" relea"ed )ery
6uic$ly. Arnie, in hi" be"t /ro/het manner, !ould /romi"e interrogating /olice chief"
fire and flood unle"" !e !ere relea"ed at once. It al!ay" !or$ed.... He1" a fine
magician. 2ur clothing !a" a time tri/ and it cau"ed "hort circuit" in robot /eo/le.
Although !e ate in all ty/e" of re"taurant" !e !ere ne)er a"$ed to !ear tie" or
3ac$et". =ainly, I thin$, becau"e it ne)er occurred to them. It !ould ha)e been li$e
a"$ing an E"$imo to !ear a tie. After a fe! day"1 tra)elling !e had it !or$ed out
/retty !ell. Anything !e needed from the e"tabli"hment !ould be gotten by Eathy a"
"he had a fairly "traight a//earance.
1?e had gotten into !arm !eather and !e tra)elled and ex/lored all o)er the
country"ide on and off the road"R cutting acro"" field" and meado!" and treating
the Alfa a" if it !ere a 'and Co)er+ "to//ing at our "lighte"t !him. Anti6ue "tore",
66
underground ca)ern"R far#out little to!n" !ith one ga" /um/ the man cran$ed, little
"tore" that "old /enny candy in gla"" 3ar" and had "/ittoon" that !ere u"ed. Cural
America almo"t unchanged in fifty year".
1In Eharle"ton !e chec$ed into the bridal "uite of the Holiday Inn, had "u//er in our
room 9/referable to going out: and after bathing /roceeded to "et u/ "ho/. 2ut came
the incen"e, candle", bottle", India /rint", mirror", toy", comic", /honogra/h, mu"ical
in"trument", mo)ie camera, fire!or$" 9!e had bought 4100 !orth a fe! hour"
before:, magic $it and the drug". ?e had e)erything but gra""R the bro!n rice of
drug". Arnie tried to "core "ome from our coloured bellho/ but hi" mind had been
!hite!a"hed. He brought u" a bottle of )od$a !hich !e duly "et in /lace uno/ened.
?e had about thirty#fi)e ca/" of beige acid !hich !e hadn1t tried yet. ?e each too$ a
ca/. A" it came on !e "a! it !a" good and too$ a fe! more. ?e !ere feeling great
and /roceeded to get married. ?e had bought funny fa$e marriage licence" !hich
!e "igned !ith our other name"+ Ba%y =cNoo/", Cing, Han$ and the Eat &a! &rint.
?e $i""ed, danced, lit roman candle" off the balcony and "/ar$ler" in"ide, !hich
Arnie /hotogra/hed in the candlelight. ?e danced and dre! arabe"6ue" !ith them,
and I dre! a "ho!ering "/ar$ler out of the bell of the golden "o/rano. ?e !ere
flying @
1I too$ "ome more ca/". Arnie follo!ed. ?e !ere tra)elling )ery fa"t no!. ,he "/eed
of "ound 9all motion i" relati)e: at lea"t. Again !e too$ "ome more ca/" and no!
really "tarted to mo)e. ?e !ere at a rate that !a" "o gloriou" that !e decided to add
a little A(540 to it.
1I !ent out into the hall and got "ome Eo$e. ,hen in"tead of /utting a normal do"e in
a gla"", o)ercome, !e /oured three#6uarter" of a bottle of A(115 into the gla"" and
dran$. uddenly, )iolently, and !ith a "ic$ening lurch !e !ere mo)ing fa"ter than
light. I fell bac$ on the bed and had a )i"ion of a Coman or Etru"can !arrior holding a
"!ord to my "tomach. It !a" no )i"ion. I $ne! it !a" real. ?e had /oi"oned
our"el)e". -eath !a" here. Ceal -eath. I remembered and ga)e in "urrendering to it.
A /ain lanced through my right "ide and my con)ul"i)e ga"/" "to//ed. ('AEN;E.
And then /in/oint" of light in the "tygian dar$. I reali"ed the light" !ere "tar" and !e
!ere mo)ing through the )ery edge of our "olar "y"tem at "ome un$no!n "/eed, but
!ithout the feeling of mo)ement. ,hen to the front of my mind, I "en"ed an alien
intelligence.
1Euriou", I /robed further, trying to contact it, !hen it "tarted a mind#/robe in an area
it thought em/ty of life it tri//ed e)ery alarm in my ner)ou" "y"tem and body. I could
feel my body on earth /anic$ing, ready to ex/lode !ith terror. I had to !ithdra! the
mind#/robe and ta$e care of my terror#"truc$ earth body. =y mind came and,
carefully, "lo!ly, I began to turn off the alarm" and unloc$ the mu"cle", "ine!" and
ner)e", calm and "oothe the gland" and get my body bac$ to normal.
1A" I !a" !or$ing I reali"ed through )i"ion" in another /art of my mind, that all of u"
on earth are remnant" of other race" and ci)ili"ation" from )ariou" "olar "y"tem"
"eeded into earth bodie" for a rea"on not yet re)ealed. I had been from thi" "olar
"y"tem originally and had been a galactic amba""ador, 6uite u"ed to dealing !ith
other culture". Arnie !a" not of thi" uni)er"e originally, and I )aguely "a! hi" "ha/e
a" it had been+ huge, "!ift and "omeho!, felineR fifteen feet tall, fi)e ton" and
co)ered !ith golden fur.
1I o/ened my eye", candlelight flic$ered, and the Holiday Inn too$ "ha/e. ,hen a
"ilent "creaming came into my mind. It !a" on the edge of "anity dri)en there by fear.
It !a" Arnie, Arnie the 8reat, ,he &ro/het, =agician, eer, Arti"t, Arnie !a" fli//ing
out. I tried to loc$ my mind on to hi", but he !a" "o frightened, hi" mind !a" li$e
grea"y Aello. I couldn1t hold on, "o I follo!ed, and !hen it !ould "to/ for an in"tant, I
!ould ho)er and try to coax him bac$. It !ould ha)e been all right, but Eathy didn1t
under"tand. he !a" trying to hel/ )ocally, and e)ery "onic )ibration only dro)e him
further out. It !a" horrible@ Arnie !a" moaning and flic$ering in and out of reality,
"anity /ain and dimen"ion. I finally too$ Eathy to the next room and made her
/romi"e to remain "ilent, but "he ha" a )ery "trong mind and, !hen "he began
67
thin$ing of medical hel/, I couldn1t bloc$ her thought" com/letely. oon Arnie began
to thin$ for hel/.
1After a time I ga)e u/ and called the de"$ for a doctor. 'e"" than three hour" had
/a""ed !hen !e "tarted and !e !ere "till )ery high to "ay the lea"tR /lu" "lightly in
"hoc$. ,he doctor after a game attem/t to get Arnie ho"/itali"ed, reluctantly ga)e him
a mild "edati)e. After "e)eral "tern reminder" from me that he !a" a doctor, not a
3udge, he finally left, radiating di"a//ro)al.
1After a fe! more eon"*earth time, about an hour*Arnie fell a"lee/. (y then it !a"
da!n. ?e !ere a"$ed to lea)e "oon after. ?hen Arnie a!o$e, !e mo)ed to the
neare"t motel 9a bloc$ a!ay I thin$: and ate in bed rather 6uietly and "le/t till the next
day. ?hen !e a!o$e !e ate "ome more, di"cu""ed the dumb doctor, and the
"trange intelligence !e had encountered, too$ "toc$ of our drug" 9!e had thro!n out
all of the A(:, and /ac$ed, gi)ing all the fire!or$" to a bellho/ a" Arnie !a" afraid he
!ould "et them off mentally. ?e !ere 6uite do!n from the ex/erience "o !e each
too$ t!o ca/"ule" 9Eathy !a"n1t ha)ing any:, and I dro)e u" out of Eharle"ton
through "/iral ty/e building", heading "outh, the to/ do!n. (y the time !e !ere out
of the -=,#coloured city#limit" and on the o/en road, !e !ere feeling normally
gloriou". ,he car /urred, the cat "le/t, and o)erhead the mo"t tremendou", !hite
thunderhead in a /ur/le#ro"e "$y formed a gloriou" /aean to earth and the future and
!e "/ed into the technicolour "outhern du"$.1
&robably the mo"t highly#/ublici"ed feature of our !or$ at =illbroo$ !a" the ?ee$end
Ex/eriential ?or$"ho/. ,he"e !ere held on alternate !ee$end" !hen "ome fifteen
gue"t" !ould arri)e at 7.30 on >riday e)ening and lea)e on unday afternoon. ,he idea
!a" to "imulate the '- ex/erience by mean" of Hindu and (uddhi"t yogic tradition",
8e"talt thera/y, 8urd3ieff1" "elfa!arene"" training, and &"ychedelic ,heatre techni6ue".
?e !anted to u"e all the mean" at our di"/o"al to /ro)ide a nonchemical mean" of
tran"cendence. 2ur handout ad)erti"ing the Ex/eriential ?or$"ho/" outlined three "te/"
to ta$e to the ideal of maximum a!arene"" and internal freedom7
1,he fir"t "te/ i" the reali"ation that there i" more7 that man1" brain, hi" thirteen#
billion#celled com/uter, i" ca/able of limitle"" ne! dimen"ion" of a!arene"" and
$no!ledge. In "hort that man doe" not u"e hi" head.
1,he "econd "te/ i" the reali"ation that you ha)e to go out of your mind to u"e your
head+ that you ha)e to /a"" beyond e)erything you ha)e learned in order to become
ac6uainted !ith the ne! area" of con"ciou"ne"". Ignorance of thi" fact i" the )eil
!hich "hut" man !ithin the narro! confine" of hi" ac6uired, artifactual conce/t" of
MrealityM, and /re)ent" him from coming to $no! hi" o!n true nature.
1,he third "te/ 9once the fir"t t!o reali"ation" ha)e ta$en /lace: i" the /ractical
theoretical. Ho! can con"ciou"ne"" be ex/andedD ?hat i" the range of /o""ibilitie"
out"ide of our current )erbal#cogniti)e model" of ex/erienceD ?hat light do the ne!
in"ight" /erha/" mo"t im/ortant, ho! can the ne! le)el" of a!arene"" be
maintained D1
It !a" to /ro)ide the an"!er" im/lied in the third "te/ that the !ee$end !or$"ho/" in
con"ciou"ne""#ex/an"ion !ere in"tituted by the Ea"talia >oundation. ?e noted carefully
in our brochure that 1becau"e of the com/licated current legal "ituation in the Hnited
tate", /"ychedelic drug" !ill not be u"ed in the"e !or$"ho/"1. ,hi" did not /re)ent
many )i"itor" from a"$ing u" for drug" but !e had to /rotect our"el)e" by refu"ing the"e
/aying gue"t". e)eral gue"t", !i"e to our method", too$ '- before arri)ing but that
!a" not officially our affair.
,he )ulgari"ation of the"e !ee$end" commenced at an early "tage. In an article in the
;e! <or$ (unday +ews of Augu"t 29, 19I., beneath a banner headline a"$ing ACE
,HE< 2H, 2> ,HEIC =I;- D and "ugge"ting 1<ou might call the"e "ect member" a
bunch of !eirdo"1, the article noted7
68
12n alternati)e !ee$end" they are 3oined by ten to fifteen /aying gue"t" recruited by
direct mail and !ord of mouth. =o"t are middle#cla"" /rofe""ional"*teacher",
doctor", /"ychologi"t", "tudent". ,he fee of 47. a /er"on or 412. a cou/le include"
/lain home#coo$ing and a mattre"" on the floor.... ,here i" no ha//y hour of coc$tail
chatter. In"tead, each gue"t i" e"corted "ilently to a box#li$e room in the old "er)ant1"
!ing and left there for an hour to meditate.
1,he room" are decorated !ith madra" hanging", !all#"i%ed /ainting" of (uddha, a
collage of !ord" and image" collected from a /"ychedelic fanta"y, or religiou"
/o"ter" from India. ,he only furniture be"ide" the mattre"" may be a lam/, a
boo$ca"e or a !riting table.1
uch "uccinct detail" "ugge"t the gue"t" !ere /aying for a "elf#im/o"ed a"cetic exerci"e
in hard"hi/, but it !a" nothing of the $ind. ,he money from the !or$"ho/" /aid for oil#
heating bill" and food, and hel/ed to "ecure a "elf#"u//orting community for the
!ee$end". ,he Ea"talia >oundation, after all, !a" a non#/rofit cor/oration.
(efore the gue"t" arri)ed on the >riday the guide", of !hich I !a" one, !ould /re/are
"/iritually by ta$ing '- or /ot and !ould reflect on the imaginati)e /o""ibilitie" of
=illbroo$. ,he hou"e !ould be com/letely "ilent and the gue"t" !ere met by a beautiful
girl in a "ari holding a flo!er and gi)ing out co/ie" of =ax &icard1" text on "ilence7
1ilence ha" greatne"" "im/ly becau"e it i"R
It i" and that i" it" greatne"", it" /ure exi"tenceR
,here i" no beginning to "ilence and no endR
=an doe" not /ut "ilence to the te"t, "ilence /ut" man to the te"tR
ilence contain" e)erything !ithin it"elf+ it i" not !aiting for
anything, it i" al!ay" !holly /re"ent in it"elf and com/letely
fill" out the "/ace in !hich it a//ear"R
ilence i" original and "elf#e)ident, li$e the other ba"ic /henomena, li$e lo)e and
liberty and death and life it"elfR
And there i" more "ilence than "/eech in them, more of the in)i"ible than the
)i"ibleR
,here i" al"o more "ilence in one /er"on than can be u"ed in a "ingle human lifeR 1
,hi" ob"er)ation of "ilence had t!o rea"on". >ir"t, a" ,im "aid, 12ne of the olde"t
method" of getting high i" "ilence.1 econdly, it allo!ed u" to im/o"e an e""ential mood
that "a)ed the time of the )i"itor". >or the fir"t !or$"ho/ !e had !elcomed the gue"t"
!ith a coc$tail /arty, to brea$ the ice, and the "traight" immediately /lunged into the
coc$tail /arty game of !hich they !ere the ex/ert". 1Hi, I1m Aac$ mith from -en)er, !ho
are youD1 1Aac$ mith, ehD1 And "o on. ,he !hole e)ening had been !a"ted, and a" !e
!ere no)ice" in the coc$tail /arty game !e !ere com/letely flattened. ,he gue"t" !ere
merely /utting an extra "/in on their "ocial !hirl, !hile the hou"ehold !a" brought do!n
by the ex/erience.
In in"tituting the idea of "ilence !e !anted to im/re"" on the gue"t" that they !ere
entering a ne! $ingdom. ,hat they !ere tuning out of their e)eryday 1normal1 !orld and
turning on to our". &a""ing through the gate" of =illbroo$ had to be li$e "te//ing on to a
"/acecraft*they had to lea)e behind them all their u"ual 3udgement" and normati)e
ex/ectation".
Ha)ing !elcomed them !ith "ilence !e ga)e each gue"t =EA8E 2;E !hich
re6ue"ted ab"olute "ilence and a"$ed them to loo$, li"ten, to non#)erbal energy and
e9perience directly. ?ith the initial ambiance e"tabli"hed !e too$ each gue"t to a
"e/arate "mall room on the ground floor and ga)e them three more me""age" to read in
"olitude7
=EA8E ,?2
,hi" /eriod of "ilence i" de"igned to hel/ you clear your mind from routine thought" and
69
to encourage an o/ening of your a!arene"" in "e)eral !ay".
&lea"e follo! thi" /rogramme7
1. >ill out the 6ue"tion "heet.
2. ,hen "/end the next ten to t!enty minute" trying to meditate. >ocu" on the candle and
"ee if you can turn off /lanning and thin$ing. Eoncentrate on the moment#to#moment flo!
of time.
3. After ten to t!enty minute" turn on the light and read =EA8E ,HCEE. ,hi" i" your
game contract for the !ee$end. ,here are many im/lication" and meaning" contained in
each /aragra/h. Cead it carefully. =a$e note of any 6ue"tion" or comment". ,he"e !ill
be ta$en u/ later.
After reading =EA8E ,HCEE, then re#read it.
4. ,urn off the light and meditate again for fifteen minute". ?atch ho! your mind $ee/"
interru/ting.
.. ;ext, turn on the light and read =EA8E >2HC.
I. ?ait "erenely until you are contacted by a "taff member. (e a!are of your body, your
flo! of thought", your emotion 9you may be bored, or feel re3ected, or irritated+ you may
be excited, ho/eful, etc.:.
=EA8E ,HCEE
MH2? ,2 &'A< ,HE 1EP&ECIE;,A' ?2CNH2& 8A=E1 M
#hat Do #e $ean by "ameB
A game i" a tem/orary "ocial arrangement !ith the follo!ing characteri"tic"7
goal", role", rule", "trategie", "/ace and time limit", )alue", ritual".
All of the"e characteri"tic" of any game are "ub3ect to re)i"ion. Ec"tatogenic game" are
)oluntary and the contract ex/licit.
<ou ha)e been in)ited to /artici/ate in the MEx/eriential ?or$"ho/ 8ameM during your
"tay at =illbroo$. ,hi" mean" you are a three#day member of a "ocial "y"tem !hich in
"ome !ay" may be no)el to you. ,hi" contract i" de"igned to le""en your Mculture "hoc$M
and aim" to "et u/ a memorable !ee$end.
"oals
1. ,o communicate and exchange idea" about con"ciou"ne""
and it" ex/an"ion and control. Cele)ant theories about con"ciou"ne""#ex/an"ion !ill be
di"cu""ed*neurological, /hilo"o/hic, religiou", /"ychological, oriental. A !ide )ariety of
methods!ill al"o be re)ie!ed.
2. ,o em/loy "e)eral of the"e method" during the !ee$end, to ex/and the con"ciou"ne""
of /artici/ant" and to maintain a" high a le)el of ec"ta"y a" /o""ible.
5oles
?hile there are many role" in)ol)ed in running "uch an enter/ri"e, in thi" contract !e are
"olely concerned !ith the role" in)ol)ed in the )i"itor game.
,he role" !hich ha)e been mo"t comfortable to you and of !hich are of mo"t u"e to you
in your regular life !ill be of le""ened utility here and, indeed, may handica/ you. ,he aim
of the !or$"ho/ i" to get out beyond your routine robot con"ciou"ne"". ,hu" there i" little
intere"t in !ho you are 9!ere: and much more concern !ith !here and ho! far you can
go. ?hat you can obtain during the !ee$end de/end" in /art on ho! much of your
routine ego you can lea)e in your room.
. . . ?hy don1t you chec$ it in your "uitca"e D
(taff roles. Around ten /eo/le !ill be /re"ent during the !ee$end !ho"e 3ob i" to
facilitate the goal" of the "eminar. ,heir function" are a""igned and "cheduled. :isitor
roles. In general, the action" of )i"itor" are addre""ed to!ard" the t!o goal" of the
"eminar7 i.e. to learn a" much a" /o""ible about the theorie" and method" of
con"ciou"ne""#ex/an"ion and to /ut thi" $no!ledge into /ractice. It i" a""umed that each
)i"itor i" here becau"e of hi" /a"t ex/erience" and hi" current intere"t in con"ciou"ne""#
ex/an"ion. It i" ho/ed that you can contribute any "/ecial $no!ledge you ha)e !hen it
"eem" rele)ant.
4he (eeking Help 5ole. ,hi" i" not a /"ychothera/eutic "ituation and the doctor#/atient
70
game i" not /layed. &er"onal /roblem" cannot, therefore, become the focu" of
di"cu""ion.
5ules
1. (e a!are of and try to minimi"e the attem/t of your robot to ca/ture audience" for it"
/er"onal drama".
2. &lea"e obey the la!" of the land. In /articular do not bring mari3uana or any other
illegal chemical to the !ee$end !or$"ho/.
3. Bi"itor" are a"$ed to maintain their o!n room during their "tay.
(trategies
,he ec"tatic#/"ychedelic ex/erience can be reached by "e)eral mean"7
intellectual
emotional
bodily mo)ement
"exual
"omatic#"en"ory
2ne of the aim" of the !or$"ho/ i" to encourage ex/an"ion of con"ciou"ne"" in all fi)e of
the"e function" in "ome "ort of balanced harmony. 9Eon"ciou"ne""#ex/an"ion in the
"exual !ill be limited to indirect method".: ince the a)erage /er"on 6uic$ly fall" into
habitual and "tereoty/ed mode" of a!arene""*mental, emotional, /hy"ical, "exual, and
in"tincti)e*the !ee$end" are de"igned to /roduce no)el ex/erience" !hich deliberately
Mbrea$ throughM the"e "tereoty/e". If you feel your"elf reacting !ith "hoc$ or outrage at
the challenge to your fa)ourite habit", /lea"e remember that thi" "ort of friction /robably
/oint" to an under#de)elo/ment of "ome function and i" a challenge for gro!th. >or the
"ame rea"on, do not concentrate only on one of the"e method" of con"ciou"ne""#
ex/an"ion. ,a$e ad)antage of thi" o//ortunity to ex/and con"ciou"ne"" at all le)el".
(pace actors
After a !hile one of the "taff !ill "ho! you around the hou"e and ground". -uring your
lei"ure time you are free to u"e any area" exce/t for the third floor 9!hich i" re"idential:
and the $itchen, exce/t during brea$fa"t /eriod.
4ime actors
,he "chedule of /rogramme" !ill be announced. Eon"ult a "taff member about addition"
and re)i"ion" to the "chedule and about lei"ure /lay.
:alues
According to the Mgame modelM, )alue" are "/ecific to the /articular game and hold only
for the defined "/acetime limit" of the game. In the ec"tatic game, the Mgoodne""M or
greatne"" of your robot /erformance i" of le""ened im/ortance. Each /er"on "tart" each
"econd !ith a fre"h neurological "late. M8oodM i" !hat rai"e" the ec"ta"y count of all
/er"on" /re"ent and MbadM i" !hat lo!er" the ec"ta"y count.
$ythic Conte9t
?hile any human beha)iour "e6uence can be "een a" uni6ue and original, another
illuminating /er"/ecti)e can be obtained by recogni"ing that certain cla""ic human
game" are continually being re#enacted and that any "ocial "ituation you find your"elf in
i" a current )er"ion of an ancient drama. ,he 6ue"tion i" not Ho! doe" it turn outD 9that i"
/robably /re#ordained by the "cri/t and the role: but rather, Ho! !ell do you /lay your
/art D and, Ho! con"ciou" are you of your role at each moment D and, Ho! can you
change your myGthi" gameD
,he =illbroo$ ?or$"ho/" are clearly a re#enactment of one of the olde"t and mo"t
ambitiou" game"*the tran"cendental game, ex/an"ion of con"ciou"ne"", internal
ex/loration, ec"tatic di"co)ery. 2ur endea)our" here are de"cended from and indebted to
tho"e grou/" of ex/lorer" in India, &er"ia, Ehina, 8reece and to their current !e"tern
counter/art".
5ituals
,he creation of con"ciou"ne""#ex/an"ion ex/erience" u"ually in)ol)e" ritual"*"ome of
71
!hich are directly /ractical, other" of !hich are de"igned to e)o$e mood or readine"" to
change. ,he u"e of certain ritual" 9candle", mandala", /icture", incen"e, etc.: i" "trictly
ex/erimental and doe" not in)ol)e any commitment to "ectarian "y"tem" on the /art of
"taff member" or )i"itor".1
>inally =EA8E >2HC reiterated the fi)e mo"t im/ortant area" of con"ciou"ne""
acce""ible to the a)erage /er"on*intellectual, emotional, body mo)ement, "omatic#
"en"ory, "exual*and re6ue"ted the )i"itor to "/end the next ten minute" re)ie!ing hi"
"tereoty/ed method" of a!arene"" in each of the"e fi)e area".
;aturally many of the )i"itor" !ere o)er!helmed by reading =EA8E ,HCEE in
"olitude, and there !a" al!ay" one gue"t each !ee$end !ho !ould decide*in "ilence*
that the ex/erience !a" going to be too much. 1,hey thin$ they ha)e fallen into the hand"
of a mad "cienti"t,1 ,im u"ed to "ay, 1and that1" !hen !e hear them cree/ing do!n the
bac$ "tair" and "creeching out of the dri)e!ay.1
,ho"e !ho "tayed on !ould be di)ided into grou/" of fi)e and ta$en by their a//ointed
guide for a !al$ in the !ood" by candlelight. ?e !al$ed "ilently in Indian file, then
returned to the oa$#/anelled library for a lecture by ,im or -ic$ or Cal/h or my"elf. ?e
outlined and di"cu""ed our /hilo"o/hic and methodological idea" and ho/ed that the
gue"t" !ould "lee/ on them. >or "ome "lee/ !a" rather difficult a" they tried to antici/ate
!hat !a" to come.
aturday morning brea$fa"t !a" a food game. E)eryone had to be u/ at 7730 for Cal/h
=et%ner1" yoga "e""ion, including in"truction" on "itting in the full lotu" and half#lotu"
/o"ition", "tanding on the head, and eliminating the doubting fly of the mind. After thi"
Cal/h too$ them to the $itchen for brea$fa"t 9!here a cu/board door bore the legend
1,a$e '- and ee1: and let them loo$ at it for a !hile. He had re)er"ed the )i"ual
connotation" of all the food. ,he "crambled egg" !ere green, the /orridge !a" /ur/le or
bright orange, the mil$ !a" blac$. A" the gue"t" "at do!n to eat Cal/h !ould "ay7
12ur idea" dictate to u" !hat !e imagine reality to be. And !e are )ery much affected
by the im/rint" !e ha)e, /articularly tho"e of colour a""ociation". ?hen "omeone
"ay" sky, !e thin$ of blue, !hen "omeone "ay" meado! !e thin$ of green, !hen
"omeone "ay" scrambled eggs !e thin$ of yello!. (ut thi" i" a mental hangu/. It
doe"n1t really ma$e any difference !hether "crambled egg" are green a" they are
today, or !hether they are yello!. ?hy i" thi" D All of the"e colour change" !ere
achie)ed by a non#toxic, odourle"", ta"tele"" )egetable dye and a" you are eating
your green "crambled egg" and drin$ing your gla"" of blac$ mil$ try to reconcile in
your mind the different "ub3ecti)e re"/on"e" that you ha)e, and notice ho! your
brain deal" !ith thi" in/ut.1
;eedle"" to "ay Cal/h al!ay" too$ the /recaution of eating before the )i"itor" and he
!ould "it and ob"er)e their attem/t" to a//reciate the anti#food. Hardly any )i"itor got
through thi" brea$fa"t and, a" !ell a" ha)ing a mental im/act, thi" method of "er)ing
food cut do!n our !ee$end budget a" !e only needed to offer )ery "mall /ortion".
,he re"t of the morning !a" "/ent in "!ee/ing u/ the /ar6uet floor", and in relaxed
/re/aration for the "imulated "e""ion. In the afternoon I !ould ta$e grou/" to the
!aterfall !here, "ubmerged in the gently churning !ater at the bottom of the fall, I had a
bottle of "herry on a "tring. A" my grou/ "tood loo$ing at the !aterfall I !ould "lo!ly /ull
thi" /iece of "tring, finally re)ealing the "herry bottle. I al"o had a box of gla""e" hidden
in the bu"he" flan$ing the !aterfall.
After "/ending "ome time in the !ood" !e !ent bac$ for the e)ening meal, ta$en in the
huge dining#room !here gue"t" "at cro""legged or $nelt on cu"hion" around a circular
table rai"ed "ix inche" abo)e the ground. >rom thi" room, dominated by the ma""i)e
fire/lace, great !indo!" offered a )ie! of the front la!n". ,here !a" an oa$#/anelled
ceiling, a car/etle"" /ar6uet floor, and "liding door" !hich led off into the corridor. ,he
meal !a" "im/le bro!n rice or !heat and fruit. Hi%i$i "oa$ed in !ater. (a$ed /um/$in.
Adu$i bean" and onion. And our o!n bread ba$ed from roa"t corn flour, !ater#"alt, and
"autOed )egetable". ,he meal it"elf !a" a yoga.
72
2nce the gue"t" !ere "eated, the mantra 2= !a" chanted by ,im, follo!ed by a "uitable
/eriod of "ilence. ,hen a little bell !ould ring and a di"embodied me""age !ould be
relayed into the room7 1?ith the next mouthful of food contem/late on the !onder" of the
body7 !here thi" food goe", ho! it i" dige"ted, ho! it i" tran"formed into energy, into you.
,hin$ carefully a" you che! the next mouthful.1
12b"er)e your body
=andala of the uni)er"e
2b"er)e your body
2f ancient de"ign
Holy tem/le of con"ciou"ne""
Eentral "tage of the olde"t drama
2b"er)e it" "tructured !onder"
"$in
hair
ti""ue"
blood
bone
)ein
mu"cle
net of ner)e
2b"er)e it" me""age.1
;4ao (utra AD<
After the meal !e too$ the gue"t" to a long dar$ened room at the bac$, the "e""ion room.
It !a" dominated by mirror" and a huge mandala /ainted on the ceiling. I al!ay" felt
con"ciou" of the !ood /anelling and felt that at time" it !a" li$e being in a cigar box. All
around !ere mattre""e" co)ered !ith Indian /rint". lide /ro3ector" !ere humming in the
dar$. ix "/ea$er" !ere lin$ed to a ta/e recorder "o that !e could get circular "ound.
e)eral /re#/rogrammed mo)ie /ro3ector" !ere ready. I !ould then "ay7 1,hi" i" not a
"ho!, not "omething out"ide your"elf. ?e, for our /art, !ill ex/erience "ome of the "ame
thing" a" you. ,hi" i" a teaching de)ice. All of u" in the hou"ehold ha)e been engaged in
/"ychedelic !or$ for a number of year" and !e ha)e de)elo/ed method" of du/licating
the !orld !e "ee on the"e tri/". ?e !ant you to "hare "ome of the"e method" of "eeing
inner "/ace. ?e !ant you to go out of your mind" and into your head".1 And I !ould read7
1'et there be "im/le, natural thing" to contact during the "e""ion *
hand#!o)en cloth
uncar)ed !ood
flo!er"*gro!ing thing"
ancient mu"ic
burning fire
a touch of earth
a "/la"h of !ater
fruit, good bread, chee"e
fermenting !ine
candlelight
tem/le incen"e
a !arm hand
fi"h "!imming
anything !hich i" o)er
fi)e hundred year" old
2f cour"e it i" al!ay" be"t to be "ecluded !ith nature.1
73
;4ao (utra -E<
In an in"tant, from all "ide", came an electric bombardment of "ound and image including
many of the image" u"ed in the &"ychedelic ,heatre7 the H flag, (uddha, the frog
embryo, amor/hou" colour". A )oice !ould "/in from "/ea$er to "/ea$er "aying7
1,hat !hich i" called ego#death i" coming to you
Cemember7
,hi" i" no! the hour of death and rebirth+
,a$e ad)antage of thi" tem/orary death to obtain the /erfect
tate*
Enlightenment.
Eoncentrate on the unity of all li)ing being".
Hold on to the Elear 'ight.
H"e it to attain under"tanding and lo)e.1
;4he 4ibetan !ook of the Dead<
,hen there !ould be "ilence and dar$ne"" relie)ed only by candlelight. ?atching the
/er/lexity on "ome face" I thought ho! "trange it !a" that modern American" "hould find
"omething "trange in a techni6ue that had been u"ed for thou"and" of year" in one form
or other. It !a" clear that the one !ho re"i"ted the ex/erience needed a ne! morality, a
"et of natural harmoniou" rule" to follo! a" they "/un off into neurological "/ace.
,hey "at, "ome re"/on"i)e, "ome a"tounded by the a""ault on their "en"e". Au"t a" they
!ere becoming accu"tomed to the candlelight, the "trobo"co/e !ould "tart ma$ing
multi/le di)i"ion" of light, hitting the retina in a "taccato bur"t and forcing chemical
change". (y no! the !hole conce/t of en)ironmental reality had been altered. ?e
encouraged the gue"t" to !al$ around in the flic$ering mo)ement#"to//ing light. A" a
body mo)ed in the "trobo"co/ic light it loo$ed li$e a "erie" of "till /hotogra/h" being
crudely animated. 8ue"t" !ho tried to dance in the light !ere reduced to chao" becau"e
they could not coordinate !ith their a//rehen"ion of their /artner1" mo)ement". Abru/tly
the "trobe !a" "to//ed and !e "a! only the candle", their light !ea)ing in the !arm air
of human breath. lo!ly the room !a" bathed in yello! !hich i" the colour of the Coot
Cakra !hich !e reinforced !ith ,ibetan chanting mu"ic. After t!enty minute" the ?ater
Cakra !ould be /layed on the ta/e#recorder7
1Ean you lie 6uietly
engulfed
in the fierce "li//ery union
of male and female D
?arm !et dance of engeration D
Endle"" ec"ta"ie" of cou/le" DR
Ean you feel the coiled "er/ent !rithing
?hile bird" "ing D
(ecome t!o cell" merging
lide together in molecule embrace
Ean you, murmuring
'o"e
All fu"ing.1
,!enty minute" after thi" came the ex Cakra !hen the room !ould be "uffu"ed in a
/ale "il)ery light and !e thought of the energie" "urrounding our "exual feeling". Ca)i
han$ar mu"ic !ould di""ol)e into a Earibbean bo""ano)a and !e !atched "lide" of
men and !omen in the act of lo)e.
o on to the Heart Cakra. Eolour of red fire. ,he room bathed in crim"on light. =u"ic by
criabin and =ile" -a)i" and (ach. And the "ound of a child1" heartbeat. ,hen the ,hroat
74
Cakra=blue bubble" of air. -ebu""y, Indian mu"ic, Aa/ane"e flute mu"ic. >inally the Head
Cakra !ith toc$hau"en and the "ound" of outer "/ace. lide" of the "tar" and galaxie"
!ould edge around the room.
At the end of thi" timele"" "e""ion !e !ould bring the )i"itor" bac$, carefully /re/are
them for re#entry7
1A" you return
Cemember to choo"e con"ciou"ly
&o!er i" the hea)y "tone !renched
from your garden of tenderne""
Birtue i" the hea)y "tone cru"hing your innocence
?hat can be learned
>rom nature i"
Harmony
,herefore*
hun the "ocial
Euddle the elemental
A)oid angle", lie !ith the round
hun /la"tic, con"/ire !ith "eed
-o no good
(ut
>or 8od1" "a$e
>eel good
And
;ature1" order !ill /re)ail1
;4ao (utra F<
Hndoubtedly many of our )i"itor" obtained genuine "/iritual edification from the"e
"imulated "e""ion", though it i" my ex/erience that they can ne)er be a "ub"titute for the
"acrament of '-. >or their money they had been changed in "ome !ay". E)en tho"e
!ho did not "ee$ change had acce"" to the =illbroo$ facilitie" of "eminar room",
meditation hou"e, fore"t /ath", the la$e for "!imming, )egetable garden", art and
/hotogra/hic librarie", mu"ic and boo$ librarie" !ith an exten"i)e "ection on Ea"tern
&hilo"o/hy, and our library of ta/e lecture" and ex/eriential film". ome !ere a"tounded
at !hat they found. ,ho"e !illing to dro/ the "en"ation#"ee$ing game had an in"ight into
the religiou" aim" of =illbroo$. ,hough many member" of the /ublic !ho might ha)e
been other!i"e !illing to o/en them"el)e" to the ex/erience !ere alienated by lurid
/re"" re/ort" of !hich the follo!ing, from 4he Charlotte *bserver,i" ty/ical7
1A 6uic$ belt of !hi"$y from the "uitca"e im/ro)e" thing" con"iderably. 2=.
1 MI am =ichael Holling"head,M "ay" the man in the door!ay, half an hour later. He i"
tall, thirty#i"h, baldi"h, !ith cold, cruel grey eye". MI am your guide for the !ee$end.
?ill you follo! meDM He ha" an Engli"h accent and a "oft )oice of "ini"ter authority.
1-o!n the hall 92= 2= 2=: do!n the "tair". 2ut"ide four /eo/le gather "ilently in
the bac$ of a battered 'and Co)er7 t!o !omen and t!o men, one of them an egg#
bald be"/ectacled young man from 2tta!a.
M1Cight no! !e1re in the /eriod of "ilence,M "ay" Holling"head. M>ir"t !e1ll go for a little
dri)e, then a little !al$, then dinner.M He dri)e" along a trac$ through du"$#hu"hed
!ood", then out into a field and "to/" at a /ondR Holling"head /roduce" a bottle of
coc$tail "herry and /a/er cu/". -u"$ dee/en". ,he /ond i" co)ered !ith a film of
green gro!th, !hich cree/".
1 MI" the /eriod of "ilence o)er DM a"$" the /oi"on i)y !oman, emboldened by "herry.
1 M;ot for you,M "ay" Holling"head !ith a little "mile.
1,he dri)e continue" through the !ood" and field", then bac$ to the hou"eR ,imothy
'eary enter" and "it". He i" tall, forty#fi)e, hand"ome, barefoot, a denti"t1" "on, the
father of three7 a boy, a girl, and the /"ychedelic mo)ementR 'eary tal$"R ,he
75
rea"on /"ychedelic ex/erience" are im/ortant and )aluable i" that /eo/le li)e their
li)e" by their o!n Mche""#board"M, /laying the la!yer#game, the merchant#game, or
"ome rule#ridden ego#game, rarely if e)er ex/anding their con"ciou"ne"" to the /oint
of true a!arene"" and under"tanding of man and nature, including them"el)e".
1He demon"trate"7 u"an 'eary and Holling"head enact a "hort "$it, "he a" a !ife
a"$ing her o)er!or$ed hu"band to ta$e a holiday, he a" a "chool /rinci/al firing a
teacher. ,heir che""board" do not match+ they do not under"tand each otherR
1,he a//earance of thing" around Ea"talia1" baro6ue ba"tion indicate" a certain
abandonment of modern "ur)i)al )alue"R ;o /articular concern i" "ho!n for the
hou"eR Ea"talian" are abo)e the landed#gentry game. >urniture i" not im/ortant to
themR
1,he !ood!or$ and !indo!" need !a"hing, the old /ar6uet floor" need /oli"hR the
dog"R anoint the /orch at !illR
1An air of "ad decline /er)ade" the hou"e, li$e a Coll"#Coyce being u"ed a" a dum/
truc$.1
,he fact that the local /re"" had /rai"ed our !or$ in maintaining the hou"e and im/ro)ing
the la!n" and /lanting three acre" of corn and )egetable" i" be"ide the /oint. 'i$e "o
many /eo/le, that re/orter loo$ed !ithout "eeing, li"tened !ithout hearing, calculated
!ithout thin$ing.
I had been a guide for in)ited gue"t", a guide for /aying )i"itor", and after ta$ing "o many
/eo/le on an internal 3ourney I felt it might be time to do the "ame in other countrie".
=ar$ ,!ain "aid that 18uide" cannot ma"ter the "ubtletie" of the American 3o$e1, and
though he !a" not thin$ing of a /"ychedelic guide, he had a /oint. ,here !ere too many
American 3o$er" doing in3u"tice" to =illbroo$. 2ne of the greate"t guide", Birgil, "ay" to a
-ante tormented by frightening /henomena
1(ut, a" for thee, I thin$ and deem it !ell
,hou ta$e me for thy guide, and /a"" !ith me
,hrough an eternal /laceR 1
9Inferno, Eanto 1, tr. -orothy ayer":
And -ante /a""e" through a hell !hich in it" reali"tic a"/ect" corre"/ond" clo"ely to the
unenlightened daily life. It i" the de"ire of the guide to ta$e hi" )oyager to /aradi"e. A"
guide to many tra)eller" I ha)e ta$en them out of their hell and offered them at lea"t a
tem/orary glim/"e of /aradi"e.
1,he role of the /"ychedelic guide i" ne! in our "ociety, but the ne!ne"" of the role
"hould not blind u" to the anti6uity of it" /recedent". &rie"t and "haman, after all,
!ere the fir"t /ur)eyor" of it" techni6ue. eer and "ibyl ma//ed the co"mogra/hy of
it" domain. &erha/" the fine"t of it" /recedent" i" to be found in the figure of Birgil in
-ante1" Divine Comedy.... It "hould be one of the chief ta"$" of the guide to a""ume
the role of Birgil in thi" chemically#induced -i)ine Eomedy and to hel/ the "ub3ect
"elect out of the !ealth of /henomena among !hich he find" him"elf "ome of the
more /romi"ing o//ortunitie" for heightened in"ight, a!arene"" and integral
under"tanding that the guide $no!" to be a)ailable in the /"ychedelic ex/erience. KC.
E '. =a"ter" and Aean Hou"ton, op. cit., /. 130f.L
I guided 'eary and Al/ert through their fir"t tri/". I guided the author" of the abo)e
/a""age through their". I acted a" guide to Nra""ner, ,o/ol"$i, teinberg, =ingu", te)e
8roff and do%en" more. ;one had bad ex/erience". ;one returned !ith di"ta"te for the
"/iritual or natural !orld". I endor"e the ideal of the guide a" Birgil, though could not
claim to be an ideal guide. At the mo"t I could claim to be con"ciou" of my "ub3ect1"
creati)ity and that, in it"elf, i" a "te/ on the road to /aradi"e.
And "o I felt it to be time to ta$e to the road again my"elf. (y e/tember 19I. I felt that
the Ex/eriential ?or$"ho/" had been "timulating and often extremely "ucce""ful. I felt
76
"ati"fied !ith our !or$ in ;e! <or$ de)elo/ing the &"ychedelic ,heatre. American", the
"en"iti)e one", !ere re"/onding to the !onderful im/lication" of '-. Arti"t" and
"cienti"t" !ere admitting they could learn from mind ex/an"ion. '- !a" becoming 6uite
/o/ular !ith a gro!ing number of /eo/le and, in addition to the blac$ mar$et "u//ly
emanating from the ?e"t Eoa"t, t!o )ery de)oted "tudent alchemi"t" !ere "ynthe"i"ing
it at <ale.
A" a Euro/ean I felt the time had come for u" to "hare !ith Euro/e "ome of the thing" !e
had di"co)ered about the methodology of ta$ing '- in /o"iti)e "etting". I !anted to rid
/eo/le of their inhibition" about my"tical !riting" and demon"trate to them that 4he
4ibetan !ook of the Dead, the 4ao 4e Ching,and the I Ching !ere really ba"ic manual"
!ith fundamental in"truction" about ta$ing '- "e""ion". ?e felt !e had "u//lemented
thi" ancient $no!ledge by the ex/loitation of modern technological mean" of tran"mitting
ae"thetic /henomena.
>rom !hat I had heard in letter" and con)er"ation", the /"ychedelic mo)ement in
England !a" "mall and badly informed. It a//eared that tho"e !ho too$ '- did "o a" a
con"ciou"ly defiant anti#authoritarian ge"ture. ,he "/iritual content of the /"ychedelic
ex/erience !a" being o)erloo$ed.
?e had a meeting at =illbroo$ to di"cu"" thi" 6ue"tion of di""eminating the re"ult" of our
ex/erimental re"earch. It !a" agreed that I "hould return to 'ondon !ith the idea of
introducing 4he 4ibetan !ook of the Dead in the tran"lation by ,im, -ic$ and Cal/h+ the
cyclo"tyled ty/e"cri/t of the 4ao !e Ching by ,im and Cal/h+ and the 3sychedelic
5eview, a maga%ine de)oted to the theoretical di"cu""ion of /"ychedelic ex/erience.
,im came to "ee me on the day of my de/arture. He !a" going to 3oin me in 'ondon in
Aanuary 19II, !hich ga)e me three month" to "et the "cene for hi" arri)al. ,he idea !a"
to rent the Albert Hall, or 1Al/ert Hall1 a" ,im called it, for a /"ychedelic 3amboree. ?e
!ould get the (eatle" or the tone" to /erform, in)ite other arti"t", and, a" the climax of
the e)ening, introduce ,im a" the High &rie"t.
,a$ing a /iece of /a/er from hi" /oc$et ,im "aid, 1,he"e are your marching order", your
in"truction".1 ?hat they !ere I don1t $no! becau"e he decided to "cra/ them and too$ a
clean "heet of /a/er and !rote the follo!ing on it7
1H2''I;8HEA- EP&E-I,I2; ,2 '2;-2; 19I.#II
&ur/o"e7 &ICI,HA' A;- E=2,I2;A' -EBE'2&=E;,
,o introduce to 'ondon the inter/retation and a//lication" and method" de)elo/ed by
and learned by =ichael Holling"head.
A <28A#2>#EP&CEI2; (< =H.
3lan
;o "/ecific /rogramme of ex/re""ion can be "/ecified in ad)ance. ,he <oga may
include
1. ,ranartU gallery#boo$"tore.
2. ?ee$ly /"ychedelic re)ie!"*lecture"*6ue"tion" and an"!er"*,ranart
demon"tration".
3. Cadio*,B*ne!"/a/er*maga%ine educational /rogramme.
4. Eentre for running '- "e""ion.1
,hu" it !a" I arri)ed 'ondon in the fall of 19I., !ith "e)eral hundred co/ie" of 4he
4ibetan !ook of the Dead and thirteen carton" of the 3sychedelic 5eview on their !ay.
U ,ranart !a" the term !e u"ed to de"cribe the art of /"ychedelic "imulation. ,he name
ne)er became !idely acce/ted and to thi" day there i" no ade6uate label for /"ychedelic
art .
,' !ondon on My Mind
!ondon &+,4
It i" al!ay" intere"ting to come bac$ to 'ondon 9!hy do !e lo)e the /lace" !e are born in D:
77
and "ee ho! you react to the /eo/le. Here I am no longer 1the tra)eller1, but a re"ident, !hich
i" "omething you reali"e the moment you "te/ out"ide Heathro!*abroad, you can treat the
outer !orld a" mere reaction+ at home thi" i" im/o""ible. ?hen an Engli"hman loo$" at
'ondon he i" "eeing in it" ma"onry the reflection of hi" race, li$e a clean "late, !ith hi" o!n
face on. He may not li$e !hat he "ee", but it i" a /lace he may nod to and really feel he
$no!". Here, then, I am at the mercy of my o!n /articular form of exi"tence+ here I am
re"/on"ible in a definite !ay, 3u"t a citi%en li$e e)erybody el"e....
Accordingly, I exchanged the con"ciou"ne"" of =illbroo$ a" ra/idly a" /o""ible for that of the
re"ident. ,hrough the far#"ight of a generou" friend, I "oon became the lea"e#holder of a
large, comfortable, &ont treet, (elgra)ia flat, !ith high ceiling" and thic$ !all". It !a" here
that !e o/ened the ?&E 91?orld &"ychedelic Eentre1: !ith -e"mond 21(rien, a 'loyd1"
under!riter and Etonian, a" &re"ident+ and, later, Aoey =ellen, al"o ex#Eton and a graduate
in la! from 2xford, a" it" Bice#&re"ident.
I had brought !ith me from America a 6uantity of '-, about half a gram, or enough for .000
"e""ion", /art of an ex/erimental batch made a)ailable by courte"y of the E%ech
8o)ernment laboratorie" in &rague, !ho had ta$en o)er a" "u//lier" after ando% "to//ed
"elling it anymore, that i", after the 'eary#Al/ert Har)ard "torm. (ut a" far a" (ritain !a"
concerned, there !ere a" yet no /ro)i"ion" for '- et al. under the 1-angerou" -rug"1 Act.
,he /o""e""ion of thi" drug did not become an offen"e until the "ummer of 19II, !hen
(ritain fell in line !ith American legi"lation in thi" matter. (ut it !a" through thi" loo/hole in
the 19I. legal "ituation that the ?&E !a" able to o/erate in an o/en !ay*though !e had to
!atch anything el"e, /articularly ha"h, for !hich !e could be bu"ted 9and e)entually !ere,
3u"t fi)e month" after !e "tarted:. (ut for the time being, and encouraged by the accelerating
intere"t in /"ychedelic" among"t our Ehel"ea neighbour", !e belie)ed that 'ondon !ould
indeed become the centre for a !orld /"ychedelic mo)ement.
In a city !here !orld#feeling i" ex/re""ed in the form of an im/ul"e for em/irical ex/an"ion,
our 1me""age1 !a" "im/le7 If you can1t ca/ture the !orld, then try to con6uer the hea)en". >or
the ideali"m of the con1uistador !ould be changed to that of the my"tic, the man !ho
con6uer" nobody exce/t him"elf. 1,he energy !hich, a little !hile ago, !a" able to fill
uni)er"al "/ace i" no! conden"ed into the confine" of the indi)idual "elf+ for i"n1t it "aid that
!hat i" !ithout, i" al"o !ithin D It i" 3u"t that the eye of in"ight*the eye that Mget" inM !here
reality Mget" outM*ha" atro/hied in man during the /a"t fe! thou"and year"+ man i" blind to
the !orld in"ide him"elf and need" the hel/ of threeeye" in"tead of t!o to gain true !i"dom
of hi" o!n indi)iduality.1 ?e !rote it+ !e may e)en ha)e belie)ed it "ometime"7 and 1acid i" to
hel/ u" "ee R 1.
;o! !e could belie)e !ith Eamu" that 1real genero"ity to!ard" the future lie" in gi)ing all to
the /re"ent1. And "ince it ha//en" "o rarely in a lifetime that one e)er get" the chance to gi)e
one1" all to "omething, or "omeone, !e felt a tremendou" "en"e of in)ol)ement no! that !e
had /ledged our"el)e" to "/read the /"ychedelic doctrine. And in one of our earlie"t
manife"to", !e !rote
1=an1" )i"ion of the future i" hi" recreation*the fulfillment of it i" hi" /rocreation. ,he
e""ential ritual i" /rocreation*creation.
1,he future i" !hat man thin$" u/ in the /re"ent*the logical exten"ion in all cycle" of
thought of the /oint of each re)elation*the illumination of dar$ne"" by the !ord.
1In the da!n of a ne! e)olutionary /ha"e /oet" chir/ li$e "/arro!"....di"regarded*
li$e "/arro!"*the /oet" $ee/ "inging of a )i"ion !hich i" their" pour encourager les
autres.... )
(ut the nagging 6ue"tion in "uch matter" !a" ho! !ere !e going to communicate thi"
me""age !ith the re"t of the !orldD
ome of u" had began to !onder if the "olution did not lie in the direction fir"t "ugge"ted
by ?illiam (urrough" 9in 19I1:7 1,he for!ard "te/ mu"t be made in "ilence. ?e catch
our"el)e" from !ord form"*thi" can be accom/li"hed by "ub"tituting for !ord" letter",
conce/t" and )erbal conce/t", other mode" of ex/re""ion7 for exam/le, colour.1
And "ilence i" golden for tho"e !ho li)e in the land of gold. (ut from the re)olutioni"t"1
78
/oint of )ie!, the huge mono/olie" of /o!er and influence could be "een in 19I4 to ha)e
become /lace" "ynonymou" !ith intellectual ban$ru/tcy and "/iritual 9religiou":
em/tine"". ,o ta$e one exam/le, the "ituation !ith regard to the Hni)er"ity
E"tabli"hment. ,hey could be "een to be in"titution" of intellectual "er)itude7 1tudent"
ha)e been "y"tematically dehumani"ed, deemed incom/etent to regulate their o!n li)e",
"exually, /olitically and academically. ,hey are treated li$e commoditie" !ith a /rice#tag,
"o much ra! material to be /roce""ed for the uni)er"ity1" client"*bu"ine"", go)ernment
and military bureaucracie". ,eacher" ha)e been relegated to the /o"ition of "er)ant#
intellectual", re6uired, for regular /romotion, to /ro/agate /oint" of )ie! in harmony !ith
the military and indu"trial leader"hi/ of our "ociety.1
,he "ilence of re"/on"ible o/inion in the face of "uch call" to integrity, and ultimately
e)en to "anity it"elf, all but amounted to a "candal+ and certainly a "candal !ider in it"
im/lication" than any freedom mo)ement gro!ing u/ around /"ychedelic drug#u"e,
!hich the ma"" media /rom/tly called 1abu"e1, and "a! '- made into a 1dirty1 !ord, li$e
ma"turbation or B-. ?e couldn1t "im/ly bundle the drug" into a bag and bury it, ho/ing
/"ychedelic" could all "omeho! be forgotten. ,hi" !a" the /roblem*!hat do !e do !ith
the"e /"ychedelic" no! that 1!e1 in the "en"e of 8verymanha)e them D
It !a"*and i"*a bit extraordinary, in (ritain of all /lace", that '- ha" been rarely a
"ub3ect, and e)en more rarely a "ucce""ful "ub3ect, for our be"t thin$er" 9!ith "uch
notable exce/tion" a" Cobert 8ra)e" on the "ub3ect of 1mu"hroom1 )i"ionary ex/erience,
Aldou" Huxley, and 8erald Heard, all of !hom, /erha/" "ignificantly, li)ed abroad:.
,he reality of the '- !orld !a" too random and fragmentary for any but the mo"t
mentally flexible to identify !ith it, and the unemotional 1co/#out1*synthesis*!a"
im/o""ible. (riti"h intellectual" !ere not going to confu"e the '- ex/erience !ith their
literary 1"tream#of#con"ciou"ne""1 techni6ue" for di"co)ering the truth about /roce""e" of
dee/ con"ciou"ne"", either*you !ould hardly call ,om ?olfe or Aame" Aoyce an 1acid
tri//er1@ ?hat they !ere un!illing, or unable, to "ee !a" that acid literature and acid
thought" are really only tho"e idea" that deal !ith high level revelation, mysticism,
telepathy, and transcendence of the ego. And to that extent !e !ere a ne! human game
and had a me""age of uni)er"al intere"t.
,he de)elo/ing cult of Ex/loring In!ardne"" had become a ne! truth, the "table core
around !hich a ne! radical mo)ement !ould e)ol)e. ,ruth and re"/on"e are not a
/ri)ate affair, for the truth come" to one man for all men, endo!ing the reci/ient of it in hi"
relation to hi" contem/orarie" !ith the authority of the &ro/het or of the High &rie"t. (ut
men do not !illingly recogni"e a ne! )oice that crie" from the modern !ilderne"" R and
if they are e)er at a lo"" for a "ca/egoat, they ha)e their man in him !ho !ould "ee$ to
remo)e the di"torting !eb of =aya, the cau"e of all illu"ion" in the "elf.
=artin (uber, and a /ro/het of our time, remind" u" that, according to Ha"idim, the 1teller
of tale"1, 1 R the effecti)e ex/loration of the heart i" the beginning of the !ay in a man1"
life,1 it i" the one 3ourney in !hich 1each man mu"t find hi" o!n !ay for him"elf1. 2r "uch
!ere my e"oteric influence" in thi" /eriod, !hich fed my )i"ion of a future ha//ier !orld
R
,hirteen carton" of boo$" arri)ed at &ont treet )ia the .. (amaria from America, a
/ri)ate im/ortation for !hich H.=. Eu"tom" re6uired a (ill of 'ading and a com/leted
form E.3. 9;o! you can1t get more accurate than that:. ,hi" !a" our 1/"ychedelic "toc$1
for thi" 12/eration 'ondon1*300 co/ie" of the 'earyGAl/ertG=et%ner 4he 3sychedelic
89perience= A $anual !ased on the 4ibetan !ook of the Dead, 200 i""ue" of 4he
3sychedelic 5eview ed. by -r". ?eil and =et%ner, and 200 co/ie" of 4he 3sychedelic
5eader ed. by 8unther ?eil. It !a" not only that, at thi" time, in 19I., there !a" nothing
"imilar originating in (ritain, but "uch literature !a" )irtually unobtainable here, exce/t
/o""ibly through (ernard at ,urret (oo$" in Nen"ington. It al"o meant that !e had a
=anual for running 1guided1 '-#"e""ion" through !hich !e could ob"er)e the
elaboration of 1the Art1 a" !ell a" )ariou" ne! art#form". ;o! !e could conduct inten"i)e
grou/#"e""ion" in !hich the grou/#mind might /artici/ate in an ancient ,ibetan ritual, and
in the "afety of our o!n home".
79
All that no! remained !a" an o//ortunity to u"e them, !hich "oon /re"ented it"elf on the
night of the fir"t >ull =oon. 9Ala", for tho"e !ho do not actually feel the biogenetic
)ibration" of a >ull =oon, it mu"t "eem no more than a /athetic, /altry, 1a"tronomical1
/henomenon.: (ut for the tiny circle of /artici/ant" !ho a"$ed to ta$e /art in an
ex/erience on the !ardo /lane, it !a" a night to hear my"terie" !hich 6uic$en the heart,
the my"teriou" /o!er that ma$e" all thing" ne! again R
,here !ere t!el)e of u" on thi" "/acetri/. ?e "a! our"el)e" a" )oyager" in "earch of
an"!er" to the "ecret of magical "elf#liberation. In ,ibet the re"/on"ible in"titution i", or
u"ed to be, the Eollege of =agic Citual. ince it !a" ob)iou"ly im/o""ible to du/licate
any of thi", !e "tructured the decor of the large li)ing#room along the line" of (utra -E
from the great e"oteric !or$, the 4ao 4e Ching R "oon the front room !a" em/tied of all
furni"hing", exce/t the car/et, and !e tried to ha)e around "im/le, natural thing" to
contact during thi" "e""ion*
hand#!o)en cloth
uncar)ed !ood
flo!er"*gro!ing thing"
ancient mu"ic
burning fire
a touch of earth
a "/la"h of !ater
fruit, good bread, chee"e
fermenting !ine
candlelight
tem/le incen"e
a !arm hand
fi"h "!imming
anything !hich i" o)er .00 year" old.
?e al"o had lot" of cu"hion", "ome excellent ta/e" and hi#fi e6ui/ment, a "lide /ro3ector,
and "e)eral chillum".
?e began "hortly before midnight, mo)ing into the ne! tem/le room !ith a $ind of /iety
and "eriou"ne"" you find in act" of faith, !hen !e all too$ our /lace in the 1=agic Eircle
of 'iberation1. After a "hort "ilence, !e /a""ed round the bo!l containing gra/e"
im/regnated !ith acid*about 300 microgram", or !hat i" con"idered to be a relati)ely
high do"age, li$ely to la"t from bet!een eight to t!el)e hour"*the "ym/athetic di"charge
!ould follo! in about forty minute", indicated by enlarged /u/il diameter, ri"e in body
tem/erature, increa"ed heart#rate, )ariable blood /re""ure, and "ometime" a moderate
amount of /hy"ical trembling. <et they are no "tronger on the body than the effect" of a
game of tenni"*only thin$ing ma$e" them "o.
-uring thi" fir"t /eriod, the /eriod of 1countdo!n1, !hen the /"ychic energy fir"t begin" to
be felt, there i" a gro!ing "en"ation !ithin of thou"and" of delicate thread" mo)ing about
the body, "ubtle line" of force !hich tremble li$e &am/a" gra"", a" if "ome thing had
o/ened in"ide and they !ere all "treaming out. It i" a" though one1" body i" di""ol)ing
and floating a!ay, and the 1e""ence1 of =e !a" being liberated to 3oin the 1e""ence1 of
e)erything el"e about me. 2ne feel" o/en to a total flo!, o)er and around and !ithin the
body, and one become" more and more con"ciou" of the"e thread" of energy, of their
)ibration", li$e har/"tring" gi)ing forth their indi)idual tone". ,here i" "omething /urely
/hy"ical about it, a "en"ation, "omething felt rather than recogni"ed, a matter for intuition,
not intellect.
,hi" "en"ation la"t" for /erha/" ten to fifteen minute" 9though one i" hardly con"ciou" of
the /a""ing of time:. ,hen the thread" "eem to collect them"el)e" into a "ingle )ibrant
"trand, circular, coiled li$e a "na$e+ and then li$e a "na$e it "lo!ly begin" to un!ind,
mo)ing almo"t im/erce/tibly u/ the "/ine, !hich feel" li$e a hollo! tube, gathering in
force and inten"ity and bathing the body in a "il)ery light and )ery, )ery "en"ual indeed.
And one1" /ale intro"/ecti)e "elf "it" in the boon of the"e tingling "tring", "en"iti)e to the
80
lea"t )ibration beyond time, beyond /lace, roc$ing to the motion of all that i".... ,he
dominant im/re""ion i" that of entering into the )ery marro! of "elf R a" if each of the
billion atom" !hich com/o"e the body under normal circum"tance" i" "ummari"ed and
a)eraged into crude, di"criminate !hole"ale im/re""ion" !hich are no! able to be "een
and "a)oured for it"elf. ,he im/re""ion" become more inten"e. ,he )ibration" turn into
colour"*brilliant blue", /ur/le", and green" !ith da"he" of red and "trea$" of yello!#
orange.
2ne gradually become" a!are of mo)ement, a roc$ing ty/e of mo)ement, li$e on the
cre"t of a !a)e, yet the body doe" not mo)e at all R !ith an o)er!helming acceleration
one i" turning around and around, "!irling, then "huttling bac$ and forth li$e a /iece of
/ota""ium on !ater, hi""ing, "/ar$ling, full of life and fire.
,hi" ex/erience may be li$ened to an emotional#reflecti)e )i"ual $aleido"co/e R
ex/erience" in)ol)ing the"e three com/onent" $ee/ di""ol)ing continuou"ly from one
/attern to another. Emotionally the /attern" ranged from "erene contentment and mild
eu/horia to a//rehen"ion !hich bordered on, but ne)er 6uite "li//ed into, alarm. (ut
o)er!helmingly they in)ol)ed 9a: a"toni"hment at the ab"olutely incredible immen"ity,
com/lexity, inten"ity and extra)agance of being, exi"tence, the co"mo", call it !hat you
!ill+ 9b: the mo"t acute "en"e of the /oignancy, fragility, /reciou"ne"", and "ignificance of
all life and hi"tory. ,he latter i" accom/anied by a /o!erful "en"e of the re"/on"ibility of
all for all R inten"e affection for the other" in the room R im/ortance and rightne"" of
beha)ing decently and re"/on"ibly*of trying to remain 1o/en1 and cool in all area"
"imultaneou"ly.
A" the 1guide1 for thi" fir"t !ardo "e""ion, my 3ob !a" to loo$ after the mu"ic, the /re#
recorded ta/ed me""age" from the boo$, and $ee/ the /artici/ant" in the flo!. ,he "et
and "etting are /o"iti)e, "u//orti)e, anxiety#free "o that the reaction !ill be ec"tatic,
in"ightful, and educational, 3u"t a" !hen the "et and "etting are clinical, ex/erimental,
non#"u//orti)e, and im/er"onal, the reaction" are in)ariably frightening and confu"ing.
,hu",
In the greate"t "e""ion"
2ne doe" not $no! that
there i" a guide
In the next be"t "e""ion"
2ne /rai"e" the guide
In the good "e""ion
2ne admire" the guide
It i" !or"e !hen
2ne fear" the guide
,he !or"t i" that one /ay" him
If the guide lac$" tru"t
in the /eo/le
,hen
,he tru"t of the /eo/le
!ill be lac$ing
,he !i"e guide guard" hi" !ord"
,he !i"e guide "it" "erenely,
?hen the greate"t "e""ion i" o)er
,he /eo/le !ill "ay*
MIt all ha//ened naturallyM
2r
MIt !a" "o "im/le, !e did it
all our"el)e"M.1
9Ada/ted from 4ao (utra -G, by ,imothy 'eary:
hortly after dro//ing the acid, I /layed a ta/e of (uddhi"t Cakramu"ic, follo!ed by
Concert 3ercussion by the American com/o"er, Aohn Eage. I then read from the
81
&"ychedelic manual7
12 )oyager
,he time ha" come for you to "ee$ ne! le)el" of reality. <our
ego and identity are about to cea"e. <ou are about to be "et face
to face !ith the Elear 'ight of the Boid. <ou are about to ex/erience
it in it" reality. In the ego#free "tate, !herein all thing" are
li$e the )oid and cloudle"" "$y and the na$ed "/otle"" intellect
i" li$e a tran"/arent )acuum+ at thi" moment, $no! your"elf and
abide in that "tate.
2 )oyager
,hat !hich i" called ego death i" coming to you.
Cemember7
,hi" i" no! the hour of death and rebirth+
ta$e ad)antage of thi" tem/orary death to obtain the /erfect "tate+
Enlightenment .
Eoncentrate on the unity of all li)ing being".
Hold on to the Elear 'ight.
H"e it to attain under"tanding and lo)e.
If you cannot maintain the bli"" of illumination and if you are "li//ing bac$ into
contact !ith the external !orld,
Cemember7
,he hallucination" !hich you may no! ex/erience, the )i"ion" and in"ight",
!ill teach you much about your"elf and the !orld.
,he )eil of routine /erce/tion !ill be torn from your eye".
Cemember the unity of all li)ing thing".1
About one hour had /a""ed "ince !e inge"ted the drug, and !e !ere !ell into the fir"t
!ardo. ?e !ere beginning to confront the a!e"ome illumination of the meta/hy"ical )oid
and ne! energy tran"formation". ,he in"truction" from the manual acted a" nece""ary
guide/o"t". ?e !ere learning ho! to "/in in neurological "/ace. &"ychedelic e6ual"
mind#o/ening con"ciou"ne"". &"ychedelic mean" ec"tatic, !hich i" to "tand out"ide our
normal /attern". It mean" going out of your mind, your habitual !orld of contingencie",
"/ace#time coordinate". And the $ey i""ue7 1Anything that exi"t" out"ide exi"t" there
in"ide1. ,he human brain i" analogou" to the galactic one*there are "ome ten to thirteen
billion cell" in the brain, about the "ame number a" there are "tar" in the uni)er"e !here
the /lanet earth i" in)i"ible. ,he /roblem of con"ciou"ne""#ex/an"ion i" the "ame a" the
external inertia to get off thi" /lanet. ,he brain i" 1hoo$ed1 to the external !orld. &ut a
/er"on into a "en"ory#de/ri)ation tan$ for )ery long and he i" o)ercome by 1!ithdra!al1
"ym/tom"*anxiety, ten"ion, /hy"ical di"comfort, and /aranoia.
;ext I /layed "ome mu"ic by Ca)i han$ar and "ome bo""ano)a. Inter)al of fifteen
minute". ,hen "ome mu"ic by criabin and /art of a (ach cello "uite. Inter)al. ome
-ebu""y, and Indian flute mu"ic by 8ho"h. Inter)al. (ach organ mu"ic and "ome Aohn
Eage 1"/ace1 mu"ic. Inter)al. ,he Ali (rother" and Aa/ane"e flute mu"ic. ?e al"o loo$ed
at "lide" /ro3ected on to the ceiling ,antric yantra", Bedic 8od", the (uddha, ,ibetan
mandala".
I "u//o"e that the room in !hich !e had gathered !ould a//ear eccentric to mo"t
modern mind"*candlelight, flame", incen"e, dra/e" flo!er", bo!l" of fruit, but to u" it all
"eemed harmoniou", natural and )ery a//ro/riate for the ex/erience" !e !ere
undergoing. ,he "e""ion !a" not to be thought of a" "ome $ind of "ho!, a /iece of
theatre, an entertainment, but a demon"tration and a "haring of no)el energy le)el" and
unu"ual form" of /erce/tion. And the decor !a" to a""i"t the )oyager in hi" ex/erience, a
"ort of A(E of internal language. It !a" a de)ice to hel/ one go out"ide routine mode" of
ex/eriencing, beyond learned or familiar conce/t", "o that one !a"*albeit briefly*no
longer a!are of one"elf a" a "ocial figure, but a" another entity. ?e "tood out"ide the
familiar "elf, out"ide /arochial !orld" of ex/erience, out"ide 'ondon out"ide the idea of
82
being Engli"hGAmericanG-ani"h.
In thi" "en"e, the /"ychedelic ex/erience !a" not "omething in)ented by the ando%
Ehemical Eom/any, but ha" been $no!n "ince Bedic time" and for !hich an enormou"
literature exi"t". In the ?e"t !e "ee$ to ex/lain mind in term" of a "cience called
/"ychology, !hich i" externally oriented to!ard" action and beha)iour". (ut here one
faced the fact that in the la"t analy"i" everythingi" internal, e)erything ha//en" in your
o!n mind.
12 friend
<ou may ex/erience ego#tran"cendence,
-e/arture from your old "elf.
-o not cling in fondne"" and !ea$ne"" to your old "elf.
E)en though you cling to your mind,
you ha)e lo"t the /o!er to $ee/ it.
<ou gain nothing by "truggling in thi" hallucinatory !orld.
(e not attached.
(e not !ea$.
8o for!ard.
Celax.
=erge your"elf !ith them.
(li""fully acce/t the !onder" of your o!n ma$ing.1
,here !ere "till the in"truction" of the ,hird (ardo to follo!, and crucial to thi" "e""ion,
becau"e they ga)e in"truction" on ho! to re#enter one1" normal "tate of con"ciou"ne""
and thu" the e)eryday !orld R
12 Boyager,
;o!, if you !i"h to "ee the truth,
<our mind mu"t re"t !ithout di"traction.
,here i" nothing to do, nothing to thin$.
Cecogni"e that thi" i" the /eriod of re#entry into the normal !orld.
-o not "truggle to re#enter the den"er atmo"/here of routine game
exi"tence. -o not attem/t to u"e force or !ill#/o!er.
-o not hold on to thought".
Allo! the mind to re"t in it" unmodified "tate.
=editate on the onene"" of all energy.
-o not "truggle to ex/lain. ,ru"t your guide.
,ru"t your com/anion". ,ru"t the com/a""ionate (uddha,
and meditate calmly and !ithout
di"traction.
-o not "truggle to return. ,he re#entry !ill ha//en by it"elf.
Cecogni"e !here you are.
Cecognition !ill lead to liberation.1
Cecognition, in thi" "en"e, doe" not lead to liberation, but i" liberation. He !ho really
$no!" 9that i" to "ay, )itally, not merely theoretically, !ith hi" intelligence: that he i" one
!ith the entire uni)er"e, i" beyond all fetter" by )irtue of thi" $no!ledge. ,he !orld no
longer bind" him to it+ becau"e, ha)ing once been abo)e or out"ide ordinary exi"tence,
he "ee" the thing" of the !orld differently, from a different /oint of )ie!, and they no
longer /o""e"" the "ame /o!er o)er him. ,hi" 1"eeing differently1 mean" at the "ame
time recognition+ recognition, therefore, doe" not only condition, but i", liberation. In hi"
dee/e"t being man i" "/irit, and the more he recogni"e" thi", the more firmly he belie)e"
it, the more chain" fall a!ay from him. ,hu", it could ha//en that, in accordance !ith the
teaching" of the (ardo ,hodol, com/lete recognition o)ercome" e)en death. All it need"
i" a belie)ing "oul, !hich i" !hat i" meant !hen !e tal$ about the /o!er of faith.
2rdinary /eo/le !ill only be able to belie)e !hen they are con)inced "imultaneou"ly that
83
the content of their faith i" al"o ob3ecti)ely real7 that Nri"hna !a" really an A)atar, that the
(ible i" really the ?ord of 8od, that Ehri"t "a)ed humanity from death in the hi"torical
"en"e. ,he )i"ionary, on the other hand, $no!" that faith in the religiou" "en"e, and
belie)ing#to#be#true in the "cientific one, ha)e nothing in common !ith each other, that
religiou"ly it i" com/letely indifferent !hether Ehri"t exi"ted or not, and that the true
)i"ionary !ho i" "/irituali%ed, em/loy" faith a" he !ould an in"trument. Cama$ri"hna, for
in"tance, !a", for a !hile, a Ehri"tian and al"o a =u""ulman+ he !anted to $no! the
effect of the"e ideal"+ and in the meantime hi" faith !a" "o "trong that =ahomet a" !ell
a" Ae"u" a//eared to him in the "/irit. >or the re"t, he $e/t to the !or"hi/ of Nali, the
hea)enly mother, a" being the cult be"t "uited to hi" nature, for he $ne! that no one form
!a" intrin"ically ade6uate to di)inity.
In the "e""ion !e ha)e 3u"t con"idered, it !a" collaborati)e, and the /lanning increa"ed
the li$elihood that each /er"on !ould ha)e the "ort of ex/erience he !i"hed. ,hu" hi"
internal freedom, hi" control o)er hi" con"ciou"ne"" i" increa"ed. ,he reading" from the
4ibetan $anual !ere to bring about 1recognition1+ that i" to remind the )oyager at the
moment of ego#lo"" that he i" /re/ared+ to in"ure that he !ill flo! !ith the /roce""
tru"tfully. ?hile the (uddhi"t language may "tri$e the ?e"terner a" 1far#out1, $ee/ in mind
that thi" i" only one of many manual" and in"truction "e6uence" from !hich the
/ro"/ecti)e )oyager can choo"e, and that the e"oteric 6uality of the language "er)e" a"
a mnemonic de)ice, that i", "ay, a "har/ memory ta/ "o that the former in"truction" and
re"olution" can be recalled.
If !e agree that the human mind !a" born free but e)ery!here it i" in chain", it !ill ta$e a
miracle to free it7 becau"e the chain" are magical in the fir"t /lace. ?e are in bondage to
authority out"ide our"el)e"+ and to exorci"e the"e chain" i" the great !or$ of magical
"elf#liberation. And the one !ay of doing thi" i" to acti)ate the "oul. ,hen the eye" of the
"/irit !ould become one !ith the eye" of the body, and god !ould be in u", not out"ide.
8od in u"7 entheos*enthu"ia"m7 thi" i" the e""ence of the /"ychedelic ex/erience.
And ho!, you may !onder, "hall !e recogni"e the indi)idual !ho ha" thu" freed him"elf
from the bond" of a//earance", the man !ho ha" liberated him"elf and no! !al$" the
earthD
1He !ho return" in the flo! of "/irituality
(ring" bac$ a my"teriou" /enetration
o "ubtle
,hat it i" mi"under"tood.
Here i" hi" a//earance
He"itant li$e one !ho !ade" in a "tream at !inter
?ary a" a man in ambu"h
Eon"iderate a" a !elcome gue"t
>luid li$e a mountain "tream
;atural a" uncar)ed !ood
>loating high li$e a gull
Hnfathomable li$e muddy !ater
Ho! can !e fathom hi" muddine"" D
?ater become" clear through "tillne""
Ho! can !e become "till D
(y mo)ing !ith the "tream.1
1He "tand" a/art
erene
Euriou"ly ob"er)ing
He "tand" 6uietly
'oo$ing forlorn
'i$e an infant !ho ha" not yet
learned to $no! !hat to "mile at
He i" a little "ad for !hat he "ee"
?hile other" en3oy their /o""e""ion"
84
he la%ily drift", homele"" do#nothing, o!ning nothing
2r he mo)e" "lo!ly clo"e to the land
?hile other" are cri"/ and definite
he "eem" indeci"i)e
He doe" not "eem to be ma$ing hi" !ay in the !orld
He i" different
A !i"e infant nur"ing at the brea"t of all life
In"ide.1
Again and again I mu"t thin$ of the"e )er"e" from the 4ao 4e Ching, for they remind me
of "o many of the hi//ie )oyager" I meet on the trail, !ho li)e at a different le)el a" the
re"ult of extraordinary internal ex/erience", !hich alone affect men. ?ith Ae"u", they can
"ay7 I ha)e, li$e my father, all life !ithin me.
,hey are 1different1.
,he milieu of 1"!inging 'ondon1 in 19I. a//eared to me li$e the be"t /o""ible caricature
of the Ed!ardian !orld, that mighty in"titute for the threefold /a""ion of inde/endence,
indulgence, indifference, !hich ga)e "oul to their e"/rit and their art of li)ing. Ceal lo)e
!a" un$no!n to them, they had no "eriou" intere"t" of any $ind# the !hole of their
exi"tence !a" "/ent in groo)ing, getting high, ma$ing the "cene. And yet many of them
!ere intelligent and /rofound and their /rofundity !a" not im/eded by their life#"tyle+ on
the contrary, it ga)e them a mean" of ex/re""ion. And for thi" rea"on the fri)olity of thi"
/eriod occa"ionally ga)e an im/re""ion of gra)ity and /rofundity !hich "truc$ me a"
being "trange and made one dream.... It !a" a /eriod !hen /eo/le /aid attention to
dre"", and clothe" !ere no le"" e""ential than their bodie"*it !a" a mean" of
ex/re""ion, and their dre""ed condition mirrored in their con"ciou"ne"" the outer
ex/re""ion for them"el)e". 1(y changing hi" clothe" he change" the man !ithin.1 ,he
mode of dre"" a""i"ted in ex/re""ing certain trait" of hi" being. In thi" !ay the /roce"" of
dre""ing#u/ can not only heighten or le""en the indi)idual1" /o!er of ex/re""ion7 it can
indeed bring about "elf#reali"ation.
Ho! did I come to ma$e thi" ob"er)ation D hortly after I mo)ed into the &ont treet
a/artment, a cou/le of my friend" too$ me a"ide and "ugge"ted that I get "ome ne!
clothe", co"tume" of the Ehel"ea of the mid#"ixtie"*Ed!ardian 3ac$et", embroidered in
gold and "il)er, and "il$ "hirt" !ith huge collar", )el)et /ant" and blue "uede "hoe", and
"o forth*and thereby /ro)e that the "/irit of thi" age i" the "/irit of it" !earer. It !a" a
method of clothing one"elf !ith a certain /ur/o"e*ex/re""ing certain trait" of one1"
being !hich in the ordinary cour"e of e)ent" remain in the bac$ground. It i" a mode of
dre"" to re)eal !hat the indi)idual i"+ it alter", a" it !ere, the centre of hi" being. uch an
indi)idual, they argued, i" more him"elf than he i" other!i"e in hi" 1real1 exi"tence.
Accordingly, I let my"elf be /er"uaded to exchange my 3ean" and "!eat "hirt for a ne!
!ardrobe, and =ichael Cainey1" "ho/ 1Hung 2n <ou1 "ent round a huge /ile of
fa"hionable clothe" and a bill for VI00. ,here !ere about fi)e of u" "taying at the
a/artment and !e di)ided the clothe" bet!een u". I ended u/ !ith a /air of flared /in#
"tri/e trou"er" !ith an enormou" belt and "il)er buc$le, "e)eral "il$ "hirt" and tie", and a
cou/le of hand#embroidered 3ac$et". ;o! I !a" at one !ith the fa"hion of my time". ,he
only /roblem !a" a /"ychological one*I !a" embarra""ed to be "een in them and
con"e6uently I "tayed indoor", ignoring all in)itation" and gradually re)erted bac$ to my
3ean" and "!eat "hirt much to the chagrin of tho"e for !hom clothe" had great
"ignificance. ,here !a" al"o the additional factor of the che6ue, !hich bounced, and I felt
"omeho! uncomfortable !earing the"e ex/en"i)e clothe" a" a re"ult.
=y a""ociation" in thi" /eriod !ith a "elect grou/ of young ari"tocrat" and arti"t" and
mu"ician" and !riter", re"/on"ible for influencing "har/ly the /attern" of the ;e!
Banguard of (riti"h culture and intellectual life, !a" felicitou" in the extreme+ but it cannot
be held "olely re"/on"ible for ma$ing a re)olutionary of me.
l !a" certainly "urrounded by a number of high#/o!ered anarchi"t". =y /artner,
85
-e"mond 21(rien, !a" already achie)ing reno!n a" one of the mo"t far#out '-
ex/onent" in 'ondon and had e)er been de"cribed in one /ublication a" 1=r. '-1+ and
our Bice#&re"ident, Aoey =ellen, one of the fir"t /er"on" to tre/an him"elf, had already
embar$ed on a career a" a /rie"t in a ne! order !hich !a" to ma$e him a di"tingui"hed
figure of great im/ortance to Engli"h e)olutionary religion. In addition to my colleague",
a""ociate" of the ?orld &"ychedelic Eentre included "uch notable" a" Bictor 'o!ne",
!ho co#founded the &layboy em/ire !ith Hugh Heffner+ Aulian 2rm"by#8ore, the film
ma$er+ Alex ,rocchi, the /hilo"o/her#!riter+ =ichael 21-!yer, the art gallery o!ner+ Aulie
>elix, the "inger+ 8eorge Andre!", the /oet+ Ao (er$e, the /"ychiatri"t !or$ing !ith
Connie 'aing# >eli$" ,o/ol"$i, the /ainter+ Aohn Ho/$in", the !riter+ ;ic$ -ougla", the
/ainter+ Nim Ella, the "inger+ Ian ommer)ille, the multi#media ex/ert+ Coman &olan"$i,
the film ma$er+ (art Hughe", the high /rie"t of the tre/anation mo)ement+ ir Coland
&enro"e, a director of the ,ate 8allery+ Hugh (lac$!ell, the !riter+ a" !ell a" Coger
'e!i", (illy (olitho, Birginia 'yon, te)e 8roff, =ar$ ?arman, 2li)ia de Haulle)ille,
helley Ehol"t, =aggie Cu""ell, hirley cott Aame", (ill (urrough", (obby -a)id"on,
-ono)an, &aul =cEartney, Aim Arender, Aohn Ea"on, ;ichola" 8orman"tone,
Ehri"to/her 8ibb", una &ortman, and Bictoria 2rm"by#8ore, all of !hom made
out"tanding contribution" to the current 'ondon "cene.
,hey exem/lified a con"tellation of attitude" that !ere of great im/ortance to the cultural#
arti"tic life of 'ondon. ,hey re/re"ented /erha/" the "eminal non#conformi"m of
England1" mid#"ixtie" intelligent"ia*not the e)angelical non#conformi"m of "uch a" the
=illbroo$ "ect, but an intellectuali%ed form of /"ychedelic enlightenment, of !hich
/o/ulari"ed 'earyi"m !a" largely a culmination*that freed "o many of England1"
educated /eo/le from the rigidity of "ocial and cla"" and cultural /attern" !hich had
out!ardly been "olidifying into right#!ing ,oryi"m. ,heir rebellion !a" ty/ical of thi"
/eriod+ the E"tabli"hment !a" the enemy, the re/re"entati)e of the rigid /attern" they felt
needed to be )iolently rearranged.
,he"e exotic friend" !ere "u//lemented through their contact"+ and affiliation"
de)elo/ed !ith "uch /lace" a" t. =artin1" chool of Art, the In"titute of Eontem/orary
Art", !here !e conducted a 1?or$"ho/ in Eon"ciou"ne"" Ex/an"ion1, and "uch literary
figure" a" &rofe""or ;e)ille Eoghill, ;orman =ailer, and &hili/ 21Eonnor.
And yet R there !a" a /roblem, a "elf#indulgence of mine !hich earned me "ome "ocial
"u"/icion, if not al"o "ocial o"traci"m, and !hich led me*though again"t all my in"tinct"
*!ell o)er that line !hich di)ide" the normal from the abnormal.
I refer, of cour"e, only to my ta$ing of methedrine.
It !a" not illegal to ta$e methedrine, /ro)ided that one ha" a /re"cri/tion, "igned by a
regi"tered medical /ractitioner+ and one could legally recei)e regular "u//lie" of thi" 9or
any other 1hard1 narcotic: drug, /ro)ided that the /hy"ician /re"cribe" for an 1addiction1.
In 19I., not only !a" my /urcha"e of methedrine legal7 friend" bought their heroin and
their cocaine !ith no more trouble than that !ith !hich they /urcha"ed their cough "yru/.
I too$ my methedrine in the 1/ure1 form, a" a li6uid, being the form in !hich the drug i"
mo"t ea"ily a""imilable. And in do"e" that medical de"cri/tion" of the ty/ical methedrine#
addiction "yndrome indicate to ha)e been hea)y one", about "e)en in3ection" a day.
(ut that I had a "eriou" addiction, a de"cri/tion of my ner)ou" acti)ity ma$e" clear7 the
re"tle""ne"", the ability to !or$ for day" !ithout ade6uate "lee/, and e)en !ithout re"t at
all+ the abru/t change" of mood+ and the e6ually abru/t colla/"e into "omnolence not far
9if at all: remo)ed from a tor/or bordering on coma the"e, to tho"e !ho ha)e "tudied the
effect" of methedrine addiction, are the unmi"ta$able e)idence of hea)y and /rolonged
indulgence in a /o!erful narcotic.
I al"o "mo$ed /ot and ha"hi"h con"tantly, and tried e)ery chemical I !a" handed. I al"o
too$ acid about three time" a !ee$ and in do"age" in exce"" of .00 microgram". I ne)er
"le/t, and after about t!o month" I had turned my"elf into a "ort of %ombie. E)ery no!
and then I in3ected my"elf !ith dimethyl#try/tamine*a fa"t#acting /"ychedelic of "hort
duration*to 3ac$ my"elf bac$ into life again.
;aturally, thi" 1hard1 drug#ta$ing led to a com/lete di"orientation of my life, !hich !a" no!
chaotic in the extreme, and I "/iralled further and further do!n until I !a" caught in a
86
mental /ri"on of anxietie", /aranoia, friction" and mo"t de"/air" of con"e6uence. It !a"
all )ery, )ery frightening, and I began to thin$ that I !ould remain fore)er hung u/ on an
endle"" chain of manic#de/re""i)e emotion". It !a" ironic, really, that after all tho"e
le""on" in meditation, all tho"e di"ci/line" and yogic exerci"e" tho"e tri/" under '-,
tho"e au"teritie" and year" of meta/hy"ical reflection, the my"tic dream", 6uiet day", the
idea that there !a" no need to achieve anymore or to go about and do thing" and ma$e
thing" ha//en, I !a" no! at the mercy of a non#miraculou" addiction.
In )ain I tried to $ic$ the habit, but it !a" im/o""ible, the mon$ey !a" on my bac$ and I
could not remo)e it. I began to belie)e that it !a" all "omeho! a co"mic /lot in !hich I
!a" the )ictim. I had nightmare" !hich nearly "cared me to death. I reached a /oint
!here communication !ith other /eo/le !a" im/o""ible. I "a! the !hole !orld
con"/iring again"t me. I !a" literally out of my mind and li)ing in "ome $ind of hell of my
o!n ma$ing. And, !or"t of all, there !a" no one I could turn to for hel/, for there !a" no
one I tru"ted+ "uch !ere the effect" of thi" /oi"on I in3ected into my"elf.
And the "ituation at &ont treet became more and more unreal "o much "o that all my
friend" "to//ed coming round and e)eryone thought I !a" cra%y, !hich I !a", if my
beha)iour !a" anything to go by. ,hat i" ho! I a//eared to them, !hat I !a" for them*a
"tu/id, in"en"iti)e, unthin$ing /er"on. ?hat thi" drug had done !a" to re)eal the hidden
mon"trou"ne"" and infernal de/th" !ithin my /"yche. Eertainly, I made con"ciou" effort"
to exorci"e the "ource" of my confu"ion, but in )ain. Ho! !ould I e)er rid my"elf of thi"
methedrine hell, thi" habit !hich !a" $illing meD I had /lunged into the aby"", gone
beyond my limitation", beyond e)en the confine" of my rea"on !hich had "er)ed me "o
!ell. ,hi" !a" the land of madne"", of death. Ho! undignified, de"/icable, meaningle""@
<et, li$e all addict", I clung to my drug. I had gro!n accu"tomed to it, I had e)en formed a
"u/er"titiou" affection for it. I didn1t !ant to "to/ my habit. 2ne fix meant four more hour"
of life another fix, four more hour" of life. I couldn1t 3u"t let my"elf go, for thi" !ould ha)e
meant death, and I "till clung "tubbornly to life. (ut there !a" a "en"e in !hich I !a"
already dead. ,he ta$ing of methedrine im/lie" exce"" of life, intem/erance, and "urfeit+
it i" al"o a !ay of $illing your"elf. ,hi" reali"ation accounted for the uncontrollable terror,
the /anic, !hich gri//ed my "oul at nightfall, !hen I !a" alone !ith the alone and lo"t in
a ma%e of contradictory emotion", !hen I $ne! that my addiction !a" at once tragic,
dangerou", terrifying and immoral.
And I !a" not the only one !ho thought "o. 8eorge Andre!", ob)iou"ly di"turbed by
!hat !a" ha//ening, !rote me a letter7
1-ear =ichael, I ha)e been hearing "ome "trange "torie" about you from a lot of
different /eo/le. In ,angier I learned to dra! a )ery "har/ line of di"tinction bet!een
the /"ychedelic guide, !ho i" rare, and the /"ychedelic hu"tler, !ho i" a dime a
do%en. >or "omeone !ith a" much ex/erience a" you ha)e had, to be u"ing it the
!ay you "eem to be, you ha)e in your hand" the Boid in cry"tal form, the lightning of
the god", the 3ade !ine of the immortal". All the fli/#out" and bad tri/" one i"
re"/on"ible for are added to one1" daily load of karma. ?hy ma$e the load e)en
hea)ierD ?hy not lighten it in"teadD1
(ut the ad)ice could not be heeded. 'i$e a /oi"on ga", the methedrine had become all#
in)ading, and I $ne! that I !a" clo"e to death.
I ought to ha)e $no!n better. ?hat a "ituation to be in@ ,he eu/horia of the drug had
become my refuge from the real !orld. It !a" a barrier bet!een my"elf and other /eo/le,
a !ailing !all, a !all of "e/aration. And I !ondered !hat !ould become of me. ?a" I a
hel/le"" /u//et in the hand" of "ome unimaginably cruel demon, tugged and /ulled on
in)i"ible "tring", but off from my"elf, "ince my innermo"t being !a" no longer in control.
?hat !a" the u"e of $no!ing my"tical truth" D ?hat hel/ !ere they no! D ,hat I had to
"to/ in3ecting toxin" into my body !a" ob)iou" enough. (ut ho! mu"t I do thi"D ;e)er
ha)e I, the !anderer, felt "uch /ain" of angui"h in my "oul. It "eemed to me at time" a"
though the demon methedrine !a" at hand to "tri/ my mind of all rea"on.
I !a" in the de/th" of de"/air, and angui"h. ?here I "hould be laughing and /laying, I felt
87
horror and di"gu"t. And I did not under"tand ho! I had got my"elf into "uch a "ituation,
ho! my addiction !a" /o""ible. ,he demon laugh"7 !hat i" there to under"tand D It i"
"omething to li$e and en3oy. It i" a matter of cour"e @ I" thi" the "ecretD*I felt a" though
in "ome my"teriou" manner, in "ome inde"cribable "en"e, I !a" li)ing in a /la"tic !orld
!here there !a" neither light nor fertility nor, on the other hand, any !i"h to under"tand
my former re"earch after truth. ,he "/iritual light !a" extingui"hed in the "ame "udden
and my"teriou" !ay a" it fla"hed u/. ,he old dreg" filled me u/, too$ me to ta"$,
threatened to !eigh me do!n+ I felt my humanity a" "omething alien, burden"ome+ !or"e
"till than that of the hel/le"" animal in a tra/, becau"e I $ne! ho! to 6ue"tion the )alidity
of that !hich !a" beyond my /o!er to control.
It !a" an im/o""ible "ituation. It !ould ne)er ha)e occurred to me a fe! year" ago, !hen
I fir"t "tarted to extend my "en"ory a//reciation" and ner)ou" "y"tem, that one day I
"hould find my"elf "itting in the li)ing#room of a (elgra)ia a/artment trying to in3ect my"elf
!ith 1"/eed1+ or that if by "ome frea$y accident "uch a bi%arre ex/erience had come my
!ay I "hould !i"h to !rite about it. 9till le"" that my /ubli"her !ould condone "uch an
eccentric choice of "ub3ect.: (ut the relation of the indi)idual fettered to earth through
addiction !ith the indi)idual !ho $no!" the light of (rahma or Ae"u" or (uddha,
re"emble" that of the ant !ith the human being !ho cro""e" it" /ath7 no matter ho!
certain the ant i" by in"tinct, it cannot hel/ it"elf !hen faced by /roblem" !hich mu"t
a//ear tran"cendental to it" organi"m. Au"t "o in the ca"e of the addict !ho attem/t" to
"ol)e the riddle of hi" o!n addition. >rom the angle of rea"on, it i" in"oluble. 1-on1t you
"eeD1 "ay" a !ell#intentioned friend. 1Au"t loo$ at the me"" you are ma$ing of your life @
to/ @ Hnder"tand @ R 1 Ho! can an addict under"tand D And e)en if he !ant" to gi)e it
u/, he cannot do "o. ,he intention" he call" forth turn bac$, thought" ta$e flight, he
cannot gra"/ the totality of the ex/erience, he i" afraid of ex/loding into a million bit" of
/roto/la"m. o he continue". And to a"$ a /"ychiatri"t or the local )icar to co/e !ith your
addiction i" a" "en"ele"" a" to a"$ an Indian yogi to re/air a 3et aircraft. ,oday, neither
/"ychiatry nor religion ha)e much to offer in the !ay of comfort or cure.
Hugh, a friend of mine, al"o "hooting "/eed, came round to "ee me. He !a" de"/erately
"ee$ing to rea""ure him"elf that there !a" "ome meaning to hi" life and that thi" drug
could hel/ him find it. He had been u/ for the la"t three night" !riting hi" 1Aournal1 in
!hich he attem/ted to "ol)e the riddle of the uni)er"e, "eeing in hi" cra%ed eye
/re)iou"ly in)i"ible relation" and connection" bet!een !ord" and !orld", and him"elf a"
the "un#li$e "ource of boundle"" energy, cea"ele""ly gi)ing, cea"ele""ly /ouring out
!ord" !ithout hindrance or re"i"tance. He "ho!ed me a fe! /age" from hi" ne)er#
ending !or$#in#/rogre"" R
1A6uamarine light "mo$e the "lo! drift and eddy of youth in blue 3ean" and a /ainted
face*"ound" li$e chandelier" dri/ glitter and tin$le chime /agoda"*&ont treet and
unny outh Nen "!eet "ound" of -ono)an on a /yramid of /eo/le "/otlit in a flurry
of conga"*the blac$ "aint dre""ed in tribal !hite moan" blue" and mi$e yell" light"
hurt by the finger gleam" of lunatic head" creating a collage of mo)ement*HE<
(A(< ?HA, I ,HI D*it ha//en" in murmur" and /ur/le /lane" of light in mau)e
rhythm" in "lo! "ynco/ated tin"el 6ui)er" and glitter" in their eye"*blond hair*
"tri/e" and fragrance
-rug", man D
ure
'i$e!i"e R
It all made coherent "en"e to me !hen he read it aloud, but I include it no! a" an
illu"tration really of the random /roce""e" of thought !hich occur in "tate" of methedrine
narco"i". It !a" al"o fortunate for Hugh1" re/utation that, a" /o/ular /re3udice again"t
"/eed began to gro!*and the la! began to ta$e cogni%ance of that /re3udice*Hugh
!a" "teadily being !eaned from hi" habit by the undemon"trati)e, /atient and a""iduou"
attention" of hi" girlfriend.
In my ca"e, three e)ent" occurred to "ha$e me out of any feeling" of indifference. ,he
88
fir"t !a" a tele/hone call from ,exa" telling me that 'eary had been found guilty of
tran"/orting three ounce" of mari3uana acro"" the 'aredo#=exican border a" !ell a"
failing to /ay taxe" on it and had been fined 440,000 and gi)en the maximum "entence of
thirty year" in 3ail. 1,hat " the "ame !hat &rometheu" got,1 the la!yer added, "ome!hat
ca"ually.
,he "econd !a" a half#/age ad)erti"ement in the 'ondon 8vening (tandard=
1'-*,HE -CH8 ,HA, E2H'- ,HCEA,E; '2;-2;. Au"t for $ic$", "ome
famou" arti"t", /o/ "tar", and deb" are Mta$ing a tri/M on '-*one of the mo"t
/o!erful and dangerou" drug" $no!n to man. It /roduce" hallucination". It can cau"e
tem/orary in"anity. Nic$" li$e thi" may be bought at the a//alling co"t of /"ychotic
illne"" or e)en "uicide. It i" banned in America and el"e!here*but i" "till a)ailable in
'ondon, 6uite legally. till more a//alling*3u"t half an ounce of '- could $noc$ out
'ondon. ocially, the "tuff i" dynamite. %ondon %ife maga%ine ha" in)e"tigated '-
fully and ha" unco)ered a "ocial /eril of magnitude !hich it belie)e" demand"
immediate legi"lation R to "to/ the "/read of a cult !hich could bring mental lethargy
and chao". %ondon %ifere/orter" ha)e al"o traced the man !ho call" him"elf =r.
'-. He ha" gi)en them an a"toni"hing "erie" of inter)ie!". Cead all about him, and
about '-, in thi" !ee$1" %ondon %ife.)
=r. '- !a" of cour"e our &re"ident, -e"mond 21(rien, and belie)e it or not*the
re/orter !a" Hugh, !ho"e mind, a" I ha)e already indicated, !a" racing ahead of it"elf
into the higher realm" of a""ociati)e /aranoia due to methedrine /oi"oning. ?hen I
tele/honed Hugh about all of thi", he "aid that he had been "o "toned that he had told
the "tory of !hat !a" going on at the ?orld &"ychedelic Eentre to the %ondon %ife editor
!ho !a", a" it ha//ened, the re/orter !ho fir"t bro$e the &rofumo#Neeler "candal. 1,hi"
thing i" bigger than the Neeler "tory,1 he had told Hugh. (ut of cour"e it !a" too late for
me to do anything. ,here !ere e)en ad)erti"ement" on tele)i"ion*"/iral" of colour in
and out of focu" and a )oice "aying 1'-*the drug that could turn on 'ondon. Cead the
exclu"i)e "tory in next !ee$1" %ondon %ife.)
And the third and final "tra! !a" an article in the unday tabloid, 4he 3eople, that !a"
headed in one#inch lettering.
1,HE =E; (EHI;- '-*,HE -CH8 ,HA, I =E;AEI;8 <2H;8 'IBE.... ,he
drug i" '-#2.*'y"ergic Acid diethylamide. It i" by far the mo"t dangerou" drug
e)er to become ea"ily obtainable on the blac$ mar$et.
'-, !hich i" "aid to gi)e M)i"ion" of hea)en and hellM i" u"ed legitimately by
/"ychiatri"t" to /roduce carefully controlled hallucination".
In the !rong hand", the hallucination" it /roduce" can lead to utter irre"/on"ibility,
di"regard for /er"onal "afety and "uicidal tendencie".
I, I, I; >AE,, A NI''EC -CH8.
?e ha)e obtained e)idence of M'- /artie"M being held in 'ondon.
?e ha)e di"co)ered an alarming grou/ of /eo/le !ho are o/enly and blatantly
"/reading the irre"/on"ible u"e of thi" terrible drug.
,he"e men run !hat they call the &"ychedelic Eentre.
It ha" o/erated from a number of addre""e", including one in t. Aame"1" treet, and
a flat in &ont treet, Ehel"ea.
Among"t the Eentre1" acti)itie" i" the /ublication of a handboo$ called A 3sychedelic
$anual.
,hi" li"t" recommended do"e" of '- and other drug" and antidote", and contain" a
treati"e on drug#induced hallucination" and other Mbenefit"M.
,he manual gi)e" )ariou" rea"on" for the u"e of drug" "uch a" '-. ,he"e include7
M>or /er"onal /o!er R for R fun Rfor "en"uou" en3oyment R M
,he manual !hich i" !ritten by M(. 8old"teinM, "ay" the ta$ing of '- and "imilar
drug" offer" Ma relea"e from our conditioning"M and M"en"e" become more acuteM.
Cecommending grou/ "e""ion" of drug#ta$ing, the !riter "ay"7 MA /er"on "hould
a//roach the ex/erience !ith lo)e and tru"t in the com/any of tho"e he tru"t".M
89
MA /"ychedelic ex/erience la"t" normally from eight to "ixteen hour" R but the
re"ult" may la"t from "e)eral day" to "e)eral month".
M,he )oyager "hould "et a"ide at lea"t t!o day" for the ex/erience it"elf.M
,hi" i" irre"/on"ible, dangerou" gibberi"h.
,he Eentre !a" de"erted and in a "tate of con"iderable chao" !hen our in)e"tigator"
gained entry on ,hur"day.
,here !ere u"ed hy/odermic "yringe", em/ty drug am/oule" and a )ariety of /ill".
Among the litter of /a/er" !ere do%en" of /hone number", "ome of them of !ell#
$no!n "ho!#bu"ine"" "tar" and /er"onalitie".1
A 1/aranoid1, according to (ill (urrough", i" "omeone !ho ha" "ome idea of !hat i" really
going on. In thi" "en"e you could "ay that I !a" a 1/aranoid1. I had read the ne!"/a/er"
and reali"ed that my time !a" u/, that the /olice !ould no! be on to me, "o I "/lit
'ondon for the country, though !ith little or no idea of !here I "hould go or !hat I !ould
do.
I rented a car through Hert% and "et off for the ;orth, to -urham to be exact, arri)ing
there late one e)ening, and )ery, )ery "toned indeed. I "till had "e)eral do%en am/oule"
of methedrine, about t!o ounce" of ha"hi"h and a "imilar 6uantity of good gra"". I "/ent
a cou/le of day" in -urham retracing familiar /lace" of my early childhood, )i"iting family
and generally groo)ing around. 'ondon "eemed a memory only a" I !andered the
narro! "treet" and alley!ay" "urrounding the Eathedral, a /lace that had become
"omeho! unreal in my imagination, a /lace I did not !i"h to return to. (ut in my /aranoid
"tate 9one of the real danger" of modern life:, I began to "u"/ect that the -urham /olice
!ere on my heel", "o I left a" "uddenly a" I came, thi" time for <or$"hire and the o/en
moor".
>or the next three day" I 3u"t dro)e and dro)e and dro)e, "taying at country hotel" and
lea)ing early in the morning. I thin$ I mu"t ha)e cloc$ed u/ 2000 mile" "ince lea)ing
'ondon. =y drug inta$e had al"o increa"ed, "o much "o that there !ere time" I had to
/ar$ the car becau"e I could not "ee the road*my )i"ion !a" blurred and di"torted, and I
had difficulty remembering ho! to change the gear" or !hich /edal !a" the bra$e and
!hich !a" the clutch. =y /aranoia le)el al"o increa"ed and to "uch a degree that I
thought I !a" being follo!ed by the /olice 9"uch are the delu"ion" of the ad)anced
methedrine#ta$er, !ho "ee" danger e)en in "hado!:. (ut the mo"t ama%ing ex/erience
occurred on the fourth night. I !a" crui"ing through the lane" and by#!ay" of the 'a$e
-i"trict in the early hour"+ there !a" no traffic on the road" and the country"ide !a" "till
and motionle"", !hen, "uddenly, the mirror lit u/ and I ex/erienced a "ort of /anic.
&olice. It could only be the /olice at thi" time of the night, and they had "omeho! got on
to me. I immediately accelerated and "/ed through the lane" li$e an ex/re"" train,
"!er)ing round corner", darting through em/ty )illage" R but "till the light in the mirror. I
could not "ha$e my /ur"uer, /robably a co/ "/ecially trained at the &olice -ri)ing chool,
I reflected. >a"ter and fa"ter I "/ed. And "till the light in the mirror. heer /anic. I !a"
trembling all o)er. ,error gri//ed my "oul. I !a" li$e an animal being cha"ed by a /ac$ of
dog", !ith no hole to di)e into. ,hen I "a! an o/en farmyard, and turning into it, I dro)e
through the /otted yard until I came to a narro! /ath o)ergro!n !ith gra"". (ut it !a"
"traight and "omeho! I managed to $ee/ on the /ath. I mu"t ha)e dri)en three or four
mile" along thi" bum/y gra""y /ath !hen the headlight" /ic$ed u/ a gate bloc$ing the
/ath, and for a moment I !a" tem/ted to accelerate and "ma"h my !ay through it, a"
they "eem to be able to do in the chea/er American mo)ie". (ut I "to//ed, and )ery
fortunately "o, becau"e !hen I got out of the car to o/en thi" 1gate1 I di"co)ered that it
!a" a barrier fence !ith a dro/ of about 100 feet to a ri)er belo!. And that the 1/ath1 !a"
not a /ath at all but a di"u"ed rail!ay trac$ !ith the rail!ay line" remo)ed. =y next
di"co)ery !a" e6ually "ur/ri"ing*the 1light1 I had been /ic$ing u/ in my mirror and !hich
I had belie)ed !a" the light beam of a /ur"uit /olice#car !a" only the reflection of a full
moon @ I !a" being cha"ed by the moon. And it !a" thi" extraordinary hallucination that
brought me bac$ to "ome $ind of "anity again, and I "lo!ly bac$ed my !ay to the
90
farmyard and on to the road again, !here I /ar$ed the car and fell a"lee/, than$ful that I
had had "uch a luc$y e"ca/e from certain death.
At da!n, !hen my head !a" a little clearer, I decided that I had had enough of thi"
fanta"y exi"tence and, at a lei"urely "/eed, dro)e bac$ to 'ondon and to my flat in &ont
treet. trange@ (ac$ in the face of thi" flaming !orld I am reminded of the "erenity of the
(uddha. And my mad car ride !a" li$e a dream, induced by all the drug"+ I had been to
hell, but the flame" had done me no damage+ they !ere a" harmle"" a" "hado!".
R A ne! da!n brea$". 2nce more, a" on the fir"t day of creation, I am born. ,he
laughing moon, in"ecure and /ale, hurrie" a!ay from the flaming "un in a "!ee/ing
cur)e. ,he "il)er ha" changed into a dull red. ,he blac$ bac$ground !hich but a fe!
hour" ago threatened to ab"orb me, re)eal" it"elf no! a" a grey cru"t of dro"". And I am
bac$ in reality once more. A thought "tri$e" me7 mu"t addict" all contend !ith a ni"u" to
"elf#de"truction D In my ca"e, it i" only bad tem/er that $ee/" me going R the ble""ing of
(iva. !om2
6' The #e7 Heresy
"i1 accused in Chelsea drugs case
1Arre"ted at a flat in &ont treet" Ehel"ea, ye"terday e)ening, an arti"t, !riter,
/hy"ician, com/any director and an art dealer and hi" !ife !ere each remanded on
V100 bail until =arch 15 at =arlborough treet today.
All !ere charged !ith unauthori"ed /o""e""ion of cannabi" "ati)a 9Indian Hem/:.
,hey are7
Ao"e/h Eha"e Hunt =ellen, 2., !riter+ Aohn 'aurence -oyle, 29, art director+ and
=r" =onica -oyle, 23, all of &ont treet+ heldon Ehol"t, 41, American /hy"ician and
author of &embridge 6uare, (ay"!ater+ =ar$ Anthony ?arman, 21, com/any
director, of (y!ater treet, Ehel"ea+ and =ichael Aohn Holling"head, 34, arti"t, and
occu/ier of the flat, !ho !a" al"o accu"ed of /ermitting it to be u"ed for "mo$ing
cannabi".1
(eing bu"ted i" li$e going bald. (y the time you reali"e it i" ha//ening it i" too late to do
)ery much about it. o one trie" to minimi"e the con"e6uence" a" be"t one can, though
of cour"e the damage i" already done. 'ater, /erha/", it may e)en become one of tho"e
"torie" that, "uitably edited, you tell again"t your"elfR
;o one !a" /articularly "ur/ri"ed !hen the /olice raided my flat. ,he /lace !a" a centre
for all $ind" of /"ychedelic ex/erimentation, and it !a" only a matter of time before
"omeone com/lained or turned me in. ,here had been a number of 1incident"1
"urrounding the hi"tory of thi" flat, "uch a" a /arty attended by "ome eighty gue"t" !ho
got accidentally turned on )ia a "/i$ed fruit#and#!ine /unch, among"t !hom !ere "ome
/olice "/ie" ma"6uerading a" hi//ie". ,here !a" al"o the /roblem of noi"e "ince the
"/ea$er" !ere "eldom off, al!ay" /laying at full )olume. <et de"/ite all thi", I ob"er)ed
the "cene !ith com/lete indifference+ I !a" in any ca"e unable or un!illing to do )ery
much about it. It !a" an o)er"ight I !a" to 1learn to regret1, a" the "aying goe". Indeed,
ye", it !a", for I had not ex/ected anything 6uite "o "eriou" a" it "ub"e6uently all turned
out.
I thin$ thi" !a" due in /art to the fact that 'eary him"elf had been bu"ted in 'aredo,
,exa", only a "hort time before the /olice in 'ondon got after me. ,im had been /a""ing
through 'aredo on hi" !ay to =exico !ith hi" daughter, u"an, and hi" "on, Aac$ie, and
u"an had a "mall "ta"h of gra"" hidden in her bra""iere, !hich the American cu"tom"
found. ,im did the only thing a /arent could do under "uch circum"tance", he admitted
that the gra"" !a" hi" and that he $ne! !here it had been hidden. ,he ,exan 3udge
"entenced him to thirty year"1 im/ri"onment. And u"an got off. ,he American
E"tabli"hment had got their man.
(ut thi" left me in a "ome!hat difficult "ituation in 'ondon, for the /lan had been that ,im
!ould 3oin me before Ea"ter for a big &"ychedelic Cally, /o""ibly e)en at the Albert Hall,
!ith /o/ mu"ician", /oet" and member" of the (riti"h underground ta$ing /art. I had
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come on ahead to "et it u/, and, li$e a 3uggler, I had "e)eral thing" "u"/ended in mid#air
at any one time in the "ure $no!ledge that !hen ,im came he !ould be able to act a" my
1a/ologi"t1 and catch them. ;o! that he !a" unable to lea)e America, l "uddenly found
e)erything tumbling about my head. =y !orld had come cra"hing do!n and I !a" unable
or "trangely un!illing to do much about it. I "im/ly let e)ent" ta$e their cour"e, that1" all.
It !a" difficult to ex/lain any of thi" to either the 3udge or the 3ury. ,he 1/olitic" of ec"ta"y1
!a" a com/letely foreign !orld to them, and one moreo)er they "eemed to e6uate !ith
drug#ta$ing of the )ery !or"t $ind. l had al"o )iolated the la!. I !a" no! liable for a
/enalty of ten year"1 im/ri"onment and a fine of V1000.
<et de"/ite the "eriou"ne"" of the charge" and the fact that I !ould almo"t certainly be
found guilty, I treated the !hole matter a" an exerci"e in breathta$ing intellectual
negligence. It "eemed to me that the !hole /ur/o"e of the (riti"h legal "y"tem, !ith it"
role" and rule" and ritual", i" to con)ince you that, by it" gra)ity and "eriou"ne"", it
$no!" better than you do. And it !a" through thi" in"ight that I decided to defend my"elf
rather than ha)e a barri"ter do it.
I had al"o ta$en "ome '- before arri)ing at court, !hich enhanced the unreality of the
"cene, my"elf high in the !itne"" box on a charge of getting high, the 3udge in hi" robe"
and !ig, the 3ury ban$ed in ro!" li$e egg", a gallery filled !ith /lain and facele"" men,
and I "a! my"elf a" an actor in a (#mo)ie.
,here !a" one exchange I remember+ it !a" during my cro""#examination of a -etecti)e
gt. -alton of the 'ondon >lying 6uad, !ho had arre"ted me in the fir"t /lace. ,he ca"e
had begun to drag a little. ,he !itne""e"*for the /ro"ecution*!ere uniformly "eriou" in
their e)idence. ,hey all made me loo$ li$e "ome $ind of horrible /er)ert !ho too$ non#
/re"cri/tion drug" a" for them"el)e" it !ould be, "ay, !hi"$y or beer. ,he "cene had
become 1hea)y1. ;o! that -alton !a" in the !itne""#box, I could try to lighten the
/roceeding" a little, and addre""ing my"elf to him, I a"$ed him to tell the court !hat he
had done !hen he fir"t entered the bathroom, !here the mari3uana had been found.
1I !ent o)er to the toilet#bo!l,1 he re/lied.
1Bery good, you !ent o)er to the toilet#bo!l,1 I "aid, carefully lo!ering my )oice "o that it
!a" almo"t a !hi"/er. 1And did you "ee anything in there D1
1Excu"e me, but I didn1t hear the 6ue"tion.1
I rai"ed my )oice "lightly7 1-id you "ee anything !hen you loo$ed into the toilet#bo!l D1
1<e". I "a! "ome lea)e" of !hat I belie)ed to be cannabis sativafloating on the "urface of
the !ater.1
1o,1 I "aid, my )oice in ri"ing cre"cendo, 1you "a! "ome gra"" floating about in the toilet.
?ell, i"n1t that a good /lace for it, then*in the toilet0bowlB)
I thought it !a" a good 3o$e, and inoffen"i)e, but I !a" told later that it had /robably co"t
me an extra "ix month" on my "entence.
A" it !a", I !a" un/re/ared for the "entence*t!enty#one month" for le"" than an ounce
of ha"hi"h and a negligible amount of mari3uana. It "eemed altogether too long and I
mu"t ha)e 3u"t "tood in the doc$ in utter ama%ement, for the next thing I $ne! !a" being
grabbed on both "ide" and /ro/elled do!n the "tairca"e to the cell" under the court,
there to a!ait the (lac$ =aria or "omething, to ta$e me and the other ne! /ri"oner" to
?orm!ood crub".
?hen my name !a" finally called, I !a" brought out and handcuffed and /ut in the )an.
And it !a" a "trange "en"ation to ob"er)e 'ondon through the grill!or$ and gla"",
handcuffed, and coming do!n off a tri/. It al"o ha//ened that the )an actually dro)e /a"t
my old flat, and I !ondered ho! I !ould ha)e reacted if a fe! !ee$" earlier "omeone had
"aid that one day I !ould be /a""ing the /lace under the exact circum"tance I de"cribed.
It !a" all )ery curiou".
oon enough, ho!e)er, !e reached the crub", a huge mau"oleum of a /lace that could
ha)e been built a" a Bictorian factory, !ith high !all" and gothic to!er", du"tbin#dirty in
the !ay of rail!ay "tation", and rife !ith the "mell of incontinence of urine. I felt a" if I
!ere entering the bo!el" of the earth. I don1t thin$ that I ha)e e)er been 6uite "o
de/re""ed a" I !a" for tho"e fir"t fe! minute" in /ri"on. =y "oul turned grey, if "uch a
thing i" /o""ible. I felt drained of all light in thi" nether!orld /lace in !hich it !a"
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im/o""ible to imagine ho! anything had e)er been young or beautiful. =y "en"ibilitie"
"im/ly turned them"el)e" off in the face of thi" mon"trou" uni)er"e. I could ha)e been a
"tic$ a "tone, a %ombie, for here there !ere none !ho could em/hathi"e !ith my /light.
(ut after a night1" "lee/, my heart began to re)i)e, and my curio"ity about my un$no!n
daily routine got the adrenalin !or$ing. ,here !a" al"o the no)elty of getting into my ne!
/ri"on clothe"*a "tri/ed "hirt !ith a blac$ tie, "oc$" about 6uarter of an inch thic$, a /air
of trou"er" and military#"tyle 3ac$et made of thic$ material, and a /air of hea)y marching
boot". ;othing fitted /ro/erly, of cour"e. 2h, I felt li$e a !al$ing "carecro!, !hich !a"
/robably the intention any!ay.
I had no "ooner got dre""ed than the landing officer unloc$ed the cell and told me to go
do!n and get brea$fa"t. ,he noi"e in the hall and /a""age!ay" !a" 6uite deafening,
redolent !ith the "ound of male )oice", hoot" of laughter, cra"hing metal and bell". It !a"
li$e li)ing in"ide a huge alarm#cloc$, I reflected, a" I made my !ay do!n the narro! iron
"tairca"e to the main hall. &ri"on i" one huge "en"ory de/ri)ation tan$, an incredible
human )ault that echoe" to the lea"t footfall. It i" a !ay of life to "uit a "ort of mon$.
(rea$fa"t con"i"ted of a /late of !atery /orridge, a cou/le of table#"/oon mea"ure" of
mil$, a dry "au"age, a" much bread and marge a" you could eat, and a mug of tea.
After brea$fa"t, I !a" told to go bac$ to my cell !here I !ould be called during the
morning to "ee the 8o)ernor !ho li$ed to meet each ne! charge. He !ould al"o allocate
my !or$.
=y cell !a" not )ery big. ,he !all" had been /ainted a "ic$ening /in$, the colour of
corned beef, and the cell door !a" a bright green. 'ight entered through a barred !indo!
rece""ed "ome t!o feet into the !all. ,here !a" a table, a /lan$ hard chair, a bed, and a
metal chamber/ot. ,o loo$ out of the !indo! you had to "tand on the table, and it !a"
/o""ible to di"cern in the di"tance beyond the high /ri"on !all the contour" of the city, to
loo$ out no"talgically at all the lightne"" of heart and foot going /a"t in the /ar$, ne)er
$no!ing for "ure !hether you !ould e)er re3oin it. ,hi" i" "omething of !hat it mean" to
be a /ri"oner.
,he morning /a""ed !ith mon"trou" "lo!ne"". A /ri"on "entence i" a certain fixed /eriod
of enforced idlene"". ,hing"*I !a" to learn*ha)e their o!n momentum of reali%ability.
<ou can ru"h your life on the out"ide by the "cruff of it" nec$, but in /ri"on e)erything
ha//en" according to the rule". It i" a /ermanent 1!or$ing to rule1, you might "ay+ ru"hing
anything !ould be li$e trying to ru"h a "talactite. o one need" to be /hilo"o/hical about
the "lo!ne"" of it all and de)elo/ the nece""ary mental and /hy"ical yoga" to o)ercome
inertia, im/atience and boredom. It1" not "o "trange thi" !orld a" "o different.
'i$e mo"t ne! inmate", I "u//o"e, I !ent through 6uite a fe! mental change" during
tho"e fir"t fe! day". ,hey !ere a//allingly difficult. =y head !a" ambu"hed by
de/re""ion and "tagnation, and it "eemed that I !a" be"et !ith all "ort" of care",
exi"tential longing" to be free again, ang"t. I thin$ that to be loc$ed u/ !ithout freedom*
that i", !ithout acce"" to lo)e*i" "omething you ha)e to ada/t your"elf to, for man
cannot li)e by bread alone. ?e li$e to thin$ it. And of cour"e !e "hould, but !e really
cannot, you $no!. Indi)idual human life need" the clo"ene"" of another body, a !arm
hand or loo$, the occa"ional $i"" and merging !ith another. ,he inhuman regimen of
/ri"on exi"tence" doe" not allo! for "/ontaneity !ith 3oy, but dictate" a certain "tyle of
li)ing in a /re"cribed manner, al!ay" to form, al!ay" to rule" acce/ted a" fact". It i"
indeed an ex/erience of "o#called reality. I continue to be ama%ed that there are "o fe!
"uicide", "ingly or e)en on ma"" "cale, a reaction to the tyranny of a "y"tem that allo!"
bodie" of men to /re"" on the bodie" of men, and u"ually for "o little rea"on. (ut !ith
/atience and the /a""ing of time, the mind#body ada/t" it"elf, trying a" be"t it can to
$ee/ a little flame of humanity alight in the dar$, !omanle"" "ilence, and later, e)en
achie)e a "im/le affirmation of the !orld. <ou mu"t or other!i"e you !ould die. o you
li)e on in the ho/efulne"" that once beyond the"e !all" your heart !ill 6uic$en and your
tongue rene!. I thin$ /ri"on i" really dedicated to the idea that !e "hould thin$ of !ay" in
!hich to bring each other do!n not u/, and i" thu" the antithe"i" of the aim" of our ne!
1/"ychedelic re)olution1.
?hen the 8o)ernor finally "ent for me, I !a" ta$en to the main admini"tration bloc$, and
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told to remo)e my "hoe" before entering hi" office. I "a! the rea"on for thi" !hen I !ent
in"ide. ,he 8o)ernor "at at a de"$ about fourteen feet from !here I "tood. ?e !ere
"e/arated by glo""y linoleum a" "mooth and a" "li//ery a" an ice#ric$. It "eemed that
inmate" !ere "ometime" in the habit of reacting )iolently to the 8o)ernor1" deci"ion",
and thi" 9almo"t: fool/roof method /rotected him from a""ault. He had of cour"e nothing
to fear in that !ay from my"elf.
,he Ehief &ri"on 2fficer ga)e my number and name to the 8o)ernor, !ho loo$ed u/ and
a"$ed me if I had e)er been to /ri"on before. 1;o, but I1)e !or$ed in a /ri"on.1 1In thi"
country D1 the 8o)ernor a"$ed.
1;o, in America, at a maximum "ecurity /ri"on. I !a" !ith a grou/ of /eo/le from Har)ard
!ho u"ed to run '- "e""ion" for "ome of the inmate"*re)elation follo!ed by
reformation, that "ort of "tuff.1
1<e", I "ee. ;o!, it "eem" you !ere charged !ith /o""e""ion of dangerou" drug". And
that i" !hy you are here no!. It "eem" a /ity that "omeone li$e your"elf !ho i" ob)iou"ly
!ell#educated and literate "hould find con"olation in drug". Ho! i" "uch a thing
/o""ible D1
'i$e the ;e! <or$ call#girl from Cadcliff !ho i" a"$ed ho! a nice girl li$e her came to be
in "uch an occu/ation, I re/lied 1Au"t luc$y, I gue"".1
,he 8o)ernor al"o ex/re""ed concern about !hat !or$ to gi)e me. He finally "ettled on
the "team laundry. And I !a" told to re/ort there after lunch.
,he chief laundry officer !a" an amiable "ort of man !ho had been at the "ame 3ob for
t!enty year". He began by "ho!ing me around the laundry. ,here !ere huge "team
roller" and /re""e", !a"her" and dryer", ironing room" and drying room", and about
thirty /ri"oner" )ariou"ly engaged in $ee/ing the flo! of laundry mo)ing at maximum
"/eed, or "o it "eemed at the time. He then "ho!ed me !hat I had to do. =y 3ob carried
1a lot of re"/on"ibility1+ I !a" on the rece/tion de"$, and I had to chec$ in and chec$ out
all the laundry and to "ee that !hat came in al"o tallied !ith !hat !ent out. A "im/le
enough 3ob on the face of it. ,here !a" one "nag, ho!e)er7 the nur"e"1 laundry. It could
ha//en, if one didn1t !atch the article" li$e a ha!$, that bra""iere" and /antie" "im/ly
1di"a//eared1 at "ome "tage on the !ay through the )ariou" laundry /roce""e". And a
number of "uch article" often found their !ay bac$ to the cell". =y main 3ob, the officer
told me, !a" to "ee that thi" didn1t ha//en. ,here !a" al"o a com/licated "y"tem of
record $ee/ing, !hich !a" ex/lained to me, but my brain couldn1t embrace all the detail"
and I "im/ly 1tuned out1 half!ay through the hour#long laboriou" ex/lanation by the officer.
,he re"ult !a" that by the end of the third day the laundry !a" be"ieged !ith com/laint",
/articularly from the nur"e"1 home, !hich re/orted nearly a do%en /antie" mi""ing and
"e)eral bra""iere". ,here !ere al"o com/laint" from the long#term /ri"oner", for !hom
clean laundry !a" one of the fe! remaining /lea"ure", !ho !ere under"tandably
im/atient that their be"/o$e "hirt" or "/ecially fitted trou"er" had not been returned.
I !a" tran"ferred to the ironing room and told to iron "hirt". Here again I "eemed to get
thing" coc$ed or "omeho! not 6uite right. And thi" time the com/laint" !ere that "hirt"
!ere coming bac$ from the laundry !ith big burn mar$", mi""ing button", and t!i"ted
collar".
2nce more I found my"elf "tanding "hoele"" before the 8o)ernor. I had not been
charged !ith negligence or in"ubordination, but the im/lication !a" there. I !a" gi)en a
1"econd chance1 and tran"ferred to the boo$ bindery, !hich i" con"idered "omething of a
/lum of a 3ob at ?orm!ood crub".
,he boo$ bindery i" run by a ci)ilian, and it i" 6uiet. In a//earance it re"embled a
-ic$en"ian "olicitor1" office, !ith high table" and chair" and "trained face" buried in /ile"
of boo$". I !a" /ut in the /a/erbac$ "ection to be trained in the craft of hard#co)er
binding, a 3ob by !hich none !ould be /articularly im/re""ed but re6uiring a certain
amount of manual "$ill, nonethele"". ,he ci)ilian "u/er)i"or told me in thi" connection
that boo$#binding re6uired three thing"7 1,he fir"t i" dexterity, the "econd i" dexterity, and
the third i" dexterity.1
I !a" glad to be a!ay from the old "team laundry and !a" 6uite en3oying my ne! 3ob
!hen another one of tho"e un!ritten minor tragedie" occurred. I had left a foot#high "tac$
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of boo$" in the /re""+ the ne! co)er" had been glued on and the idea !a" to let them dry
o)ernight. ,hi" !a" the culmination of a !ee$1" !or$, and I !a" naturally excited to "ee
ho! the fini"hed /roduct" loo$ed in the morning. ,he ci)ilian "u/er)i"or came o)er !ith
me to un"cre! the /re"" and "ee !hat $ind of a 3ob I had made on my fir"t a""ignment.
He began to turn the handle+ and hi" di"may !a" e6ual to my o!n, for all the binding"
had "tuc$ together !ith the re"ult that the boo$" ro"e a" one, in concertina fa"hion, and
then cra"hed on to the floor, "ending loo"e /age" all o)er the /lace. ,he ci)ilian
"u/er)i"or "tood for a moment, hi" mouth !ide o/en, and then "aid )ery, )ery "lo!ly, and
!ith great /atho"7 18ood 8od@ 8ood 8od@ 8ood 8od@1 9I !a" !ith him on the fir"t t!o all
right, but he lo"t me on the third.:
,hat !a" the end of my "tay in the boo$ bindery. A com/laint !a" made to the 8o)ernor
!ho immediately de"/atched me to a foetid factory building to "e! mailbag", the final
degradation, no doubt, for after mailbag" there i" no!here further do!n the !or$ rung to
go, exce/t /o""ibly being a !aiter in the &ri"on 2fficer1" =e"".
?ith the "lo!ne"" of the Himalayan range, it "eemed, my a)erage une)entful day"
/a""ed into routinely ordinary !ee$". ,here had been 6uite a bit of ne!" about ha"h and
'- in the daily &re"", mainly about /eo/le getting bu"ted, "o that by the beginning of
the "ummer 6uite a fe! of my friend" !ere in"ide !ith me*;ic$ -ougla", the /ainter+
Hugh (lac$!ell, the !riter+ Hugh 'an"do!ne, the /oet+ &at Cyan, the mu"ician+ Cobert
>ra"er, the art gallery o!ner+ and Aohn Ho/$in", one of the editor" of the International
4imes of !hom Ehri"to/her 'ogue !rote in hi" /oem7
1=i"ta$e" li$e mine occur
(ored !ith the co"y "/iral of my galaxy
I !ent off limit"
And time "lammed around me li$e
,he door into a /illar box.1
And there !ere to be "e)eral hundred more 1/"ychedelic1 inmate" in (riti"h 3ail" before
the year !a" out.
,he &re"" !a" ha)ing a field#day on the to/ic. &ot and '- !ere the ne! t!in menace"
of our ?e"tern $ind of "ociety, e)il" !hich had to be "tam/ed out. 1At lea"t 100,000 more
(riton" !ill ta$e /"ychedelic drug" thi" year in "/ite of ne! /ro)i"ion" in the -angerou"
-rug" Act of 19II,1 "aid one headline, and !ent on to "ay that thi" figure !a" the re"ult of
t!el)e#month nation!ide "ur)ey conducted by a -r. Aim =arle, the Atlantic /"ychiatri"t, at
a meeting in 2xford.
In fact thi" !a" more li$ely to ha//en because of the /ro)i"ion" in the -angerou" -rug"
Act. Ce"trict anything and immediately /eo/le !ant it. ,here mu"t be thou"and" of
reader" no! buying gra"" and '- !ho !ould ne)er ha)e done "o but for article" of thi"
$ind+ and 6uite a fe! I dare"ay no! belie)e that '- i" com/ul"ory, li$e )accination or
fluoridation (e"ide", total /rohibition ha" ne)er !or$ed.
<et drug" i" a "ub3ect that can ne)er come under di"cu""ion !ithout "o much emotion
that rational argument become" ob"cured if not totally bani"hed. ,he &re"", and to "ome
extent /ubli"her" a" !ell, "eem to delight in touching /eo/le !here they are mo"t
)ulnerable*/roducing article" and boo$" !hich threaten the incredulou" and the
"u/er"titiou". ?hene)er one of the"e article" or boo$" a//ear" in /ublic they "et off a
chain of article" or letter", each more heated than the la"t. ,hi" i" /o""ible becau"e the
/roblem" concerned !ith drug" are not "u"ce/tible to "ingle con)ul"i)e "olution". It i" a"
though !here 6ue"tion" of morality come in that detachment 6uit" the "cene.
And often the &re"" !ould "lant a /articular /iece "o that not e)en an idiot reader could
mi"" the /oint. 2ne exam/le come" to mind, al"o from thi" /eriod in the mid#"ixtie". It i"
from the no! defunct Daily (ketch. It "ho!ed a /hotogra/h of 'eary, "mart and "eriou" in
a "uit, dee/ in con)er"ation !ith the re/orter. ,he article !a" headed 1I1ll ,urn 2n (ritain,
"ay" the leader of the -rug Ehurch1. And 'eary i" then 6uoted a" "aying7 1I don1t imagine I
"hall run into a" much o//o"ition for my religion in (ritain a" I ha)e here in the tate".
,he (riti"h are more tolerant and ha)e a "en"e of humour.1
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,he 6ue"tion of drug" in"ide the /ri"on !a" al"o a matter of "ome concern, for a" the
1/"ychedelic1 inmate /o/ulation ro"e, and a" other /ri"oner" became cogni%ant of the
/henomena '- and ha"hi"h, there !a" a corre"/onding increa"e in their a)ailability.
=any !ay" !ere u"ed to get /"ychedelic" in, from felt#ti/ /en" "tuffed !ith Ced
'ebane"e to bunche" of gra/e" "/i$ed !ith acid. I my"elf had a rea"onably "teady
"u//ly of ha"hi"h, and a "ta"h of '- !hich Cichard Al/ert and 2!"ley had left during
their )i"it to the crub". ,here !a" )ery little if anything the /ri"on authoritie" could do to
"to/ it.
;aturally, I !ould often be a//roached by other /ri"oner" to tell them "omething about
the"e drug", or they "im/ly !anted to "core. And a" a general rule, I !ould "hare any
ha"hi"h I might ha//en to ha)e, !hil"t refu"ing to gi)e them '-, that i", unle"" they
!ere already /retty ex/erienced in u"ing it. ,here !ere exce/tion", ho!e)er, mo"t
notable of the"e being 8eorge (la$e, the "/y then "er)ing a "entence of forty#three
year"1 im/ri"onment. He had "er)ed about fi)e year" of hi" "entence !hen I met him.
And it !a" not long before !e !ere ha)ing long di"cu""ion" about 1turning on1+ and he
"aid he !ould li$e to try it.
?e decided to run a "e""ion on the unday, !hen the cell" in 1-1 Hall are left o/en all
afternoon and one can roam at !ill about the landing" !ithout "u/er)i"ion. (la$e1" cell
!a" on the ground floor, comfortably furni"hed !ith a car/et and curtain", a boo$ca"e
"tuffed !ith boo$" and, on the table, a "hort#!a)e radio, !hich he had "omeho! ac6uired
in order 1to li"ten to Arabic language "tation"1.
;othing much ha//ened for the fir"t hour. (ut a" the "e""ion de)elo/ed, (la$e became
6uite ten"e, a ner)ou" "train )erging on com/lete /aranoia, and "eemed to belie)e that I
!a" a ecret er)ice agent !ho had admini"tered him a truth "erum. He told me that I1d
be $illed !ithin the next t!enty#four hour", and made other "imilar threat". I felt 6uite
baffled a" to !hat to do, "o I did nothing, merely li"tened a" he !ent through hi" fli/#out,
and tried to rea""ure him by mean" of treating the !hole affair a" if it !ere all "omeho!
"omething 6uite ordinary "tre!n into the e)eryday, though "ecretly I !a" 6uite alarmed in
ca"e a /ri"on officer ha//ened to loo$ in and hear !hat !a" going on.
He finally "ettled do!n, ho!e)er, and the la"t cou/le of hour" !ere "/ent in dee/ thought
and 6uiet reflection concerning hi" future exi"tence, and he "aid he might not be able to
"tand u/ to many more year" of incarceration. I "ugge"ted they1d /robably let him out on
/arole in a fe! year"1 time, but he doubted thi". He felt that he !a" in /ri"on a" a li)ing
!arning to other" !ho might be "imilarly tem/ted. (ut I "aid that !a" an old clichO, and
had ne)er !or$ed any!ay.
A" it ha//ened, (la$e e"ca/ed only a fe! !ee$" after the "e""ion, by "caling the !all
one unday afternoon by mean" of a ro/e#ladder thro!n o)er by an accom/lice, !ho
had been in touch !ith him )ia the "hort#!a)e radio in hi" cell. ?hen I la"t heard about
him, he !a" li)ing in =o"co! and !or$ing for the Eairo ection of the Cu""ian >oreign
=ini"try.
I had been at ?orm!ood crub" for about four month" !hen I !a" a"$ed about going to
an 1o/en /ri"on1 at 'eyhill, near the Engli"h#?el"h border. I "aid I1d /refer the country.
And "hortly after thi" inter)ie!, I !a" tran"ferred to 'eyhill &ri"on.
'eyhill !a" in "ome "en"e a re/rie)e from the double#den"e monotony of a 1clo"ed1
/ri"on li$e the crub", !here no#life and all#life hang /recariou"ly together there. Here in
the country one could not only "ee the beauty of the natural land"ca/e but al"o feel it,
and I am eternally grateful to !hoe)er it !a" !ho got me there.
H/on arri)al, I !a" ta$en to the $itchen and gi)en a dinner of fried egg", bacon, bean"
and chi/", fre"hly ba$ed roll" and butter "ome ca$e, and coffee. ,he -uty 2fficer told me
that there !ere "ome 4.0 inmate" and t!o night guard", that there !ere no !all" or
fence" "urrounding the /ri"on, and that anyone !a" free to e"ca/e at any time.
I !a" then "ho!n into a dormitory of about fourteen /eo/le and gi)en a bed and bed"ide
loc$er. &at Cyan, the mu"ician, occu/ied the bed on my right, and Aerry, a "inger and
lyrici"t, the one on my left. ,hey had both been bu"ted for ha"hi"h. A cou/le of other" in
the dormitory had al"o been "imilarly bu"ted for /o""e""ion, and not a fe! of the ordinary
96
/ri"oner" !ere "tarting to "mo$e.
I !a" called to meet the 8o)ernor the next morning. He !a" an amiable, elderly cot,
!ho managed our meeting )ery !ell. He told me that thi" !a" hi" retirement year, that hi"
!ife !a" dying of cancer, and that he !a" a lo)er of Cobert (urn" and Ella ?heeler
?ilcox. He "ugge"ted that I 3oin both the bridge club and the debating club, hel/ "tart a
flying club, and a//ly for a cour"e in fi"h ecology at nearby (ri"tol Hni)er"ity, all of !hich
I "ub"e6uently did.
=y fir"t 3ob at 'eyhill !a" a" a !aiter at the &ri"on 2fficer"1 ,raining chool, !hich !a"
"ited in the former Earl of -ucy1" e"tate and hou"e, next to the /ri"on. It !a" a good 3ob
a" it meant in effect that one ate ci)ilian food, !hich made 6uite a change from the /lain
/ri"on fare. And the !or$ !a" far from boring. I !ould !ait on about four table" at !hich
!ould be four trainee /ri"on officer" attending their eight#!ee$ induction cour"e. I !a"
/robably the fir"t li)e /ri"oner they had e)er "een. And it !a" intere"ting to ob"er)e their
reaction".
=y initial a//roach !ould ne)er )ary. I1d meet them at the table on their fir"t day, extend
my hand to each one, and !elcome them indi)idually. (y the end of the "econd day they
all $ne! !hy I !a" in /ri"on. And by the end of the !ee$, our con)er"ation !a" generally
about !ay" to get high. ome of the grou/" !ere 6uite generou", and !ould "li/ me the
occa"ional bottle of !ine. ome let me u"e their billiard room. ome e)en "aid they !ere
loo$ing for!ard to meeting me again at "ome /oint in my future, !hen they !ould "ee
that I got an ea"y deal. ,hey !ere a /lea"ant cro!d, by and large, mo"tly re"/ectable
!or$ing#cla"", !ho needed "ome $ind of 3ob !ith tenure in order to $ee/ their game
going. It !a" a 3ob. It ga)e financial "ecurity. It made their re"/ectability /o""ible.
'ife at 'eyhill had a /articular fla)our all it" o!n. &hy"ically, the layout !a" /erfect. ,here
!a" a huge "/ort" ground !ith cric$et, rugby, and "occer /itche", running trac$", and
/lace" to fly your $ite. ,he -ucy e"tate contained an arboretum filled !ith tree" and
bu"he" from e)ery /art of the !orld, a con"tant delight to both mind and eye. ,here !a"
one tree in /articular I !a" attracted to. It !a" Aa/ane"e and, I belie)e, magical, !ho"e
flo!ering one "/ring turned me on to the /lant $ingdom. ,he ex6ui"ite beauty of thi" tree
!a" li$e a !indo! in !hich you could "ee the exi"tence of thi" 2ther ?orld. And it !a" a
/oint of routine for me to "/end mo"t of my lunch time "mo$ing /rai"e" for han$ar in the
half#lotu" /o"ition under the bough" of thi" holy tree.
2ne of the highlight" of my "tay at 'eyhill !a" the /roduction of a /hy"io#/"ychedelic
mu"ical called 3aradise %ost 6 4he 4rue (tory, !hich had been "ent to me by Aoey
=ellen, friend and former a""ociate from &ont treet, !ho had decided that the be"t !ay
to "tay /ermanently 1high1 !a" by tre/anning a hole in hi" head the "i%e of the old
"ix/enny /iece. ,he /lay !a" a "trange mixture of =ilton and =ellen, !ith lyric" in /rai"e
of tre/anation or 1getting the hole1. I re/roduce one of the "ong" belo!, called 1,he 8reat
(rain Cobbery17
,HE 8CEA, (CAI; C2((EC<
(y Aoe =ellen
H/ "tood the a/e*do!n came the drag*
,he beginning of the blue"*
Ean1t tal$ your !ay out of it adult
-addy there1" a drag on you.
2h adult the mi"ta$e" you ma$e
<ou ignorant little man
Adult oh the libertie" you ta$e
<ou mi"ta$en little man.
(et!een your meal" you ma$e your deal"
And "end your "on" to !ar
,al$ all you !ant but don1t you $no!
?e1)e heard it all before.
Adult !ill you ne)er "ee
97
All you !ant i" to agree*
,he lie" you tell to "a)e your face
Eon"titute your gra)e di"grace.
<ou1re lo"ing and you thin$ you1re gaining
It1" 3u"t your ego need" maintaining
Adult d1you $no! !hat i" true D
,he drag i" bearing do!n on you.
?hat you1re trying to regain
I" blood belonging to your brain
?ill you $no! before you1re dead
,hat /aradi"e i" in your head D
<ou !a" robbed*"o you made belief*
It1" gra)ity*!e1)e caught the thief
All you /rayer" !on1t "a)e your "oul
Adult you need a hole.
Another "ong, called 1(rainblood)olume1, ha" been "et to mu"ic by Aulie >elix in her
furthe"t#out number yet.
(CAI;('22-B2'H=E
It !a" lo"t and no! it1" found again
-on1t dri)e it underground again
(rainblood)olume*
,hey call it lo)e and hea)en abo)e
ome ta$e it for the hell of it
,hat1" "ugarlac$*
(rainblood)olume*
It1" you it1" me it1" good
Hnder"tood D
(rainblood)olume.
It1" !hat the /oet" ha)e !ritten for
&ainter" ha)e /ainted for
&rie"t" ha)e /rayed for
&ri"on" ha)e filled for
oldier" ha)e $illed for
(rainblood)olume.
It1" !hat the /i/e" ha)e been "mo$ed for
?itche" ha)e been cloa$ed for
Head"tand" ha)e been done for
,he !hole thing !a" begun for
It1" !hat the !orld !a" made for
,he /rice mu"t be /aid for*
(rainblood)olume.
It !a" nece""ary to a//roach the 8o)ernor to obtain /ermi""ion to "tage it in the /ri"on
theatre, /erha/" e)en before an in)ited audience of "tudent" from (ath and (ri"tol
uni)er"itie". I decided to /lug the =ilton "ection at the ex/en"e of the re"t, feeling that
the 8o)ernor !ould be more "ym/athetic to it than the modern addition".
,he 8o)ernor !a" mo"t attenti)e during my outline of the /lay, and !rote a memo to the
&ri"on Eha/lain that he "hould con"ider "taging it one unday in the Ehurch.
Accordingly, I met !ith the Eha/lain, a nice, ea"ygoing man !ith a "trong "en"e of
Ehri"tian )ocation, !ho had been at 'eyhill for four year" and had a good under"tanding
of /ri"oner /"ychology. I introduced the matter by "ugge"ting that there i" a my"tery in
98
the "tory of 3aradise %ost that lie" at the heart of all our li)e". And thi" i" older than that
of 2edi/u". In the /lay there are o)ertone" of the great four "torie" of the !orld1" )ariou"
religion", and "/ecifically of the Hebre!#Ehri"tian tradition. 8uilt and in are /retty
/o!erful theme" of the Ehri"tian Ehurch, and any attem/t to under"tand their /lace in the
!orld and their rele)ance to contem/orary man !a", I a""ured him, a matter of concern
to today1" criminal. 2ne begin" by de/icting man a" "ome $ind of Mhairle"" tal$ing a/eM
!ho i" unable to benefit from the /o""ibilitie" of hi" o!n exi"tence, !ho then ha" a
re)elation, in thi" in"tance, through /iercing a "mall hole through hi" "$ull to increa"e the
)olume of blood to the brain.
,he Eha/lain loo$ed /u%%led. 1(ut !hat ha" 3aradise %ostgot to do !ith ma$ing hole" in
your head D1 he a"$ed.
1?ell, the theory i" that by increa"ing the amount of blood to the brain the "urface of the
ca/illarie"*million" of them*increa"e", !hich in turn relea"e gluco"e from the blood
into the brain cell". ,hi" i" the /hy"iological "ecret of Mgetting highM. o the Mhairle""
tal$ing a/eM !ho doe" not $no! that hi" MfallM 9lo"" of brainblood)olume: ha" a /urely
/hy"iological cau"e. ,hu" he li)e" out hi" "im/le life or death !ithout e)er reali"ing hi"
golden future, truly the /arable of fallen man.1
1It "ound" all rather godle"" to me.1
1?ell, the modern !riter u"e" myth" and meta/hor" in order to get hi" me""age acro"".
And in the ca"e of thi" /lay, he ha" found modern counter/art" to the "tory of the >all in
/oetry, "cience, and mu"ic to ex/re"" an a!arene"" that !e all ha)e, ho!e)er ob"curely,
that there are )a"t ca/acitie" in man !hich he continually fail" to reali"e. ,he me""age of
the /lay i" "im/le. If thing" are not right in"ide your"elf, then change them. ,he
e)olutionary lea/ in being from mon$ey to man /roduced a ne! $ind of animal, a creati)e
animal, an animal !ith imagination, !ho could de)i"e !ay" to regain the lo"t /aradi"e of
lo"t brainblood)olume.1
1(ut !hy tre/anation D1 the Eha/lain /er"i"ted.
1(ecau"e tre/anation offer" a "olution on a manageable "cale.1
1A "olution to !hat D1
1A "olution to the /roblem of "taying MhighM.1
1(ut !hat ha" "taying MhighM got to do !ith /utting on a mu"ical /lay in my EhurchD1
1,he 8o)ernor and I thought that becau"e of the religiou" theme" you mightR 1
1(ut I find the !hole thing utterly Mgodle""M, and I could ne)er allo! "uch a /roduction to
be "ho!n. And no! that you ha)e ex/lained it to me, I doubt !hether I could allo! it to be
/erformed in the theatre. &ri"oner" are )ery "ugge"tible you $no!, and !e could not ri"$
!hole"ale tre/anation". It i" 3u"t !hat the Daily 89press are loo$ing for. I really thin$,
Holling"head, that you ought to concentrate in"tead on more /ractical /lan" for your o!n
future than try to launch a "ocial mo)ement ba"ed on /eo/le /utting hole" in their head".
Ha)e you e)er con"idered the /rofe""ion of the church D1
1I1m "orry you don1t li$e the /lay. I thought you !ould. ?hat !e are "eeing today i" merely
the )i"ible a"/ect of a uni)er"al neuro"i", and the >all myth", in !hate)er language,
illu"trate humanity1" uncon"ciou" a!arene"" of human "uffering, !hich i" the failure of
humanity !hich 3aradise %ost "ymboli"e". 8od i" "im/ly a creati)e /o!er !hich i" /art
of human life in the 8arden. A )oice !ithin man tell" him that he can and "hould regain
the lo"t brainblood of childhood*"hould exerci"e "ome degree of control o)er hi" o!n
con"ciou"ne"", in other !ord", !hich i" the me""age of the ne! de)elo/ing religion" in
the ?e"t. ,he /roblem facing the e"tabli"hed Ehurch i" that if man li)ed u/ to hi" full
creati)e ca/acitie", there !ould be no religion.1
?e decided to go ahead any!ay, and "tarted rehear"al". Hugh 'and"do!ne, a /oet and
magician, !ho had been im/ri"oned for gro!ing half an acre of mari3uana at hi" farm in
E""ex, lin$ed in the I Ching/ and together !e made a huge "trobo"co/ic mandala !ith an
electric motor !e /inched from one of the machine" in the tailor1" "ho/. ,he /lay !a"
ne)er /erformed in either the church or the theatre, due to the mi"under"tanding a" to
!hat the /lay !a" actually about+ but it !a" "een by mo"t of the inmate" at "ome /oint in
it" actual unfolding+ and hel/ed $ee/ our mind" off more dangerou" matter".
I tend to remember /erha/" only the /o"iti)e thing" about my la"t year in /ri"on. <et in all
99
hone"ty I cannot rid my"elf of the thought that my life there might ha)e been )ery, )ery
different indeed. I thin$ all of u" carry around in our head" "ome /icture of ho! !e
imagine /ri"on life to be, though doubtle"" altogether im/o""ible to identify in reality.
=ine !a" a "u/er"titiou" mixture of 8e"ta/o cam/" and !hat I had "een in American
mo)ie". ,he reality i" 6uite different+ there i", for in"tance, )ery little real fear of the
intention" of the /ri"on authoritie", !ho tend to "tic$ to a rule boo$ that doe" not include
/hy"ical brutality or torture or idio"yncratic "adi"m. ,here i" al"o )ery little /hy"ical
)iolence going on bet!een inmate", though incident" ha//en from time to time, li$e
any!here el"e. =an i" only human after all. And )iolence i" /art of hi" human nature.
And yetR the ex/erience of /ri"on is a /ainful one. It may be no more than an enduring
"light headache, but it i" al!ay" there, fore)er encroaching on your /ri)ate !orld, an
im/er"onal, indifferent en)ironment in !hich you are /hy"ically contained+ and all for the
greater /ublic good. &ri"on i" a feeling, a "ub3ecti)e a" !ell a" a /urely /hy"ical thing. It
hit" directly at your "en"ation", but acting more li$e a dam/ener than an actual bra$e. It
lo!er" by it" "en"e of decay, it" corridor" of refu"e, it" !a"teland a//roach to fallen
humanity. ;o !onder one feel" "addened to ob"er)e ho! a" our t!entieth century
de)elo/" "o too doe" the machinery of incarceration and the illegality of our )ariou" legal
action", !ho "ee$ to condemn e)en the children !ho com/ri"e our future bra)e
generation.
&ri"on i" "ome $ind of other /lace in !hich I !ould ne)er !i"h for anyone to ha)e to li)e
out their "im/le life or death.
8' 'Where the Wild Things Are'
"candina(ia &+,6
1And !hen he came to the /lace !here the !ild thing" are they roared their terrible
roar" and gna"hed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eye" and "ho!ed their
terrible cla!" till =ax "aid M(E ,I''@M
and tamed them !ith the magic tric$
of "taring into all their yello! eye" !ithout blin$ing once and they !ere frightened and
called him the mo"t !ild thing of all
and made him $ing of all !ild thing"R 1
9>rom a children1" "tory by =aurice enda$:
=y life ha" "omething of &eer 8ynt1" about it, more intimate to me e)en than I am
intimate to my"elf+ 3u"t no! I ha//ened to hear ol)eig1" "ong on the radio+ it 6uite got
hold of me+ to !ait loyally a !hole lifetime for "omeoneR the $ind of lo)e that trium/h"
o)er the ho"tility of "/ace and time and "e/aration7 thi" i" lo)e.
o it i" not entirely !ithout rea"on that it i" to ;or!ay my "/irit !ill "ometime" return,
bac$, I "u//o"e, to it" mythological root" and the magic land"ca/e from !hich it "/rang.
>or I am at heart a ;ortherner, mo"t at home in my candina)ian Ningdom" of the
"no!"+ e""entially a ,undra ty/e.
It had been a long, "teamy /ig of a "ummer in /ri"on and I !anted to em/ty it" bog
breath out of my bone"7 ;or!ay "ounded li$e the one good /lace to be. It !a" thu" !ith a
deliciou" "en"e of e"ca/ing from the freedom of the cage that I "at do!n at the >ir"t
Engineer1" table on the $.(. !lenheim a" "he "lo!ly bro$e anchor in the ,yne at the "tart
of a t!o#day )oyage to 2"lo. ,hi" I had arranged.... 2nce more &roteu" ex/and" acro""
the "/ace of the ;orth ea, returning to a /lace !here there i" "omeone 1!ho lo)e" him
be"t of all1, to the land !here the troll" and the ol)eig" li)e*to the 8udbrand"dal Balley,
to be exact.
A fe! day" later I !a" "itting by my"elf in an outfarm high on the u//er reache" and
timber line of 5ayneberg o)erloo$ing 'a$e =3oe"a and the to!n of 'illehammer, !here
the air i" a" thin and a" /ure a" Bichy !ater+ and all "ound" are /ermanently "har/ in the
mountain "tillne"".
Coc$ !a" no! a feature of my land"ca/e*and the tiny farm I rented "at /lum in a ne"t of
100
great roc$", and it !a" ea"y to "ee !hy the old dale"man family left it for a tate#
/ro)ided modern a/artment in the to!n. =y !indo! loo$ed out o)er an untouched moor
and the eye !a" dra!n do!n!ard" do!n tou"led "lo/e" of ubi6uitou" brac$en to the
la$e "ome 2.00 feet belo!.
,here !a" a /rehi"toric feel about the /lace and I no! under"tood !hy it !a" thi" )alley
!hich Ib"en cho"e to "et the home of &eer 8ynt, the uni)er"al !anderer, the exile in the
heart of each one of u". <et !ould a Himalayan 5ishi under"tand ;ordic god" 9!hich the
)i"ion of the"e mountain" 6uite naturally created in my "oul: !ere he to ob"er)e the
land"ca/e of thi" )alleyD*I thin$ not+ he !ould /robably die of exce""i)e cold.
<et I lo)ed the /lace, e"/ecially at night, "itting by the o/en peis or fire/lace, li"tening to
the "oftly "tirring fir" out"ide, "o "ilent in my "olitary retreat. >or my life here had
"omething of Ad)ent about it*!aiting and ho/ing and getting on !ith ordinary thing". In
certain mood" I1d occu/y my time tran"lating 2ld ;or"e aga". I found thi" to be an
excellent aid to concentration. ,here i" one text I /articularly remember, from
$orkinskinna,a hi"tory of t!elfth#century ;or!egian $ing", !hich !a" com/iled by an
Icelander in 1220+ the text i" called 1Audun buy" him"elf a !hite bear1, !hich actually
turned out to be "omething of a !hite ele/hant+ the "tory i" about one Audun !ho,
de"iring to "ee the !orld, made the dangerou" )oyage from Iceland to 8reenland+ there
he exchanged hi" entire cargo for a "ingle !hite bear. ,hat i" all. ;othing more+ it i" an
ex6ui"ite "tory, ex6ui"itely told7 and in the mind of the thirteenth#century narrator, Audun1"
beha)iour in "/ending hi" ca"h li$e thi" !a" /erfectly rea"onable, for 8reenland !a" an
im/ortant /lace at that time, and a !hite bear a great trea"ure*li$e a !hite Eadillac
might be today, "omething !ho"e /rice i" "im/ly our All and not a /enny le"".
I al"o got to $no! a fe! /eo/le in the di"trict and al"o in 'illehammer it"elf, !here I !ould
go for my !ee$ly "ho//ing. 2n one of the"e tri/" I met a ;or!egian /oet*!ho"e name
e"ca/e" me !ho in)ited me to attend a reading of 1;ordic /oet"1 !hich he had arranged
at the local >ol$ High chool, !hen I could al"o read "omething my"elf if I "o !i"hed. A
lot of /eo/le from 2"lo !ere going to be there. And Be"aa", the celebrated author of 4he
Ice 3alace*by !hich Engli"h re)ie!er" are not much im/re""ed*had /romi"ed to
attend.
,hu" it !a", on the a//ointed day, at the a//ointed time, and !ith due "olemnity
a//ro/riate to the almo"t re)erential "en"e of 1/re"ence1, if that i" the right !ord for a
rather "tiff atmo"/here. It reminded me more of a meeting of Nir$ Elder" than any /oetry#
reading I had been to before. Ab"olute "eriou"ne"" i" not !ithout a do"e of humour
exce/t in ;or!ay, !here it i" ab"olutely "eriou" that i", until the 1"na/"1 begin" to flo!,
!hen e)eryone "eem" to get )ery !ild and "omething in the "tructure of their thought
com/letely "na/", a" it !ere+ it i" a com/letely different /"ycho/hy"ical effect from that of
getting "toned on ha"hi"h or mari3uana. 9A recent re/ort by ?H2, 8ene)a*1,he H"e of
Eannabi"1 note" that 1Indi)idual" !ho ha)e no ta"te for the cannabi" ex/erience per se*
regardle"" of moral or other con"ideration"*are more a/t to exhibit a /reference of a
controlled, "tructured, rational and "ecure a//roach to life,1 a" it al"o "ugge"ted that
alcohol i" much more clo"ely a""ociated !ith crime, aggre""ion, and )iolence than i"
cannabi".:
At any rate, I had ta$en the /recaution of "mo$ing "e)eral 3oint" on my !ay do!n the
mountain, and arri)ed )ery "toned that i", 16uiet1 and 1"en"ing1.... 1,ho"e !ho en3oy
cannabi" tend to /refer an un"tructured and "/ontaneou" "tyle of life, are relati)ely /rone
to ta$e ri"$", )alue "tate" of altered con"ciou"ne"", and tend to "ee$ "uch effect" both
through drug" and through other method".1 9ame ?H2 re/ort:.
oon the boo%e began to ha)e it" effect, and the fir"t /oet*from !eden*!a" hel/ed
on to the "tage, !here he raged through hi" mother tongue li$e a /rairie fire, hi" bull
)oice cra"hing through our head" li$e falling ma"onry*and !ith about a" many mixed
meta/hor" in each line a" in my de"cri/tion of hi" reading. He finally colla/"ed in a !a)e
of laughter or tear", and di"a//eared bac$"tage and !a" "een again no more.
,hen follo!ed a lady /oet from -enmar$, !ho read a "erie" of /oem" on the theme of
Bietnam, and in the form of imaginary letter" from a Bietcong /ri)ate to hi" mother in
Hai/hong, telling her about the effect" on hi" mind of being bombed from /lane" 1too high
101
in the "$y e)en to "ee1. And thi" had a tem/orary "obering effect on the li"tener", !ho
had /erha/" become a!are, e)en if e)er "o faintly, that they !ere "omeho!, in "ome
!ay, al"o a bit cul/able.
,hree or four /oet" in 6uic$ "ucce""ion. And then it !a" my turn.... 1Eannabi" u"er" are
mo"t fre6uently young, male, unmarried, and exhibit "ome in"tability !ith re"/ect to
re"idence, !or$, "chool and goal".1 ;Ibid<R I "eated my"elf on the "tage in the half#lotu"
/o"ition, lit t!o candle", !hich I /ut on either "ide of me, and a"$ed that the hall light" be
/ut out, !hich !a" done, though not !ithout a bit of /rote"t from member" of a /arty from
2"lo, !ho had, I gathered, been !anting to dance on one of the large table".
,here !a" a hu"h, finally. And into thi" "ilent "/ace I in"erted, in the Danish, ,imothy
'eary1" tran"lation of ,ao utra number fourteen from the Ehine"e cla""ic, the 4ao 4e
Ching,!hich I re/roduce here in it" more familiar Engli"h form7
18a%ing R they do not "ee it
they call it em/ty "/ace.
'i"tening R they do not hear it
they call it "ilence or noi"e
8ro/ing R they do not gra"/ it
they call it intangible
(ut here R
?e R "/in through it
Electric R ilent R ubtle1
And "ince it !a" the la"t /oem of the e)ening, and "ince ,ar3aa" Be"aa" in"i"ted only
u/on u" "/ea$ing !hat for me !a" the ob"cure dialect form of 1;ynor"$1, I made my
fare!ell" and "ilentlyR"oftlyR I "/un off into a cri"/, clear night of "tar", gliding li$e a
fi"h u/"tream, reaching 5avneberg 3u"t a" a ne! da!n !a" brea$ing. ,o the "ound" of
the cla//er of the cattle bell" "!inging bac$ and forth, mo)ing in flo!, regular, !ithout
"to/ or "tart "o harmoniou"ly heldR
After a fe! hour"1 6uiet reflection, I reali"ed that !hat had really u/"et me about the
/oetry#reading the e)ening before !a" an o)erheard remar$ follo!ing Hlla Cyum1"
1Bietnam /oem"1R 1-et tro"" alt er farlig aa le)e i ;orge og"aa*h)a med
"u/erhigh!ayene og alt, i$$eD1 91-e"/ite that, it i" /retty dangerou" li)ing in ;or!ay too*
!hat !ith the"e M"u/erhigh!ay"M coming along and e)erything.1: >rom one /oint of )ie!,
the /er"on !a" right but I could imagine there !ere many in Bietnam !ho !ould gladly
exchange the danger" of ;or!egian high!ay" for the "ort of life they had to contend !ith
there. (ut if I felt thi" "trongly, !hy "hould I remain 1aloof !ith Hermit Eye1 D ?a"n1t my
"ituation 3u"t a" much a 1co/#out1 a" for the indifferent ma3ority*3u"t li)ing out our "im/le
life or deathD 2r in "ome ;iet%"chean "en"e, !a" not my life no! al"o a $ind of
1germinati)e regre""ion1, an attem/t to return to my root" D
I had ta$en to acid and later to myth" and ancient "torie" to "ee$ a formula that !ould
turn the "urrounding !orld to du"t and re)eal the "ought for /aradi"e.
1>or no! I am home"ic$
after my o!n $ind7 and the"e /eo/le
touch me not.... 1
I remember my"elf a" an ancient hero, a !ild man
of the mountain", a guardian of the door, a /aradox*
,o "ingR of heroe"R ;o! D
In thi" forgotten age D of giant men D
;o@
*<et I "hall "/ea$
that our giant flie" might li"ten and !ould $no!
the glory that man i"R
I; ,HE (E8I;;I;8, then
!ere men
102
men hard and tall, the !arrior", !ho fought
!ith man and bea"t, !ho $ne!
the call of blood and fire, and !ho"e "!ord"
cut /ath" toR
but !ho "hall hear thi"*here D
,he /ath", the /ath"@ Immortal /ath"@ Euhulain ride"
hi" fi)e fiery chariot" acro"" the firmament@
Arthur and 'ancelot in battle@ ,he ground "ha$e"@
I; ,HE (E8I;;I;8 !a" blood and fireR
And no! D
,he mattering" of the ci)ili"ed yet im/otent
con"cience of modern "ociety D
;o.
,he "ound a ne!#minted coin ma$e" u/on a concrete "treet D
;o.
ilence then D
<e"*"ilence. Heroe" are dead@
?e buried them, and did the rite"
And they1)e long forgotten u".
9by Nri"tof Non"tanty Aa"tr%eb"$i#8lin$a:
And thu" one "it", day in, day out, in urn#li$e "ilence, "taring !earily into nothing*you
can almo"t "ee the nothing.
And yet in thi" nothing it !a" "omething to $no! that it1" not enough to "ee the light+ you
ha)e to mar$et the me""age. ,he meaning of "ilence i" only the "u"/en"e of our breath
before the "torm and the "tillne"" i" nothing but the /relude to cata"tro/heR li$e a
thunder#cloud in the /roce"" of materiali"ation, it i" the ten"ion of )iolence held in chec$.
And do !e notice D ;ot a bit. ?e "ail on in our aimle"" craft lulled in the cradle of all that
i"*that "u/remely ordinary human condition of !a$efulne"" !hich acce/t", !ithout
reflection, the uni)er"e a" !e find it. ?e are the /ro)erbial 1"lee/!al$er"1R !e
ex/erience !ithout any a!arene"" of the meaning of our ex/erience of life+ !e are the
monolithic ma"" !ho act and "/ea$ li$e men a"lee/. ?e are a" good a" dead.
And i" acid to hel/ u" !a$e, or hel/ u" dream D It can ma$e u" con"ciou" of our o!n
mental "tate" a" "omeho! de/endent on the /redi"/o"ition" left by the !orld !e
ex/erience a" an im/er"onal uni)er"e+ the all too /er"onal "oul fa"hion" it" o!n !orld in
the imagining of dream"*the "/irit "er)e" a" light for it"elf7 or !or"e, !e "omeho! "ee
the )i"ionary delight of the ego in it" o!n "/irituality, it" /urity, a" if it !ere it"elf ab"olute
and infinite.... 1(ehold@ from the tra)ail" of my "oul, before me, abo)e me, bet!een
hea)en and earth, finite and yet all /enetrating, I "ee a tremendou" figure gro!ing out of
the nothingne"" of my being, the figure of 2ne !ho"e materiali"ation i" the /irit
=ercuriu" @1*2r i" it 1A6uariu"1 D*there i" "uch a /antheon of god" in the alchemic line.
(ut about the "tate of conscious wakefulness, or pra'na9!i"dom:, the Beda" tell u" that it
i" a di)ine attribute in one !ho ha" become a!are of the 2ne and i" full of (li"", (li"",
(li"".... 1In con"ciou" !a$efulne"" there i" no need or greet, no de"ire, no thought, and
all confu"ion" are fu"ed into a ble""ed /eace+ only $no!ledge and (li"" remain.1
And a" for the "tate of 1tran"cendental !a$efulne""1, the truly !i"e $no! it i" inca/able of
being "/o$en of, gra"/ed held, imagined or mani/ulated+ it i" !ithout di"tincti)e mar$" of
any $ind*unthin$able, unnameable, for it i" that into !hich the e""ence of the $no!ledge
of the 2ne i" re"ol)ed, it i" the &eaceful, the (enign, the ;on#dual. And*the
meta/hy"ical /aradox@*2ne i" the "elf+ 1He1 i" to be $no!n.
?hene)er imaginati)e man /enetrate" into the my"tical uni)er"e !hich "urround" him, it
bring" forth "/irit" and god". And the creature" thu" born into the !orld a//ear different
according to the /eculiarity of their /arent"*3u"t loo$ at all the hi"torical /antheon", the
fir"t recorded di)initie" of the Bedic /oet", the god" of the 2ld ,e"tament, the Egy/tian
and 8ree$ god"*"ometime" maternal, "ometime" /aternalR (ut the un$no!able,
103
unnameable, ungra"/able 1He1 i" at the root of them all, and thu" the "ource of all that
!a", and i", and !ill be, li)ing a" an ance"tor continue" to li)e in Hi" di"tant
de"cendant". And occa"ionally 1He1 a//ear" again in Hi" o!n intrin"ic form. 1He1 i" not
Aah)eh neither i" he Allah nor the Bi"hnu of the Hindu"+ 1He1 i" none of the hi"torical
8od", for 1He1 i" namele"". (ut !hen 1He1 a//ear" !e $no! it*it !a" 1He1 !hom the
tribe" of I"rael "a! in the !ilderne"", a" it !a" al"o 1He1 before !hom the Aryan" of the
Himalaya" once trembled.
,hu" 'eary him"elf !rite" in each generation a fe! men "tumble u/on the riddle of
con"ciou"ne"" and it" "olution+ they di"co)er, once again, that beyond the ordinary !orld
of macro"co/ic tangible, material thing", there are endle"" le)el" of energy
tran"formation" acce""ible to con"ciou"ne"". ,hey learn again the age#old le""on taught
by my"tic" and !i"e men of Ea"t and ?e"t7 that mo"t of man$ind i" "lee/!al$ing, mo)ing
"omnabuli"tically through a !orld of rote /erce/tion" and conflicting emotion". A" ha)e
many internal ex/lorer" of the /a"t, they become dedicated to the /roce"" of
con"ciou"ne"" ex/an"ion, to the ideal of maximum !a$efulne"" and internal freedom.
It i" /erha/" "ignificant that the /"ychedelic ex/erience, !hich ha" been /o/ulari"ed by
'eary through hi" lecture" and boo$" in America, ha" not hel/ed a "ingle American to a
higher education and here I do not exclude my"elf*but, on the other hand it ha" brought
all the more into ho"/ital" and 3ail". '- i" con"idered, e)en in India, a" dangerou". 2r i"
it that it ta$e" a )ery great deal of acid to /roduce e)en a little ele)ation of
con"ciou"ne"". ,he fact i", no one ha" yet /ro)ed that an increa"e of indi)idual human
a!arene""*drug#induced or not*i" a//ro/riate to the organi"ation of t!entieth#century
"ociety in the ?e"t+ it may be that it doe" more harm than good in the ca"e of mo"t
/eo/le.
;o, I thin$ the /"ychedelic ex/erience doe" "omething 6uite different*it i" not a 6ue"tion
of the )alidity of fact" or e)en of /er"onal manife"tation of the "/irit, but of becoming
aware in oneself of how to fashion a new and better reality.
I !anted to go on li)ing in ;or!ay, but ho!e)er !ell one trie" to under"tand one"elf and
"ort out one1" /rioritie" for ha//ine"", reality i" fore)er getting in the !ay. <ou ne)er $no!
!hat you !ill be doing until you find your"elf doing it, my"teriou"ly at !or$ again. I had
been toying !ith the idea of !riting a boo$ about my ex/erience" in America, "omething
/o"iti)e and for!ard#loo$ing, reflecting "omeho! the o/timi"m I had for the future, the
1/ractical Hto/ia1 of the Hnderground " manife"to of liberation. =y need to communicate
!a" )ery great indeed, but it had nothing to do !ith the ego or thing" li$e that+ it !a", I
thin$, "omething "imilar to the urge that com/elled =arco &olo to !rite about hi" tra)el".
(ut there are t!o thing" more im/ortant than !riting*actionand meditation*and I !a"
im/elled by the former. ,here i" /erha/" a tran"cendentali"t antici/ation of !hat I mean
in Emer"on1" addre"" on the American cholar7
1,he "acredne"" !hich attache" to the act of creation, the act of thought, i"
tran"ferred to the record. In"tantly the boo$ become" noxiou". the guide i" a tyrant.
,he "luggi"h and /er)erted mind of the multitude ha)ing once recei)ed thi" boo$,
"tand" u/on it, and ma$e" an outcry if it i" de"troyed. Eollege" are built on it. =ee$
young men gro! u/ in librarie". Hence, in"tead of =an ,hin$ing, !e ha)e the
boo$!orm. I had better ne)er "ee a boo$ than to be !ar/ed by it" attraction clean out
of my orbit, and ma$e a "atellite in"tead of a "y"tem. ,he one thing in the !orld, of
)alue, i" the active soul.)
(oo$" ma$e bondage. (ut the bondage i" to an authority out"ide our"el)e". >reedom lie"
in getting control of our o!n li)e" bac$ into our o!n hand"*1to "tand on one1" o!n t!o
feet1*and e)eryone united by mutual affection !ith /er"onal relation" a" the touch"tone,
creating an en)ironment of creati)ity and harmony. (ut it !ill ta$e a miracle to free the
human mind7 becau"e the in)i"ible rein" and chain" are magical in the fir"t /lace+ and
each indi)idual !ill only free him"elf in the mea"ure that he $no!" ho! to locate and
di"co)er hi" o!n /ro/er /o!er". ?hitman, li$e!i"e in a tran"cendentali"t "ermon "ay",
1<ou "hall no longer ta$e thing" at "econd or third hand, nor loo$ through the eye" of the
104
dead, nor feed on the "/ectre" in boo$".1 And the man !ho i" not /o""e""ed of an acti)e
"oul, or of a "elf#con"ciou" able to recogni"e that it i" e)ery!here in chain" to authority
out"ide it"elf, !ill not $no! ho! to "et about the ta"$ of magical "elf#liberation. (ut to
concentrate one"elf in thi" direction i" a thing !hich )ery fe! indi)idual" of the ?e"t ha)e
e)er $no!n ho! to do, for to the rational mind the ideal of a 1/ractical Hto/ia1
accom/li"hed on earth i" an a//arently im/o""ible ta"$. It !ould "eem to de/end u/on
direct incarnation of the "oulG"/iritGEhri"t in each indi)idual if he or "he !ere to gi)e direct
ex/re""ion of "/iritual )alue" in daily life.
2ur ?e"tern /hilo"o/her" ha)e al!ay" been rationali"t", for their in"ight" do not de/end
u/on the a!a$ening of their o!n "oul" 9mo"t /hilo"o/her" lead /ri)ate li)e" that are
really 6uite helli"h "ometime": but u/on a "/ecial facility in their treatment of "ymbol"
!hich a!a$en "/iritualGreligiou"G/hilo"o/hical a""ociation" in the mind of the reader. Any
true change !ould ha)e to be ba"ed on a different concentration from that of rea"on. ?e
mu"t create our"el)e" out of !hate)er it i" that i" !ithin our"el)e", unconcerned !ith
"tandardi%ed an"!er", the "o#called "cientific method"7 it ha" an inner rhythm, li$e that of
mu"ic. 2r, a" my 8uru /ut" it, 1?e mu"t fir"t recogni"e Atman !ithin our"el)e", and then
reali"e him in the !orld+ !e "hould a""i"t (rahman, !ho"e /artial ex/re""ion !e are, to
/erfect him"elf in a//earance.1 And thi" i" "omething beyond all /o!er of !ord"*'ife i"
not an art "o much a" an ex/erience. 1?ith the &illar of >ire goe" the &illar of Eloud.1 At
da!n, a /air of trou"er"+ at noon, a cloud. (ut "uch my"terie" are un/ubli"hable exce/t
a" /oetry, the )eiled truth. ,hi" i" al"o the ne! doctrine of E%ra &ound, !ho "ay"7 1&ro"e
i" not education but the outer court" of the "ame. (eyond it" door" are the my"terie".
Eleu"i". ,hing" not to be "/o$en of "a)e in "ecret ,he my"terie" self0defended,the
my"terie" that cannot be re)ealed >ool" can only /rofane them. ,he dull can neither
/enetrate the "ecretum nor di)ulge it to other".1
?hat i" the /oet doing in trying to ex/re"" my"tical reality ob3ecti)ely D He i" loo$ing for a
"cheme !hich !ould circum"cribe it from all "ide". And if he de"cribe" it" contour"
clearly and correctly, then e)ery other intelligent human being could /lace the content
there for him"elf, "o that he might belie)e that the /oet had "ho!n the 1thing1. (ut that i"
im/o""ible. All the /oet ha" done i" to /re"ent a frame for that !hich !e mu"t be
con"ciou" of anyho! in order to recogni"e it. And recognition i" liberation
,hat i" /erha/" !hy /eo/le !ho ha)e had a /"ychedelic ex/erience can 1tune#in1 to the
"ecret and occult, in !hich 8od i" better honoured and lo)ed by "ilence than by !ord",
and better "een by clo"ing the eye" to image" than by o/ening them. o let1" not try to
under"tand e)erything. '- may /ro)ide you !ith a clue a" to !hat i" ha//ening. It
o/en" the -oor" of &erce/tion and beyond tho"e door" !ho can really "ay D
,here i" no future, !ith modern man and man of the future, !hich doe" not re"emble
!hat 1free1 /eo/le are doing in the !orld. All are trying to get control o)er the ma$ing of
their o!n li)e"+ gro!ing their o!n food in country meado!" or bac$yard", building their
o!n home" out in the fore"t", learning ho! to farm 1liberated1 land and li)e off the
/roduce of the "ea+ learning ho! to ba$e their o!n breadR and learning to lo)e one
another a" one enormou" family, and !ith a con"ciou" relation to, or re"/ect for, the
en)ironment.
And thi" im/lie", in one !ord, Ce)olution, not the re)olution again"t the 1gi)en1 !hich ha"
"ince the time of Hegel /ro)ided the a)ant#garde !ith an excu"e for anarchi"t ex/re""ion
or beha)iour"*the an"!er from the out"ide*but the re)olution !ithin the "elf. ,otal
Ce)olution i" inner#change#in#the#!orld+ the tool" are a cultural frame!or$ !hich
by/a""e" 9tran"cend": the exi"ting /ro3ection "tructure+ and 1religion1 i" an arti"tic tool for
getting there, through image, )i"ion and "ymbol1" "ymbol. 2;E =E,A&H2C EA;
EHA;8E ,HE ?2C'-7 1&eace of =ind bring" &eace on Earth D1*<e", but only if !e
recogni"e ho! the ego i" the cau"e of all the !ar" in"ide the human mind and, by
im/lication, al"o of all the !ar" in the !orld#at#large.
Ho! "trange that I 1"hould1 do anything again@ (ut the"e 1re)olutionary1 idea" !ere
becoming deci"i)e7 action !ould decide the rightne"" or !rongne"" of our idea", "ucce""
that of )olition. It i" not enough to ta$e your ea"e in the !orld of idea" and li)e there
105
nai)ely, a" I had earlier thought, for thi" !ould mean that !e had merely allo!ed
our"el)e" to be dri)en by the "tream of e)ent". ?e ha)e to $no! ho! to guide our"el)e"
to the goal. I found it increa"ingly difficult "im/ly to "it and reflect on all thi", for there !a"
"till the 3ob of tran"lating recognition into action. I could not ho/e to 1change my"elf1
through 1meditation1*a tem/erament li$e mine colla/"e" under the burden of li)ing in
another $ind of exi"tence that "im/ly 1i"1 and need" the challenge of 1"hould1 in order to
reali"e the goal of 1becoming1, !hich i", I "u//o"e !hat our ?e"tern "ort of life i" all
about*!e belie)e !e 1"hould1 grow, become, create, perform, perfect again, and thi" i"
the im/etu" for con"ciou" )olition, "ince our idea" remain nonexi"tent until they ha)e
been te"ted in reality, !ith the "elf a" the fir"t te"ting ground. >rom the /oint of )ie! of
the !orld, it i" mere illu"ion, if a holy man regard" him"elf a" an incarnation or a aint he
mu"t become "aintly, change him"elf, if he !i"he" to be ta$en "eriou"ly.
In my o!n ca"e, I felt "trongly that I "hould return to America, "ee ho! my old
/"ychedelic friend" !ere ma$ing out on their 1)oyage" of "elf#di"co)ery1, meet ,im and
Cichard Al/ert again, /erha/" e)en "ettle o)er there for a time and try to build a "tructure
in !hich 1 could exi"t !ithout lo"ing "ight of my goal. (ut it !a" a difficult deci"ion to
ma$e, "eeing ho! I had been out of touch for "o long. And a/art from con"ideration" li$e
the"e, there !a" the fact that life in America actually "cared me "tiff. If /aranoia i" 1ha)ing
"ome idea of !hat i" really going on1, then you could "ay that I !a" definitely /aranoid
about returning to our bra)e ;e! ?orld. Au"t thin$ing about ;e! <or$ could "end icicle"
u/ and do!n my "/ine.... my /aranoia too$ the form of imagining my"elf !al$ing alone on
11 .th treet from Ci)er"ide to (road!ay at midnight, or e6ually*due to "ome error in
my direction*ending u/, an ob3ect of un/lea"ant attention by member" of the 1Coach
8uard"1 or the 1>i)e &oint" 8ang1, in (roome treet do!n on the (o!eryR
At any rate, my fear" and doubt" !ere o)ercome "ome!hat by Ehri"tma", and early in
Aanuary I found my"elf once again airborne o)er the Atlantic on a flight that !a" to land
me a fe! hour" later at (o"ton1" 'ogan Air/ort, and the "tart of a ne! cha/terR
+' 'A 9ra. is Worth More Than a Da.n'
&+,8
1,urn on to acid, man,
8et into the channel" of your mind
8o "ee !hat there i" to find*
;o one $no!" the human mind...
,here are door" a" yet uno/ened
o much to "ee,
-ro/ "ome acid, man,
8o "ee !hat you can find.
I ne)er "a! life a" I $no! it, man,
It !a" all in my mind.
,hing" ha)e become much clearer
;o! that I1)e o/ened u/ my mind.
(efore all thi", life !a" "uch a drag+
?or$ing on Ehry"ler1" /re""ure line
Au"t to /ay for a "hag.
?or$ing on the trac$
Au"t to "core "ome bread
o I and the !ife and $id"
Eould be fed and comfy
In our "uburban "hac$.
(ut all that1" gone no!
ince I1)e "een life for the fir"t time
,hrough the channel" of my mind.
106
Acid !a" the $ey, it turned me on
And hel/ed me to find
,he right channel" in my mind.
19Anonymou"*>ound in a boo$ in cell#bloc$ beneath (ri"tol Eentral &ri"on:
Ceturning to America after an ab"ence of nearly four year" !a" much more than a
"entimental 3ourney, much more than 3u"t filling in time+ I !a" a man trying to maintain hi"
"oul ali)e. Nee/ the candle flame abla%e.... ?hen all !a" gro!ing dar$. It !a" the !riggling to
a)oid death, e""entially a /oetic thing, underta$en !ithout either rationality or rea"on. I
!anted to /robe "omething "olid to li)e by. And tra)el !a" an a)ailable mean" to "ee, loo$,
find*)la vraie vie).
=y internal "/ace had changed "ince =illbroo$ and our fir"t brief ex/eriment in
1tran"/er"onati)e li)ing1, !hen acid !a" the lance !ith !hich to ride after the 8rail. ,here !a"
no! 919I5: little good acid around, and !hat there !a"*the "o#called 1"treet acid1*came
mainly from Ealifornia. ,here !a" "omething !rong !ith the "ynthe"i"+ it !a" not /ure. And
you !ere ne)er "ure !hat it !a" exactly that you !ere ta$ing, "o I only dro//ed it on tho"e
rare occa"ion" !hen "omeone ga)e me either 1ando% acid1 or 1cry"tal acid1. I thin$ the
/roblem for the underground chemi"t" manufacturing clande"tine acid !a" "hortage of ergot,
!ithout !hich the "ynthe"i" of d#'-#2. i" im/o""ible. Hntil 19I., "u//lie" of ergot could be
bought !ith little or no difficulty from three or four Euro/ean chemical com/anie"+ but
/re""ure from ?a"hington /ut a "to/ to thi", doubtle""ly ho/eful that thi" !ould lead to an
end of clande"tine '-. In one "en"e the >ederal authoritie" !ere right. ,he underground
cea"ed turning out d#'-#2.+ in"tead, they di"co)ered a !holly "ynthetic "ub"tance, a$in to
d#'-#2. in "o far a" it /roduced mar$ed change in con"ciou"ne"". (ut the ne! "ynthetic
acid lac$ed, in my o/inion, that in)i"ible non#/harmacological factor*the magical, "/iritual
com/onent that !a" really !hat acid !a" all about. ure, the ne! "tuff 1!or$ed1 in the "en"e
that any mind#altering chemical 1!or$"1 to /roduce "ub3ecti)e effect" !ithin the body, but it
didn1t "eem to /roduce in tho"e !ho u"ed it any /articularly noticeable ele)ation of either
head or heart+ at lea"t, that !a" the conclu"ion I had reached in 'ondon. (ut it !a"*and
/robably "till i"*an un/o/ular )ie! among"t the 1cogno"centi1, !ho claim that "ome of the
"treet acid i" ca/able of /roducing /o"iti)e "ub3ecti)e effect" of a 1long#la"ting nature1, though
they readily admit that a lot of the "tuff "old a" 1/ure acid1 i" actually methylam/hetamine 9a
concentrated form of am/hetamine, fir"t de)elo/ed by the H.. Army: or a "tri//ed#do!n
ergotamine com/ound by modern molecular chemi"try.
=y e)aluation had nothing to do !ith the notion that a !holly "ynthetic drug /roduced a
!holly "ynthetic ex/erience*the intellectual re"/on"e*but !a" ba"ed on direct, fir"t hand
ex/erience 9about thirty tri/" !ith "treet acid in all:. And in each "e""ion I felt there !a"
"omething it lac$ed*it !a" too 1electric1, too 1"/eedy1 and too 1mind#"hattering1. ,he earlier
clarity of 1in"ight1 !hich I had obtained )ia the ando% acid !a" re/laced by confu"ion,
bro$enne"", !ord" and !orld" thro!n into ab"olute di"memberment or e)en, ab"olute chao",
though, I mu"t add, often cou/led !ith a feeling that I can only de"cribe a" 1"ublime inflation1,
a "u/erabundance of emoti)e energy+ but it could not "ignify+ more a /a""ionate flame and
le"" the life#gi)ing "un, a" it !ere. I ha)e read that d#'-#2. i" a "emi#"ynthetic "ub"tance,
of !hich ergot i" the organic, i.e. 1li)ing1 /art. And to "ay that the 1"/iritual1 com/onent i"
contained !ithin the ergot molecule" mu"t "ound li$e a "u/er"tition to "ome, but !hat I intend
here i" to "ugge"t that 1/ure1 acid ha" 1meta/olitical1 im/lication"*there i" a hidden truth or
"tatement in each acid "e""ion !hich i" unaccountably mi""ing in mo"t of my ex/erience"
u"ing the clande"tine "tuff, 2!"ley and 1!hite#lightning1 not!ith"tanding. ,here i", it "eem" to
me, a 6ualitati)e decline in the "ub3ecti)e acid ex/erience !hich i" "omething that doe" not
admit of "cientific analy"i"+ it i" an intuiti)e thing I1d "ay. At any rate, I /er"onally ob"er)ed a
)oluntary moratorium during thi" /eriod and !ould ta$e nothing until I $ne! the exact
chemical "ynthe"i" and !here it !a" made and by !hom. (e"ide", there !a" little or no
"hortage of good mari3uana or ha"hi"h, our "o#called 1mild /"ychedelic"1.
A /"ychedelic i" the "ol)ent !hich di""ol)e" the )igorou" "tereoty/e" of egocentric beha)iour
*it tran"form" the familiar "elf !ithout changing a thing+ it ex/and" the moment7 yet there
i"n1t anything !e can count on or accumulate+ it" )alue i" /oetic*it hel/" ferry u" acro"" the
107
aby"" and !e may thu" gain a ne! am/litude+ it i" not a 1/"ychological1 ex/erience but a
/oetic one. It i" be"t of cour"e to undergo "uch metamor/ho"i" by mean" of tuning in to
nature, though it i" only the )ery rare"t of ?e"terner" !ho can do thi"+ !e "eem unable to
de)elo/ our o!n /o!er of concentration "ufficiently to li)e con"ciou"ly and continuou"ly in
our dee/e"t "elf. ?e cannot become more than !e are. It may be that !e cannot e)en
become !hat !e are*1there i" only becoming1 e.e. cumming" "ay"+ for u", then, (eing i"
becoming+ yet it remain" /o""ibility only, ne)er achie)ement. It i" all a matter of recognition+
!e mu"t become ca/able of )i"uali"ing idea" in order to li)e at the )ery heart of our being. It
i" all "o "im/le that any child could do it 9if only !e don1t try to ex/lain:. 2r7 only a child can
do it.
Eambridge, =a""., i" the home of both Har)ard Eollege and =.I.,. and "tand" acro"" from
the city of (o"ton, "e/arated by the Ci)er Eharle", about thirty minute" by taxi from 'ogan
air/ort. It !a" "no!ing !hen I reached 8unther1" hou"e in =ount Auburn treet+ the to!n
!a" a" if de"erted by man. ,he gigantic a/artment bloc$ on the o//o"ite "ide of the "treet
to!ered u/ from a "no!y !a"teland, "urrounded by a fe! "traggling tree". E)ery no! and
again one "a! the light" of a car "lo!ly mo)ing along the dri)e!ay flan$ing the ri)er+ )i"ibility
!a" "oon almo"t reduced to nil. ,he lady taxi#dri)er "!ore a" I /aid the fare, !i"hing "he1d
"tayed in (o"ton. ,hen "he /ro/o"itioned me. 1?e could get to $no! each other in the
/ar$ing lot,1 "he added, !a)ing to the bac$ "eat. 1,here1" not much el"e to do on a night li$e
thi".1 I "aid I !a" bu"hed after the long flight from 'ondon but thi" only "eemed to add "/ice
to her game. 1I1)e only made it !ith one Engli"h guy before, and he !a" the be"t ball I1)e e)er
had, though a fuc$ing ba"tard other!i"e,1 "he added. ?hy notD he !a" /retty, in her late
t!entie". 12$ay. 'et1" get to the /ar$ing lot,1 I "aid. 1Era%y@ (ut in ca"e you1re $in$y or
"omething, you $no!, !ant to cut off my tit" or anything, Aac$#the#Ci//er "tyle, I1ll blo! your
brain" out !ith thi".1 And reaching in"ide the glo)e com/artment "he "uddenly /roduced an
enormou" re)ol)er. 1&rotection, you under"tand. If you !ant to li)e in (o"ton, baby, you1)e
gotta ha)e a /iece. (am@ 8et itD1 1Are tho"e thing" legal hereD1 I a"$ed, "eemingly dumb.
1'egal, regal+ the fu%% ain1t gonna bu"t ya for a /iece, though they get /retty rough if you $ill
"omeone. ;o, it1" /rotection.1 1(ut !hat if e)eryone carried a gun, then !hat...D1 1,hen you1d
be "tu/id not to, rightD Any!ay, I !a" only $idding. It ain1t got no bullet" in the chamber,
maybe 3u"t t!o or three. I u"e it to "care drun$" !ho get fre"h.1
I !a" in the right mood !hen, a cou/le of hour" and "e)eral drin$" later, I rang 8unther1"
doorbell. I had called 8unther from the air/ort but the baby#"itter "aid he !a" at the 8urd3ieff
centre and !ouldn1t be bac$ much before midnight*9a !ell#ob"er)ed ritual )ouche" for the
truly human and therefore natural "e6uence of human beha)iour"+ if the meeting !hich a
/er"on need" i" mi""ed, then the /"yche feel" cheated, and a "en"e of lo"" and remor"e or
!or"e i" bound to follo!. 8unther belie)ed in the ritual attendance of the 8urd3ieff meeting"+
he didn1t nece""arily belie)e in 8urd3ieff ritual", !hich, "o far a" one can under"tand them at
all, "eem to de/end on the /re"ence of the =a"ter him"elf, but the !ee$ly thing !a"
im/ortant for the harmoniou" function of hi" creati)ity.:
(ut 8unther !a" bac$, and !e greeted each other !armly !ith hug" and "mile" and 1?o!#
it1"#great#to#"ee#you1 "tuff. <e", it really did feel good to be bac$+ 9almo"t: a" though I1d ne)er
been a!ay. ?e "/ent the fir"t fe! hour" ra//ing, filling in the blan$", trying to find out !hat
had ha//ened to u" both acro"" the random and ha/ha%ard year" "ince Har)ard and
=illbroo$. >or my"elf change, uncea"ing change, a" though change !a" the only con"tant in
my life. And 8untherD He !a" no! teaching at (o"ton Eollege. 1A bit ironic, really, a Ae!
teaching at a >esuit e"tabli"hment1, !or$ing a" a con"ultant !ith a ;e! <or$ media com/any,
1,hey "ent me to India recently to ta/e "ome Indian mu"ic for a record1, and running the
(o"ton 8urd3ieff Eentre. 1=an, that cat $ne! more about human /"ychology than anyone I1)e
come acro"" before. I really dig hi" !or$.1
I then di"co)ered that 6uite a number of the old Har)ard /"ychedelic cla"" of 19I1#I2 no!
!or$ed for the Har)ard Eor/oration*8eorge 'it!in !a" a /rofe""or at the Har)ard (u"ine""
chool, Al Al"chuler lectured at the Har)ard chool of Education, -a)e Nolb !a" an in"tructor
at =.I.,. and Hu"ton mith !a" "till /rofe""or of religiou" /hilo"o/hy 9=.I.,.:, -a)e Nat% !a"
teaching at (o"ton1" (randei" Hni)er"ity, ?alter Elar$ !a" a /rofe""or of the /"ychology of
108
religion at ,uft" Hni)er"ity and had hel/ed "tart the Eambridge ;eurobiological and
&"ychedelic tudy 8rou/ 9together !ith Elemen" E. (enda =.-., and the late =ax Cin$el
=.-.:.
2b)iou"ly, the medicine of hallucination and the !onder" of indi"ci/line had lo"t their a//eal
*e)erybody !anted to forget the 1Har)ard -rug candal1.
1It all "eem" "o ordinary no!.1 8unther !a" almo"t a/ologetic !hen he "/o$e about former
time". 1&eo/le turn on differently no!aday", you $no!, sans drugs,sans trips. ;ot <oung#
=an#'eft#to 2ld#=an#Cight but e)olution of "en"ibility. ,oday /eo/le dig a"trology, =eher
(aba, the ,arot, the I Ehing, 8urd3ieff, macrobiotic food, yoga", e)en /lain !or$.... 1
ure enough, !hen I did the tele/hone round" the next morning, e)eryone !a" into their o!n
1non#drug1 thing. It !a" a" if ,im 'eary and the Har)ard &"ychedelic &ro3ect had ne)er exi"ted
*Al Eohen hadn1t ta$en acid for o)er four year" and no! bu"ied him"elf a" head of the
American =eher (aba 8rou/. 1I dro//ed acid for three year", and it too$ me three year" to
tran"cend acid. ;o! I don1t e)en thin$ about it. 2f Acid, the A)atar had thi" to "ay7 MIt doe"n1t
bring you clo"er to 8od, for I am 8od and I tell you it ta$e" you further a!ay from =eM.1 Colf
)on Ec$art"berg, !ho u"ed to co#edit 4he 3sychedelic 5eview !a" a /"ychology /rofe""or at
the Hni)er"ity of &enn"yl)ania and !a" running a 1global )illage1 /ro3ect in &itt"burg+ &aul
'ee, al"o a former co#editor of 4he 3sychedelic 5eview !a" teaching humanitie" and religion
at the Hni)er"ity of Ealifornia in anta Eru%+ tanley Nri//ner !a" the director of ,he -ream
'aboratory at the =aimonide" Ho"/ital in (roo$lyn+ >ran$ (arron !a" a /rofe""or at (er$eley
and the author of 1Ereati)ity and &"ychological Health1+ Aoe Ha)en" !a" al"o "till lecturing
and !riting /a/er" on the theme 1Celigion &onder" cience1+ and Cichard Al/ert !a" in India
!ith hi" Hindu 8uru, ;eem Narolli (aba, or "im/ly 1=ahara3#3i1 a" he i" u"ually called, !ho
told him, H propos '-, 1In a 6uiet /lace !here it i" cool and you are feeling much /eace,
ta$en alone, it can bring you into the /re"ence of Ehri"t to do pranams.(ut you can only "tay
a fe! hour" and then mu"t lea)e. (etter by far to become Ehri"t. >or that, 'o)e i" the be"t
medicine, better than '-. '- i" not the true (amadhi. ,he"e medicine" !ere $no!n about
in the Nulu Balley, but no! that $no!ledge i" lo"t.1
It felt almo"t ob"cene to mention thi" three#letter !ord under the circum"tance" and I began
to !onder !hether I had got thing" coc$ed or "omeho! not 6uite right. I !a" fre6uently a"$ed
the "ame 6ue"tion7 1-o you "till ta$e acidD1 !hich al!ay" contained a definite, if un"/o$en
clau"e*after !hat ha//ened in =anhattan1" 'o!er Ea"t ide and the Haight#A"hbury di"trict
of an >ranci"co, after re/ort" of /eo/le 3um/ing out of !indo!" or "taring at the "un until
they !ere blind, can the /"ychedelic ex/erience "till claim to a /lace in the ;e! AgeD -id
'eary do for '- a" the liberal#humani"t did for "tereotaxic "urgery 9leucotomy:, 9!hich i" the
"electi)e de"truction of brain ti""ue*1'a!1n 2rder "urgery1: and it" claim a" a thera/eutic
ad3unct to mental angui"hD
;ot a fe! thin$er" ha)e thought "o. -uring the year" follo!ing the 'eary#Al/ert firing" many
attac$" again"t non#/re"cri/ti)e drug u"age ha)e a//eared in the ma"" media. ,he
corru/tion of the original my"tical in"ight" re/orted in the early 919I0#I3: literature ha" led to
the corru/tion of /o/ular o/inion, !ho no! )ie! the /"ychedelic ex/erience a" a "ub3ect too
com/lex, too !eird to be di"cu""ed in a rational !ay. ,he my"tic !ith the gift of the third eye
ex/ected to /roclaim the reign of the ha//ily integrated modern "oul but in"tead he had found
him"elf con"idered "omething of an oddball, and a re"ented one at that. ;o! he "it" in
"olitary exile or behind the bar" of the lunatic a"ylum !hil"t the )illage idiot !al$" ,ime"
6uare !ith a gun in each hand.
1-o you "till ta$e acidD -oe" 'eary "till /ro"elyti"e for '-, tri/ out for day"D1 our )i"itor a"$",
a" one may al"o be "u//o"ed to $no! about heroin, cocaine, "/eed, glue#"niffing and nitrou"
oxide. 1=a""#my"tici"m i" /oetry, an o/en "ecret*the me""age i" in the "eed.1 A" ancient
Qen might ha)e had it*1,a$e '- for ten year", become '-, and then forget about it1.
,he /o!er of Qen*there i" nothing to hold on to+ the /o!er of the a/hori"m. In hi" >rederic$
?illiam Atherton lecture 9Har)ard Hni)er"ity, 19I7:, ;orman 2. (ro!n remind" u" that
1A/hori"m i" in"tant dialectic
the in"tantaneou" fli/ in"tead of the elaborate "y"tem...
And "o /eri"hable
109
that it cannot be hoarded by any elite
or "tored in any in"titution.1
1A/hori"m7 the !ord "mell" of literary "elf#con"ciou"ne"" the
reality i" bro$enne""
!ord" in ab"olute di"memberment
or e)en, ab"olute "elf#contradiction.1
'i$e the hi"torical 2xford =o)ement the &"ychedelic =o)ement i" a ?e"tern re"/on"e to
the /athogenic "ign" of our inner di"ru/tion, and i" recogni"ed a" "uch by the ;e!
Cadical" and by a tiny circle of meta/hy"ician" in both the ?e"t and the Ea"t, 3u"t a" the
re)olutionary anarchi"t mo)ement !a" a century ago. >or '- i" anarchi"tic, it "hatter"
our com/lacency, ex/lode" our "tereoty/e" of ideology and dogma", !a$e", "ha$e", and
ma$e" the inner "lee/ing man from the "omnambuli"t gra)ity of rectitude or
righteou"ne"". It i" the madne"" that re)el" in the categorie" of being in !hich not one
member i" "ober.
=adne"" need not nece""arily be a cau"e for gloom*our greate"t ble""ing, "ay"
ocrate" in the 3haedrus, come to u" by !ay of madne""*/ro)ided+ and the madne""
come" from 8od, he add", "omeone li$e the 8od -iony"u" or the "/irit =ercuriu" or
i)a, a condition !hich cannot be /rogrammed, "omething !ho"e truth lie" beyond all
/o!er of !ord". <et "mile at our "ad im/a""e. ?e cannot "im/ly let our"el)e" go. 1I am
fully a!are of thi",1 Ione"co "ay", 1teach me ho! to untie the $not". I $no! I ought to undo
them on my o!n and that thi" i" a ta"$ e)eryone mu"t carry out for him"elf, but at lea"t
gi)e me a little guidance, "o that I can "ee ho! the bond" I cannot loo"en are tied.1 (ut
no hel/ i" forthcoming. ,he only reality i" the truth of our o!n contradictory nature+ truth
i" "im/ly a more efficient form of fiction, =aya li$e e)erything el"e.
Ean anyone teach Ione"co to untie the $not"D 1,he /rinci/al in"trument of mono/oly and
control that /re)ent" ex/an"ion of con"ciou"ne"" i" the !ord line" controlling thought,
feeling and a//arent "en"ory im/re""ion" of the human ho"t,1 "ay" (urrough", but he
ma$e" a common error for he fail" to di"tingui"h the !ord from the ex/erience. Another
an"!er7 according to Aoey =ellen and (art Huge", i" that it i" man1" rigid cranium that
/re)ent" him from ex/anding hi" con"ciou"ne"", not hi" !ord"...
1?hen the "$ull "eal" the tide of brainblood)olume i"
out on the beach the adult dangle" from the gallo!"*
around hi" nec$ a chain of !ord a""ociation"*
"u"/ended on hi" o!n "entence
the adult /a""e" 3udgement on hi" children*
hi" children*if they1)e any "en"e*/ay no attention
but bounce about
on a cu"hion of intra#cranial /re""ure
until their "$ull "eal".... 1
Ione"co, the ne! me""age i"7 1If you !ant to get ahead get a hole in your head.1 &erha/"
the ad)antage i" !ith ,ibet !here /rayer !heel" are another !ay of arri)ing at the "ame
re"ult*an egole"" in)ol)ement !ith the aby"" in"ide the "elf*any fool can do it7 the
mechani"m i" external !hile the mind if left )acant+ and )acancy i" not the !or"t
condition of the mind+ the go, being non#exi"tent, doe" not ha)e to "tore, retrie)e,
catalogue, analy"e or identify. (ut /erha/" the la"t !ord can be left to ;orman 2. (ro!n,
"/ea$ing of the /lace 9and need: for the 1tran"forming "/irit of /lay1 and of that great
re)olutionary intellectual of the t!entieth century, Aame" Aoyce7
1!ho reduced all that "olemn non"en"e to non"en"e leading u" in the /ath to !hich
?ittgen"tein directed u" from di"gui"ed non"en"e to /atent non"en"e a tran"ition
that i" accom/li"hed not by lingui"tic analy"i" but by /oetry.1
'eafle"" tree", the cold, clear air of !inter+ !ide, "no!#co)ered "treet" on !hich "tudent"
110
!ander about, !ho"e /hy"ical a//earance i" different from !hen I !a" la"t here. 2dd,
really, ho! 6uic$ly the young re"/ond to change. ?hil"t only "e)en or eight year" ago the
"tyle !a" teeth#and#t!eed", button#do!n "hirt" and college tie", the mode of dre"" no!
)eered on the far "ide of informality*3ean", denim "hirt", co!boy boot" and Afghan
coat"+ and beard" and long hair !ere e)ery!here /re)alent. It !a" a" if one /"ychic
atmo"/here had "/read from Ealifornia to Italy. =illion" of "imilar /eo/le e)ery!here in
the ?e"t. And their life"tyle !a" loo"e, un"tructured+ they "eemed to roll on li$e the
!a)e", !ho"e mo)ement i" regulated by in)i"ible force" emanating from the moon. ,hey
!ere being" !ho !ere in /o""e""ion of a "ecret !hich /ro)ided the im/etu" to their li)e"+
their aim" !ere more in!ard+ they had a feeling for )alue"+ they had achie)ed a certain
le)el of con"ciou"ne"". ?ere they not "omeho! more o/en than in any age /re)iou"ly,
!hich ga)e them thi" ne! am/litude and a "en"e of /ur/o"eD And if you !ere to a"$
them, 1?hat for the futureD1 it i" to them"el)e" they !ould /oint. ?hat folly to belie)e in a
&ro)idence !hich guide" life from the out"ide@ ,hi" i" the change in it"elf. ?here gro!th
i" guided by con"ciou" )olition, de)elo/ment of the /er"onality ta$e" /lace+ e)eryone
/rogre""e", marche" on!ard, further and further, and no end i" in "ight. Here !a" a ne!
generation for !hom time i" real before eternity.
Ho! good for the mental health of modern youth to imbibe a little Ea"tern !i"dom.
E)erybody !ho belie)e" in him"elf, no matter !ho he i", "tand" on a higher le)el than the
timorou"*ye", the formati)e /o!er of the (rahmanic and (uddhi"tic, but al"o the I"lamic
Ea"t, can hel/ u" achie)e the ideal of uni)er"al brotherhood, !herea" the recei)ed
teaching" of the ?e"t fail in "/ite of their ideal". >or !hate)er /o!er the "/iritual
me""age ha" exerted o)er the mind" of men ha" "urely come from the uni6ue degree of
in)ol)ement !hich it /o"it" bet!een the di)ine and the here and no!.
A" I !andered the Eambridge "treet", I thought of my earlier day" of largely harum#
"carum acti)ity and !hat had ha//ened to u" all acro"" the"e random and ha/ha%ard
year" of /ilgrimage. And "ometime", !hen I am in a reflecti)e mood, I !onder if there i" a
"ecret connection bet!een "/iritual nece""ity and em/irical accidentD Ho! i" it that thi"
"trange drug '- had "uch immen"e con"e6uence", and !a" di"co)ered "eemingly by
accident aloneD >or the re)olution in "en"ibility /roduced re"ult" !hich the '-#u"er" did
not*and /erha/" could not*fore"ee. (ut thi" i" true for all re)olutionarie"*re)olution"
ha)e to be con"idered a" )ery com/lex "erie" of action" initiated in highly /articular
circum"tance" and at /articular /oint" in time. 1Each age get" the re)olution it de"er)e"1,
i" /erha/" a trui"m, yet it i" in fact that a "mall change of em/irical circum"tance", and
the /"ychedelic re)olution !ould not be the !ide"/read manife"tation !hich it i". It !a"
no! /o""ible to "ee that an acceleration in our brief ne! renai""ance had turned the
'eary#Al/ert "tream" into a ri)er and that the !hole mo)ement, fir"t of Har)ard 19I0#I1,
then of the International >ederation for Internal >reedom in 19I3#I4 and the Ea"talia
>oundation of 19I4#I7 and the 'eague for /iritual -i"co)ery of 19II#I5, etc., etc., !a"
the re"ult of a "erie" of accidental circum"tance" in !hich grou/" of '-#u"er"
di"co)ered a /eculiar di"/o"ition in their thought !hich allo!ed them to tran"form a
tri)iality into a /rofound "/iritual belief and allo!ed them to a//reciate indi)idual human
exi"tence a" the li)ing ex/re""ion of meta/hy"ical reality, becau"e the /"ychedelic
ex/erience "ignified the reality and the beauty of the flo!er of the "/irit. And thu" the Age
of the >lo!er Ehildren !a" born out of the indi)idual ex/erience of tran"cendence, 3u"t
a", in an earlier age, the Bedic (oma brought the light of con"ciou"ne"" into the !orld.
?hat i" the "ignificance of the /"ychedelic mo)ementD I do not $no! my"elf. I ha)e
"truggled !ith the /roblem for year". (ut the fact" are beyond 6ue"tion7 the /"ychedelic
renai""ance, li$e all great /eriod" of culture, cannot be ex/lained altogether out of a
demon"trable "erie" of cau"e". If anything, they "eem to o!e their exi"tence ultimately to
a "/iritual influx !hich bear" the unmi"ta$eable "tam/ of di)ine grace, "omething gi)en
rather than made. And once the "ource of in"/iration ha" dried u/, no effort and no talent
i" of any a)ail. >urther, "ince the height of the /"ychedelic im/etu", the in"ight" ha)e
declined, in "/ite of all the /"ychedelic "e""ion" !hich ha)e occurred through the"e
year", and today the '-#u"er /robably /o""e""e" le"" creati)e ta"te than any educated
non#u"er, although they are "till "/iritually the mo"t de)elo/ed. ?hat doe" thi" "ignifyD*I
111
$no! only that '- ha" decorated the !orld of idea". In !hat then lie" '-1" uni6ue
6uality, it" a//eal for the /er"on !ho ta$e" itD &erha/" it i" the di"co)ery of the exi"tence
of "hade" of inner meaning one !ould not normally credit !ith the ca/acity for "ignifying
"o much.
'et u" tran"/o"e e)er "o "lightly the element" of )i"ionary $no!ledge, or change the
)arietie" of the "/iritual, or u"e a different method for gaining dee/er in"ight"+ or /lace
the indi)idual, a" he i", into another "etting !hich i" "ub3ect to different en)ironmental
condition", "uch a", for in"tance, a dam/, ill#lit and unheated ca)e "ome!here high in the
Himalaya"7 it !ould be the re)elatory 1my"tical1 ex/erience no longer. I ha)e "een "uch
non#drug re)elatory method" for getting !e"terner" 1high1 not fifty mile" from Nathmandu7
they lac$ the cry"tal#li$e clarity or immediacy of the /"ychedelic ex/erience. ,he
/"ychedelic ex/erience ma$e" /articularly clear !hat the nature of indi)iduality really i".
It mu"t "eem a /ity to "ome that anything could be meta/hy"ically real !hich i"
manife"tly "o de/endent u/on em/irical circum"tance", in thi" in"tance, u/on a
/"ychedelic drug. It illu"trate", on the other hand, that the "/iritual com/onent in man can
only become )i"ible "ub3ect to "/ecial em/iric condition". It doe"n1t "ol)e the riddle of
man1" "/iritual nature, nor i" it a $ey to a meta/hy"ic" of ec"ta"y 9a" "ome thin$er" ha)e
claimed:+ no matter ho! many cau"e" and relation" !e e"tabli"h7 the e""ential e"ca/e"
u". ,hi" "ay" little in fa)our of tho"e !ho incline to the belief that the '-#u"er may thu"
far /artici/ate of meta/hy"ical reality. (ut the )i"ionary ex/erience i" e""entially brief+
once achie)ed and ex/re""ed, it become" "ub3ect, li$e e)erything el"e, to the mercile""
do!n!ard /ull of gra)ity and the !orld of three dimen"ion", that non#miraculou" !orld of
a//earance" !e call either /ri"on or home, !hich i" manife"t e)ery!here around me
e)en no! a" I ty/e the"e line".
(ut reality mu"t "till count for "omething, and thi" i" /erha/" more true in America 9than
in any other country I1)e e)er li)ed in:, !here /ro"/erity i" regarded a" normal+ he !ho
"im/ly content" him"elf, i.e. turn" him"elf on, i" regarded a" feeble. ,he idea that di)ine
ble""edne"" and /ro"/erity are connected i" "till effecti)e today7 the man !ho di"co)er"
Ehri"t !ithin him !ill become rich, healthy, an accom/li"hed indi)idual in thi" lifetime+ it i"
a religiou" belief that teache" the /o""ibility of uniting one1" "truggle for the good" of thi"
!orld !ith ideal a"/iration". ,he man !ho i" /lea"ing to 8od mu"t become rich+ the
fruit", !hich hitherto ha)e fallen only to the lot of him !ho renounce" the !orld, can no!
be "hared by him !ho affirm" it. ,hi" i" the teaching of 1a religion of democracy1+ the
materiali"m of our era i" Hallo!ed in ,hy name...
I am con"tantly rela/"ing into didactic", though no teacher I+ on the contrary, I di"courage
any $ind of follo!er"hi/, "ince my ca/acity for head#!or$ i" limited. I am al"o !ithout the
nece""ary information. o I drift+ I am that aimle"" drifting man !ho, "etting out in the fir"t
light of da!n li$e a "hi/ to "ea, ne)er $no!" !hen or !ith !hat cargo he !ill return to
/ort+ and to in)ite anyone to follo! me on "uch a rec$le"" enter/ri"e !ould be a$in to
negligence, if not actually actionable. 2ne ha" a fe! friend", and of cour"e they hel/
"u"tain one through /eriod" of change or difficulty, but in the final analy"i", one mu"t
chart one1" o!n drift cour"e through the /eculiaritie" of our modern $ind of exi"tence. It i"
a "ituation I once di"cu""ed !ith ,im 'eary*!ho confided in me hi" o!n "trategie" a" a
mentor of modern youth, !hich again confirmed my belief that he i" one of the !i"e"t,
mo"t illuminatory being" that the !orld ha" e)er $no!n.... ,he main theme of hi"
/hilo"o/hy, !hich he ha" dealt !ith in hi" boo$, 4he 3olitics of 8cstasy i" the 1"e)en
le)el" of con"ciou"ne""*solar, cellular, somatic, sensual, symbolic, stupor 9emotion":
and sleep), !hat he call" 1the "e)en tongue" of 8od1+ 1"e)en dialect" of energy, each
triggered by the a//ro/riate chemical*%(D, mescaline, hashish, grass, stimulants,
booIe, narcotics).
'eary1" me""age i" that !e die, creati)ely "/ea$ing, !hen !e cling too fa"t to the
definite, and that beyond the fal"ification" of egocentric con"ciou"ne"" lie" the !orld of
a!arene"" !hich !e mu"t locate, /ry out and finally !eld to our being and in thi" !ay
achie)e affirmation of 8od, the !orld and the other /eo/le in it.
1,he yoga of drug" i" of cour"e a $ey method. ,he "exual yoga i" al"o $ey*acce""
112
to and control of "exual energy. ;othing can be renounced. All i" 8od. E)ery energy
i" di)ine. All mu"t be under"tood and controlled for spiritual purposes, including the
yoga of /o!er. All energy i" a)ailable to him !ho acce/t" the ba"ic energy formula+
all energy i" a)ailable to him !ho $no!" that it mu"t not be grabbed, held, /o""e""ed
or u"ed for any other /ur/o"e exce/t "/iritual.1 9&ri)ate corre"/ondence.:
It i" a beautiful me""age and one that could become a /ro/er matter of concern for a
generation rai"ed on =arx, -ulle", ,hieuing gum and Eoca#Eola. It i" thu" not !ithout
/recedent that 'eary, li$e ocrate" before him, "hould be con)icted by hi" /eer" of
corru/ting a nation1" youth, for hi"tory, li$e the big !heel in a co"mic funfair, "/in" "lo!ly
to!ard" the final re)olution... and man$ind ha" not /rogre""ed e)en one iota. And, mo"t
tragic of all, the /roto/la"m "eem" ha//y.
eeing ho! many of the original Har)ard &"ychedelic &ro3ect !ere !or$ing for the
Eor/oration, it !a" not too difficult to /er"uade the uni)er"ity to ha)e me bac$, thi" time,
ho!e)er, not a" a four#hour"#a#!ee$ in"tructor to third#year graduate "tudent" in
/"ychology but a" a trainee librarian at the Har)ard Hni)er"ity 'ibrary. ,he /lan !a" that I
"hould !or$ a" an a""i"tant curator of candina)ian A6ui"ition", attend a t!o#year
cour"e in 'ibrary cience at (o"ton1" ammer1" college, and then "tay on a" a full
librarian, !ith faculty /ri)ilege"+ and /erha/" teach one cour"e after thi" /robationary
/eriod. ,he authoritie" !ere ner)ou", /erha/" under"tandably, but in their o!n !ay
"ho!ed a remar$ably liberal, o/en#minded attitude about ha)ing me bac$.
,he fir"t fe! !ee$" !ere "/ent learning ho! boo$" !ere indexed and catalogued and
ho! to find my !ay around the 1"tac$"1 underneath the main library building, !hich i" an
art in it"elf, for the Har)ard 'ibrary 9"econd only to the 'ibrary of Eongre"" in
?a"hington: had been a""embled through the year" !ith "tolid incom/etence, and I dare
"ay that no one i" entirely "ure !here all the boo$" are. Eertainly in my "ection, the
candina)ian language collection" !ere catalogued in "uch a manner that it could
"ometime" ta$e a !hole day to locate a /articular boo$, e)en for an ex/erienced
librarian. ,he rea"on gi)en for thi" odd "tate of affair" !a" that until 6uite recently the
Eurator" !ere u"ually eccentric" and not infre6uently 6uite /o""e""i)e about 1their1
boo$", often de)i"ing an elaborate /er"onal coding "y"tem to "to/ "tudent" borro!ing
them+ that i", unle"" you a"$ed the Eurator him"elf to locate the /articular boo$ for you.
(ut time" and /eo/le change. A ne! breed !a" ta$ing o)er, a" it !ere+ "oon only
professionallibrarian" !ould be in charge. ;o more muddling through. Efficiency !a" no!
the touch"tone by !hich a librarian !a" to be 3udged. ,he library did not offer a com/lete
life, a" enclo"ed and dedicated a" a mona"tery, but a career, li$e any other. Eertainly, it
helpedif you had a ta"te for boo$" or reading, but the main thing !a" $no!ing ho! to
catalogue the "tuff. It !a" e)en en)i"aged that, in time, the entire library !ould be
com/uteri"ed, though /lan" for thi" inno)ation had met !ith little re"/on"e from the
higher 1in)i"ible1 echelon" !ho contem/lated "uch "ugge"tion" in the cloi"tered calm of
their /ri)ate room". I !a" told about one Eurator, in charge of (urme"e Ac6ui"ition", I
thin$, !ho had been dead in hi" /ri)ate room for nearly t!o month", and !a" only
di"co)ered !hen a "tudent, due to "ome error in hi" !al$, had accidentally o/ened the
door and "a! thi" decom/o"ing figure huddled in a huge leather armchair. ,he "tory
goe" that the "tudent, far from being "ur/ri"ed at the condition of the old man, actually
a"$ed him for direction" to the &oetry Coom.
,he !or$ !a" intere"ting enough, ho!e)er, and I "u//o"e I could ha)e "tuc$ it out
through the t!o#year training /eriod, but "omething ha//ened to change my direction.
8unther and "ome other friend" had obtained "/ace in a huge loft#li$e building in ;utting
Coad near Har)ard 6uare. It !a" called the 1Eambridge Ceadea"y1*a "ort of free
uni)er"ity#cum#!or$"ho/ in 1Eommunication, Ereati)ity and A!arene""1. And they in)ited
me to run a /oetry !or$"ho/ in)ol)ing /oet" and "tudent" in the greater (o"ton area.
,hi" !a" fine a" far a" I !a" concerned for it ga)e a focu" to my life and an excu"e to
meet and hear "ome of the younger /oet", !ho I encouraged to dro/ around and ta$e
/art in the ex/eriment.
113
,he Ceadea"y "oon became 6uite /o/ular !ith the local Hnderground, !ho $e/t u" all
!ell#"u//lied !ith gra"" and the occa"ional /i/e of o/ium. (ut thi" !a" not the rea"on
!hy I left Eambridge 9in fact, it !a" /robably the high 6uality of the gra"" that !a"
$ee/ing me there:, but the arri)al of 'eary for a lecture "erie" in (o"ton, !hen !e met
and he in)ited me to 3oin him in (er$eley. I !a" a bit he"itant at fir"t, /erha/" becau"e I
felt more at home on the Ea"t Eoa"t, but my curio"ity got the better of me, and a fe!
!ee$" later I re"igned from the library and !a" 3etting acro"" America to an >ranci"co,
!here ,im /ic$ed me u/ at the air/ort+ and the "tart of a ne! ad)enture.
Ealifornia*land of the (ra)e or land of the >rea$"D ,im had no doubt" in hi" mind7
1Ealifornia i" at lea"t one year ahead of the Ea"t Eoa"t in A6uarian life#"tyle",
"o/hi"tication, and enter/ri"e. Here i" !here it i" all ha//ening.1 I "aid the !eather !a"
nice. 1<eah+ !arm, "unny and "oft, 3u"t li$e a beautiful !oman.1
oon !e !ere in the city and ,im "aid he1d gi)e me a tour, "tarting on >i"herman1" ?harf
and home of "ome of the be"t "eafood re"taurant" in America. >rom there !e dro)e
along Ehinato!n1" &acific A)enue and 8rant A)enue, !here the "ole bu"ine"" "eemed to
be food. Ehine"e )ariety "ho/" ran li$e a "tri/ of tin"el through the heart of the city. >rom
there !e dro)e u/ to ;ob Hill, home of the rich and the elegant, !here tradition i" "lo! to
change and the re"ident" carefully /re"er)e an air of bygone day" !hile "/aring no
modern con)enience. ,hen bac$ to =ar$et treet !here !e dro//ed by a cou/le of bar"
before going on to the Haight and a Aa/ane"e re"taurant for lunch.
,hen in the afternoon !e )i"ited Eldridge Elea)er of the (lac$ &anther", a )ery
im/re""i)e /er"onality !ho !a" in the middle of hi" cam/aign to become the fir"t
coloured /re"ident of the Hnited tate". (a"ically, the line he /re"ented !a" "omething
li$e thi"7 1?hen you )ote for me you are )oting for thi" finger1. He !ould then hold u/ the
index finger of hi" right hand. 1,hi" finger. (ecau"e thi" finger i" the finger that /re""e"
the button. And, man thi" finger ain1t never going to /u"h any button. -o you tru"t ;ixon1"
finger any!here near that red buttonD I don1t. o !hen you )ote, remember, you1re )oting
for the finger that !on1t /u"h the button1, etc., etc. He1d been out cam/aigning mo"t of the
morning and "eemed a bit tired !hen !e met him, but he !elcomed ,im !armly, li$e an
old friend, 3o$ing and fooling, and e)ery no! and again telling ,im that the (lac$ &anther
&arty !a" really getting it together. A )ery remar$able man, I thought.
And on to =enlo &ar$ 3u"t "outh of the city to meet Nen Ne"ey, !ho I remembered from
the early Har)ard day", !hen he !a" then $no!n a" the author of *ne lew the
Cuckoo)s +est, a brilliant no)el about the going"#on in"ide a mental ho"/ital. ;o! he !a"
into hi" /olitical bag, and had ho/e" of uniting the )ariou" hi//ie faction" in the (ay Area
into a coordinated /arty, "omething "imilar to the &anther organi"ation, but loo"er,
!ithout too many rule". ,im "aid that he !a" con"idering running again"t Ceagan a"
8o)ernor of Ealifornia7 1I1d "tri/ the co/" of their gun", double their "alarie" and
encourage them to "mo$e do/e. I1d al"o introduce a Mmari3uana taxM*li$e the annual
automobile tax, only much higher, "ay, one thou"and buc$" a year. And then I1d di"tribute
the re)enue among"t the Ealifornian middle#cla"". In that !ay, e)eryone !ould be
ha//y.1 ,here !ere immediate and )oluble ob3ection" from Nen and the other" in the
a/artment, 1=an, one thou"and buc$" to "mo$e !eedD <ou1d ne)er get any of the head"
to )ote for that. >ifty buc$", maybe. (ut one thou"and... man, do you $no! ho! much
!eed you could buy for thatD Enough to $ee/ you "toned for month". (etter thin$ again
MHncle ,imM if you !ant to get my )ote.1
An hour or "o che!ing the bree%e, and bac$ to an >ranci"co again, to a "mall building
acro"" from the &anhandle &ar$ !here 1,he =e""iah1 li)ed !ith hi" commune of
follo!er", and the head6uarter" of 1,he =e""iah1" ?orld -o/e Eru"ade1. ,here !a" no
re/ly !hen !e $noc$ed on the door, but it !a"n1t loc$ed "o !e !al$ed in. ,he hou"e !a"
"ilent. ,im then o/ened one of the door" leading into a huge li)ing#room !here a grou/ of
/erha/" "ix beautiful girl" !ere "eated in a circle on the floor holding hand". ,hey all
"eemed to be crying. ;o one loo$ed u/ a" !e entered, and ,im immediately /ut on a
"eriou" ex/re""ion and 6uietly 3oined thi" tearful circle.
After a fe! minute" had /a""ed, ,im a"$ed after ,he =e""iah.
1He !a" bu"ted thi" morning. ,he fu%% came round and bu"ted him for ten $ey"
114
9$ilogram": of gra"". =an, li$e !e needed to rai"e bread on that for our ne! macro
ba$ery.1
1?here i" ,he =e""iah no!D1 ,im gently a"$ed.
1-o!n at the &recinct, I gue"". ,hey "aid they1d been !atching him for !ee$" and that
thi" time he1d go do!n for a long time.1
1?hy didn1t he /ay them offD1
1 1Eo" !e1d "/ent all our bread on thi" ne! con"ignment and only had a cou/le of
hundred buc$" or "o in the hou"e.1
1I" there anything I can doD1
1Au"t /ray. ,hat1" !hat !e1re doing.1
2n the !ay to (er$eley mention of the raid !a" made on the >= ne!". It "eemed that
,he =e""iah had told the de"$ "ergeant that unle"" he !a" relea"ed that afternoon he1d
ha)e to ta$e 1dra"tic action1. He !a" re/orted a" "aying that he1d u"e hi" tele/athic
/o!er" to cau"e a t!o#hour traffic 3am on the (ay (ridge during the e)ening traffic ru"h.
He !a" relea"ed on a nominal bail, a fe! hour" later.
oon !e !ere in (er$eley and ,im1" hou"e in Jueen1" Coad, high in the hill" o)erloo$ing
the cam/u" and the (ay. ?e made it 3u"t before the curfe!*the >ree /eech =o)ement
!a" rioting again"t the Bietnam !ar. ,here had been cam/u" re)olt" e)ery day for a
!ee$, and the /olice had introduced a curfe! after nightfall.
,im u"ed to refer to hi" hou"e a" 1,he Emba""y1. ,here !a" a con"tant "tream of )i"itor"
of all "ha/e", "hade" and "i%e", each one in)ol)ed at "ome le)el !ith the re)olutionary
Hnderground. And they !ould ma$e their re/ort" to ,im !ho1d then comment or ma$e
"ugge"tion" or gi)e them "ome '-. I !a" thu" able to get a /icture )ery 6uic$ly of !hat
!a" ha//ening in Ealifornia, mainly tal$ actually, though "ometime" you1d meet a )eteran
of "ome cam/u" riot or other. I thin$ the only really "en"ible and coherent /er"on in the
area !a" Aerry 8arcia of 1,he 8rateful -ead1. 1Acid,1 he u"ed to "ay, 1ha" changed
con"ciou"ne"" entirely. ,he H ha" changed in the la"t fe! year" and it1" becau"e that
!hole fir"t /"ychedelic thing meant Mhere1" thi" ne! con"ciou"ne"", thi" ne! freedom,
and it1" here in your"elfM.1 He !a" later to de)elo/ hi" the"i" in a $elody $aker
inter)ie!...
1I thin$ !e1re beginning to de)elo/ ne! ca/acitie" 3u"t in order to be able to "a)e the
!orld from our tri/"*you $no!, /ollution, etc.*if for nothing el"e. Au"t for "ur)i)al.
,he biological ne!" i" that in 100 year" from no! life on earth i" fini"hed, "o !hat
ha" to ha//en i" thi" organi"m ha" to ada/t real 6uic$ and de)elo/ ne! ca/acitie" to
"tem thi" flo!, to maybe head it off "omeho!. In thi" "cheme of thing", /olitic" and all
tho"e thing" belong to the /a"t. ,hey1re meaningle"", going do!n the drain.1
After a cou/le of month" in (er$eley, !e mo)ed to outhern Ealifornia, to a ranch in
Idyll!ild near the an (ernardino >ore"t and the head6uarter" of the (rotherhood of
Eternal 'o)e, a former 'o" Angele" motor#cycle gang !ho had ta$en acid and dro//ed
out of crime and into do/e#dealing. And ,im it !a" !ho had become their
leaderGguruGteacher. ,he ranch !a" "ited a cou/le of mile" along a dirt road off the
&alm"#to#&ine" High!ay+ the hill" at the bac$ o)erloo$ed &alm /ring" and the de"ert. It
!a" a beautiful /lace, and there !ere "ome thirty of u" li)ing there. ,im li)ed in a "mall
bungalo! !ith hi" !ife, Co"emary, !hile I had a room in a "maller building ad3acent. ,he
(rother" either li)ed in the ranch hou"e or in "mall outbuilding".
,he ranch hadn1t been li)ed in for o)er a year, "o there !a" a lot of !or$ to be done. >or
my /art, I built a "auna hut, utili"ing a cou/le of old "to)e" for the /ur/o"e and in"ulating
the !all" !ith "and. ,here !a" room in"ide for /erha/" half a do%en /eo/le, and !e1d
often retire there in the e)ening" !ith a cou/le of cherry /i/e" filled !ith ha"hi"h, and
"!eat and "mo$e until !e1d either /a"" out or frea$ out in the heat. I al"o !or$ed the
huge cater/illar bulldo%er in an attem/t to "mooth out "ome of the bum/" in the earth
road leading to the ranch, but it $e/t brea$ing do!n or, /erha/" due to my inex/erience
!ith hea)y#duty machinery, it !ould "ometime" "!i)el off the road and into the ditch and
it could ta$e all of u" a !hole day to get it bac$ on the road again.
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,he "ummer /a""ed gloriou"ly, and a/art from the occa"ional /olice helico/ter ho)ering
o)erhead, !e !ere not troubled much by contact !ith the out"ide !orld. ,here !a" al"o a
lot of good acid a)ailable, and !e !ould celebrate each >ull =oon in the mountain",
!hen the "e""ion" !ould be run along the line" of the Indian &eyote ceremonie"*that i",
!e1d all be "eated in a circle around a bla%ing fire chanting or "ha$ing an Indian rattle to
!ard off e)il "/irit". ,here !ould al"o be drum" and guitar", and "ometime" one of the
(rother" !ould dance around the fire "houting incoherently a" though touched !ith the
1gift of tongue"1, though you1d hardly call u" &enteco"tal. ?e al"o tried to communicate
!ith flying#"aucer" of !hich many had been re/orted in the "$ie" abo)e the ranch.
Ho!e)er, by the >all, I !a" again re"tle"", thi" time for a more "olitary refuge,
"ome!here !here I could "im/ly be, and /referably alone. I had met too many /eo/le in
Ealifornia, heard too many thing", maybe e)en ta$en too much acid. ;o! I !anted out.
And it !a" thu" to ,onga in the outh &acific that I !ent...
;ine hour" after lea)ing an >ranci"co, I caught my fir"t glim/"e of the tro/ical i"land" of
the outh &acific a" !e fle! lo! o)er >i3i. ,he richne"" of the land"ca/e belo! !a"
o)er!helming e)ery!here. &erfect beauty abounded, in !hich meaning and ex/re""ion
are one. ,hi" /eaceful i"land of lu"h 3ungle !hich blo""om" li$e flo!er" !a" "urrounded
by dar$ green hill" and encircled by a rich blue "ea, a" "till and a" /eaceful a" a la$e.
And then ,onga@ ,hi" 2ther Eden of /alm tree" "hooting u/!ard" to the "$y, rich,
luxuriant, yello! beache" and an ex6ui"itely blue "ea la//ing again"t the "hore". ?hen I
"te//ed off the /lane I !a" "o thrilled that I immediately "et off on a long !al$, and !hen
I returned, feeling !eary, I thought, a" I reclined in a comfortable !ic$er chair on the
"haded balcony of my tiny hotel7 thou art in /aradi"e. Here "hould I be+ and be free from
my"elf.... And a" I loo$ed out acro"" the garden o)er the tree to/", I "a! horde" of
mon$ey" !ho /ur"ued, in a "ilent tight#ro/e dance, their fodder for the e)ening meal.
Ho! delightful it i" to be in a !orld !hich !a" finally created on the fifth day@ Here nothing
ha" changed, here e)erything i" "im/le and true. I !a" beginning to under"tand !hy
mo"t truly great mind" /refer 1nature to human "ociety1. ,he latter limit", the former
liberate".
Ho! harmoniou" the land"ca/e in the light of the "un"et. ,he "ea reflect" the la"t light of
the "$y. ,he "creeching of the gull" high abo)e the !ater and the "hrill chir/ing of the
cicada" fill" my mind a" no mu"ic e)er could. In the narro! road o//o"ite an old
fi"herman carrie" hi" net"+ I can hear him "inging to him"elf, "oftly, to the rhythm of the
brea$ing !a)e". He i" faithful to him"elf and to the "/irit of nature+ I could belie)e that
thi" "olitary !ayfarer under"tand" the doctrine of nir)ana in the !ay in !hich an
enlightened "aint !i"he" to ha)e it under"tood. Here there i" no "tri)ing, for e)erything
ha//en" of it" o!n accord. 2ne1" )olition !ane" irre"i"tibly. I feel in thi" hothou"e air it i"
futile to !or$, to !i"h, to "tri)e+ it i" not I !ho thin$, but nature thin$" in me, it i" not I !ho
!i"h, but "omething !i"he" in me. >or thi" nati)e fi"herman, (uddha1" doctrine of
cognition i" a matter of cour"e, the re"ult not of "elf#determination but of hi" o!n /"ychic
/roce"" de)elo/ing at one !ith nature+ it" truth i" "omething !hich the mo"t cultured
?e"terner only )ery exce/tionally /ercei)e". Here thought "eem" "omeho! "u/erfluou"+
here nothingne"" i" the bac$ground of "emblance+ the intellect turn" a!ay, a" it !ere,
from it" /o""ible content+ it become" more and more em/ty, till at la"t no thought
remain". ,he mind i" a" bland and a" blan$ a" a ban$ of "no!. uch "im/licity of mind
"ignifie" a form of exi"tence !hich /roceed" !ithout effort. And e)erything ha//en"
naturally, !ithout con"ciou" effort and !ithout the direction of the !ill+ indeed, in the
tro/ic" the !ill i" "o "mall that the !i"h fail" to become father to the thought. 'ife i" thu"
e""entially a mindle"" in)ol)ement !ith nature, !ith mediocrity a" the /ure"t form of
normality. Here it i" /o""ible to achie)e e)erything by doing nothing.
,onga it"elf i" a collection of /erha/" 1.0 "mall i"land", mo"tly uninhabited. It i" (le""ed,
for it !a" dedicated to Hea)en at &ouono by Ning 8eorge ,u/oul, and there i" a "trong
"en"e of the religiou" among"t it" /eo/le", their faith i" firmly rooted in the !or"hi/ of
Ehri"t.
I "/ent the fir"t !ee$ in ;u$alofa, the ca/ital, re"embling in a//earance a "ort of "hanty
116
to!n you normally a""ociate !ith the ghetto di"trict" of 8eorgia or Alabama*lot" of
corrugated iron and "hed#li$e d!elling", "emi#derelict "tore front" and fla$ed !ood!or$,
but "till charming for all that. (ut I longed for i"olation, for I !a" im/atient of human$ind
and !anted to li)e in the 3ungle !here the only "ound" !ould be natural one".
After con"ulting a ma/ I decided u/on Ba)a1u, a tiny "/ec$ of an i"land "ome 1.0 mile"
di"tant from the main i"land, and a t!o#day "ail by "teamer. I tele/honed the 8o)ernor to
a"$ hi" /ermi""ion to "tay on the i"land, ex/laining that I !a" a !riter and needed the
/eace and 6uiet in order to !rite a boo$. He !a" mo"t graciou" and ho"/itable, and e)en
offered to "end hi" 'and Co)er to /ic$ me u/ at the /ier. &erfect. ;o! I could un!ind+
find there my final d!elling /lace, and forget all the de"/air" of con"e6uence !hich had
/lagued my life in the ?e"t. omeho!, incredibly, I had e"ca/ed from the concrete
3ungle" of 'ondon and ;e! <or$ and an >ranci"co, and in a tolerably good "tate. ;o! I
could begin the "lo! !or$ of "al)age, become !hole again, maybe e)en find that /eace
of head or heart I had "ought through all the"e year" of largely accidental acti)ity. I had
found an excu"e for li)ing. And I intended to /lan my o!n death )ery, )ery, carefully,
!hich alone can gi)e the meaning to one1" life.
Ba)a1u !a" all that I had antici/ated+ indeed more, "ince it manife"ted it"elf in the form of
the mo"t delicately "en"uou" natural beauty, e"/ecially in the morning, !hen the "ea
flo!" in golden !a)e" to!ard" the ri"ing "un+ the !hole i"land "eemed to be di)inely
tran"fu"ed7 one feel" inclined, li$e the /ilgrim" on the 8ange", to "in$ do!n e)ery
morning before the beauty of the /lace in fer)ent gratitude.
<ou can imagine my "ur/ri"e, therefore, !hen, on my "econd morning*I had rented a
bamboo and thatched hut a cou/le of mile" from the tiny /ort on the edge of the bu"h*I
!a" a!a$ened by the "ound of /o/ mu"ic. ;othing could ha)e been more incongruou"
or unex/ected, and I feared at fir"t it !a" an auditory hallucination. (ut the noi"e
/er"i"ted, and, 6uic$ly dre""ing, I follo!ed the "ound into the bu"h until I came to a "mall
hut. I $noc$ed on the door. ;o an"!er. o I $noc$ed again. ,hi" time a )oice, an
American, an"!ered*1?ho i" itD1 1>riend,1 I "aid. 1Enter, friend.1
I /u"hed o/en the door and in"ide !ere three young men dre""ed in 3ean" and "!eat
"hirt". ,he air !a" redolent of mari3uana, and e)eryone a//eared to be /retty "toned. I
"aid I1d heard the mu"ic and, curiou", had follo!ed the "ound. -id they mind if I "at do!n
and 3oined themD 1;o/e.1
It turned out that they !ere member" of the &eace Eor/", of !hich there !ere about 120
"cattered about the i"land", "e)en of !hom !ere on Ba)a1u. ,he ,ongale"e called them
1)oluntary !or$er"1. ome taught Engli"h in the "chool", "ome !or$ed a" medical
a""i"tant" for the =edical -e/artment, and "ome !ere !or$ing a" farmer". ,he"e three
"eemed a nice bunch of guy". And the ice !a" 6uic$ly bro$en !hen I told them I !a"
!riting a boo$ about /"ychedelic". 1-id you bring any acid !ith youD1 one of them a"$ed.
1I did a" a matter of fact*about 100 tri/" of M"un"hineM, !hich i" about a" /ure a" you
can get. Ha)e any of you ta$en acidD1 ;one of them had, but each "aid he1d li$e to try
"ome. 1Ho! about "ome gra""D -o you ha)e anyD1 I a"$ed. 1ure,1 one of them "aid
/a""ing me the /la"tic bag filled !ith mari3uana. 1Coll your"elf a 3oint. It1" great !eed. ?e
gro! it locally. It1" dynamite. 1
,he effect !a" excellent, and "oon I !a" a" "toned a" they !ere. Aeffer"on Air/lane !ere
/laying on the ony ca""ette, loud and energetic, /laying tight and clean, blo!ing our
mind". <ou didn1t ha)e to li"ten to it !ith great concentration. <ou can 3u"t "orta drift !ith
it. ,hen follo!ed "ome 8rateful -ead*Anthem *f the (un and Ao9omo9oa/ )ery "oulful
and communicati)e, a liturgy of the hi/. ,he mu"ic !a" creating good )ibe" all around,
!ith e)erything becoming one mu"ic+ or rather, e)erything in"ide becoming all mu"ic,
!hich i" !hat true /o/ mu"ic i" all about, the obliteration of thought for "en"ation.
2ne of the &eace Eor/" guy" !a" really u/tight about a recent debate in the &arliament.
A//arently, a member of the ,ongan &arliament had com/lained that they !ere "tarting
their o!n /ri)ate bu"ine""e" by gro!ing "mall garden", "elling the /roduce, and feeding
chic$en" "o a" to "ell the egg". He "aid they !ere trying to change ,ongan cu"tom".
1Here, let me read you "ome of !hat thi" cat "aid*M2ur !omen !ho u"ed to !ear a
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dre"", the traditional tupenuand ta)ovala are no! clothing them"el)e" in one yard of
cloth. E)en the huge !omen u"e u/ only one yard, ma$ing it "o tight that their "har/#
"hinned leg" "ho! and it ma$e" them loo$ thic$ on the right "ide and thin on the left.M
Era%y@ ;o! dig thi", M?hen they are !al$ing in the "treet", you can1t tell if they are
coming or going@ ,hi" ha" come from the exam/le" "et by the )oluntary !or$er". All
the "/iritual feeling" I ex/erience !hen I am in the church )ani"h !hen the"e
)oluntary !or$er" enter the church building !ith the clothe" they !ear. Bery often I
feel li$e getting u/ and thro!ing them out. ,herefore I a"$ the &remier that if a co/ra
boat "hould come, let u" /ac$ them all in it and "end them bac$ to America. oon
they !ill be !earing only under!ear to church.M (ut he got no "team from the
&remier, !ho al"o ha//en" to be the $ing1" brother, &rince ,u1i/eleha$e. He really
too$ the !ind out of the "ail", telling thi" u/tight cat, ,u1a$oi1 that in"tead of being
critical he "hould be grateful.... M8od made their )i"it /o""ible. It i" often a my"tery
that, !ithout $no!ing or being ac6uainted !ith anyone, they are !illing to "acrifice t o
gi)e "uch hel/. ,he "acrifice and u"efulne"" ha)e been /ro)ed today not only to the
8o)ernment, but al"o to the /eo/le, the country and the church. 'o)e i" re/aid !ith
lo)e, and the under"tanding and the !illingne"" to hel/ i" the mo"t im/ortant of all.
?e "hould con"ider "uch gratitude and "acrifice. I belie)e that if they ha)e "acrificed
for ,onga, not one of u" here in thi" hou"e could do more for ,onga. ?e "hould be
grateful and !e ha)e gi)en an oath to be rightful and lo)ing in our !or$ for Hi"
=a3e"ty Ning ,u/ou IB and the countryM.1
After a fe! day" I had got to $no! the "e)en local &eace Eor/" 6uite !ell. ?e1d "/end a
lot of time ra//ing. And there !a" /lenty of gra"" from their garden". ?e al"o di"cu""ed
ha)ing a 1"un"hine1 "e""ion together, on one of the "mall uninhabited i"land" clo"e by.
?e "ettled on one !ee$end, and ta$ing "u//lie" of food and !ater for t!o day", !e too$
the motor#boat to a "mall i"land of /alm tree" and golden beache" about three mile" from
/ort. I had /re)iou"ly ex/lained at "ome length !hat "ort of reaction to ex/ect and ho! to
o)ercome any /aranoia by fixing the mind on a natural ob3ect li$e a "tone or a coconut, or
by chanting the 1Ba3ra 8uru =antra1*2= AH HH= BAACA 8HCH &A-=A I--HI HH=
*!hich re/re"ent" the )ital e""ence of the 54,000 "ection" of the -harma, 1and in thi"
!ay attain the siddhis of the !rathful deitie"1.
,he "e""ion began "hortly after !e landed. It !a" a morning of bright golden "unlight and
a clear blue "$y and "ea, no "ound from any!here+ a /erfect "etting. oon the 1"un"hine1
began to ta$e effect, and again I !a" tran"/orted into the heart of my intra#atomic "elf,
that /lace of reconciliation and bli"" in !hich all life li)e" in the unity of the 2ne. (ut I !a"
unable to "tay there for long+ one of the grou/ had begun to declare him"elf a" Ae"u"
Ehri"t and in"i"ted that !e !ere hi" di"ci/le". And the force of hi" con)iction, cou/led
!ith an increa"ed ra/idity and )olume of hi" "/eech, began to ta$e o)er our head" "o
that "oon !e !ere lo"t in a ma%e of contradictory thought" and feeling", ex/re""ed
)ariou"ly in anger, laughter, di"may and fear. In )ain I tried to get him to $ee/ 6uiet, but
he continued to ex/atiate on the e)il he "a! in life and in"i"ted that !e follo! him on a
cru"ade to "a)e the !orld. Bery "oon the harmony of the "e""ion !a" lo"t, and /eo/le
either !andered off by them"el)e" or "at a" if tran"fixed by thi" Ehri"t figure, "ubmerged
under the non#"to/ re/etitiou" flo! of !ord". A" there !a" nothing no! I could do to
"ilence him, I too ambled off along the beach, 3u"t ho/eful that our ne! Ehri"t !ould tal$
him"elf into "ilence by the time I got bac$. 2= AH HH= BAACA 8HCH &A-=A I--HI
HH= I intoned a" I "lo!ly !al$ed along the "horeline "to//ing e)ery no! and again to
/ic$ u/ a "hell or ob"er)e the miracle of the "and turtle or the )igorou" motion of tiny
crab"....
?hen I got bac$ "e)eral hour" later, e)eryone !a" there and "eated around a "mall fire.
Ae"u" !a" curiou"ly ob"er)ing each face one after the other, a" if "ee$ing an an"!er to
"ome /ri)ate 6ue"tion, a "ort of )acant loo$ on hi" face, an ex/re""ion of di"belief+ but he
!a" mercifully "ilent.
?e "le/t on the beach that night, ga%ing at the million "/ar$ling "tar", thin$ing,
118
!ondering, "ee$ing an"!er" to man1" age#old 6ue"tion 1?hat i" the "ecret of thi"
uni)er"e in !hich !e li)eD1 until, exhau"ted, !e finally fell a"lee/.
?e returned to Ba)a1u the next day. ,he boy Ae"u" "eemed a little embarra""ed by !hat
he had "aid and done, but "oon !e had him laughing at hi" o!n "tu/idity. He later told
me he had been a di)inity "chool "tudent for t!o year" before "!itching to "ocial "cience,
but after thi" 1tri/1 he !ondered that /erha/" he ought to ha)e "tayed on and become a
mini"ter. I told him that he could be anything he !anted, thi" time around. (e"ide", he
!a" /robably "er)ing 8od better by hel/ing teach ,ongan" ho! to run their "ocial
"er)ice" than /reaching hi" !ord each unday in church. I ga)e him my co/y of the ;e!
Aeru"alem (ible.
(ut it !a" all too good to la"t. Already there !a" go""i/ on the main i"land about the
&eace Eor/" gro!ing /ot on Ba)a1u, and no! rumour had it that they !ere ta$ing '-.
,hi" !a" confirmed !hen I recei)ed a note from the (riti"h Eon"ul "aying that "ome
6ue"tion" !ere being a"$ed about me and the /ur/o"e of my "tay in ,onga. He !a" al"o
in /o""e""ion of a file from the >oreign 2ffice, and the local EIA had filled in a fe! more
detail". ?ould I care to )i"it him to di"cu"" the matterD It !a" exactly one month "ince I
fir"t arri)ed in ,onga !hen the =ini"ter of &olice and about a do%en detecti)e" arri)ed on
Ba)a1u and "tarted "earching for the mari3uana bed". ,he &eace Eor/" !ere clearly
im/licated, and a cable !a" "ent to ?a"hington to thi" effect. (y return came a cable
from the &eace Eor/" -irector a"$ing that they return to ?a"hington immediately, !hen
there !ould be a hearing before the committee. A" for my"elf, I decided to lea)e before I
!a" $ic$ed out, and "oon I !a" on the 3et, thi" time for ;e! <or$, !here at lea"t it !a"
"till /o""ible to "mo$e /ot !ithout getting /aranoid, a" no! e)en office girl" !ere
"mo$ing the "tuff, !hich meant nearly e)eryone in the city !a".
And the fello!" from the &eace Eor/"D It "eemed that they had not returned to
?a"hington a" in"tructed but had decided to li)e in >i3i in"tead, turning on the local
&eace Eor/", a" !ell a" their former colleague" on holiday from ,onga. Again and again I
am "ur/ri"ed at the effect that '- ha" on /eo/le1" li)e", ho! it "eem" to change their
direction" or goal", ma$ing it "omeho! im/o""ible for them to exi"t in the formal,
"tructured !orld "o fa)oured by the E"tabli"hment. In thi" ca"e !hat a fe! microgram" of
'- had done !a" to tran"form a bunch of ordinary, middle#cla"" American" !ith clear#
cut ex/ectation" and achie)ement#moti)ation" into mi""ionarie" of a ne! order, for they
!ere no! /o""e""ed of a "elf, or of a "elf#con"ciou" "imilar to that of the my"tic", rishis,
and "aint". Ho! !a" "uch a change accom/li"hedD 2nly by the reali"ation of the 8od
!ithin, and by the !illingne"" to acce/t the )alidity of thi" )i"ion, and moreo)er by the
ability to re#create thi" in"ight a" immediately in term" of a li)ing manife"tation7 they ha)e
made of them"el)e" !hate)er art it i" in the life of each one of them, unconcerned !ith
the tra//ing" of outer form" or a//earance"7 they li)e according to an inner rhythm, not
that of the metronome but of mu"ic. ,hey had recogni"ed the Atman !ithin them"el)e",
and no! !anted to reali"e him in the !orld+ they !anted to a""i"t (rahma, !ho"e /artial
ex/re""ion they belie)ed them"el)e" to be.
&-' The Ca)ital o* :ingdo. Co.e
&+,+
,he anti#dilu)ian -E#9 "!am through a "ea of mil$ all the !ay from -elhi. It !a" only 3u"t
before landing that the cloud" cleared for an in"tant and I "a! the magical city of Nathmandu
cradled by the "no!y range" of the Himalaya*a non#euclidian land"ca/e of terraced /addy
field" "urrounding a dream form of /agoda#li$e tem/le" and golden /alace", ri"ing into )ie!
and "/inning from the hori%on a" the /lane circled to land.
I !a" thirty#eight, on my fir"t )i"it to A"ia !ith ;e! <or$ left !ell behind, carrying a ty/e!riter,
"ome hand#baggage, a fe! hundred tri/" of Ealifornian 1"un"hine1 acid !hich a friendly
/"ychiatri"t laid on me, and about 41000 left from a colour )ideo mo)ie I made about tri//ing
to the moon. It !a" Auly 1I, 19I9, and my /ilgrimage !a" de"tined to begin at the /reci"e
moment of the A/ollo 11 bla"t#off for man1" fir"t landing on the moon.
At a more ordinary le)el, it !a", I gathered later, ab"olutely the !rong time to )i"it
119
Nathmandu, a" the mon"oon !a" imminent+ the air !a" "tifling !ith humidity and the bum/y
taxi ride from the air/ort made me "ic$+ and I longed for "ome air#cooled =anhattan bar
!here a cou/le of iced lager" could re)i)e a "orely tried "/irit. ?hate)er ex/ectation" of
romance I had nur"ed had been "hri)elled in the heat by the time I reached my hotel. I had
the in"ane urge at thi" /oint to dri)e "traight bac$ to the air/ort and continue to (ang$o$,
"ettle do!n to a routine Engli"h#teaching 3ob, get rid of my beard and long hair, become
"u/er#"traight, li$e my friend" Al Eohen and Cichard Al/ert, and maybe continue to Au"tralia
R but a" the beauty of the )alley began to exerci"e it" "ubtle magic through the !indo!" of
my room, I 3u"t $ne! that thi" !a" indeed the one /lace in or out of thi" !orld !here I !anted
to be. I too$ a bath, changed into a ,ibetan "hirt and Indian dhoti*a "ort of bin cloth you
!ra/ around your"elf*"mo$ed a cou/le of chillum" of good Afghani do/e+ and nearly fainted
in dream of dream".
,he )ie! through my !indo! !a" brilliant !ith the afternoon "un. Ama%ement !a" the fir"t
element of my muted delight at the"e bright green /addyfield" bet!een my"elf and the
"no!ca//ed range" "till )i"ible through the "himmering heat+ and my"tery, of !hat lay
beyond them, un"een*the di"tant half#chartered range" of ,ibet, home of the fable#"ee$ing
imagination. ,he "/ell of the Himalaya" !a" u/on me. ,he beauty of my "urrounding" began
to /enetrate a hardened cara/ace, for the"e mountain" had begun to exerci"e a magic
thraldom all their o!n. And no! I !a" /art of it. In "ome !ay !hich I could not rationally
ex/lain, I 3u"t $ne! that I !a" ga%ing at the my"teriou" container of the hi"tory of the !orld,
the magical am/hitheatre in !hich i)a dance" !ith ;atara3a. I !a" a )i"itor in the ancient
land of god" and abode of rhishis, tapaswis, sadhakars, "aint" and /hilo"o/her" !ho come to
meditate in glacial de"ert" to ma$e their being" a" /ure a" the "no! !hich co)er" the to/" of
their "acred mountain" and their mind" a" clear and tran"/arent a" the !ater of the holy
la$e"... they offered their adherent" a !ay of life, a /ath to ha//ine""7
1In the body a" it i" in reality are contained all !orld", mountain", continent" and "ea", the
"un and the other con"tellation".. . 1 "ay" the 3retakalpa of "aruda03urana. I al"o had a
"en"e of !hat !a" meant in the /a""age from the Hindu e/ic 5amayana= 1He !ho but thin$"
of the Himalaya" doe" greater thing" than he !ho i" de"tined to tarry in (enare"1. And, by
im/lication, he !ho tarrie" in Eanterbury, Come, alt 'a$e Eity, (elfa"t, and Aeru"alem.
I reali"ed !ith an immediacy a$in if not identical !ith re)elation that I had tra)elled half!ay
acro"" the !orld to find in Nathmandu !hat I "ought in )ain throughout my !andering" in the
?e"t.
,here !ere certain immediate need", ho!e)er, li$e "coring "ome local ha"hi"h, for !hich
;e/al !a" rightly famed. And "ome more "uitable clothe".
It !a" "till early, and e)en if it !a" li$e a furnace out"ide, I decided to )enture forth into the
ma%e of du"ty "treet" and alley!ay", all "ome!hat remini"cent of the imaginary (aghdad of
4he Arabian +ights.
,he city i" not )ery large and !ithin a matter of minute" I found my"elf in the central "6uare. It
!a" li$e "omething out of the =iddle Age", !ith "treet )endor" "itting by their /ile" of cloth
and )egetable" and boxe" of chea/ ornamental bead", !ith enough acti)ity going on to $ee/
the eye fully occu/ied. A huge bull emerged "uddenly from the cro!d, "edate and
rea"onable, !andering !ith the "core" of "ho//er", e)en defecating !ithout "o much a" a
/au"e, unnoticed, exce/t, that i", by my"elf. ,he hou"e" !ere of red bric$, all built in a
"trange /agoda "tyle !hich eliminated "traight line", !ith latticed !indo!" and o)erhanging
balconie", many !ith hanging /otted /lant". ,here !ere tem/le" and delicate stupas, huge
"cul/tured "tatue", beautifully /ro/ortioned by "ome anonymou" race of ma"ter arti"t". ,he
face" of the"e deitie" "eem "elf#ab"orbed in contem/lation+ "har/ chee$" and "u//le chin" in
the ca"e of the male god", and "!eetly "miling li/", "en"iti)ely "lo/ing fle"hy chee$" !ith
elegant cur)e" in the ca"e of the female". ome of the face" had been almo"t !orn a!ay
through the /a""age of time, !hich ga)e them a "/ecial my"tery. <et each one*and there
!ere hundred"*!a" "trangely com/lete in it"elf and fo"tered the me""age of the di)ine. (ut
!hat !a" intere"ting !a" to "ee ho! they !ere "till ob3ect" of )eneration and !or"hi/ by the
/eo/le. ,here !a" one in /articular that caught my eye, a "cul/ture of the god Bi"hnu, the
di)ine ruler of the Hindu 4riad/ the face loo$ed "eriou", !ith 3u"t the right degree of rectitude
and /robity a" befitted hi" /o"ition. He had ear ornament" hanging abo)e hi" "houlder" and
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had all the traditional attribute" or ayudas*the cro!n, the nec$lace, the garland of flo!er"
and the hi/#belt", all ex6ui"itely "ha/ed+ the u//er garment, the "acred thread or ya'nopavita,
and the dhoti!ere em/ha"i"ed !ith obli6ue line" through the chi"el#mar$". In front !a" a
rounded /latform, a "tone, for rubbing and ma$ing chandana /a"te from "andal!ood.
It !a" a glim/"e of thi" 2ther ?orld, of "omething that I had "een and read about but had
ne)er had direct ex/erience of before. Here I could actually feel thi" "omething.
I "till had to "core "ome ha"h and get a ,ibetan "hirt or t!o and a dhoti. I al"o !anted to
di"card my "hoe". I remembered that "omeone had told me that Cana1" tea"ho/ !a" a good
/lace to "core "o along I !ent. It !a" u/ a tiny alley, du"tbin dirty and "melling of co! "hit
and urine. 2ut"ide "at a "mall boy, a beggar, and I ga)e him a handful of ru/ee" before I
!ent in"ide.
Cana1" !a" an extraordinary /lace. ,here !a" /o/ mu"ic on t!in "/ea$er", )ery loud, and a
fe! "tone#to//ed table" at !hich !ere gathered a grou/ of /erha/" fifteen young
?e"terner", "ilent, "mo$ing chillum", and obli)iou". ,hey !ere dre""ed in a gay medley of
Indian, ,ibetan and ;e/ale"e co"tume", bedec$ed !ith bead" and beard". 2ne of them
loo$ed u/, "miled, and handed me a chillum, !hich I "mo$ed. ,he effect !a" in"tantaneou"
*I almo"t /a""ed out, and had to "it do!n.
I don1t $no! ho! long I remained "eated at the table, /erha/" an hour, /erha/" t!o. ,he
ha"h !a" the "tronge"t I1d e)er had and com/letely immobili"ed me. Cana, the da//er young
;e/ale"e o!ner of the /lace, !ould come o)er e)ery no! and then and a"$ if there !a"
anything more I !anted. 1,eaD1 or 1&orridgeD1 I merely "hoo$ my head and continued 3u"t
"itting in my utter "tu/or.
>inally, I !a" able to "tand u/, and I indicated to Cana that I1d li$e to buy "ome of hi" ha"hi"h.
He brought out a "im/le handheld "et of "cale" and !eighed a tola*about one#third of an
ounce*!hich co"t me about four "hilling". ,hen I "/lit.
I !a" "till in "ome!hat of a da%e !hen I got bac$ to my hotel, and had to lie do!n again. It
!a" dar$ !hen I a!a$ened. I decided to undre"" and go to bed. It !a" only eight o1cloc$, but
there !a" really nothing I could or !anted to do. I !a" com/letely "toned.
I a!o$e at daybrea$. ,he bright yello! "un flooded through my !indo!" and I felt !onderful.
,oday !ould be a good day. And, a" thing" turned out, it !a".
I made a tele/hone call to the Coyal &alace to tal$ to ;arayan hre"ter, /ri)ate "ecretary to
the Ero!n &rince, !ho I had $no!n in Eambridge, =a""achu"ett", about one year ago. He
"eemed /lea"ed to hear that I !a" in Nathmandu, and "aid he1d dro/ by the hotel to "ee me.
;arayan dro//ed by for lunch. He "ho!ered me !ith "mile" and greeting" and lo)e. And !e
had a great reunion, recalling our /a"t meeting" at Har)ard and lot" of 6ue"tion" about !hy I
had come to Nathmandu. 1?hy NathmanduD urely there mu"t ha)e been "ome!here el"eD1
!a" a characteri"tic 6ue"tion, for I1m "ure hi" o!n dream fanta"ie" of /aradi"e citie" !ere
directed to!ard" &ari" or e)en an >ranci"co. I told him I1d come in order to "ort out 1my
/rioritie"1, to gain a ne! am/litude, to en3oy the ex/erience of li)ing in a foreign country,
thing" li$e that. I told him that e)en in the "hort "/ace of t!enty#four hour" I could not only
"ee but actually feelthat indigenou" and elu"i)e 6uality in ;e/ale"e life. It !a" that 6uality,
!hich hitherto I had only been told about but could ne)er really ex/erience, !hich indeed ha"
yet to be ex/re""ed out"ide the occa"ional rare /oem. He thought I "hould !rite a boo$ about
;e/al. ,hen !e laughed.
-uring the lunch I brought u/ the matter" of my )i"a. I had, I told him, about 41000, and lot"
of enthu"ia"m about "tarting a /oetry maga%ine in Nathmandu. I had e)en got the title*
low.I reminded him that one of the thing" !e had chatted about in America !a" the
/henomenon of hi//ie" and ho! I had ta$en him around the )ariou" college" and to /ri)ate
home" "o that he might better under"tand the ne! life#"tyle" no! emerging in America and in
Euro/e*many tied into oriental religion". ;arayan*!ho ha" a degree in Engli"h from 'eed"
Hni)er"ity had been tutor to the Ero!n &rince 9no! Ning (ihrendra of ;e/al:, and I had been
anxiou" for the Ero!n &rince to al"o a//reciate that, if the"e de)elo/ment" !ere to continue,
ne! /o""ibilitie" for religiou"#minded ?e"terner" !ould ha)e to be de)elo/ed in India and
;e/al, the t!o A"ian countrie" !hich had /erha/" mo"t to teach. Hi//ie" !ere not long#
haired layabout" in mo"t in"tance", but had cho"en to "/end "ome time in the Ea"t li)ing !ith
and through the ordinary /eo/le, or in Ashrams or mona"terie"+ they had come to learn, a"
121
"ee$er", not a" touri"t" !ith lot" of dollar" to "/end. And I !a" one of them.
He "aid that he1d di"cu"" the matter of my "tay !ith the Ero!n &rince, and that I !ould be
hearing from him the next day. He en)i"aged no difficulty. A" it turned out, I recei)ed a year1"
)i"a, extendable at any time "hould I !i"h to "tay on in ;e/al. It !a" "omething I had cau"e
to be )ery, )ery grateful for indeed, a" )i"a formalitie" can and u"ually do in)ol)e a certain
amount of ha""le !ith the authoritie", !ith "omething li$e "ix !ee$" con"idered to be about
the a)erage length of "tay /ermitted at that time.
;arayan had a little Bol$"!agen and offered to dro/ me "ome!here. I "aid I1d li$e to "ee one
of the mu"eum", "o he dro)e me a mile or t!o out"ide the city to the ;ational =u"eum near
!ayambhu;ath, one of the Holy (uddhi"t Eentre" of ;e/al. He him"elf had to get bac$ to
the &alace. He had gi)en u/ hi" 3ob a" Engli"h 'ecturer at ,ribhu)an Hni)er"ity and !a" no!
/ri)ate "ecretary to the Ero!n &rince*!hich meant he had to !or$ that much harder@
,he exterior of the mu"eum !a" in the traditional ;e/ale"e "tyle of architecture and
beautifully /re"er)ed. And a" I !al$ed around in"ide, ga%ing at the "cul/tured Hindu 8od",
the bron%e figure" of the 8odde"" Eurga, /rayer nec$lace" of 5udraksa bead", incen"e
burner" "ha/ed a" the tree of life, and /ainting", I !a" glim/"ing into a /a"t that !a" "till )ery
much a li)ing /re"ent, for here !a" a highly de)elo/ed, "o/hi"ticated art tradition that had
reached /erfection !hen ;e/al had been the flo!er of a great A"ian ci)ili"ation. I loo$ed at
the "tatue of Bi"hnu, thi" one dating from the fifteenth or "ixteenth century*it !a" )ery
ma""i)e and ma3e"tic, "tanding com/letely erect on a bold#relief lotu"#flo!er, and flan$ed on
either "ide by hi" t!o female con"ort". ,he female deity at hi" right hand held a chalara or
1fly#!hi"$1 9I "u//o"e that e)en the mo"t /o!erful of 8od" !ere not totally immune to the
ubi6uitou" )alley mo"6uito: and a lotu" flo!er. ,he female at hi" left carried a lyre in her
hand" /re""ed clo"ely again"t the brea"t" and the belly. (ut the real beauty !a" in the face"
and form" of Bi"hnu1" con"ort"*their "lender !ai"t" and exce/tionally beautiful and delicate
brea"t" con)eyed their /rofound feminine frailty....
At clo"ing time I "te//ed out once more into a daytime /re"ent 1!hen the mountain" !ere
again the mountain"+ the cloud" !ere again the cloud"1. A car "/ed by on the tiny road in front
of the mu"eum. I "u//o"e I could ha)e been run o)er. >or !hat I !a" "till ex/eriencing !a"
thi" /rofound "en"e of "omeho! li)ing the continuation of a gloriou" /a"t in the /re"ent*
!hich i" "omething that no ?e"tern mu"eum had e)er done for me, being, for the mo"t /art,
1dead1 /lace". I don1t thin$ I "hall e)er again ex/erience anything more radiant than my
)i"ion" of that afternoon in my life. I 3u"t $ne! that I "hould no longer feel 1alone1, !hich i" to
li)e in my o!n na$ed "/iritual re"er)e", that the body#mind !a" ca/able of being filled u/
again !ith the light through the "im/le /roce"" of loo$ing. Ho! ea"y it all "eemed.
I ambled along the road li$e an old /rie"t, "to//ing no! and again to ob"er)e the )ie!, the
bloom of a !ild ro"e, a /articularly !ondrou" cloud "tructure. And "ince I !a" !al$ing in the
direction of the (uddhi"t tem/le" of !ayambhu, I decided to /roceed into the )illage.
(ut fir"t a "to/ at the chi or tea"ho/. ,here !a" a grou/ of head" "itting on a bench out"ide,
che!ing the bree%e, "mo$ing the indigenou" chillum", and "e)eral more in"ide, in the
ca)ernou" half#light.
;o one !a" tal$ing much+ it !a" con"idered a 1do!ner1*bad form*to u"e !ord", but
communication !a" no le"" inten"e for all that. ,he young ;e/ale"e o!ner came out"ide
!ith a mug of thic$ tea, dar$ bro!n and )ery "!eet, and a"$ed if I1d li$e anything. I "hoo$ my
head. He "miled, and di"a//eared into the dar$ interior of hi" tea"ho/. ,he fello! "itting next
to me /a""ed me a 3oint. Hi" eye" "tared at me !idely, hi" mouth "till hung o/en a" if to $ee/
the la"t !ord of hi" "entence in mid#air. E)eryone here belie)e" in all the magic, I thought.
I too$ a cou/le of dee/ to$e". 18ood gra"",1 I "aid, handing him bac$ hi" huge "e)en#"$in
3oint.
He loo$ed at me. And I !a" reminded of a >rench /oem I1d read "ome!here R 1in the de/th"
of a dilated /u/il "hine" the lam/ of the /oor1.
A" I got u/ to lea)e, he a"$ed !hether I1d been to the !akery Ashram yet, and he /ointed to a
"mall /a""age!ay bet!een t!o building". 1Au"t follo! the /ath and ta$e a left !hen you get
to the tem/le. ,hey1)e got a ne! "ound "y"tem.1
ince I !a" "toned any!ay, and "ince I had nothing /articularly to do, I decided to follo! the
/ath to the Ashram.
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I heard the electronic mu"ic 6uite clearly through the natural "ound of (uddhi"t chanting
out"ide the tem/le, and, follo!ing the /ath, came "uddenly u/on a com/ound garden filled
!ith lot" of young ?e"tern head", all dre""ed in their dhotis and ,ibetan "hirt" and Indian
"il$".
,he Ashram com/ri"ed t!o /rinci/le building", one, a former factory of the no! ban$ru/t
!ayambh;ath (a$ery concern, and the other, a long "hed. And it !a" from the "hed that
the "ound" came.
In"ide, "eated 6uietly in a circle round a central fire/lace, !ere about t!enty /eo/le, mo"tly
male. ,here !ere "e)eral chillum" being /a""ed around "imultaneou"ly. Coom !a" 6uietly
made for me to 3oin thi" charmed circle.
,he t!o fi)e#feet ony "/ea$er" made all )erbal communication im/o""ible. It !a" li$e "itting
on "tage !ith the tone". ,he "ound of the mu"ic ecli/"ed all cogniti)e function. It !a" li$e a
ri)er into !hich you had been /lunged. And all you need do !a" float, float, >#l#o#a#t.
Hour"*maybe e)en day"*/a""ed in an in"tant. ,ime cea"ed to exi"t for tho"e of u" !ho "at
"toned in our my"tical ring round the fire. And it !a" !ith thi" in"ight that I !a" born into a
ne! !orld. A ne! form of con"ciou"ne"" had ta$en o)er, that !e !ere "omeho! all together
becau"e in "ome "trange !ay !e had been brought here. It !a" a" though a gu"t of !ind had
come from another exi"tence, and had /luc$ed u" from the "treet" of Come and 'ondon and
-etroit, and /ro/elled u" to thi" Himalayan )alley+ our ne! myth#mother.
It had gro!n dar$ out"ide, and the /eo/le !ho had been in the garden, no! cro!ded in"ide
the Ashram. ,he "mell of food from the far#end, in)i"ible through the ha%e of !ood#"mo$e
and ha"hi"h reminded me that I had not eaten all afternoon. oon there !ere /eo/le "itting
around !ith /late" on their la/" eating rice and )egetable" !ith cho/"tic$". I "a! a line of
/eo/le !ith em/ty /late" in their hand", "o I got u/ and 3oined them.
,he Ashram /ro)ided one "en"ible meal a day, in the e)ening !hich co"t one ru/ee to
anyone !ho could afford it, other!i"e it !a" free+ tea !a" a fe! cent" extra.
After !e had eaten dinner, the /oet Nri"tof !al$ed acro"" to the record /layer and "!itched it
off. He returned to hi" /lace in the circle. ,here !a" a hu"h, a "tillne"", a "en"e of
ex/ectancy. Nri"tof announced that he !a" going to read a 1lo)e /oem1, !hich he had 3u"t
fini"hed !riting. E)eryone loo$ed u/ "miling !hen Nri"tof fini"hed+ he !a" a""uredly one of
their )erbal magician".
It !a" a "trange /lace thi" "alamandrine Ashram of gla""y eye" "taring from fiery la$e be"ide
the "ound of mu"ic through my leafy dream" R but "oon the "/ea$er" !ere bac$ on again at
full bla"t, "o I decided to ma$e my !ay bac$ to the hotel.
It !a" dar$ !hen I "te//ed out"ide, and it !a" !ith great difficulty that I found my !ay do!n
and on to the road again. !ayambhu i" about t!o mile" from the city, and I !al$ed "lo!ly,
"a)ouring the "tillne""+ no "ound from any!here+ e)en the dog" !ere 6uiet a" I made my
!ay through the ma%e of tiny "treet" and alley!ay". ,he city !a" almo"t de"erted, yet it
could not ha)e been much later than ten o1cloc$. It reminded me of the Eity of 'ondon at
night or do!nto!n ;e! <or$, after the cro!d" of office !or$er" had long "ince gone, the
"ame "ort of eerie "tillne"".
(ac$ in my hotel room, I "mo$ed a nocturnal chillum and then got into bed !ith a manu"cri/t
tran"lation of "ome /oem" by the ;e/ale"e ma"ter /oet, (hanubha$a Archarya, !hich
;arayan had left !ith me. ,here !a" an intere"ting de"cri/tion of Nathmandu a century or "o
bac$ !hich the /oet com/ared !ith the Eele"tial Eity of Ala$a 9the god of !ealth:+ he al"o
noted it" re"emblance to 'ha"a, 'uc$no! and %ondon. And it !a" !ith the"e image" in my
mind that I fell a"lee/.
I !a" a!a$ened in the morning by a $noc$ at the door. I "tumbled out of bed and o/ened the
door, ex/ecting to find a cleaning#!oman. (ut, no, it !a" a young, hand"ome man !ho
introduced him"elf in /erfect Engli"h a" =adhu"udan ,ha$ur from ;orthern India, a (rahmin,
and former Engli"h lecturer at ,ribhu)an Hni)er"ity, Nathmandu, and a an"$rit "cholar. He
had been gi)en my name by ;arayan, !ho had "ugge"ted !e might ha)e much in common.
I a/ologi"ed for the "tate of my boo$#"tre!n room and in)ited him in.
=adhu, a" he called him"elf, began to tell me a bit about hi" life. He had "tudied Engli"h in
Eanada for three year", and !a" no! into tran"lating ;e/ale"e /oetry into Engli"h. He !a"
al"o !or$ing on "ome an"$rit tran"lation". (ut !hat fa"cinated him mo"t !a" the increa"ing
123
number of young ?e"terner" li)ing in Nathmandu, and their im/act on the cultural life of thi"
city. >or Nathmandu !a" the 1third eye1 of A"ia, and the eye that get" in !hen reality get" out.
It had a "/ecial /lace and /layed a "/ecial role in A"ia. In fact, he had !ritten an article on
young ?e"tern )i"itor" for the leading intellectual monthly maga%ine 4he 5ising +epaland
!anted me to loo$ o)er the manu"cri/t. It !a" entitled 1Nathmandu7 A Eoincidence1. ?ould I
li$e to hear bit" of itD ure, I "aid He began to read7
1It ha//ened only the other day by !hat i" called in northea"tern India a amyoga,
fair coincidence. At a /ublic /lace in Nathmandu, t!o elderly gentlemen debated, and
I o)erheard them in "/ite of my"elf. ,hey !ere di"cu""ing !hether the large grou/ of
young un$em/t )i"itor" from the ?e"t no! in Nathmandu had any /rinci/le" guiding
their )i"it to the Ea"t. ,he gentleman !ho"e tone of )oice caught my attention fir"t
!a" "aying MIniharu$o $ehi /ani "iddhanta chhai naM, meaning M,he"e /eo/le ha)e
no /rinci/le" at all, you $no!11. He "eemed to be informing hi" friend, !ho, ho!e)er,
/aid little attention to hi" com/anion1" tone and /re"ented hi" )ie! of a !hole
ideology moti)ating and guiding the"e young /eo/le and their )enture abroad. ,hey
!ere, he "aid, on a )ery im/ortant mi""ion indeed. 'ife in the ?e"t had lo"t it"
meaning for them and they had come out here to "ee$ and find ne! meaning", fre"h
/er"/ecti)e", among the culture" of the Ea"t in art, religion, /hilo"o/hy, in traditional,
time#honoured !ay" of li)ing, in form" of life and manner "till untouched by the "ic$
hurry and commerciali"m of modern ?e"tern ci)ili"ation7 indeed, they !ere true
"ee$er".
1A cro""#"ection of the /eo/le under di"cu""ion "at clo"e by, bli""fully uncon"ciou" of
the con)er"ation that !ent on around them. I "at bet!een them and !ondered.
1In fact, I continue to !onder. &er"onally, my time in the ?e"t, my memorie" of loo$"
and !ord" after e)ery tal$ I ga)e on religiou" text", /hilo"o/hical 6ue"tion" and "o
forth, con)ince me that the ?e"tern youth today i" truly "ee$ing.
1,he "cene in Nathmandu, de"/ite our cynical gentlemen, remain" /o"iti)e and
exciting. &otentially, here i" a "ituation !hich i" a counter/art of a mo)ement to
/re"er)e and /romote our ancient heritage "uch a" the ideal of a ne! an"$rit
Hni)er"ity. ,he readine"" !ith !hich ?e"tern youth i" !illing to acce/t and undergo,
e)en though tem/orarily, extreme /hy"ical hard"hi/ i" "im/ly ama%ing if one
con"ider" the condition" in !hich they ha)e gro!n u/. 'i)ing in a !orld !ithout
/lumbing and central heating can indeed be for the grou/ under di"cu""ion a
M"/iritual ex/erienceM in it"elf. It i" hard to belie)e that the "acrifice thi" entail" could
be moti)ated "im/ly by the de"ire for chea/ tra)el around the !orld. ,he /a""ionate
intere"t in religiou" culture" not their o!n i" a fact about young /eo/le today !hich
"hould be gi)en immediate recognition. A ne! faith i" ari"ing and demand", e)en in
it" /re"ent rudimentary form", that !e try and under"tand our"el)e" in term" of the
tradition" in !hich other" ha)e been nouri"hed. ,he /re3udice" arou"ed by the long
hair and beard" not!ith"tanding, it i" e)ident to tho"e !ho loo$ and li"ten that there
are a certain number of genuine adha$a", "ee$er", among the"e /eo/le.
1E)en if life in the ?e"t ha" not lo"t it" /oint for "ome, one can "ee and feel !hat
"ome of the ma3or /olitical e)ent" of the /a"t fe! year" mu"t ha)e done to the more
"en"iti)e and intelligent youth of the countrie" in)ol)ed and re"/on"ible for the"e
e)ent". ;o one !ho ha" ob"er)ed for him"elf the ma"" madne"" let loo"e by
alcoholi"m and "exual licence in ?e"tern citie", all /art of the )a"t and com/lex
money game, can hel/ loo$ing at the /"ychedelic mo)ement in a ne! light.
1I ha)e no !i"h to "addle our friend" !ith a M/hilo"o/hyM not becau"e I thin$ there i"
no /hilo"o/hy moti)ating them, but becau"e the 6ue"t i" "till )ery much on. ,he
gain" of the la"t fe! year" are "till in the /roce"" of being recorded, the "tory i" yet to
be told. ?e might indeed be li)ing right in Mthe middle of thing"M, to u"e a Aame"ian
image, "ince Nathmandu /romi"e" to become, for "ome of the character" in the /lay,
the ca/ital of the ne! !orld.1
I !a" )ery im/re""ed, and "aid "o. I told =adhu that I thought !e !ere all on "ome $ind
124
of "ort of 6ue"t and had found in Nathmandu the /erfect /lace to "tart. Nathmandu !a" a
city of refugee", the ne! Aeru"alem of the (adhakas, !ho had come to "a)our of the
fruit" of &aradi"e.
?e ordered dinner in our room, and !ere no! /erfectly relaxed in each other1" com/any.
I li$ed him. He !a" o/en and hone"t and a man for !hom the in)i"ible !orld !a"
ob)iou"ly )i"ible.
I told him that I !a" /lanning to bring out a /oetry maga%ine, but needed more material,
e"/ecially modern ;e/ale"e /oetry. I /ro/o"ed to include material from the ?e"t dealing
e"/ecially !ith the nature of the "/iritual 6ue"t, including "ome e""ay" by my"elf on the
/henomenon '-. I "aid it !ould "er)e a t!o#fold /ur/o"e. >ir"t, it !ould introduce
;e/ale"e /oetry to ?e"tern reader" and "econd, it !ould enable ;e/ale"e reader" to
orient them"el)e" to the /"ychology and bac$ground of their young )i"itor". I had a little
money, and "ince /rinting !a" chea/ in Nathmandu, I already had enough to co)er co"t".
=adhu "aid he1d be )ery intere"ted indeed to hel/ in any !ay, and that he !a" already
!or$ing on the Engli"h tran"lation" of "e)eral /oem". And thu" began a /artner"hi/ that
re"ulted in the /ublication of low *ne "e)eral month" later.
2ne thing led to another, and before long !e had al"o agreed to "tart a centre for both
?e"tern and Ea"tern "ee$er", e"/ecially tho"e !ho !anted to learn an"$rit. =adhu
em/ha"i"ed the im/ortance of an"$rit among"t the intellectual arti"tic circle" a" !ell a"
in the higher le)el" of 8o)ernment and at the &alace. an"$rit /layed the "ame role here
a" 'atin did in the Eatholic Ehurch in the =iddle Age", it !a" a "ort of lingua franca of
any /hilo"o/hical di"cu""ion".
He "aid that ;arayan !ould almo"t certainly be intere"ted in hearing about "uch a
/ro3ect, and maybe could e)en get the Ero!n &rince a" it" /atron. Eould !e draft an
outline /ro/o"al, "ince he !ould be "eeing ;arayan for dinner later that e)ening, and
!ould li$e to ha)e him /ut it before the Ero!n &rinceD ,he "ooner !e acted, the "ooner
the /ro3ect could get official "anction. I !ould al"o need /ermi""ion from the &rime
=ini"ter to /ubli"h, but he didn1t fore"ee that there !ould be any /roblem.
=adhu !ent do!n"tair" to ma$e a fe! tele/hone call", and I cleared the de"$ and
/re/ared a chillum to facilitate the creati)e /roce""e".
?hen =adhu returned, he loo$ed )ery excited. <e", ;arayan !ould li$e to "ee the
/ro/o"al thi" e)ening. And he had had "ome luc$. He had called (ala$ri"hna ama, the
Bice#&re"ident of the Coyal ;e/ale"e Academy, !ho !anted u" to come o)er to hi"
hou"e for afternoon tea and for a chat. =adhu "aid that (ala$ri"hna !a" one of the truly
great /oet" of ;e/al, and certainly of international "tature. ,he /roblem !a" that
(ala$ri"hna !rote hi" /oetry in ;e/ale"e or an"$rit, though of cour"e hi" Engli"h !a"
/erfect. A" a re"ult, he !a" )irtually un$no!n out"ide hi" o!n country, a "ituation =adhu
/lanned to rectify by tran"lating into Engli"h all hi" !or$ !ritten o)er the /a"t "ixty year".
He brought u/ a chair to the de"$, and !e began to formulate the /ro/o"al. =adhu didn1t
"mo$e ha"h him"elf, but had no ob3ection if anyone el"e did. After a cou/le of chillum"
and an hour1" di"cu""ion, !e had agreed u/on the main detail", and all that no!
remained !a" to !rite it. ?e addre""ed it to Hi" Coyal Highne"", ,he Ero!n &rince of
;e/al.
?hen !e fini"hed, =adhu "ugge"ted that !e "hould go round to "ee (ala$ri"hna ama
!ho li)ed at the other end of to!n, not far from the Ehine"e Emba""y. ?e too$ a taxi and
!ithin ten minute" !ere !al$ing u/ the dri)e of hi" hou"e+ !ith Hindu "tatue" in the
garden and a huge "aruda bird /ainted on the door. I !a" already im/re""ed. ,he hou"e
it"elf !a" large, half#timbered li$e a medie)al manor, t!o or three "torey" high, and
/ainted !hite.
A "er)ant let u" in and u"hered u" into one of the do!n"tair" li)ing room". He "aid hi"
ma"ter !ould 3oin u" in a moment.
,he room !a" li$e a miniature mu"eum !ith "tatue" of "tone and bron%e of the )ariou"
Hindu /antheon, /ainting" and early ;e/ale"e iconogra/hy+ boo$" in ;e/ale"e, an"$rit,
Engli"h and >rench, and, nicely laid out on a "il)er#to//ed table, a Bictorian tea#"er)ice.
?e had to !ait only a minute or t!o before the /oet entered. He made a "hort bo! and
"hoo$ hand" !ith u" and a/ologi"ed for $ee/ing u" !aiting. Hi" Engli"h, li$e "o many of
125
the cultured ;e/ale"e, !a" almo"t entirely !ithout accent, and he "/o$e it !ith feeling,
"/ontaneou"ly, and !ithout affectation. He !a" /erha/" "e)enty year" of age, delicate
and radiant !ith health, and had the face of a man !ho had ob)iou"ly li)ed a life of the
mind, )ery "en"iti)e and ari"tocratic, a" though hi" inner and outer !orld" matched. He
!a" dre""ed in "hiny blue "il$ in the traditional ;e/ale"e dre"", and I felt that I !a" in the
com/any of an exce/tional, rare /er"on, /erha/" e)en a "aint but certainly a !i%ard of
"ome "ort.
He "eemed )ery /lea"ed to "ee u", e"/ecially =adhu, !hom he embraced !armly a" he
bec$oned u" to the tea#table. Hi" "er)ant a//eared !ith a "il)er tea#/ot, and a /late of
ca$e" and toa"ted "cone".
=adhu then "tarted to tal$ about the Himal Eentre /ro3ect, and to read him bit" of our
afternoon1" !or$. (ala$ri"hna !a" mo"t attenti)e and "ym/athetic and "aid that he !ould
certainly encourage a centre "uch a" !e had outlined. ,he only /roblem he thought !a"
the financial one. He made a fe! calculation" on a "heet of /a/er and "aid that for the
"cholar"hi/" alone !e !ould need 4.9.,000.
=adhu "aid that although 4.00,000 might "ound a li$e a lot of money, in reality it !a" not
too much if one con"idered the /o""ibility of hel/ from "ome of the larger American
>oundation", !ho !ere u"ed to gi)ing a!ay much larger "um" for le"" reali"tic /ro3ect". I
remained "ilent, though I nodded in agreement !ith =adhu1" analy"i".
?e then began to di"cu"" the en)i"aged /oetry maga%ine, low, !hich =adhu briefly
de"cribed. ;e/al, being a country in !hich /oetry !a" highly e"teemed, had a lot to offer,
and it !ould ma$e "en"e to ma$e a)ailable "ome of the be"t ;e/ale"e /oetry in Engli"h,
a" !ell a" ma$e a)ailable contem/orary ?e"tern /oetry to ;e/ale"e /oetry lo)er".
(ala$ri"hna then turned to me and a"$ed in hi" 6uiet, /lea"ant !ay, !hat the editorial
/olicy might be and !hether I thought ;e/ale"e /oetry !a" "ufficiently good to !arrant
tran"lation into an international language li$e Engli"h.
I !a" /retty "toned and my mind !a" already "oaring into giddy height" of in"/iration.
)low i" e""entially a maga%ine of /oetry, art and religion, and !e "hould dedicate it to the
man of tomorro! !ho ha" under"tood the burden of hi" dim /a"t, "ynthe"i"ed the
heritage of hi" many culture", "ol)ed the cri"e" of the /re"ent age and li)e" according to
hi" geniu"@1
(ala$ri"hna "miled broadly, and "aid that Eamu", the >rench Exi"tentiali"t, had /robably
meant "omething "imilar !hen he had noted "ome!here that 1Ceal genero"ity to!ard"
the future lie" in gi)ing all to the /re"ent1.
I then a"$ed the /oet !hether he !ould read "ome of hi" /oem", but he demurred,
"aying hi" Engli"h !a" not really good enough to ex/re"" hi" meaning, though =adhu
could read "omething if he !i"hed.
=adhu /ulled out a fi"tful of manu"cri/t" from hi" briefca"e.
1I thin$ I1d li$e to read a )er"e from your mo"t recent /oem, !hich I ha)e 3u"t fini"hed
tran"lating*4o (oma, !hich !a", I belie)e, in"/ired by the recent A/ollo 11 manned
tri/ to the moon. (ut I thin$ I ought to ex/lain for the benefit of =ichael here, that the
!ord (oma in an"$rit al"o mean" MmoonM a" it i" al"o a""ociated !ith the "acred
elixir of the god" of Bedic time". It !a" the fruit from the my"tical tree of $no!ledge
!hich, !hen ta$en, loo"ened the M,ongue of the ?ayM and in thi" "en"e !ould
corre"/ond to the 8ree$ ambro"ia, the elixir of immortality from the "tream of
Ea"talia under the ,em/le of -iana. 1
=adhu "tood u/, bo!ed graciou"ly to the /oet, !ho "at "ilent, hi" face gra)e and "eriou"
R
1!eetly, 2 oma, do I remember you again today,
2)er the la"t half#century ha)e I been
-rin$ing you in, dro/ by dro/, uncea"ing, ec"tatic@
2nce again, 2 oma, I grind your )ine,
8rind it !ith my heart, filter it through my )ien", =ingle it !ith my )i"ion and my
breath,
126
,o fill the am/hora of my heart to the brim@
2 oma, "oa$ed am I to the )ery de/th"
In the "!eet "ho!er of your beam"
-ra!n dee/ly by your gra)ity,
Exhilarated, breathle"" a" I "!ing
And go "teadily gliding, gliding,
I too fly u/!ard" !ith A/ollo Ele)en@ R 1
It !a" a long /oem follo!ed by a long "ilence, and !e all loo$ed a" if "omething )ery
"/ecial had ha//ened, li$e the "hoc$ follo!ing u/on a great di"co)ery.
Im/atient or un!illing to remain "ilent, I finally bro$e the "/ell by "aying that it !a" one of
the mo"t incredible /oem" that I had e)er heard, and that I !anted to /ut it into the
maga%ine for the !orld to read. I al"o added, by !ay of a comment, that I had arri)ed in
Nathmandu on the )ery "ame day that A/ollo 11 had bla"ted off for the moon.
(ala$ri"hna then "aid, loo$ing at me "traight in the eye", though centred in the middle of
my forehead7 1A mo"t au"/iciou" omen for you.1
It !a" time to go, and !e "tood u/, bo!ed and too$ our lea)e. =adhu danced do!n the
dri)e!ay, ob)iou"ly /lea"ed by our rece/tion. ,here !ere no taxi" in "ight and I told
=adhu that I1d really /refer to !al$ bac$ to the hotel, !hich !a" fine !ith him.
,he e)ening bree%e made the !al$ bearable, and I felt )ery good indeed. ?e tal$ed a lot
on the !ay about the maga%ine, the "ha/e it "hould ta$e, !ho might be able to /rint it in
Engli"h, thing" li$e that. (ut my mind !a" "trangely el"e!here, a" if the ex/erience !ith
(ala$ri"hna ama had been more than "im/ly meeting a ma"ter /oet. I felt )ery clo"e to
the man in "ome odd, unaccountable !ay. &erha/" in him I had at la"t found my 1guru1D
?e "oon reached the centre of the city, and ta$ing =adhu bac$ into my confidence, I
a"$ed him !hether he could find me a hou"e to rent, "ome!here nice, /erha/" on the
edge of the city, and !ith many room". =adhu "aid he1d loo$ into it immediately. ?e "aid
goodbye at Nanti &ath, and I cut acro"" the /ar$ in the direction of my hotel.
It !a" a beautiful e)ening, cool and /lea"ant in the e)ening light, the mountain" "till
)i"ible a" "ilhouette" in the far di"tance. I again ex/erienced that ex/an"ion of feeling, a
ne! mental am/litude, difficult to de"cribe but 6uite inten"e. It !a" my o!n "elf reborn
out of the )ibration" of thi" holy city+ it !a" my o!n "elf !hich !arm" in the "un,
refre"he" in the e)ening bree%e, glo!" in the "tar", and blo""om" in the tree".... In the
di"tance I heard the "ound of a tem/le flute and bell and the "ong of the cicada a" it "ung
it"elf R utterly R a#!#a#y. ?hy gra"/ "o earne"tly after hallucination" and flo!er" in the
air !hen it !a" all here, at one1" feetD >or a" one1" "en"e of reality dee/end", !hich it
doe" !ith age, one1" need to integrate !ith the !orld i" )ery great indeed. And I felt that
at lea"t here, in thi" &aradi"e city, I "hould ma$e my"elf yet one more d!elling /lace.
(ac$ in my hotel room, after a light dinner of rice and )egetable", contentedly I /re/ared
a chillum, and /oured out "ome fruit !ine. Ho! other!i"e "hall !e ta$e our /lea"ure here
R and if e)er I am a"$ed again 1?hat for the futureD1 it !ill be !ith a finger /ointed to the
moon that I "hall re/ly.
Three .onths later ;
,he mon"oon !a" o)er. ,he air !a" a" clear and fre"h a" Bichy !ater. I had rented the
lo!er t!o floor" of a large hou"e called 1hangri#'a1 in (i3u"!ari, a "ecluded "uburb of
Nathmandu clo"e to !ayambhu. ,he hou"e belonged to the ;e/ale"e -irector of
,ouri"m, ,irtha Ca3 ,uladhar, a (uddhi"t and a man of great /er"onal charm and
"en"iti)ity, !ho had tran"lated many of Ning =ahendra1" /oem" into Engli"h. And from
my !indo! I had a clear )ie! acro"" the )alley to the di"tant "no!#ca//ed /ea$" of the
high Himalayan range. ,he hou"e "tood by it"elf in a narro! lane !hich !a" really a cul#
de#"ac and !a" thu" un)i"ited by motori"ed tran"/ort, exce/t once in the morning and
once in the e)ening !hen a chauffeur#dri)en car came to /ic$ u/ and deli)er the ,ouri"t
-irector. It !a" a ha)en of "tillne"", and the only "ound" you heard !ere natural one"*
127
of bird", or animal" or /a""ing /eo/le. ,here !a" a large meado! extending acro"" the
lane+ and a large !ell#$e/t garden immediately in front of the hou"e, !hich "eemed
fore)er abla%e !ith flo!er", e"/ecially ro"e", !hich the touri"t director !ould tend for
hour" at a time, remo)ing by hand, bug" from the /etal" and lea)e", one at a time, ne)er
$illing them, but /utting them on a "heet of /a/er and e)ery no! and then blo!ing them
off into the !ind" of fate or fortune. A ty/ically (uddhi"t ge"ture. An orchard of /ear and
a//le tree" flan$ed either "ide of the hou"e and at the )ery rear, beyond the bac$ garden
!a" a "mall stupaof ex6ui"ite de"ign. It !a" an ideal /lace to be. ,hi" !a" my land"ca/e,
the one that ab"orbed me, !ith 3oy, into the hot blood of myth" and god", bac$ into the
root" of total being in !hich, at time" I could truly belie)e that there !a" no longer any 1I1
or 1me1 but that I !a" "omeho! the All.
And in the morning", !ith my room" filled !ith bright "unlight and the "ound of tem/le
bell" o/ening the !ell of my ear", I could feel that inex/re""ible /eace R a"7
Hn"een today
In brighte"t "unlight, and yet
,oday ho! beautiful, =other ;e/al.
I !a" learning that man i" born in ignorance of hi" element, and mu"t "omeho! find it,
li$e the cygnet find" the !ater.
=y morning" !ould u"ually "tart early, "hortly after daybrea$. I had a "mall /araffin
burner on !hich I !ould ma$e my brea$fa"t, u"ually a /late of /orridge made from !ater#
buffalo mil$, and "e)eral cu/" of tea, follo!ed by a chillum. I u"ually too$ thi" in the
garden. I1d then try to !or$ a little on the maga%ine manu"cri/t" before =adhu !ould
arri)e, u"ually at about ten o1cloc$. It !a" an idyllic exi"tence.
Nri", the /oet, !ould u"ually 3oin u" for lunch, and after lunch !e !ould be 3oined by fi)e
or "ix other ?e"terner" for "ome an"$rit le""on", !hich Nri" had arranged. He had a
degree in an"$rit from 2xford, and !a" a )ery /atient, cle)er teacher, !ho u"ed hi" "$ill
to get u" to learn thi" ama%ing language.
(ut mo"tly my time !a" ta$en u/ !ith the manifold /roblem" of getting the maga%ine
together. ?e had found three /rinter" and had decided to /arcel the material out a" three
"e/arate "ection", !hich !e !ould then a""emble into the final maga%ine. Already the
"ha/e of the maga%ine !a" di"cernible, if in "ilhouette only, but the energy !a" there*
my "light /aranoia !a" that !ith the unlimited amount of ha"hi"h and '- !e had, all
thi" energy !ould di""i/ate before com/letion, for !ith /"ychedelic" the im/etu" to
1attend to bu"ine""1 i" not al!ay" /re"ent@ o it !a" "omething of an effort of !ill, for I
!a" determined to get the damn thing /ubli"hed, e)en if it $illed me, !hich, a" it turned
out, it )ery nearly did through !hat you !ould call o)er#indulgence in drug" 9though other
matter" /layed their /art, li$e ri"ing co"t" and t!o of the /rinter" refu"ing to /rint or return
the manu"cri/t" entru"ted to them:.
,he lea"t of my difficultie", "ur/ri"ingly enough, !a" obtaining official /ermi""ion from the
&rime =ini"ter to /ubli"h the maga%ine. I had been told by )ariou" /eo/le, including the
>rench Amba""ador, that no foreigner had e)er recei)ed "uch /ermi""ion, 1not e)en the
American"1. And the (riti"h Emba""y !a" e6ually "ure that I !ould be refu"ed, though in
e)ery other !ay they !ere mo"t encouraging.
I needed, of cour"e, "omeone !ho had acce"" to the &rime =ini"ter and !ho !a" al"o a
/oet. And I found my man in the /er"on of oorya (ahadur ingh. He !a" an
extraordinary gentleman in hi" late thirtie", !ho !or$ed in the ingha -urba, the
/arliament building, and !ho !rote /oetry in Engli"h. He came round to "ee me one day
!ith a /ile of /oem" about one foot dee/, !hich he !anted me to /ubli"h.
=r. ingh had connection" in"ide the &arliament*hi" brother !a" /ri)ate "ecretary to
the Ning. o I a"$ed him to arrange for me to "ee the &rime =ini"ter. ,hi" he arranged in
a matter of a fe! hour" for the follo!ing day, !hich didn1t lea)e me much time to find
"omething "uitable to !ear. =y normal dre"" !a" a ,ibetan "hirt and dhoti, a /iece of
coloured Indian cloth !ra//ed around my !ai"t, and my "hoe" had long "ince been gi)en
a!ay to a ,ibetan (uddhi"t /rie"t, !ho had !anted them for hi" Cim/oche 9a High 'ama:
128
a" a gift.
Accordingly, a" "oon a" ingh told me that I had to be at the ingha -urba at ele)en
o1cloc$ the next morning, I !ent into to!n to buy an outfit. I "ettled for !hat I !a" told !a"
a traditional ;e/ale"e co"tume for formal occa"ion". It !a" made of "il)er cloth and the
trou"er" !ere right u/ to the $nee" and o/ened u/ at the to/ li$e 3odh/ur", together !ith
a long 3ac$et nearly do!n to the middle of the thigh. ,he collar !a" tied by mean" of
ribbon". I al"o got a /air of chea/ Indian "andal".
I "/ent mo"t of the night /re/aring my brief, and felt able to an"!er any 6ue"tion" the
&rime =ini"ter might /ut to me. =r. ingh came !ith a taxi at 10.30 to ta$e me to the
ingha -urba. He "eemed to be almo"t a" ner)ou" a" I !a". I had difficulty getting
dre""ed in my ne! ;e/ale"e clothe"*the leg" !ere too tight, but I finally managed to
get into them, and off !e "et.
,he ingha -urba !a" an im/re""i)e building, huge and in the "tyle of architecture of the
(riti"h Ca3. ,he taxi dro//ed u" off at the main entrance. ,he entire building "eemed to
be a labyrinth of corridor", and !e !al$ed ra/idly, mo)ing through thi" ma%e, u/
"tair!ay", do!n "mall corridor", along long one" until !e "to//ed before t!o huge
/oli"hed mahogany door" !ith a "/ar$ling bra"" cur)ed door$nob. =r. ingh $noc$ed,
and !e entered. ,hi" !a" the ecretary1" office. ,he "ecretary !a" a /lea"ant young
man, !ho "miled broadly !hen he "a! me, and "aid that the &rime =ini"ter !a"
ex/ecting u". He di"a//eared for a moment through another "et of huge door", and then
came out and indicated that !e !ere to enter.
,he &rime =ini"ter "at at a de"$ at the far end of a /alatial room. He !a" !earing a !hite
o/en#nec$ed "hirt !ith the "lee)e" rolled u/. ?hen he "tood u/ to greet u", I noticed that
he !a" !earing ordinary ?e"tern#"tyle na)y blue trou"er" and a belt. It !a" 6uite a
di"tance from the door to hi" de"$, but already I "en"ed a fau9 pas on my /art. ,he
&rime =ini"ter began to "mile a" !e a//roached and the "mile gradually broadened into
a grin. (y the time !e reached hi" de"$ he !a" almo"t uncontrollably "ha$ing !ith
"u//re""ed laughter.
2f cour"e I didn1t $no! it then, but the co"tume I had bought ready#made from one of the
touri"t "ho/" !a" from a /eriod around about 1590*a" though in the ?e"t I had gone to
meet an official dre""ed u/ in a -ic$en"ian outfit.
(ut the broad grin !a" infectiou", and I, too, !a" laughing !hen !e "hoo$ hand". ,ear"
"treamed do!n the &rime =ini"ter1" face a" he too$ the form that ingh handed him and
!hich he had to "ign before !e could officially go ahead !ith the /ublication of >lo!. He
hardly glanced at it, and "igning it !ith a flouri"h, managed to "ay bet!een giggle", 1I
ho/e you don1t !rite anything bad about ;e/al.1
=r. ingh then bo!ed and "aid that !a" all and that !e no! had /ermi""ion to /rint. I
"aid I thought the &rime =ini"ter !a" an exce/tionally 3olly fello!. And ingh merely
nodded. He then a"$ed me !hether I1d li$e a tour of the building, to !hich I readily
a""ented. ?e mu"t ha)e !al$ed three or four mile" through the endle"" length" of
corridor", and "omeho! ended u/ !al$ing along a "ubterranean corridor, lit by light
coming through tiny iron#barred !indo!". ingh "aid he had to "ee "omeone for a
moment, and !e !ent into an incredibly "mall room that "eemed to be littered
e)ery!here*on the "hel)e", on the floor, on the de"$", !ith bundle" of en)elo/e". ,here
!a" a )ery old man "itting at one of the de"$", !ho barely glanced u/ a" !e entered.
1,hi" i" the cen"or1" office and thi" i" the chief cen"or. I thin$ I !ill "ho! him the &rime
=ini"ter1" "ignature on our document, 3u"t in ca"e.1 ingh "aid "omething to the Een"or
and ga)e him the "igned /iece of /a/er. ,he Een"or remo)ed the thin !ire "/ectacle"
!hich he had been u"ing to read the letter", and /roduced a magnifying gla"", and read
the /a/er ingh had handed him.
He nodded, dug out a "tam/ from a dra!er, and after /utting "ome in$ on to the /ad,
"tam/ed the document. 1;o! it1" com/letely official. ?e can /ubli"h anything !e !ant.1
I !a" glad to get out of the building !ith it" a""ociation" of /ri"on and other large
in"titution", and I !elcomed ingh1" "ugge"tion that !e "hould go "ome!here and
celebrate, !hich for ingh meant getting )ery drun$. I called an American teacher friend
and a"$ed him if he could let me ha)e a bottle of !hi"$y, ex/laining the /ur/o"e, for it
129
!a" "till not yet noon. ;o /roblem. And by mid#afternoon !e !ere both reeling about the
centre of Nathmandu "inging "ong" and reciting /oetry. >inally !e got to Cana1" tea"ho/,
and "tumbled in. All the head" turned a" !e noi"ily entered. And on many of the bearded
face" !a" a loo$ of di"a//ro)al. Cana1" !a" a /lace for chillum" and /o/ mu"ic, not a
bar. ingh in"i"ted on ha)ing the mu"ic turned off, then climbed on to the to/ of a table
and, !ith tear" "treaming do!n hi" face, "aid that ne)er in hi" entire life had he met "uch
a great /oet a" =ichael Holling"head, and that it !a" hi" !i"h that e)eryone in the
tea"ho/ "hould "tand u/ and "ing 18od a)e the Jueen1. A fe! head" "/lit immediately,
"en"ing a "cene. And Cana 3u"t "tood there !atching, not $no!ing 6uite !hat to do.
>inally, I managed to /ull ingh off the table and out from the tea"ho/ into the yard. I then
carried him to a taxi and /aid the dri)er to ta$e him bac$ to the ingha -urba to "lee/ it
off.
And thu" the day" /a""ed into !ee$" and then into month". (y no! !e had a lot of
material ready for the /rinter". I had al"o got a tran"lation of one of the Ning1" /oem",
!hich I decided to /rint in red. It !a" called A (elf03ortrait R
1'i$e the dar$ night I am
?ho"e moon ha" "trayed a!ay+
'i$e the !ild !ithered tree
,hat all it" lea)e" ha" lo"t.
?ith rotten, hollo!ed root",
Ceady I am to fall+
A faded flo!er I
?ith none to care for me.
A blind man I !ho gro/e"
>umbling the "tar$ mid#/ath+
And "uch a burning fire
,hat ha" no !armth to gi)e.
E)er am I in the mid#"tream
About to "in$ beneath the !a)e"+
I am a dro!ned "oul,
?ho"e "hore lie" far a!ay.1
It !a" a )ery fine /oem, and mode"t, con"idering that Ning =ahendra !a" the "u/reme
ruler of ;e/al, and al"o recogni"ed a" an incarnation of the Hindu 8od Bi"hnu.
I had al"o had 6uite a fe! acid "e""ion" during the time I had been there !a" a con"tant
"tream of )i"itor" coming to 1hangri#la1 to "core "ome 1"un"hine1. ,here !a" 6uite a bit of
acid in the city, mo"tly brought in by Ealifornian" or "ome of the bigger dealer", !ho
!ould exchange acid for ha"hi"h. I belie)e '- !a" $no!n by the fe! ;e/ale"e !ho
u"ed it a" 1?e"tern ha"h1.
It !a" traditional to ta$e '- at full moon, and /eo/le !ould congregate at the !akery
Ashram, and dro/ it in the late e)ening "o that they could li"ten to mu"ic during the night,
follo!ed by a climb u/ to the (uddhi"t tem/le" to 3oin the mon$" for early morning
"er)ice. It !a" )ery rare that anyone e)er frea$ed out1 or !ent ber"er$, though it could
ha//en. I remember a young -utch boy !ho, !hen he got to the tem/le, too$ off all hi"
clothe" and began running amo$, $noc$ing o)er /rayer bo!l" and trying to climb u/ on to
the head of a huge bron%e (uddha. ,here !a" nothing !e could do to 6uieten him do!n,
and !e felt it had all gone a little too far. ,he mon$", !ho had been chanting during all of
thi" had "eemingly not /aid any attention, that i" until the "tatue began to "!ay and it
loo$ed a" if it !ould come cra"hing do!n. About "ix mon$" "uddenly mo)ed acro"" to
grab him, and gently they carried him bac$ to the circle of other mon$". ,hey then tied
him u/ and gagged him and /laced him in the centre, and continued their mantrasa" if
nothing had ha//ened.
(ut /erha/" the thing that di"turbed local /eo/le the mo"t !a" that, on a)erage, one girl
130
a month !ould fli/ out on acid and in"i"t on !al$ing through the centre of the city
com/letely na$ed. I thin$ the ;e/ale"e !ere terribly "hoc$ed by thi", for often the girl
!ould be extremely beautiful. I thin$ the "yndrome, a" far a" one can "ay anything about
human beha)iour, i" connected !ith the notion of total freedom, the freedom to !al$
na$ed being merely a manife"tation of thi" !i"h. ,hro!ing off your clothe" i" an act of
liberation. 2r "o "omeone once told the young Ealifornian girl !hom I "a! briefly 3u"t
before "he !a" /ut on the /lane to India, ha)ing been found by a /oliceman !andering
na$ed through the main "treet. I thin$ there !a" al"o a great fear on the /art of the
authoritie" that one day Ning =ahendra might "ee "uch a "/ectacle, and that !ould
create a ma3or incident, for the $ing had a habit of crui"ing the "treet" at odd hour"
behind the !heel of hi" >errari.
In fact, although I !a" not held directly re"/on"ible in the ca"e of the American girl, it had
not e"ca/ed the notice of the authoritie" that I !a" "omeho! in)ol)ed !ith the '-#cult,
a" they called it. At fir"t it had "eemed innocent enough, merely another religiou" grou/,
!ho u"ed "omething "imilar if not identical to ha"hi"h, !hich had a /lace in certain form"
of Ea"tern !or"hi/. (ut thi" thing about girl" ta$ing off their clothe" e)ery no! and then
had them !orried. Eon"e6uently, I !a" a//roached by one of the editor" of the Engli"h
language daily, 4he 5ising +epal,!ho a"$ed !hether I !ould !rite an article for the /a/er
about !hat young ?e"terner" !ere doing in Nathmandu. 1It !ould hel/ relation" !ith the
/ublic )ery much indeed+ ye", really, )ery, )ery much. ,han$ you.1
I did "o, and called the article 1,he -i)ine =utant"1 !hich !a" "ufficiently ob"cure I
thought, !ith "till a "light religiou" or "/iritual bia".
1,HE -IBI;E =H,A;,
1,he term, Mhi//yM, if a recent 3ournali"t can be belie)ed !a" in)ented by the media "o
that ordinary /eo/le !ould ha)e "omething to /ray for "al)ation from. If "o, and if the
/henomenon Mhi//yM i" the unholy in)ention if "ub#editor" and /eo/le !ith ma""
circulation maga%ine" to "ell, !e ought to be able to loo$ at the matter more
ob3ecti)ely and "ee !hat myth" and legend" ha)e "/rung u/ around thi" "trange
creature.
12ne thing i" certain, ho!e)er, there i" an increa"ing acceleration of young /eo/le
Mdro//ing outM of our ?e"tern "ort of "ociety, !ho /refer to M"tand on their o!n t!o
feetM rather than ha)e their li)e" directed from !ithout, by the "y"tem 9economic#
/olitical#"ocial:. ,hi" grou/, )ariou"ly e"timated 94imemaga%ine: to be bet!een
"e)en and ten million under the age of t!enty#"ix, ha" claimed ne! area" for it" o!n.
It ha" de)elo/ed a ne! life#"tyle or an exi"tential mode of being !hich, if "till lac$ing
/ro/er articulation, "eem" nonethele"" to be an attraction for "ome of the mo"t gifted
and "en"iti)e mind" of our modern generation+ there i" "omething )ital and energetic
and intelligent about !hat the"e young /eo/le are doing. In the !ord" of their MHigh
&rie"t11, ,imothy 'eary, !ho al"o coined their "logan 4urn *n 9to your o!n ner)ou"
"y"tem: 4une in 9to the energy !ithin your o!n mind: Drop out 9of the "ocioeconomic
"y"tem:7 M,he generation born after 194. i" /erha/" the !i"e"t and holie"t
generation that the human race ha" e)er "een R and, by 8od, in"tead of lamenting
derogating, and im/ri"oning them, !e "hould "u//ort them, all turn on !ith them.M
1<et for tho"e "o identified by 'eary, the Mdro//ing outM fore"hado!" "ocial
de)elo/ment" !hich are bound to ta$e /lace in ?e"tern "ociety a" a !hole, for a"
automation increa"e" and !hen only a "mall /ercentage of the /eo/le !ill do mo"t of
the !or$, lei"ure !ill be the /roblem or, rather, too much lei"ure, for the old ethic of
!or$ and "al)ation cannot "ur)i)e in a "ociety !here /erha/" only fi)e /er cent of the
to/ executi)e and admini"tration do all of the !or$#indeed, !ithin the fore"eeable
future, the big reward in life will be to be allowed to work.
1=ean!hile, !e are li)ing in a "trange confu"ing /eriod of tran"ition from one life#
"tyle to another 6uite different one. >rom the /hilo"o/her1" /oint of )ie!, I thin$, !e
are "eeing a change in the nature of ?e"tern man due to a "hift of em/ha"i" a!ay
from a theological re)elation to an ontologi"t my"tici"m, that i", authority of a -i)ine
&er"on to the more indi)idually MfreeM belief in ab"olute ;ature. In either a//roach to
131
8od, !e are reminded that !e are "ummoned to a dee/er "/iritual a!arene"", far
beyond the le)el of "ub3ect#ob3ect. 2ne of the attraction" of Eentral A"ia for "ome of
the young "ee$er" i" that the religion" here "ee man1" unity !ith 8od in an
ontological and natural /rinci/le in !hich all being" are meta/hy"ically one. Here
there i" unity in Ab"olute (eing ;Atman< or in the Boid ;(unyata<.
1It i" one !ay that "till remain" for ?e"tern man to "a)e him"elf from becoming
Ceality1" du/e, that i", the "la)e of "ome external control 9!hich !e "ee a" an
ine)itable re"ult of tele)i"ion, !hich $ee/" million" of mind" literally im/ri"oned by
in)i"ible line" of /ull and force, and "oon there !ill be more "o/hi"ticated hard!are,
"uch a" 3#- hologra/hy, !here image" !ill literally a//ear to be actually present
within you inside your living0room.If you !ant to "ee an ele/hant, /lug in the ta/e
mar$ed Mele/hantMand one !ill a//ear, ho)ering in your dra!ing#room and "afe too.
And it !on1t lea)e any me"" to ha)e to clear u/ after!ard". >or "uch /eo/le, the
cinematic !orld of labour#"a)ing de)ice" and the good health that goe" !ith it i"
/robably the be"t /lace to be.: MA lifetime of freedom@ ?hy, no man ali)e could "tand
it+ it !ould turn hi" life on earth into a com/lete hellM, "ay" (ernard ha!. And for the
older, con"er)ati)e member" of "ociety thi" i" a fair ob"er)ation. >reedom i" too
difficult for mo"t /eo/le to bear, and for tho"e !ho ha)e li)ed a lifetime of conformity
and "/iritual neglect, freedom i" im/o""ible, that i", "hort of my"tical re)elation. ,he
young man or !oman i" a!are that a" the /olitical inhumanity of thi" century
increa"e" 9!ith a corre"/onding ero"ion of certain liberal and humani"t )alue": "o too
!ill the illegality of our )ariou" legal action" that "ee$ to $ee/ bodie" of men /re""ing
do!n on other bodie" of men, and all for "o little rea"on. ociety, to "uch a young
educated thin$ing /er"on "eem" to be gro!ing infertile, de)oid of a li)ing culture, no
longer /roducti)e of any /er"onal form, ab"tract, lifele"" in the face of machine#made
inter/retation" about the "elf, the !orld, and the other /eo/le in it. ;o !onder, then, if
modern man "ee" him"elf a" nothing but a ci/her on the face of a moral and "/iritual
)oid. And a" the $no!ledge of hi" o!n di"orientation cannot be handled
6uantitati)ely, he turn" more and more to hi" bra)e !orld of machine". And through
the /o!er of hi" machine" he act" out the uncom/rehended tragedy of hi" inner
di"ru/tion. He i" therefore cut off from any reality exce/t that of hi" o!n /roce""e",
!hich he cannot under"tand, and hi" machine", !hich he can under"tand, but !hich
cannot /ro)ide an"!er" or e)en direction" !hich !ould enable him to regain the
former lo"t /aradi"e of clo"e contact !ith nature and the !orld of li)ing thing",
including him"elf. A" the Ancient Ehine"e "age, huang ,%u, di"co)ered "ome 2.00
year" ago, de/endence e)en on a "im/le $ind of machine cau"e" man to become
uncertain of hi" o!n inner im/ul"e", and he may e)en forget ho! to ma"ter hi" o!n
!orld. ;aturally, the ad)ance of "cience and technology during the /a"t 1.0 year" i"
irre)er"ible, and modern man no! ha" come to term" !ith him"elf in hi" ne!
"ituation. <et he cannot do "o, it "eem" to many modern thin$er", if he build" an
irrational and un"cientific faith on the ab"olute and final ob3ecti)ity of a scientific
$no!ledge of nature. >or the "tudy of man i" al"o concerned !ith the core of the
un$no!able at the heart of man !hich cannot by it" nature become the "ub3ect of
finite analy"i" li$e a /lant or animal "/ecie" but i" an area of human ex/erience
acce""ible through the inter)ention of a "acrament, !hich i" !hate)er it i" that hel/"
ma$e 8od /re"ent in man. 9A "acrament i" "omething that engender" in tho"e !ho
u"e it certain "/iritual re"onance" !hich defy exact analy"i" and cannot be
accurately de"cribed to one !ho doe" not ex/erience authentically in him"elf.:
1And /erha/" the "tart of any /roce"" of the /er"onality to!ard" inde/endence, "elf#
direction, and control mu"t "tart !ith 6ue"tion and the "earch for an an"!er+ !ith the
6ue"tion !hich again and again im/lie" a calling in 6ue"tion the de"truction of
acce/ted idea" and "tereoty/ed !orld#/icture" and rote#learning and im/rint"*in a
!ord, re)olution+ the 6ue"tion that both co"t ocrate" hi" life and made it of "uch
)alue.
1o /erha/" !e ought to loo$ more $indly on the youthful /ioneer" !ho "ee our future
!orld a" one in !hich there i" none but one, and each /er"on o!n" nothing but the
132
!hole. And the /henomenon of "o many young /eo/le !ho thin$ thi" !ay i" all the
more "ignificant if you ta$e Nathmandu a" an allegory of the /o""ibility of conformity,
not merely of one young gro!ing /er"on to one /articular communal /lace or "ocial
de)elo/ment, but of a !hole generation to a com/lete, if at time" im/erfect, greater
"ociety.1
,he editor "eemed )ery /lea"ed !ith the article and a"$ed !hether I1d li$e to !rite more
for them. I then !rote a "erie" on ,antra called 12ld Art in the Hand" of ;e! Arti"t" 9;ote"
on the rele)ance of ,antra to =odern ?e"tern Art =o)ement:1 !hich they !anted to
"eriali"e o)er t!el)e i""ue".
,antra, in fact, had intere"ted me a lot during my "tay in the Ea"t, and I had con"ulted
both 'ha"a#trained (uddhi"t tantrikasa" !ell a" Hindu ma"ter". ,here !a" al"o a
?e"tern Hindu mon$ called (haga!an -a"", from Ealifornia, !ho /racti"ed ,ibetan
,antra )itally and !ho had a lot to tell me about it" left#handed a"/ect. It !a" al"o
(haga!an -a"" !ho fir"t too$ Cichard Al/ert to hi" guru in India, ;eem Narolli (aba.
Cichard !a" con)erted into orthodox Hindui"m and gi)en the name !aba 5am Dass, or
1"er)ant of 8od1. He claim" to be able to maintain a 1forty /er cent ha"hi"h high1 without
the u"e of drug" or "ex, !hich i" admirable.
=y tal$" !ith both (haga!an -a"" and (aba Cam -a" confirmed that their guru had
u"ed '-7 in fact, the fir"t time he did "o !a" !hen (haga!an introduced him to Cam
-a"". ,he "tory of !hat ha//ened i" no! /art of '- lore, but i" !orth re/eating, e)en
"o. ,he guru a"$ed about '-, and Cam -a"" "aid that it did "omething e6ui)alent to
!hat he had read about in the !riting" of the my"tic", both Ea"tern and ?e"tern. ,he
guru a"$ed Cichard, a" he then !a", if he had any. Cichard "aid he had "ix
1!hitelightning1 /ill" left, and that they !ere )ery /o!erful indeed. ,he guru a"$ed Cichard
to gi)e them to him. And /rom/tly "!allo!ed them. Cichard "at "ilent !atching for any
"ign. An hour /a""ed. >inally, Cichard a"$ed the (aba !hat effect" he !a" ex/eriencing.
1;one1, exclaimed the guru. And Cichard !a" immediately im/re""ed and declared hi"
allegiance to the guru, and ga)e him hi" 'and Co)er.
,here !a" )ery little intere"t in '- among"t the ;e/ale"e, ho!e)er, !ith one notable
exce/tion, Cama &ra"ad =anandhar, !ho had been the ;e/ale"e Amba""ador in
'ondon for "e)en year" 9he had once entertained Jueen Eli%abeth to dinner at hi"
'ondon Emba""y:. Cama &ra"ad !a" a tantri$a, a /oet, and a /hilo"o/her, a man of
!ide learning and culture, !ho li)ed in one of the olde"t and mo"t beautiful hou"e" in the
city.
He came round to )i"it me one day, and a friend"hi/ "/rang u/. 2ne thing led to another
and finally he a"$ed me one day !hether he could try "ome '-. ?e arranged a "e""ion
at 1hangri#la1, and I told him the "trength or do"age, and he "elected a do"e of about
300 gamma, !hich !a" 6uite a lot for a fir"t tri/.
,he "e""ion !a" )ery 6uiet, meditati)e, and "eriou". Cama &ra"ad did not tal$ )ery
much. I remained totally "ilent. About mid!ay through the "e""ion, Cama &ra"ad
com/lained about being indoor", and "aid that he !ould li$e to go into the garden. ?e
!al$ed into the garden together. It !a" a beautiful afternoon of bright "unlight, and
e)erything loo$ed ab"olutely radiant and /erfect. Cama !al$ed o)er to one of the ro"e"
u/on !hich a gorgeou" butterfly had 3u"t alighted. And exclaimed7 1?e mu"t try to ex/and
the MmomentM into infinite duration@1 He a"$ed for a /en and /a/er and then !rote a
/oem, !hich I re/roduce exactly a" he !rote it and a" I /ubli"hed it later in low *ne. It
i" called 4he $omentand 4he *ne0$ent.
1,HE =2=E;,1 and 1,HE 2;E#=E;,1
Cama &ra"ad =anandhar
At the cre"t of ,ime I "tood7
2n one "ide, a" far a" eye could reach
And beyond
In the dim#mo"t "tretch of hi"tory
133
?a" the &a"t*
A ne)er#ending chain of e)ent".
2n the other "ide,
'oo$ing to!ard" thing" yet to come.
<et to become,
Ereature" !aiting to be born,
-eed" !aiting to be done,
Hi"tory !aiting to be made,
Action" and reaction",
Eau"ation" and fruition",
?a" the >uture*
A ne)er#cea"ing chain of e)ent".
In bet!een, I "tood7
At the "ummit of ,ime,
At the =2=E;,*
?hen the ob)er"e and the re)er"e,
,he de/th" of the &a"t
And the obtru"ion" of the >uture
?ere /erfectly united in the =oment*
,he =oment !hich $ne! no dimen"ion",
(ut !hich contained all the dimen"ion"
2f the &a"t a" of the >uture.
,he (utterfly had 3u"t "carcely alighted
2n the ti/ of the ro"e#/etal,
,he ro"e a#bloom at the to/mo"t %enith of it" glory,
Au"t the fraction of a "econd before it !ould "ho!
,he )ery fir"t "ign of !ilting*all too "oon+
In the /erch of the butterfly
,here !a" "till the heat of the coming,
Al"o already a//arent !a" the ru"h of the going a!ay+
(ut at the =oment,
>or a =oment,
,he coming and the going "tood tran"fixed in the hu"h of the "tillne"".
In the $i"" of the lo)er"
At the climax of the touch,
,here lay im/licit the fulfilment" of the &a"t
And the ex/ectancie" of the >uture
Inextricably built together
Into the one undi)ided 3ointure*
In the /re"ent =oment.
,he dee/#mouthed bay of the hound
A" it bar$ed he the garden
At the =oment,
2h@ Ho! ex6ui"ite it !a"@
A" if the !hole of the !orld " /a"t hi"tory
Had been but a /re/aration for that /erfect "ound.
,he &re"ent =oment*
Ho! beautiful, ho! "ublime, ho! full@
>ull !ith the blending of all the 3oy" of the &a"t and the >uture*
Ho! ugly, ho! horrid, ho! full@
>ull !ith all the "orro!" beaten, fu"ed together
'i$e an un"/lit hair,
'i$e the yang and the yin,
,he /o"iti)e and the negati)e,
134
,he "!eetne"" and the "ourne"",
,hat cham/agne#mo"t#ne"",
Indi""olubly unified
'i$e "alt in the "ea#!ater,
'i$e the meaning to the !ord,
'i$e 8ouri to hi)a*
,hi" i" more than full7
,hi" i" the &erfect, the Ab"olute.
,he undifferentiated,
,he uncreated,
8od !ithout diffu"ene"",
8od, the All#Nno!ing, the All#En3oying,
Ceality !ithout name and form,
(eyond duration and beyond occu/ation,
,he Ceal &ermanent7
,he Ceal ,ruth,
,he Ceal trength,
,he Ceal (li""*,HE 12;E#=E;,1.
It !a" "hortly after the Amba""ador1" "e""ion that Cama &ra"ad came round to "ee me
about arranging a meeting !ith the celebrated (uddhi"t mon$ and "aint, Hi" Holine""*
8yal!a Narma/a, !ho !a" )i"iting Nathmandu and "taying !ith the mon$" at
!ayambh;ath. Cama $ne! Narma/a 6uite !ell, and had e)en entertained him once at
a rece/tion in hi" to!n hou"e. I !a" naturally )ery intere"ted in ha)ing an audience !ith
Narma/a, for I had heard and read much about him. He !a" the head of the Nagyud/a
2rder of ,ibetan =ahayana (uddhi"m, and recogni"ed a" the "ixteenth Narma/a
incarnation.
,he audience !a" arranged for da!n on the follo!ing morning, and Cama &ra"ad "aid
he1d /ic$ me u/ at my hou"e in hi" car.
I "tayed u/ all that night, /re/aring my"elf for the tem/le meeting, and /erforming chillum
and acid adhana. ?hen Cama &ra"ad collected me, I !a" )ery "toned indeed, and
could hardly find my !ay out of the garden into the =ercede". ,hen !e "/ed off into the
blac$ne"" and reached the to/ of !ayambhu 3u"t a" the fir"t light of da!n a//eared
through the ga/" bet!een the "urrounding mountain". It !a" a gloriou" "ight. And I felt a
)ery "/ecial "en"e of re)erence+ there !a" a holine"" about the /lace, more inten"e than
I had e)er ex/erienced there before+ my head and heart !ere o/en to anything.
?e !ere ta$en u/ "ome "tair" to the to/ floor and "ho!n into an antechamber !here a
mon$ tied a /iece of orange cloth around my nec$. He then indicated that I "hould follo!
him, and he led me from the chamber into a huge sal brilliant !ith tankas,and mural", and
"tatue". At the far end, "eated on a throne, "at Narma/a+ and next to him, "eated on a
cu"hion in the full lotu" /o"ition, !a" Cama &ra"ad.
I a//roached Narma/a "lo!ly, my eye" to the floor, !ith "hort bo!" e)ery fe! "te/".
?hen I reached the throne, I loo$ed u/ and "a! a beam of bright light i""uing from the
centre of hi" "il)er cro!n or it may ha)e been a beam of "unlight catching a reflection
through the lattice#!or$ !indo!". (ut the effect !a" 6uite "tartling. It really could "eem
that he !a" emitting light from hi" 1third eye1 in the centre of hi" forehead. I reco)ered
from thi" "tartling hallucination, "ufficiently anyho! to hand him the !hite "il$ "carf I had
brought a" a /re"ent. Narma/a then "/o$e to me through an inter/reter7 1According to the
tradition "ince the (uddha, it ha" been cu"tomary to /re"er)e the record of gift", a" a
to$en of one1" inner "en"e of bene)olence. ,hi" i" "o that it may "er)e a" a hi"torical
record of the Dharma too. <our name !ill therefore be added to the name" of /eo/le
contributing to thi" tradition.1
I !a" then a"$ed to "ay anything I !i"hed to Narma/a.
?hat I !i"hed to "ay !a" for the future7 to "ee many of the 'ama" and familie" of the
e"oteric Dharma mo)e to the ?e"t. And, ho! thi" !or$ could be furthered by the lama"
135
o/ening a dialogue !ith the Ehief" and Elder" of the ;orth American Indian ,ribe called
the Hopi !ho"e )illage" I had once )i"ited in Ari%ona. ,he land" of the ;orth American
Indian" "tretch from /art" of Eanada do!n to the =exican border and com/ri"e "ome of
the mo"t beautiful country"ide in the !orld, /art" of !hich are remar$ably "imilar to ,ibet,
/articularly in Eolorado and ;e! =exico. (ut the"e land" are no! under "iege again, for,
a" the indigenou" Indian /o/ulation i" encouraged to lea)e the re"er)ation" and acce/t
an alien !hite culture*!hich i" ha//ening in the ca"e of the young Indian" at a truly
frightening rate*the"e holy land" !ill be ta$en o)er in a fe! year" by the H..
8o)ernment, and then by the builder". <et /otentially they could /ro)ide a "ort of
1"/iritual bac$bone1 for a future, more "/irituali%ed America.
Narma/a remained "ilent throughout all thi". ?hen I had fini"hed, he bec$oned me clo"er
and, a" I bent my head, hi" hand" touched the centre of my head, and "uddenly,
unaccountably, li$e a bolt, I ex/erienced (amadhi one of the mo"t extraordinary moment"
of con"ciou"ne"" of !hich man i" ca/able. And I felt utterly and com/letely clean"ed, a"
though the di)ine thunderbolt had gone through me li$e a million )olt charge. It !a" a
feeling that !a" to remain !ith me for 6uite "ome day".
,he memory of thi" great Initiation /er"i"t". I belie)e that on that "/ecial morning !hen I
met Narma/a my life !a" changed and in !ay" that I am only no! beginning to
under"tand, !hich I ha)e yet to a""imilate, and, in time, ex/re"" out!ardly and through
my being. >or if e)er there !ere a li)ing god, Narma/a i" it7 of thi" I am utterly con)inced.
;inety#fi)e /er cent of all (uddhi"t", from 'ada$h to ;E>A 9;orth A""am: belong to the
Kargyudpa e"oteric "ect, of !hich Narma/a i" the "/iritual leader.
'i$e all the other Narma/a incarnation", Hi" Holine"" i" famou" for hi" erudite
"cholar"hi/, integrity of character, and excellence in yogic /ractice". ,he embodiment of
com/a""ion, in human form, Narma/a care" for and lo)e" all human being", and ta$e"
/ain" for their "/iritual "al)ation.
He i" e6ually !ell#honoured and follo!ed by Ning", 'ama" and laymen, in ,ibet, Ehina,
=ongolia, India, ;e/al, i$$im, (hutan, a" al"o throughout "outh#ea"t A"ia, Aa/an,
Eeylon, (urma, ,hailand, Eanada, 8reat (ritain, H..A., !eden, -enmar$, /ain, etc.,
etc.
And daily no! Narma/a /ray" for the !orld R 1=ay all "/iritual leader" en3oy long li)e"
and /ro"/erity. =ay the (inghamulti/ly and fulfill their dutie". =ay the ble""ing" of the
Dharmaliberate all de/arted "oul". In the !orld may "ic$ne"", /o)erty, !ar" and all e)il
influence" be cut at the root and de"troyed. =ay all thing" of the Kali ,uga 9(lac$ Age:
be di"/er"ed.1
>inally, of cour"e, the fir"t number of low a//eared, minu" about half the material, !hich
t!o of the /rinter" had $e/t after I refu"ed to /ay increa"ed /rinting co"t", !hich I
con"idered to be )ery unfair.
And the dedication read7
,2 HI C2<A' HI8H;E
,HE EC2?; &CI;EE 2> ;E&A'
A;- HEC C2<A' HI8H;E
2; ,HE 2EEAI2; 2> ,HEIC =ACCIA8E
NA,H=A;-H >E(CHAC< 27, 1970
,he day" drifted la%ily. I had made a number of friend" in Nathmandu, both ;e/ali and
?e"tern, and !ould often "/end /lea"ant afternoon" !al$ing around the city,
occa"ionally )enturing forth to (oudhi;ath, a "mall ,ibetan "ettlement 3u"t out"ide
Nathmandu, !ith a characteri"tic huge stupa or tem/le in the centre of the )illage, !ith
three large eye" /ainted on the to/, !hich !ere )i"ible from afar*one of the "ilent
"entinel" of Nathmandu Balley. It !a" a colourful /lace*the old ,ibetan !omen "lo!ly
circumna)igating the tem/le, "/inning the eternal /rayer#!heel", the men hanging
around in change "ho/", a fe! Ea"terner" buying ,ibetan ornament" and clothe" in the
ine)itable "tring of touri"t "ho/". 2ne of the large hou"e" around the stupa belonged to
136
the Ehini 'ama, and, ha)ing heard that the "tu/a had been recently "truc$ by lightning, I
decided to /ay him a )i"it one afternoon, for the Ehini 'ama !a" li$e the unofficial mayor
of (oudhi;ath and the guardian of the stupa, !hich he generou"ly endo!ed.
According to local go""i/ the Ehini 'ama had been doing a good trade mo)ing tankas,
,ibetan rug", and ha"hi"h and the lightning thunderbolt had "truc$ the stupa a" art
ob)iou" !arning from abo)e.
,he 'ama recei)ed me ho"/itably !ith the traditional "alt#and#butter tea, brought in by a
lo)ely girl. A" !e "at and tal$ed, I !a" im/re""ed by hi" incredible outfit, !hich included
orange#red robe" in )ariou" "il$", a fur hat, from underneath !hich hi" "miling eye"
loo$ed at me !ith a /enetrating curio"ity. I finally a"$ed him about the lightning matter,
!hereu/on he told me that it !a" indeed an au"/iciou" omen a" he had found a "aruda
egg embedded in the stupa 3u"t after!ard". I beheld in my "toned mind1" eye a )i"ion of a
mythical bird, for the "arudai" a familiar creature to the reader" of Hindu mythology, not
unli$e the /hoenix in a//earance, !ho"e !ing" are made of gold "tudded !ith diamond"+
"o I "ugge"ted that I could arrange for an incubator to be "ent out to the stupa, if there
!ere any real /o""ibility of hatching "uch an unu"ual bird a" the "aruda. ,he Ehini 'ama
loo$ed at me !i"tfully for !hat "eemed li$e a long time and finally "aid7 1I am afraid it i"
too late. I ha)e already "old the egg to a Hong Nong bu"ine""man. ,he "hell i" famed
throughout Ehina a" a great a/hrodi"iac. 1
?e /arted on the be"t of term" and he "ugge"ted that I )i"it the mona"tery of 2gmin
Ehang Ehub Eholing, e"tabli"hed by a former =iami beauty Jueen, &rince"" Qinaide de
Cache)"$i, !ho had been ordained into the ,antric (uddhi"t 2rder by Hi" Holine"", the
-alai 'ama, !ho had al"o "ha)ed off her head of hair+ and it !a" rumoured "he !a" the
fir"t incarnation of =adame (la)at"$iR
It !a" a t!o#mile !al$ from the )illage, and I made the a"cent of the hill !ith "ome
difficulty+ the /ath !a" fairly "tee/ and narro! and I had to a)oid occa"ional floc$" of
de"cending goat" and the occa"ional !ater#buffalo led by tiny ;e/ale"e children. ,he hill
le)elled out and "oon I !a" in"ide the gate" of the mona"tery. ,he Abbe"" !a" "itting on
the la!n in a circle of beautiful girl" !ith the occa"ional male sadhu "eated 6uietly !ithin
their mid"t.
I "at do!n next to Qina, a" "he li$ed to be $no!n by old friend" 9!e had $no!n each
other briefly in ;e! <or$, in the mid#"ixtie", during her time there a" a "tunning Ea"t ide
"ocialite:, and "he told me many intere"ting thing" about the training /eo/le recei)ed at
the mona"tery, the e""ence of tran"mi""ion being tele/athy or more exactly darshan*a
$ind of 1fla"h1 or )ibration that i" tran"mitted in the guru0gela relation"hi/.
2ne of the re"ident 'ama", !ho had recei)ed hi" training in 'ha"a, no! "/o$e a little
Engli"h, and during the cour"e of the con)er"ation I a"$ed him about the Ehine"e
in)a"ion into ,ibet. ,he 'ama ga)e me a curiou" an"!er7 >rom one /oint of )ie! the
in)a"ion had been an hi"torical tragedy, certainly for the ,ibetan /eo/le !ho !ere no!
"cattered a" refugee" throughout the Indian continent. <et from another )antage /oint,
the 1co"mic1 one, thi" !a" all "omeho! nece""ary in order to "/read the dharma and
ma$e of thi" /lanet earth a Hea)en for all li)ing creature". 1,he "e)en "eal" of "ilence
!ere bro$en and a ne! e/och !ould come.1
;o! my time in thi" tiny Himalayan Ningdom had come to an end. I had li)ed in
Nathmandu for one year and had "een and ex/erienced many ne! thing", and much had
been gi)en, more, indeed, than I could e)er ho/e to re/ay. (ut "ome inner re"tle""ne""
!a" calling me bac$ to the ?e"t, and I decided to follo! it" /rom/ting. ,hu" it !a" on
one "un#drenched morning in Augu"t that I boarded the tiny -E#9 to Ealcutta and thence
by connecting 3et to 'ondon, arri)ing bac$ in the metro/oli" the next day a" though in a
foreign city, lo"t, and not a little "ad for !hat I "a!R. ?hat had I really learned in my
decade of bi%arre /"ychedelic tri/"D ,hat it ta$e" a great deal of acid to /roduce e)en a
little ele)ation of con"ciou"ne""D ,hat there are time" !e can $no! more than !e can
tellD ,hat reality mu"t "till count for "omethingD ,hat it i" im/o""ible to become !hat one
i" ne)er notD ,hat the future lie" in a ,antric )i"ion of co"mic "exuality combined !ith a
cult of ec"ta"yD ,hat !e can ma$e of the /lanet earth a Holy 'and yetD 2r i" it !ith a
finger /ointed to the moon that I "hould re/lyD (ut one thing i" certain7 that there i" no
137
need to mean by a 1culture of humanity1 anything more than the liberation of the higher
facultie". ?hoe)er ha" any ex/erience in thi" matter !ill $no! ho! right Eato !a" !hen
he "aid7 R 1;e)er i" he more acti)e than !hen he doe" nothing, ne)er i" he le"" alone
than !hen he i" by him"elf.1
?hat at la"t i" left for the /"ychedelic theori"tD =u"t he honour the extreme doctrine of
indi)iduali"m and concede that, after the elimination of radical e)il and the /ro)i"ion of
material abundance, /eo/le mu"t be left alone, "im/ly to be and do !hat they !antD
2ur mind cra)e" dream", tho"e magical realm", for e)er /re"ent bet!een "ome!here
and no!here, !hich beguile u" !ith a thraldom all their o!n and hel/ $ee/ our "en"e of
!onder ali)e. And if the ne! 1matter#of#factne""1 encroache" on our brain to no other end
than to ma$e of our life a thing and not, a" it long" to be, an in"trument of "elf#
tran"cendence, !e feel di"tre""ed by our inability to dream a" once !e did+ and all
delight i" gone, our life "omeho! dimini"hed, !hich i" the cau"e of mo"t of the angstin
the "elf#the $no!ledge that !hat i" mo"t human in our life i" being determined not by our
1true1 need", !hich are di)ined from the centre of our being, o/ening li$e the /etal" of the
lotu" and are beyond thought, beyond intellect, 1beyond "tri)ing1, but are on the contrary,
determined entirely by external force", through no choice of our".
?e are at once the )ictim" and the beneficiarie" of modern technological ad)ance".
Ceality i" no! the ne! myth#ma$ing "ub"tance. ?e are mani/ulated by man#made
dream" !hich de)elo/ artificial !ant"7 fro%en and ta"tele"" food", bland, homogeni"ed
li)e"+ clichO#ridden belief" and "tandardi"ed ritual"+ con"/icuou" con"um/tion+ the
1/ooled "elf#e"teem1 our ?e"tern form" of nationali"m ma$e /o""ible+ mechanical
gadget"+ de)otion to "cience and the 1/reality#/rinci/le1+ and the abandonment of any
religiou" re)elation, "o that e)en our religiou" leader" and intellectual" do not u"e !ord"
li$e 1"/iritual1 and 1ideali"tic1 at all freely, for they are them"el)e" 6uite ha//y !ith their
material comfort" and the labour#"a)ing !orld of gadget" and good health that goe" !ith
them, and !ould con"ider tho"e !ho /reached that the ha//ine"" /eo/le !ant "hould be
"ought for in any $ind of nirvana, mystic ecstasy, theoria, transcendence, a" certainly
other#!orldly.
?hat the "/read of technological culture ha" done i" to /u"h the boundarie" of the literal
miracle, the 1other#!orld1, the magical far out"ide the range of ordinary e)eryday human
ha//ine"". =iracle", our /olitician" tell u", do not originate in "ome "u/ernatural religiou"
"tate but mu"t be reali"ed in thi" !orld and ha)e their ba"i" in the familiar fact" of
technological /rogre"", in communication, education, tran"/ortation, /ublic health, etc.,
etc. (ut tho"e !ho ha)e found a "ource of ha//ine"" in a life of the "/irit are of the
o/inion that there ha" been a retrogre""ion in our aim for a true culture of humanity.
?hile !e are bu"ily /ouring e)er#increa"ing intellectual effort" into im/ro)ing our mean",
!e ha)e forgotten the end" they are intended to achie)e. -o !e really $no! !hat !e
!antD
,hi" 6ue"tion i" more li$ely to be an"!ered in the Alternati)e literature of /rote"t, the
theme of )agabondage, and the ex/loration of indi)idual human con"ciou"ne"" )ia
drug", Qen (uddhi"m, <oga, e"oterici"m, (uddha, the Hermetic art", alchemy, )i"ionary
ex/erience, ,antra, hesychast method", hy/o"tatic union of Ehri"t and man, and all the
chari"ma" of the "/irit. ,ho"e !ho affirm that the real truth and "ource of all human 3oy
and ha//ine"" lie" !holly 1!ithin1 mu"t try, !ith !hate)er mean" they can get, to brea$
the hold of that )ie! of life !hich ha" re/laced the /otentialitie" of the human mind !ith
the /er"/ecti)e of it" mechanical exten"ion", the exten"ion" of tran"/ortation and "ocial
/lanning and ma"" conditioning !hich are no! turning on the body and "trangling it a"
the "er/ent" did at 'aocoon.
=odern "ociety i" gro!ing infertile, de)oid of a li)ing culture, no longer /roducti)e of any
/er"onal form, an ab"tract, lifele"", cinematic !orld of machine#made inter/retation"
about the "elf. It i" not "ur/ri"ing therefore if !e tell our"el)e" that all re)elatory
ex/erience i" fooli"hne"", "o much "o that man "ee" him"elf increa"ingly a" nothing but
an 1energy "la)e1 or a ci/her on the face of a moral and "/iritual )oid. And a" the
$no!ledge of hi" o!n di"orientation cannot be handled !ithin the frame!or$ of "o#called
normality, he turn" more and more to hi" bra)e !orld of machine". And through the /o!er
138
of hi" machine" he act" out the uncom/rehended tragedy of man1" inner di"ru/tion. <et it
!a" the Ancient Ehine"e age, Huang ,%u, !ho /ro/o"ed "ome 2.00 year" ago that
de/endence e)en on a "im/le $ind of machine cau"e" man to become uncertain of hi"
o!n inner im/ul"e"+ and further, the re"ult may lead him to forget ho! to ma"ter hi" o!n
!orld.
o !e ha)e learned in"tead ho! to ma"ter our machine", becau"e machine" do not
"er)e u" unle"" !e "er)ice them, but in the /roce"" !e ha)e had to ad3u"t our human
organi%ation to our e6ui/ment. ?e tend to get !hat the machine can be"t gi)e u" rather
than !hat i" mo"t de"irable.
>or the re"t R I ha)e tried to !rite thi" boo$ a" an in!ardly concei)ed and in!ardly
coherent !or$ of fiction that i"n1t exactly fiction, and only tho"e !ho read it a" a no)el !ill
di"co)er it" real meaning. I ho/e that tho"e !ho are /re/ared to read the boo$ in thi"
"/irit !ill catch a glim/"e, not "o much of a uto/ia /o""ible in theory, but rather of an
attitude of mind ca/able of attainment in /ractice, in !hich all /roblem" of modern
technological exi"tence !ill a//ear to be "ol)ed, that irreconcilable contradiction" !ill
/a"" a!ay, and a ne!er and fuller "ignificance of indi)idual human exi"tence !ill be
re)ealed. In thi" connection, I can do no better than to refer the reader to Aldou" Huxley1"
la"t no)el, Island919I2:, !hich i" a )ery imaginati)e effort to /rotect a !ay of life ba"ed in
nature, that i" li)ed organically a" a flo!ing gro!ing /roce"".
According to hi" brother, ir Aulian Huxley, Aldou" too$ '- ele)en time", gaining
thereby 1ne! exten"ion" of hi" /erce/tion of beauty and tran"cendence1. Huxley belie)ed
that from '- the indi)idual could achie)e !hat the /oet Eo!/er called 1a clo"er !al$
!ith 8od1.
>or my"elf, I belie)e I ha)e in)e"tigated the /henomenon '-*the"e !ord"@*a" much
to!ard" thi" "ame "/iritual end a" my intelligence and facultie" /ermitted me to go. And
/erha/" the long, arduou", o//re""i)e decade I /a""ed through came to benefit at lea"t
one creati)e effort.
And ho! do I no! thin$ of '- et al.B*a" certain truth" about the nature of my inner "elf
came to be manife"t in my con"ciou" mind, my intere"t in /"ychedelic" began to !ane
/ro/ortionately, "o that today I do not belie)e that '- can hel/ me to!ard" "elf#
reali"ation. It had ne)er been more than /reliminary, one may "ay, a /retext to me to
ex/lore in!ardne"" and unfamiliar mental "tate" for !hate)er they might re)eal. (ut '-
ha" nothing more to gi)e me. And I am therefore determined to return to the !orld, and in
time, to integrate my"elf !ith it. In relation to any religiou" belief" I no! hold, I am a
confe""ed >ranci"can, though I freely admit that I ha)e a )ery long !ay to go before I
"hall be able to ex/re"" thi" out!ardly*!ith my entire being*the lo)e aint >ranci" of
A""i"i "ho!ed !a" for all li)ing creature", and in re"/ect to lo)e of thi" $ind, I mu"t to thi"
extent be regarded a" clum"y. <et in aint >ranci" e)ol)ed 'o)e of the )ery highe"t order
for hi" delicate and feminine "en"ibility offered 'o)e a uni6ue /o""ibility of manife"tation.
And thu", in the light of thi" $no!ledge, I can no longer ta$e my /"ychedelic tri/"
"eriou"ly. I $no! that many reader", and by no mean" the !or"t among them, !ould
di"a//ro)e of "uch mea"ure" a" ta$ing '-+ one "hould be "trong enough, they "ay, to
exi"t by faith !ithout the aid of drug". <e"@ 2ne "hould be, but !hat if one i" too !ea$D
And the im/ul"e !hich no! dri)e" me bac$ into the !orld i" /reci"ely the "ame a" that
!hich dri)e" "o many into mona"terie" or to $ee/ the office" of /rayer*the de"ire for
"elf#reali"ation.
t. =ary at the Ero"", 8la""ham/ton, ?orce"ter.
139